So me and my roomate got in an arguement over whether a guy and a girl can truly be only friends. GOOD friends, but only friends. I seem to think its possible, but he believes that on some level and after time it wont last. What does TWW THINK?

1/30/2006 2:24:46 AM

truly

and no, there's always tension.

1/30/2006 2:25:23 AM

I can't comment -but this sounds like a good movie plot

1/30/2006 2:26:52 AM

haha.. yea i was told to go watch the movie...^ I dont think that has to necessarily be true.^^

[Edited on January 30, 2006 at 2:30 AM. Reason : ....]

1/30/2006 2:28:11 AM

No. Nope. Only if the guy is gay.

1/30/2006 2:28:40 AM

if the chick is ugly, i have NO problem JUST being friends with them.

1/30/2006 2:29:44 AM

yeah, if the girl is ugly...

1/30/2006 2:30:02 AM

if the chick is ugly, i have NO problem JUST being friends with them.

1/30/2006 2:30:40 AM

so there is no hope if the girl is attractive... damn... you guys are on par with my roomate...

1/30/2006 2:30:45 AM

or the girl is married

1/30/2006 2:31:11 AM

wait... so not a single person...is gonna say they have been good friends with the opposite sex and both be straight.

[Edited on January 30, 2006 at 2:32 AM. Reason : ohh and neither is ugly... as clearly that would negate the situation... haha]

1/30/2006 2:32:13 AM

yes

1/30/2006 2:33:24 AM

Well im gonna pass out and see if anyone can relate at all... by morning...

1/30/2006 2:34:19 AM

It's not about you!

1/30/2006 2:34:40 AM

If she's fat/ugly.

1/30/2006 3:02:39 AM

if shes ugly yes its possible
it either one of the two are taken yes has potential to shift
if both are taken yes...but has potential to shift
if either one of the two are gay, yes....but see 'chasing amy'
if you truly are good friends with them, best friends at that...theres gonna be tension but u can move past it...its possible but takes a RARE RARE pair of people to achieve that.

so in most cases, no its not possible....but extreme cases yes, its possible.

1/30/2006 3:08:56 AM

yes esp if the girl isnt interested in the guy as more than friends and the guy has a gf

1/30/2006 3:22:52 AM

God, girls are fucking clueless.

1/30/2006 3:26:57 AM

the "friend zone" is no good at all, once you get in, you can't get out

1/30/2006 3:31:45 AM

disagree, u can get out

1/30/2006 3:47:16 AM

Friend zone thing aside (where the guy clearly wants the girl, but she's not having it), I still say it's possible

One of my ex-girlfriends is now one of my best friends, and I'm able to maintain purely platonic friendships with females - I had to make it a point to tell my current girlfriend not to be worried about other girls I know because they've probably been my friend for way longer.



Of course, there are some guys that want to get into the pants of every girl whose first name he knows... that will make it 34989028x harder

1/30/2006 3:55:17 AM

Someone direct Virginia here to Ladder Theory.

1/30/2006 6:49:21 AM

It can happen...it just takes a while.

It took me about two years before I could become good friends again with my first ex-girlfriend. You just have to get past the point where it's not awkward to know that they're with someone else. At one point last year me and my ex were talking openly about our current relationships and even sex life. It was pretty cool.

Now I don't think I'll be friends at all with my last ex-girlfriend. She's just not the type of person I would like to hang out with unless I was dating (which is probably why we didn't work out as a couple).

Bottom line is that a lot of factors have to fall into place for it to work out....but it can happen.

1/30/2006 7:22:54 AM

it's pretty unusual.

most guys have few or no female friends that they haven't slept with, want to sleep with, or at least wanted to sleep with before she got fat or something.

1/30/2006 7:29:14 AM

Quote :

"most guys have few or no female friends that they haven't slept with, want to sleep with, or at least wanted to sleep with before she got fat or something. "

Hahaha, pretty much. I have a few friends that I have NO interest in like that, but most of the girls I am friends with started out as such because I had some type of interest in them.

