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 Message Boards » » Married Life Woes Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 [7], Prev  
Klatypus
All American
6761 Posts
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^you should hit up djeternal, I believe he has some experience here

12/7/2016 2:05:25 PM

Doss2k
All American
18035 Posts
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I feel like as soon as you have that conversation it either goes well or your marriage is over so think long and hard before you bring that up. I dont mean immediately but once the idea is in her head that you have thought about that if she isnt into it in the back of her mind that trust thing will probably be broken.

12/7/2016 2:17:17 PM

BobbyDigital
HomieDOESplayDat
41666 Posts
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^ yeah that's definitely something I've considered. However, given that we aren't having issues now, it's not something that's going to re-open an old wound, but to your point, it could definitely plant the wrong seeds. So, if this ever becomes more than just a thought experiment, I've got to figure out a way to bring it up in a way that doesn't cause serious harm.

12/7/2016 2:46:30 PM

Doss2k
All American
18035 Posts
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Make sure she is drunk so if it goes south you can say she misunderstood haha

12/7/2016 3:23:27 PM

jbrick83
All American
22673 Posts
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I'd try to bring it up as a..."I just found out that soandso at work and his wife are in a swinger/open relationship. I had no idea. What do you think about that?" Or something along those lines.

You should definitely get a feel for her opinion on it before actually proposing it. This is something that has a possibility of going south QUICKLY.

On a pure discussion standpoint....I love my wife, I'd really like to have sex with other women...but I don't think I could deal with her banging other dudes. So I think that stuff is out the question.

[Edited on December 8, 2016 at 11:50 AM. Reason : .]

12/8/2016 11:50:29 AM

afripino
All American
8984 Posts
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ask yourself if you're cool with her discussing another man's penis inside her vagina with you...like on a freal freal basis. if you think you'd be down with it, kudos!

We men are some territorial mofos. Basically, I'm with ^.

12/8/2016 3:50:09 PM

GoldieO
All American
1435 Posts
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BobbyDigital, you need to lay off the BBC cuckold vids on pornhub and hope Jesus forgives you for even having these thoughts.

12/8/2016 3:56:34 PM

Nighthawk
All American
18702 Posts
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^Or the alt-right sites.

12/9/2016 8:15:38 AM

NCSUam0s
All American Tease
2201 Posts
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Quote :
"On a pure discussion standpoint....I love my wifehusband, I'd really like to have sex with other women..."

12/12/2016 1:46:12 PM

synapse
play so hard
52814 Posts
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I think that type of arrangement is more easily secured

12/12/2016 5:18:45 PM

HCH
All American
3032 Posts
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Do marriage vows not mean anything to you people?

12/12/2016 10:49:46 PM

Klatypus
All American
6761 Posts
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12/13/2016 12:09:34 AM

jbrick83
All American
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Quote :
"Do marriage vows not mean anything to you people?"


I only see one person really trying to act on this right now.

12/13/2016 7:34:17 AM

NCSUam0s
All American Tease
2201 Posts
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Quote :
"Do marriage vows not mean anything to you people?"


Finding people other than your spouse attractive and having sexual thoughts is human nature. Acting on those thoughts are where the vows become involved.

12/13/2016 8:48:45 AM

bottombaby
IRL
21872 Posts
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You can be totally committed to your spouse and still feel attracted to other people and want to explore those feelings. You can also be totally committed to your spouse and act on those feelings. It is when you're deceptive that it shows a disregard for your spouse and marriage.

12/13/2016 11:24:08 AM

DonMega
All American
3685 Posts
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Quote :
"You can also be totally committed to your spouse and act on those feelings."




no

12/13/2016 5:06:32 PM

Nighthawk
All American
18702 Posts
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^If they like to watch I guess?

12/13/2016 6:08:06 PM

bottombaby
IRL
21872 Posts
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Adhering to different standards in a relationship does not lessen the level of commitment those two people have to one another. I know a couple with children who has been together for 15 years and as long as I've known them they have not been monogamous, but their spouse and their family always comes first. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around

12/13/2016 6:28:05 PM

0EPII1
All American
39529 Posts
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^ the world doesn't need swingers to make it go round.

12/13/2016 9:17:58 PM

Klatypus
All American
6761 Posts
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no, but I prefer to not to have to deal with people with repressed feelings so I encourage people to do what helps them find happiness and balance. If the kids are well taken care of and the parents respect each other I don't see why anyone else should care.

12/14/2016 9:46:45 AM

Str8BacardiL
Real Estate Agent
41074 Posts
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Quote :
"you people?

"

12/14/2016 10:12:09 AM

HCH
All American
3032 Posts
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Quote :
"no, but I prefer to not to have to deal with people with repressed feelings so I encourage people to do what helps them find happiness and balance."


Jeffery Dahmer agrees with this.

12/14/2016 12:45:39 PM

Klatypus
All American
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that don't result in taking away other people's freedoms or violate anyone's human rights asshat

you are like those people who say gay marriage leads to horse fucking

12/14/2016 12:48:27 PM

HCH
All American
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Ok, fine, every drug addict agrees with this.

I thought we were past the "do what you want as long as it feels good" stage of life.

