http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/548826931.html

Quote :

"$30/hr Just to Wear Lingerie Reply to: job-548826931@craigslist.org Date: 2008-01-23, 11:29AM EST We are a cleaning service with a twist! We are looking for attractive men and woman of any age/race/size. We are looking to hire ASAP. The pay is $30/hr! Its a great way to make some quick extra cash and enjoy yourself! There is no sex involved. Just light cleaning in sexy lingerie/high heels or in the nude! Please send 3 recent pictures, name, location, and telephone number you can be reached at. Scheduling is very flexible! All we ask is that you have reliable transportation "

1/25/2008 12:29:40 PM

I find that the hotter the girl is the more shoddy her cleaning will be.

[Edited on January 25, 2008 at 12:40 PM. Reason : i thought that looked funny]

1/25/2008 12:31:34 PM

*shoddy

Quote :

"If you can you answer calls and perform duties related to customer service, then this could be for you. No experience is necessary. For more information about our jobs in Raleigh / Durham / Ch, email us at: dataangel@tigercrane.usThese dates conventionally delimit the period of each year when most tropical cyclones form in the basin which is west of(lover) who accompanied him on his many journeys through the empire Another version has it that Hadrian had the empire searched for the most beautiful youth and chose Antinous Their relationship is understood to have followed the pattern of traditionalPorky Chedwick Articles with unsourced statements since March 2007 Articles that need to be wikified 1918 1948 in radio 1996 in radio 1998 in radio 2006 Alan Freed August 1 August 12 /Teams are expected to provide their own provisions including food and water and to ensure their own safety "

What's in bold is a pale yellow on CL

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/548629694.html

1/25/2008 12:32:11 PM

its a code for the blow shipment

you have to run it through babelfish english to spanish

1/25/2008 12:36:33 PM

^^^^ I would totally do that

1/25/2008 12:44:38 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/551256398.html

1/25/2008 2:20:49 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/551371907.html

1/25/2008 3:45:23 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/549696889.html

1/25/2008 3:59:00 PM

I know a white girl perfect for that last one. I mean I want to play with it sometimes myself

1/25/2008 5:36:49 PM

Quote :

