http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40764

Bush Braces As Cindy Sheehan's Other Son Drowns In New Orleans

WASHINGTON, DC—According to White House sources, President Bush is bracing for intensified criticism following Monday's report that the body of Tyler Sheehan, son of outspoken anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, was recovered from the receding floodwaters in New Orleans.

Although the White House has not released a statement, a firestorm of controversy is expected to follow the death of the dynamic, well-liked young man, who was working on a levee-upkeep crew while completing the EMT-certification training he needed to become a firefighter.

Sheehan was last seen Sept. 4, hours after he and his levee crew sustained injuries while attempting to shore up storm-weakened levee pilings. According to sources, contaminated water laced with slicks of petroleum from a recently deregulated, poorly fortified refinery ignited, causing third-degree burns among the workers. Survivors recall seeing Tyler, badly injured and without the life jacket and medical kit denied him by recent budget cuts, digging survivors out of the wreckage.

"I don't know how we would have gotten out of there without Tyler," said Dom Ghivarello, Sheehan's crew chief. "Once we got clear of the break, we had no way of getting to high ground without our utility truck, which was requisitioned by the Defense Department last month for use in Iraq. But Tyler threw me his truck keys and went back to help others. That's the last I saw of him."

Sheehan moved to New Orleans in 2004 to take a year off from the University of California at Berkeley, where administrators had temporarily suspended the stem-cell research program in which he was enrolled in hopes of helping to combat his younger sister Ruth's spinal meningitis. Friends report that his public spirit continued in the Big Easy, as he delivered meals to elderly New Orleans residents affected by recent Medicare cuts, and doggedly petitioned the Justice Department for the release of his life partner, Amin Sagheer, who has been detained without charge at Guantanamo Bay for nearly three years.

"He made service to his fellow citizens his number-one priority," Ghivarello said. "He made that vow back in 1998, when his best friend, a developmentally disabled black juvenile, was put to death in Texas for a crime he didn't commit."

Cindy Sheehan was unavailable for comment, as she was busy trying to contact her lone surviving son Teddy, a meteorologist studying global warming with the International Geophysical Foundation in Antarctica, who is believed to be marooned on a 45-square-mile chunk of the shrinking Ross Ice Shelf that broke off Tuesday morning.

9/23/2005 9:56:33 AM

9/23/2005 10:00:45 AM

i hope this is a ha-ha thread

9/23/2005 10:06:03 AM

OMF LIBERAL MEDIA SOURCE!

9/23/2005 10:07:39 AM

OMF LIBERAL BIPARTISAN-DISCREDITED MEDIA SOURCE

9/23/2005 11:08:34 AM

I thought it was wery funny.

9/23/2005 1:11:51 PM

The Onion was never known for its good taste

9/23/2005 1:19:32 PM

^ Wery much true.

9/23/2005 2:01:31 PM

lmao

9/23/2005 5:53:35 PM

quite funny, i agree

9/23/2005 6:34:05 PM

Quote :

"Cindy Sheehan was unavailable for comment, as she was busy trying to contact her lone surviving son Teddy, a meteorologist studying global warming with the International Geophysical Foundation in Antarctica, who is believed to be marooned on a 45-square-mile chunk of the shrinking Ross Ice Shelf that broke off Tuesday morning."

9/23/2005 7:15:41 PM

Quote :

" WASHINGTON, DC—According to White House sources, President Bush is bracing for intensified criticism following Monday's report that the body of Tyler Sheehan, son of outspoken anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, was recovered from the receding floodwaters in New Orleans."

she cant be that cursed.

9/24/2005 2:25:26 AM

maybe if she wasn't busy being an activist she could of been in N.O. helping her son, silly bitch

9/24/2005 3:17:10 AM

this just in...

arlington cemetary has been added to the F1 circuit. white crosses add 0.2 points apiece to your seasonal total. Cletus in the # 13 F-350 bumps Shoemaker into the number 2 spot. can he hold the season?

9/24/2005 5:01:43 AM

That owl looks like a Sesame Steet puppet.

9/24/2005 4:14:30 PM

9/24/2005 4:22:00 PM

We need to get him the hell......out of there.

9/24/2005 6:16:34 PM

If that's true it sucks. Either way she is still a nut.

9/24/2005 6:54:14 PM

i bet its true
why would they print it if it isnt

9/24/2005 7:13:03 PM

At least the Onion isn't totally inaccurate
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

[Edited on September 24, 2005 at 7:41 PM. Reason : ]

9/24/2005 7:39:59 PM

Quote :

"If that's true it sucks. Either way she is still a nut."

ITS THE FUCKING ONION

9/25/2005 5:49:52 PM