1/30/2006 8:37:08 AM

doubtful. i always thought it was probably possible based on two people i know, but after hearing about what's developed between them over the years i know it's not. they basically don't talk anymore b/c of either sexual tension between them...him being a jack ass to her girl friends that he was interested in...or her being very demanding of their friendship...a combination of the three...or things i haven't even mentioned. they've been friends since elementary school--very close--but as they've gotten older the tension has grown. i see them always being friends though, but they are at a point right now where that's not gonna happen. i see them becoming close friends again once they are both married and settled in their own lives.

i've always been a girl to have more guy friends than girl friends...but i'm by no means close with my guy friends. the guy friend that i'm closest to is my boyfriend...nuff said.

[Edited on January 30, 2006 at 8:51 AM. Reason : edit.]

1/30/2006 8:50:45 AM

My high school best friend was a guy. We were such good friends that we decided to try "going out" and it lasted two weeks. We never kissed, and held hands maybe twice. We're both attractive (not to sound boastful) but our friendship was too valuable to each other, I believe, for a relationship on another level to work. We're still very close, even though we don't see each other nearly as often. However, we did make a pact back then that if we were still single by a certain age, we would get married. But 1) We weren't romantically interested in each other back then, and 2) We both changed so much upon college that I don't think either of us would have been romantically interested in the other by the "marrying age" that we would have gone through with it, or if we did, that it would have lasted. However, our friendship, despite differences, means a lot to me.

I have plenty of other guy friends but they aren't so close that there could be any sort of sexual tension, but I've had that in the past, so other than my above example, I'd definitely say it's difficult to have just a pure friendship between a girl and guy.

Oh, actually I have a developing friendship with another guy I've known for a while, and there's never been any tension between us, and I don't foresee any developing either. He's cute but I'm not attracted to him, and I don't know how he feels toward me, but if at least one of the two isn't interested/attracted, the friendship won't go past being friends, imo. True friends won't infringe upon what the other believes/wants/doesn't want.

[Edited on January 30, 2006 at 9:15 AM. Reason : ]

1/30/2006 9:10:15 AM

Quote :

"if shes ugly yes its possible it either one of the two are taken yes has potential to shift if both are taken yes...but has potential to shift if either one of the two are gay, yes....but see 'chasing amy' if you truly are good friends with them, best friends at that...theres gonna be tension but u can move past it...its possible but takes a RARE RARE pair of people to achieve that. so in most cases, no its not possible....but extreme cases yes, its possible."

1/30/2006 9:31:22 AM

Quote :

"We were such good friends that we decided to try "going out" and it lasted two weeks."

You mean you were lukewarm about the idea the whole time, he pressured you, you caved, then finally got the guts to reject him a couple weeks later. This was then followed up with a typical girl comment of "you are such a guy that I would marry blah blah" or its equivalent "you are going to make some girl really happy someday"

1/30/2006 9:41:13 AM

If you're an internet nerd then no because you'll end up spitting your weak game at anything that moves.

As a normal man, you can be.

1/30/2006 9:43:19 AM

If there is no physical attraction between the two then it isn't that difficult to have a friendship.

1/30/2006 10:18:02 AM

Quote :

"our friendship was too valuable to each other, I believe, for a relationship on another level to work."

He's gay.

1/30/2006 10:29:52 AM

I don't have many "good" girl friends because it's impossible.

1/30/2006 10:41:30 AM

my best friend is a dude. i would say there is some level of sexual tension there. however, he is a real womanizer, and therefore i think my head keeps me from goin there, although i can't help wonder what it would be like sometimes. i think in order for there to be a true friendship something has to be "wrong" with one of the people to keep them from crossing the bounds of friendship, wrong meaning something that makes the person undesirable, nto just being ugly but like the womanizer thing...

1/30/2006 10:42:44 AM

Quote :

"So me and my roomate got in an arguement over whether a guy and a girl can truly be only friends. GOOD friends, but only friends. "

What?

Friends can’t bwn? Since when?

Are you telling me that a "friend relationship" and a "sexual relationship" cannot occupy the same space/time? Or are you defining "friend relationship" to mean "platonic relationship"? I don't think those are the same....

Do you simply mean to ask:
"Can a [straight] guy and a [non-related][straight] girl have a platonic relationship?"
If so, the answer is yes—but it helps if one is far more attractive than the other…..