"I'm a 28 year old guy and I'm really not looking for anyone on here at all. Let me tell you why, I can tell you exactly how meeting you will go from here. You'll email, spark my interest a little bit, we'll exchange pictures. We'll then proceed to start talking on AIM or some other instant messenger. We'll have great conversations before one of us will finally bring up talking on the phone. You'll have a really cute voice and as always we'll have a great time talking. After a day or two of pseudo awkward conversation(because we're both really just waiting for the right time to schedule a date), one of us will ask the other one for coffee, dinner, a beer, or just to hang out for a little bit. We'll both get excited and possibly even a little nervous right before we meet each other. Then come the variables. One of the following scenarios is bound to happen. A. You will look nothing like the pictures you sent because you are much heavier than your pictures let on. B. You will have an annoying laugh and use it ALL the time. This will just piss me off. C. You will have some physical deformity that you should have otherwise disclosed, like maybe only 4 toes or maybe you have a third nipple located right between your eyes. D. You will have no direction at all in life, not have finished school and work in a dead end minimum wage job and want to complain about how your life is terrible when it wouldn't really be that hard to fix. E. You will be everything I've ever wanted in a girlfriend and I will be everything you've ever wanted in a GOOD friend. F. I'll tell an off color joke, like I usually do, you will get offended and go on and on about the plight of the type of person I just made fun of. I will inform you it was just a joke and you will tell me that "just a joke" can cause irreperable harm to the cause of their movement. G. You will tell me you really like me, but because I'm Jewish, I will not be able to get into heaven and spend eternity with you. Besides, if we had kids how would we raise them? You want to provide our future children with a united front on religion. Oh, and fuck you because THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OUR FIRST FUCKING DATE, WHY ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT KIDS AND ETERNITY. H. You will be a vegan and hate me for eating meat. I will take you on a date and order the veal. I. You will flat out be psychotic and tell me that everyone else is psychotic. J. You will be depressed and SO happy that I've given you a chance and tell me that we are soulmates, we will proceed to sleep together on the first date because thats how much you love me after knowing me for 2 hours and you wont understand when I say I don't want you to actually stay the night. Or I will let you stay the night to not piss you off and you wont understand why two people who are so incredibly connected aren't talking every thirty minutes. K. We will date for 2 or 3 weeks and every time we start making out you will deny any further advances telling me, waiting for sex is better, which while I agree with that mentality, you will start accusing me of only being interested in sex. You will forget the fact that as we're making out heavily on the couch or bed, that certain things start to happen and that, being a man, when I have a raging hardon from making out with you I am not always thinking logically. L. You will not be cultured at all. You will have been out of the country once and try to tell me that you understand exactly what its like for me having lived out of the country for 12 years of my life. You will then proceed, everytime I talk about my childhood, to relate it to your fucking spring break in Mexico. You will then tell me you love Asian Cuisine and tell me about how you LOVE this little Chinese restaurant, it is wonderful and authentic. I will shell out 5.99 for the dinner buffet and have the shits the rest of the night. M. You will have an STD. O. You will have daddy issues that stop you from getting close to someone. P. We will date for a few weeks. You will then let me know about some other guy that hurt you that is coming back into your life, even though he won't date you. You will then dump me because he reminds you of your dad and you ALSO have daddy issues. Q. You will have a drug problem. R. When I do get in your pants I will find a that you haven't trimmed your pubes since you started growing them. You will then show me how cute it is if you braid them. S. You will date me for a few weeks and then cheat on me, I will forgive you, you will swear it wont happen again. It will because you still have daddy issues. T. You will not understand the simple things in life, like what prawn are. Maybe you will do the world a favor and stop understanding how to breathe. U. You will be dumb. Not just slow, but bordering on retarded. Conversations with you will be like conversations with a brick. The brick will actually be more interesting. V. You will hate the fact that I smoke cigarettes. You will try to make me stop smoking. Your whole life will be about changing me and molding me into your perfect signifigant other. Instead you should focus on not being such a controlling bitch. W. You will get behind stupid causes that have no real relevance to you. For instance, you will want to save the snow crab and try to get me to protest with you outside of red lobster. Actually you'll probably be a PETA activist and when I tell you about things PETA does and show you documentation, you will tell me that I just don't understand. X. You will tell me gender is a social stratification. You won't know what stratification means. Y. You will not like my friends, I know they aren't all perfect, but they are there for me when I need them to be. You will get mad that everyonce in a while I want a boys night out, it doesn't mean I'm going looking for ass, it means I'm hanging out with the boys. You will have no friends. Z. I just wont be into you, you wont be able to hold my attention for more than 5 dates and you will start to annoy me. So honestly people, please don't respond to this. Don't think that you'll fall outside of this box, because chances are YOU WONT. It will be a waste of my money on the date and a waste of both of our time for however long we decide to carry the gay charade on. One or both of us will both inevitably wind up being hurt and the other one will lose a few minutes sleep over it. It's better if we don't even enter into this little dance at all. "

1/26/2008 2:06:50 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/w4m/528482837.html

yikes!

1/26/2008 2:29:18 PM

phatty

1/26/2008 2:41:23 PM

What gave it away, thepic of the eyes and nothing else?

1/26/2008 2:50:23 PM

i just like the usage of characters in the headline : http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4w/555071275.html

Quote :

"? - ¢¼ - SWM looking 4 Single Female - ¢¼ - ?"

[Edited on January 28, 2008 at 10:42 PM. Reason : dammit, the little arrows don't show up right here]

1/28/2008 10:42:41 PM

Quote :

" 42 INCH LCD TELEVISION FOR SALE BOUGHT 2 WEEKS AGO ON CREDIT CARD BUT I NEED TO PAY RENT SO I NEED CASH. EXTRA VIDEO CABLES INCLUDED PAID 80.00 FOR CABLES HIGH DEFINITION CORDS... PAID 1100.00 INCLUDING TAX.. BEST OFFER SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY.. 303-953-2702- TONY OR STEVE...PIC INCLUDED WITH SOME DETAILS ABOUT THE T.V"

1/30/2008 12:59:45 PM

Quote :

"Survival Of The Fittest -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2007-08-30, 2:03PM EDT Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one. "

ehe

2/5/2008 11:19:18 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/roo/565474117.html

2/8/2008 11:42:08 AM

Quote :

"When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.""

hahaha!

