You know all day since this whole thing has started, I have been just listening to everyone tell me what they are thinking about, and how upset they are. I don't mind this at all, but I rarely got to express all of my feelings.

I couldn't even show any feelings while i was at work because as a teacher, I could not let my emotions show to the students and then have the students upset. I mean i know they were already upset, but I didn't want to make it worse.

So what am I asking?

I just want someone to listen to me. Preferably a girl because I feel that most girls are better listeners and comforters than guys are. Also I will never ever get upset and cry in front of another guy. I just can't do it. I just want someone to hear me out...

9/11/2001 10:42:55 PM

listening.........

9/11/2001 10:43:53 PM

it's a free msg board (well, unless you are premium

..... let it out.....

9/11/2001 10:44:12 PM

First of all, I hate this semester. This is the last fall semester here at NCSU, so since I am an education major, I have to do student teaching. People wonder why we don't have more teachers than we do. Well I can tell you why. Besides the fact that we get paid absolutely nothing for all the work we do, the teachers get burned out in the first 4 years of teaching.

What do I mean...

Ok while I am student teaching this semester I am having to take 2 methods classes also(for 5 weeks). In those few weeks, we are required to do a lot of absolutely stupid crap. We have to make lesson plans(2 in one class and 1 in the other) completely scripted(possible questions from students or possible answers from students) which is useless because no one will know what the students will ask until he/she teaches it. On top of that we have "math assignments" which I don't feel are necessary. We have tests in there to see if we can remember what we learned in HS(which is never taught in college). Basically over all we have to do a lot of stuff that seems like busy work. It is stuff that I would never do or use in the classroom.

Ok this was a week that they decided to make everthing due. I had a unit test due and some "math assignments" which were way to long due tomorrow. Then I had a test on Friday and I also taught my lesson friday. Then I have some journal entries(which i will talk about in a few minutes) due monday. Then we have our final exams on the same day in a total time period of 4 hours. On top of this I was teaching 6th period and making quizes and tests for the class that I was teaching. I was just stressed out and I saw myself getting only 4 hours of sleep per night to make sure everything was done.

Well some of those due dates were rearranged today so I am happy for now. As for the journals let me go off on those for a few sentences. THEY ARE POINTLESS. They are supposed to be used for reflection, but saying the exact same stuff over and over again gets boring. We even have to keep them up after we are done with the methods classes. Oh also when the methods classes end I still have to do a 6-point lesson plan completely scripted when i start teaching because when they come to observe me, they want to be able to see exactly what was done the day before. BULLSHIT.

Because of this crap I have to do, then I dont' have time for a social life, not to mention that i am lacking in the love life department too.

Well today really messed with my head. A few years ago when the thing at Columbine happened, I was at the HS observing. Well the day after it happened we had a bomb threat where we were at. When I found out what happened today, I flashed back to my sophomore year when columbine happened. My face becamse flushed and I got really nervous. I tried to hold my emotions back and I succeeded. I rushed over to Apex today at 11:55 and got there before 5th period. One of my students came up to me crying. I took her to the study lounge and listened to her to try and figure out what was wrong. At this point I had an idea what was wrong, but I wasn't sure and I was about to start crying. But as a teacher you can't show emotions because you dont' want to upset the students even more. So I just listened as she cried on my shoulder, and I couldnt' do anything except listen to her because i was a teacher. Her dad was one of those planes(she thinks) that went down today. Her mom came and picked her up and took her home.

One the way back to Gold, I was rolling. I wanted to see what had happened(I hadn't seen anything all day). It brought tears to my eyes. Then I get on TWW and talk to a couple people on IM and they are telling me how I feel and i just sit there and listen to them. I don't really get to share how i am feeling fully. Eventhough i think one person in here knows how I am feeling.

I feel that I am on the verge of a breakdown. I am almost burnt out. I just wish someone would come up to me face to face and tell me that it is ok and would listen to me when I needed to complain and get stuff off my chest. I want someone isn't afraid of talking to me either.