12/14/2016 1:06:13 PM

jbrick83
All American
22673 Posts
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There's an area in between, "bang anyone you want because it feels good" and "stay strong in a miserable marriage".

I imagine HCH is probably closer to the latter...while BobbyDigital might be nearing the former. Lets all find peace somewhere in the middle!

12/14/2016 1:24:11 PM

Klatypus
All American
6761 Posts
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Quote :
""do what you want as long as it feels good" "


that's different than coming to a consensual and personal agreement made between you and your spouse who you still love and respect..... but please continue with your unsolicited judgement and hyperbole

12/14/2016 1:30:05 PM

djeternal
Bee Hugger
62658 Posts
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I love a good vanity search!

12/14/2016 4:39:51 PM

Klatypus
All American
6761 Posts
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so now that you have graced us with your presence, care to give some advice?

like how was the subject initially broached with you and SO?

12/15/2016 11:52:19 AM

djeternal
Bee Hugger
62658 Posts
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Well, my SO and I started out as just fuck buddies. We both had just gotten out of bad relationships where we were both lied to and cheated on. From our physical relationship a real friendship, and eventually love, grew. Neither of us expected it, it just happened. We talked early on about how awesome it was to finally be in a 100% open and honest relationship.

We were talking one day about our exes and how the actual physical aspect of the cheating wasn't what hurt us, but rather the dishonesty behind it. I made the statement that if my ex had just shared with me the fact that she had fantasies about being with other people, I would have been into it. Instead, she went behind my back. My SO agreed that she felt the same way about her situation with her ex. Then the conversation just grew from there.

This all being said, it's been a while since we have done any sort "playing" outside of flirting and sexting. But it has nothing to do with either of us being uncomfortable or insecure, we just really don't have the time these days.

There are MANY kinds of loving relationships, and as long as both parties agree to the rules and abide by them, I don't see a problem. Honesty is the key. And as long as no one is getting hurt, I don't see how it's anyone's place to criticize.

12/15/2016 8:37:31 PM

jbrick83
All American
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^ So then you never really had an open relationship?

I think there's a big difference between talking about an open relationship and actually knowing that some dude was sucking on your wife's tits while he was 8 inches deep and then finishing down the back of her throat.

12/16/2016 10:28:46 AM

Klatypus
All American
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^ he just said it's been awhile, way to read

12/16/2016 10:34:40 AM

jbrick83
All American
22673 Posts
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I read that as just flirting and texting...but I can now see it means they did fuck around.

Regardless...you're very defensive these days.

12/16/2016 11:23:56 AM

Klatypus
All American
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meh, Im mostly sarcastic... but it usually isn't received well and I always forget that people online can't see when I say assholish things that I have a smile on my face so you know that I am kidding


but I am looking for employment, reading a lot about how screwed nc is, and that time of month ... so maybe I am being defensive without realizing it

[Edited on December 16, 2016 at 11:36 AM. Reason : and I'm cold and I don't particularly like xmas, so BAH HUMBUG]

12/16/2016 11:31:02 AM

djeternal
Bee Hugger
62658 Posts
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The swinging community in general is a very respectful group. Boundaries are set before engaging in any activity, and those boundaries are strictly obeyed by all parties involved. It's way safer than cheating, that's for sure. But if you or your SO are the jealous type, it's definitely not for you. And that's ok.

12/16/2016 10:53:57 PM

synapse
play so hard
52814 Posts
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Quote :
"This all being said, it's been a while since we have done any sort "playing" outside of flirting and sexting."


Quote :
" So then you never really had an open relationship?"


Quote :
"you're very defensive these days"


Pointing out the fact that you missed the obvious isn't being defensive.

12/18/2016 2:05:17 AM

ssclark
Black and Proud
13889 Posts
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Quote :
"meh, Im mostly sarcastic... but it usually isn't received well and I always forget that people online can't see when I say assholish things that I have a smile on my face so you know that I am kidding
"


story of my life.

i have nothing to add otherwise

12/18/2016 9:54:50 AM

jbrick83
All American
22673 Posts
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^^ context...and previous postings led to my analysis. And her response confirmed it (and it seems validated).

12/18/2016 4:43:33 PM

synapse
play so hard
52814 Posts
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^ you should have spent more time "analyzing" (aka reading) djeternal's post instead of saying "there's a big difference between talking about an open relationship and actually knowing that some dude was sucking on your wife's tits while he was 8 inches deep and then finishing down the back of her throat" and then calling someone defensive for pointing out that you missed the most important part of his post.

12/18/2016 11:50:35 PM

jbrick83
All American
22673 Posts
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At least I admitted to it.

12/19/2016 8:12:52 AM

LunaK
LOSER :(
23609 Posts
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Quote :
"There are MANY kinds of loving relationships, and as long as both parties agree to the rules and abide by them, I don't see a problem. Honesty is the key. And as long as no one is getting hurt, I don't see how it's anyone's place to criticize."

12/19/2016 8:13:20 AM

Klatypus
All American
6761 Posts
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personally I feel like I was not being defensive, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't received that way... so let's get back on topic

12/19/2016 3:57:26 PM

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