2/8/2008 11:44:38 AM

^^

2/8/2008 11:45:15 AM

what is a gwm??

2/8/2008 11:46:45 AM

gay white male?

2/8/2008 11:47:46 AM

Quote :

" I’m a 40 y.o., very laid back, single male who spends half my time at my girlfriend’s place."

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/roo/557385585.html

2/10/2008 9:17:54 PM

^ lol

2/10/2008 9:20:13 PM

Quote :

"You probably cant handle the truth -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2006-10-03, 7:06PM EDT I have been dating for almost two years now and ive finally decided to post everything about myself upfront to save the both of us time and aggravation. Normally you would find out in due time what i am about to tell you about myself, but i dont have the energy to go through all the dates, bonding and heartache of you leaving when you find out what i am truly like. SO here goes. I am 28, intellegent and have been told by many that i am beautiful. I own my own home, i am employed and independant. I consider myself to be very easy going, i love to laugh and im not materalistic. I love to cook, i enjoy camping, photography, gardeneing and history. I love music, mostly classic rock. I play the acoustic gutiar, i love doing laundry, i have 5 cats which i love to death and i do a dead on impersination of Cartman fron South Park. Behind closed doors, there is another side to me that many dont get to see. I do have some habits and traits that are unnattractive. Here they are in no particular order. -When i fart, ill bend over so i can smell it. I will usually take 2 or 3 smells as i like the smell of my farts. -when i scratch my ass, i smell my finger -Sometimes, no matter how much i wipe my ass, i still get skid marks in my thong or panties. -i pick my nose and eat it. -i have gone up to a month without brushing my teeth. -i have usually wear the same pair of panties for several days until they are crusted yellow in the crotch and they smell like ammonia. -I shower about once a week.(unless im working or have a date) - i let a dog lick my pussy once. -if i drop food on the floor, ill pick it up and eat it. I have also taken food out of my trash can and eaten it. -I used to use my ex roomates vibrator. -I had head lice for seven years and did nothing about it. -When i floss my teeth or pop zits, ill smell what came out. -I like to eat the fat from meat(i.e. steak fat, roast beef fat ect.) I also will eat the grisle and soft bones. - when i masterbate, i like to call myself a dirty slut out loud and i shove a tooth brush down my throat to make myself gag while i climax. -When i havent showered for a week, my arm pits stink like cheeseburgers, and my crotch smells like ammonia,urine and funk. -i usually dont wipe myself after i piss, which is probably the reason why my crotch smells the way i said above. Its probably why i end up with diaper rash between my legs. - i have an obsession with popping zits. i will for hours sit naked infront of a mirror and search my entire body for a zit to pop. And yours too. -I also have terrible acne on my ass - I lie. Alot. About everything. -Im a hypocrite. I will persicute others for something that i secretly do myself. -I have no guilty consious. -I am evil. If you do something to harm me, or even just piss me off, i will do whatever i can to make you miserable. I will stoop to the lowest levels. I will even resort to illegal activities to fuck someone over. -I am twofaced. I will greet you with open arms, and when you walk away, ill tell everyone still standing there that deep dark secret you were stupid enough to share with me. -I have no shame. I would fuck someone in my parents bed, i would snoop through someone elses stuff, i would pick my nose and wipe it on your pillow, i would keep your wallet if i found your purse, i would promise to drive you to see your dying mother and then not show so i could catch an episode of prison break, then lie to you and say my car broke down. - Ill sleep with anyone, and on the first date. -Ill make a promise with no intention of keeping it. So, thats me, in a nutshell. The good, the bad and the ugly. But you know what? I make a mean Spaghetti Sauce. "

lol this chick should join tww. she'd get mad action.