What purpose does it serve to view friendship as somehow necessarily platonic?
(Oh wait, I remember---silly christians.....when will you learn?)

1/30/2006 10:49:53 AM

silly stoners.

1/30/2006 10:53:12 AM

silly thread stalkers

1/30/2006 10:54:38 AM

youre just paranoid.

that happens when you smoke.

1/30/2006 11:19:04 AM

http://www.laddertheory.com/

1/30/2006 11:19:22 AM

for the longest time i thought so.


but then i married her.

1/30/2006 11:33:06 AM

yea.. but you probably had something going on before all that happened....

1/30/2006 12:14:32 PM

Simple answer yes. But the guy is usually in a happy relationship. In short horni-ness gets in the way for guys a lot of the time.

1/30/2006 12:18:28 PM

^^^ hahahahaha

1/30/2006 12:38:51 PM

ok. I'm gonna refer to "When Harry Met Sally" on this one:

Quote :

"Harry:"A man can never be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he always wants to have sex with her." Sally:"That's not true! I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved." Harry:"No, you don't" Sally:"Yes, I do." Harry:"No, you don't" Sally:"You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?" Harry:"No, I'm saying they all want to have sex with you." Sally:"Well, what if they don't want to have sex with you?" Harry:"It doesn't matter because the sex part is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story." Sally:"So a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?" Harry:"No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.""

1/30/2006 1:40:40 PM

I think it's impossible. Because the entire goal of a dating relationship (even though alot of people don't learn this in the begining) is to find a best friend that you are attracted to. Yes we run around dating ultra hot bitchy or rude people when we're immature, but in the end, everyone is just looking for a best friend that they are wildly attracted to.

So if there is no attraction or one is gay, then it doesn't work. Otherwise, if you really are good enough friends, you'll both want to date eventually. It's inevitable.

1/30/2006 2:02:29 PM

In my opinion one or the other is going to get some feelings for the other. Eventually those feelings will become known and theyll either hook up or the other person will not be interested and theyll go back to being friends. I have had this happen a few times and know some friends who have had this same situation happen. Problem is even if we look at a person we are sizing them up for compatibility, even if we don't know their name. So ddlakhan youre wrong, sorry pal.

1/30/2006 2:05:39 PM

Quote :

"Yes we run around dating ultra hot bitchy or rude people"

this describes a large number of relationships

1/30/2006 2:13:07 PM

Quote :

"My high school best friend was a guy."

Yes, he's gay.


But this does lead to another point. You can have attractive friends of the opposite sex if you've known them for most of your life (definitely before puberty). This is essentially how the psychological (not cultural or moral) mechanism for preventing incest works (blocking). It's been documented that non-siblings who grow up together do not become sexually attracted to each other later--even when the intent of putting them together is to find potential mates for marriage. You can find the research if you look up "genetic sexual attraction" which is the phenomenon of sexual attraction to parents or siblings when they did not live together as a family and instead met as adults. Essentially, it's pretty obvious that incest isn't mainly prevented by conscious thought, taboo, social pressures, etc., but by a subconscious mechanism which prevents attraction in the first place. As you can imagine, it makes no biological sense to say humans would have to consciously stop genetically disastrous behavior.

1/30/2006 2:15:43 PM

Quote :

" Because the entire goal of a dating relationship (even though alot of people don't learn this in the begining) is to find a best friend that you are attracted to. Yes we run around dating ultra hot bitchy or rude people when we're immature, but in the end, everyone is just looking for a best friend that they are wildly attracted to."

Sex: M

Of course, I knew that before I checked your profile...

See, we dudes understand that. We have a defined idea of what we want.

Wimmins are like a Magic 8-ball...they don't really evaluate things and make decisions so much as they are swept wherever the tide of estrogen takes them. Often, that place is somewhere that doesn't make any damned sense.



[Edited on January 30, 2006 at 2:19 PM. Reason : ^i want to lay all of the hot girls i grew up with, too.]

1/30/2006 2:19:08 PM

says: women are inferior, k?

1/30/2006 2:20:43 PM