Everything you read says to give a tip to your wedding officiant but at out last marriage counseling meeting withour pastor he said that he does not take money for being the officiant, that he does it as a service of the church (since we are members).

If we still were to give him money would he be offended? How much is a typical gift for a pastor? Should we donate money to a charity in his name (like Heifer International) instead of a direct monetary gift?

5/30/2006 1:00:00 AM

just write a check out ot the church and tell him you just want to add a little extra to the plate and dont want it to get lost in the collection

5/30/2006 1:16:15 AM

dude if you're still asking TWW for advice you don't need a wife

5/30/2006 1:17:14 AM

if he doesn't take cash then buy him something

im sure he could always use a new tie, wallet, ect. ect.

if you want to give a little extra to the church, buy him a tie and then still put in a little extra the next sunday

5/30/2006 1:29:05 AM

just let him rape your first child

5/30/2006 1:30:07 AM

You sure do make a lot of threads about getting hitched.

If you keep it up, people will think you're compensating for something.

5/30/2006 1:36:02 AM

Give him a nice gift, better than a tie. Or donate to an organization the church supports in his honor.

5/30/2006 1:39:11 AM

you can call it a "love offering" and write a small check for 100-200 dollars. just enough to say thank you, but not so much that he'll feel uncomfortable taking it as 'payment.'

5/30/2006 1:41:54 AM

Quote :

"dude if you're still asking TWW for advice you don't need a wife"

With the number of people on here and their age being right in the marriage territory its a great place for generic, "what if" questions like this when you want a quick response. I'm not looking for someone to make a decision for me, just finding out what others did who may have had to deal with a situation like this... just covers all your bases.

Quote :

"just write a check out ot the church and tell him you just want to add a little extra to the plate and dont want it to get lost in the collection"

Yeah, this is what we are leaning to but just curious...

Quote :

"You sure do make a lot of threads about getting hitched. If you keep it up, people will think you're compensating for something."

I've made 5 threads in the last year on it... asked if pastors attended rehearsal dinners, where to get tuxes, how to determine alcohol quantity for a party, and the two I made tonight. Fail to see how one could draw that conclusion, its not like I'm here to chit chat about wedding planning and shit.

5/30/2006 1:42:44 AM

you are members of said church and they are asking for 1300 for use of the chapel..............holy shit

5/30/2006 1:53:52 AM

Quote :

"you are members of said church and they are asking for 1300 for use of the chapel..............holy shit"

Oh, no. Our church would be free. However, our church is also way too big for the small, intimate service we wanted so we rented a place up in Wake Forest (http://www.stonechapel.com/)... our reception site is like a block away so it works well. Really, when you look at the costs of places in Raleigh and the restrictions on vendors and caterers it ended up being about the same in cost anyways.

5/30/2006 2:02:21 AM

oh, ok. that makes more sense now

5/30/2006 2:06:20 AM

direct monatary gift, give it in an envelope and tell him thank you, then he can do with it what he pleases, IIRC we gave $200 to our priest in the form of cash in an envelope. He was also invited to the rehersal dinner and reception. He attended the rehersal dinner (whopped up quite a bar tab!) but declined the reception due to a scheduling conflict.

5/30/2006 9:05:11 AM

TIP: Don't inappropriately touch the ringbearer.

5/30/2006 9:40:54 AM

is it inappropriate to ask for the honorarium back if the marriage fails within the first year?

5/30/2006 9:54:55 AM

If your pastor doesn't want to accept payment, the ministry organization may have restrictions against "perks" being given outside of it (ie, funds are supposed to go to the body that pays them, that they can pay them a reasonable salary and use excess funds raised for church projects).

I would politely ask if the pastor had any favorite projects or missions in the church, and make an offering targeted to that project or missions. If he declines to name - just write a check to the church.

5/30/2006 10:09:22 AM

Tip, but no shaft.

5/30/2006 10:13:56 AM