2/11/2008 1:29:51 PM

^But is she hot?

2/11/2008 3:07:24 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cas/571013028.html

2/11/2008 10:49:39 PM

2/11/2008 11:19:47 PM

^^ lol

Someone who's gotten a vasectomy should go over there and screw her brains out. Then when nothing happens, tell her it must be her fault.

2/11/2008 11:21:51 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/571542762.html

2/12/2008 6:57:49 PM

hahaha

2/12/2008 8:55:56 PM

LOL

2/13/2008 1:33:44 AM

/Also, lol.

2/13/2008 1:35:31 AM

ahaha

2/13/2008 1:50:01 AM

Compensation: no pay

2/13/2008 10:07:48 AM

Somebody email this guy. I'm curious.

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/572758430.html

2/13/2008 1:12:08 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/569509142.html

Quote :

"LOOKING FOR CREATIVE PROP PERSON &~~~ Reply to: gigs-569509142@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-10, 3:24PM EST a studio space to shoot my adult films. need a reliable person,that can get me some small but important props for the set."

oh lawd. someone contact this guy and send him to evan's house.

2/13/2008 1:21:26 PM

^^I know I'd like to give "reparations" to black women!

I hope you guys are "best of" flagging these.

2/13/2008 3:14:07 PM

you (all) should copypaste the text from the ads so when it gets removed we can still read it

2/13/2008 3:27:44 PM

My last 2 (the preceding one has already been flagged):

Quote :

"Actress -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: gigs-571542762@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-12, 10:57AM EST Need actress for adult film. It will be an EPIC love story. Must be willing to have intercourse with guy in devil costume. /Also, need jugglers, a mime, and midget to shoot out of a cannon. /Also, hello. /Also, need to borrow a cannon suitable for shooting midgets a couple hundred yards. Ask for Germ. it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: no pay PostingID: 571542762 "

Quote :

"I am looking for Beautiful Ebony Goddesses who are interested in... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: gigs-572758430@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-13, 11:48AM EST receiving reparations from white men in the raleigh area, This is not an escort job, but something completely different. Please let me know if you are curious, BLACK WOMEN ONLY!! Location: Raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: up to 5,000 a month or more! PostingID: 572758430"

2/13/2008 6:12:35 PM

The Survival of the Fittest with the M&M's made me chuckle.

2/13/2008 6:45:40 PM

Quote :

"Need actress for adult film. It will be an EPIC love story. Must be willing to have intercourse with guy in devil costume. /Also, need jugglers, a mime, and midget to shoot out of a cannon. /Also, hello. /Also, need to borrow a cannon suitable for shooting midgets a couple hundred yards. Ask for Germ."

HAHAHAHAHAHA

2/13/2008 6:47:42 PM

EPIC??? ReceiveDeath????

2/13/2008 6:48:40 PM

there was a couple in the housing wanted section last night looking for rooms to spend the night in

the payment being that the person lending them the room would get to watch and participate in whatever would go on in that room

they were mindful to mention that they were very clean and would be respectful of your property

i imagine that ad was flagged for removal because i cant find it now, craigslist is disappointingly swift with posting removals

2/13/2008 6:51:51 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/hss/559500012.html

2/13/2008 7:00:44 PM

that bitch looks like golovko balancing Cousin It on his head

2/13/2008 7:01:55 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/evs/550884552.html

Man I'm bored tonight.

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tlg/566904662.html

[Edited on February 13, 2008 at 7:39 PM. Reason : .]

2/13/2008 7:30:37 PM

^That last one is a fucking balla. NC State student but giving out an AOL e-mail. Guess all the playas got that AOLnetz.

2/13/2008 9:41:39 PM

Quote :

"oh lawd. someone contact this guy and send him to evan's house."

wat

2/13/2008 10:19:34 PM

i can only assume that many of these posts with email addy's attached are jokes

2/13/2008 10:21:40 PM

Quote :

"make your appointment anytime today to receive a FREE Sexy Shower Cleaning"

That sounds hot.

2/13/2008 10:31:12 PM