* President Bush III is impeached after invading Canada.

* The price of oil is $500 per barrel.

* White males band together to form the National Association for the Advancement of White Males (NAAWM), a new minority association, in an attempt to gain equal rights.

* The number of illegal aliens surpasses the legal ones.

* China and India outsource their tech support service jobs to the U.S.

* The United States finally turns the entire state of Mississippi into a prison, thus freeing up property in other states.

* The Catholic church allows women priests, birth control, gays, and married clergy in a desparate attempt to save a failing religion.

* Infidelguy.com gold members are still laughing at Capt. Crunch.

* Tim Phelps forms a new website called godhateseverybody.com.

* Cow gas from California killing tens of thousands throughout the Southwest.

* immune system of Spotted Owl, now extinct, found to have been cancer cure.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate non-Church marriage.

* In the USA, non-theist/atheist required to wear large white A's, readily visible on clothing.

* The Green Party's burgeoning membership, following the 2012 collapse of the Democratic Party, now represents 32% of voters.

* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq).

* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

* France pleads to UN (Hq in Belgium) for United States to return the Statue of Liberty.

* Castro dies at age 93; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Condi Rice has banned all smoking.

* New Cuban President Elian Gonzalez visits Miami.

* Danielle DeLay, daughter of Supreme Court Chief Justice Tom 'the hammer' DeLay says she will run for Congress in 2020.

* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $7.89 and reduces mail delivery to Tuesday and Thursday only.

* 45-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

* Advances in nutritional genomics drops average weight of Americans to 250 lbs.

* Monsanto Corporation, which owns 87% of the world's food supply, now produces 100% of its products through genetic engineering.

* American neurologists have created a pill to keep a womans mouth shut, in accordance with the Laws of the God of Jacob.

* Texas executes last remaining Liberal.

* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

* Supreme Court rules the Constitution is not Biblical, calls for new Continental Congress.

* 146,000 women per year dying due to illegal abortion practices.

* US female population falls to 46%.

* Jesus is declared National Lord and Saviour of America,...church attendance mandated at least twice a week at govt-approved churches.

* Office of the Secretary of Faith-based Initiatives, added to the Cabinet in 2008, takes over HUD to be the second largest Federal Agency.

* A $3.2 billion dollar study by Halliburton finds that all voting machines in the 2016 election functioned normally.

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers and sissors must be registered by January 2020.

* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

* The Carlisle Group, through their Molecular Manufacturing division, surpasses Walmart as World's wealthiest company.

* Due to the perpetual War on Terror, IRS sets lowest tax rate at 48 percent.

* In a recent study, Florida voters have been found to still not know how to use a voting devices.

[Edited on September 1, 2005 at 12:48 AM. Reason : `]

9/1/2005 12:48:12 AM

war was beginning?

[Edited on September 1, 2005 at 12:56 AM. Reason : make your time]

9/1/2005 12:56:35 AM

main screen turn on?

9/1/2005 12:57:10 AM

cute

9/1/2005 12:59:56 AM

* We celebrate the 14th anniversay of StarCaptain's public execution

9/1/2005 2:17:08 AM

14th anniversary would imply he was executed in 2004

But I guess he's still alive.

9/1/2005 2:19:46 AM

I just ran through it and I'm not seeing how you're right.

9/1/2005 2:22:06 AM

my bad

9/1/2005 2:24:28 AM

OMFG ! A REPUBLICAN !

9/1/2005 6:01:28 PM

though some of these are cute, several completely contradict themselves.

9/1/2005 6:07:38 PM

2010 watch it go to fire

9/1/2005 6:17:15 PM

that was interesting if not extreme

9/1/2005 7:10:29 PM

yeah, there was a bit of contradiction in there. Its like "lets throw in every bad thing we can possibly say about both liberals and conservatives at the same time..."

a good recap, though:

Quote :

"China and India outsource their tech support service jobs to the U.S."

Quote :

"45-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss."

Quote :

"Advances in nutritional genomics drops average weight of Americans to 250 lbs."

Quote :

"American neurologists have created a pill to keep a womans mouth shut, in accordance with the Laws of the God of Jacob."

Quote :

"In a recent study, Florida voters have been found to still not know how to use a voting devices."

9/1/2005 9:08:48 PM

* 45-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

haha

9/1/2005 9:14:55 PM

I appreciate the time you took to compile this list. that's about it.

9/1/2005 9:46:12 PM

i dont think he compiled the list...

9/1/2005 9:47:03 PM

Its not my work, I reproduced it

9/1/2005 10:18:57 PM

I guess I'll let it slide then. Just this once.

9/1/2005 10:40:27 PM

shut the fuck up

9/1/2005 11:10:49 PM

Quote :

"The Catholic church allows women priests, birth control, gays, and married clergy in a desparate attempt to save a failing religion."

Last time I checked, the Roman Catholic Church had about 1.2 billion members. I wouldn't classify that as a 'failing' religion if you measure success as the number of a religion's adherents. I also wouldn't call Christianity a failing religion, especially with all that the world is going through right now.

9/1/2005 11:55:26 PM

ITS EVOLUTION BAY-BEH

9/2/2005 12:42:03 AM

its not a failing religion, but the current structure of the RCC is failing, i mean shit he was so desperate he oked the admittance of a married ?priest? of some sort into the heirarchy, basically they said its ok cause there just arent enough people entering the service.

9/2/2005 12:46:50 AM

esgargs, why is your dome so gargantuan?

seriously, you look like hindi charlie brown.

[Edited on September 2, 2005 at 12:54 AM. Reason : good grief]

9/2/2005 12:53:48 AM

Quote :

"* China and India outsource their tech support service jobs to the U.S."

ROFL

9/2/2005 7:52:39 AM

In the year 2525, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they may find...

9/2/2005 3:10:58 PM

Complete it bitch.

9/2/2005 5:35:58 PM

* StarCaptain is still not governor of the Sun.

9/2/2005 5:52:47 PM

1/10

9/2/2005 6:37:31 PM

Quote :

"White males band together to form the National Association for the Advancement of White Males (NAAWM), a new minority association, in an attempt to gain equal rights."

we would be labeled as racists if this ever happened.

9/2/2005 10:45:11 PM

they better have hoverboards or I'm gonna be pissed

9/3/2005 6:24:47 PM

Bttt

1/1/2019 12:22:10 PM

Only real difference is im posting from my tiny hand computer.

1/1/2019 6:19:28 PM

For Nerdchick while we have "hoverboards" I don't think they count ...

1/1/2019 8:16:51 PM

Trumpism is basically the NAAWM

1/1/2019 10:44:54 PM

Yeah, the NAAWM prediction is runner up to Floridians not knowing how to vote.

1/2/2019 1:08:56 AM