I'm in the middle of making a very difficult decision right now. Just curious about some of the hardest decision you guys have made and how they turned out, be it moving away, breaking up with someone, pulling the plug on a life support, whatever.

oh and ps, cheer me up please.

3/9/2007 9:32:24 AM

whether or not to biggie size my combo.

I opted not to, and haven't looked back.

3/9/2007 9:33:40 AM

whether I should give up teaching for the IT field

3/9/2007 9:34:28 AM

that's something i don't care to share on here, but I do wish you the best in making such a difficult decision, whatever it may be.

3/9/2007 9:34:44 AM

so tell us what you are struggling with?

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 9:35 AM. Reason : casnuts]

3/9/2007 9:35:37 AM

to wear mint green or a pink shirt under a choclate brown cashmere vneck.

i chose the green.

3/9/2007 9:36:07 AM

oh, and the decision I made so far has turned out to be a good one

3/9/2007 9:36:35 AM

Penis reduction surgery. A foot and a half was just too long, but I still cried for days afterwards.

3/9/2007 9:36:59 AM

seriously?

Jesus

3/9/2007 9:37:42 AM

^^^^green and brown?

i think you may have made the wrong decision on that one.

Quote :

"whether I should give up teaching for the IT field"

which did you choose? the IT feild?

^^ really? reducing my boobies was the easiest decision I ever made.

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 9:40 AM. Reason : carrrrrooottts]

3/9/2007 9:38:22 AM

that's something i don't care to share on here, but I do wish you the best in making such a difficult decision, whatever it may be.

3/9/2007 9:39:17 AM

Quote :

"so tell us what you are struggling with?"

i know this is a little too personal for chit chat, but basically... i've been dating someone for over a year. we live together. he has a child from a previous relationship and i love them both dearly. however, i'm struggling emotionally and financialy b/c of the situation. the financial woes are due to his past. i'm just not feeling the same anymore and am starting to feel held back. but if i leave, he will lose his house, won't have a car, any furniture, lose all hopes of gaining customdy of his son (which is a fucked up situation as it is), won't have a phone, nothing.... i do love him, but i can't say that i see myself marrying him, although i know he feels that way. i've known him for a very long time, and he has come leaps and bounds from where he was. he's just trying so hard right now and hasn't done anything wrong to justify my leaving. i just hate to be responsible for someone's demise, and i know that will happen if i go. i went into the relationship saying, "someone who loves me more that i love them, i can't get hurt this way,"which was the wrong reason, and never really thought about what would happen if i decided to go. i've tried to put my faith in God thinking love will conquer all and keep telling myself that there are more important things than money, but all the signs say run.

3/9/2007 9:58:52 AM

^ run

One day you will be happy you did

3/9/2007 10:01:52 AM

sounds like you just want some new dick

3/9/2007 10:02:26 AM

a/s/l?

3/9/2007 10:02:47 AM

you love him? but you are thinking about abandoning him when he needs you?
Sounds like you are in love with yourself.

3/9/2007 10:04:25 AM

you're not responsible for someone's demise if it would be caused by your absence.

dump him, they're not your kids. Who knows, maybe him loosing custody would be better for the kids y'know.

3/9/2007 10:05:36 AM

remember guys...you dont know the whole story so dont jump to assumptions

3/9/2007 10:05:53 AM

Shit! Somehow I mistook this for The Lounge.


you're not responsible for someone's demise if it would be caused by your absence.

dump him, they're not your kids. Who knows, maybe him loosing custody would be better for the kids y'know.

Plz to kill yourself now.

3/9/2007 10:07:14 AM

Its just an opinion based on the information provided. I genuinely dont understand how you can love someone and think about leaving them when they are in such a bad position. Im not saying stay in a romantic relationship with them. But if you cant lean on the people that you love and that say love you then you are all alone in the world.

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 10:08 AM. Reason : And thats sad.]

3/9/2007 10:07:56 AM

You love the guy and you are saying he is making huge improvements. So is this situation going to be better in the future?

3/9/2007 10:09:43 AM

Quote :

"remember guys...you dont know the whole story so dont jump to assumptions"

3/9/2007 10:09:57 AM

Quote :

"Chit Chat"

3/9/2007 10:10:54 AM

UMM if he can't afford his house kid phone etc...

he is holding you back

3/9/2007 10:11:48 AM

breaking up with people is usually a hard decision


but you have to look out for whats best for you

3/9/2007 10:11:53 AM

Are your feelings confused by the kid (?), because this is about you and him.

3/9/2007 10:14:38 AM

Quote :

"UMM if he can't afford his house kid phone etc... he is holding you back"

Riiiight, i would be real convinced that he could ever support a decent family. Send the kids back where they came from and the guy in the gutter. The world will be a better place for it.