I don't drink nor smoke and I want to find someone that feels the same way. I am not saying that drinking or smoking is bad. I just want someone that does'nt drink or smoke. That way I don't have to worry about answering to why I am not drinking or such. One of my goals that I wanted to acheive before i graduated was that I wanted to be in a relationship with a girl that I could see myself marrying one day if the relationship made it to that point. I can't go up to just anyone and say "blah blah blah" well that is just another goal that won't be met before May.

I also know that if these next few weeks don't hurry up and go by, I will be burnt out and my 5 years here to get my education degree will be for naught. Of course I have a BA in chem, but there isn't too many places that want a BA. And I don't have the money to go to grad school to improve my rank either.

9/11/2001 11:25:22 PM

hope things get better for you, staypuff

9/11/2001 11:30:03 PM

And now my damn printer isn't working and I have to print something out.

My roommate is asleep and I don't want to wake him up.

9/12/2001 6:37:20 AM

i think you need to set a goal that doesn't involve a relationship. i say this, b/c you can't force/hurry love. not true love.

i think i can understand a little of what you are experiencing b/c of a firend of mine doing his student teaching last year.. just watching what he went through.

so you need a goal.
train to run a marathon. learn another language. learn to cook. volunteer a certain amount of time. save money to treat yourself to a vacation at the end of all your hardwork. etc.

you have to find a way to leave work at work. if you take these burdens home with you every nite, it will burn you out.

9/12/2001 8:15:07 AM

Well the relationship thing was something that I was hoping not to have to worry about now. I know you can't rush a relationship. Actually I will be happy just to have a friend that I could really see something happening between us in the future.

I do have a goal...make it to Sept 24th(last day here at state for the methods classes).

It is hard not to take things back to Gold with me...well for now that is because of those method's classes.

9/12/2001 6:22:28 PM

hey Will, are you saying that you are a Math TA?

9/12/2001 6:38:19 PM

drew,

Actually I will be teaching 4 geometry and 1 alg 1 class at Apex High in less than 2 weeks. So you can say that I am a math TA, but not here at college.

I don't think it would bad to be a TA here and teach a class...you don't have to do the whole BS lessn plan thing...

9/12/2001 6:40:34 PM

oh ok...haha... Just asking, because my MA241 TA is named Will.

the_drew

9/12/2001 6:41:18 PM

oh...well i hate calculus and I would never teach it to save my life

9/12/2001 6:43:28 PM

all yah gotta do is not be a teacher, unless you dig it

work out all the time

9/12/2001 6:54:32 PM

zeitgeist is right, you should give yourself a vacation. make it your treat for making it to the 24th...

9/12/2001 6:55:11 PM

well i do have the 21at off for fall break so I might do something then...but I dunno yet...

9/12/2001 7:01:05 PM

Quote :

"so you need a goal. train to run a marathon. learn another language. learn to cook. volunteer a certain amount of time. save money to treat yourself to a vacation at the end of all your hardwork. etc."

Well I can cook. I have cooked plenty of meals at home including Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for my family over the past few years.

9/12/2001 7:30:19 PM

I went to Apex High

9/12/2001 7:37:30 PM

but take a class on cooking get out & meet ppl unrrelated to your ncsu classes

also... i highly recommend the yoga class @ the gym.. good lord, that was relaxing the one day i went

9/12/2001 7:54:28 PM

Yeah I dunno what I am going to do yet. I know that I am definately going to try and take a vacation. I want to go camping or something like that over fall break...

Thank you zeit. You are so nice trying to cheer me up...I have something for ya...

9/12/2001 8:12:33 PM

you are quite welcome... like i said earlier, i see where you are coming from b/c i have seen a friend go through the same thing... it seems to be a common thing among student teachers/teachers.. maybe you guys need to talk about THIS instead of doing high school math

best of luck to you, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to IM or email me

9/13/2001 12:47:08 AM