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 10:17 AM. Reason : asf]

3/9/2007 10:16:57 AM

rehab

3/9/2007 10:19:37 AM

Quote :

"you love him? but you are thinking about abandoning him when he needs you? Sounds like you are in love with yourself."

i have been there for him . I was there when he was laid off for 4+ months and bought all of his son's birthday presents. I have been there for him while he waits for the paternity results for another child (which had happened before we got together). I have stayed by him even when my dad promised to help me out financially if I moved out. How much more do I have to be there? When is enough, enough? I do love him and I wish that the situation were different, but it's not and it's getting worse. He is a good guy with a bad past and it's so unfortunate.

3/9/2007 11:04:01 AM

god damn stoner hippies infesting the earth

3/9/2007 11:09:50 AM

Leave. Anyone who will be without a job for longer than a few days when they have a child to support is not someone anyone should tie their life to. If I had kids, I would work 3 jobs to make ends meet is the alternative was to see them not have something. Right now, you're just a sugar-momma.

3/9/2007 11:16:45 AM

What exactly is his bad past, and what is he doing nowadays? Does he have a job?

3/9/2007 11:18:36 AM

you don't love him

you're too much of a selfish, shallow person to know anything about what love is

so just leave him like you know you eventually will and try to hurt him as little as possible so he doesn't kill himself

3/9/2007 11:19:47 AM

^^ he was just a shitty person. hard drugs, constant fights, drank too much, in and out of jail... but he no longer does these things (except drink, but that's not everyday). Nowadays? He works at a heating & Air company, and just recently took on a 2nd job at Pizza Hut. Unfortunately, the Heating and Air place has cut back their hours significantly now, so the 2nd job doesn't help a lot.

^ yes, I'm SUCH a selfish and shallow person.



[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 11:33 AM. Reason : .]

3/9/2007 11:31:12 AM

^^

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 11:33 AM. Reason : d]

3/9/2007 11:33:12 AM

Remember, you're not in charge of his life. He may tell you that his world will end if you leave, and I'm sure he believes it, but it's not necessarily true. You have to do what's right for yourself and your future. If this guy is incapable of pulling himself out of the quagmire he's in without you, he needs professional support, not just a sugar momma. If you're not going to marry him, you're wasting both his and your time, and you're just being his crutch. That's not good for either of you. Don't be a doormat for him.

3/9/2007 11:46:56 AM

boy, you girls just choose the pick of the litter, don't you?

i have no sympathy for you

3/9/2007 11:52:31 AM

either your life is ruined or his? is there nothing you can change to make the situation not as taxing for you both?


in the end, though, you have to live your life. you can't be responsible for what would be in someone else's life in your absence if you had no connection to what started his problems to begin with.

3/9/2007 11:53:45 AM

long story short: you care about him, but don't love him (atleast not in the long term/grow old together sense).

and it seems your situation has become one of dependancy, so cutting and running would cause a bloodbath of sectarian strife.

what you need is some sort of transition plan. you need to send in 20,000 well armed troops, along with a 2008 deadline for removal. you need to help him understand that he needs to get his act together in a way that makes him less dependant on you for survival. given proper execution, he will rise to meet the challenge.

once you've got him up and running to the best of your ability, you leave. in the process you may find that you leave a number of your assets in his possession simply because he needs them, you can more readily replace them, and you care enough about him to give them to him.

the transition plan won't be painless, but it won't be as painful as an all out withdrawl. i suggest this because you've known him long enough and you obviously care for him and his son. who knows, you may fall more in love with him during this transition period -- probably not though.

3/9/2007 12:11:41 PM

If you don't see yourself marrying the guy then you have already made your decision.

You are not selfish, and people telling you that you don't know what love is make my eyes roll out of my head. It is possible to love someone but not want to be with them or marry them. It isn't her fault that he is in that position remember. He needs to care for himself first and so do you.

Get on with your life but make sure you talk to him about it and have a transition time that will work for both of you.

3/9/2007 12:29:03 PM

^^ that actually does sound like a good idea in theory, but i'm not sure how realistic it would be.

^ thanks. i would rather go ahead and cut romantic ties than go on with him thinking that i feel the same way when i don't.

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 12:38 PM. Reason : .]

3/9/2007 12:34:09 PM

Quote :

"He needs to care for himself first and so do you."

sounds like you don't know what love is either.

3/9/2007 12:34:28 PM

Paternity test?? So basically the guy doesnt know how to keep it in his pants, or at least use a condom. I'd be gone before he ends up owing more money for that 2nd kid and manages to knock you up too. If he's leeching away your money, that's no good.

Does he know you're thinking of leaving? Does he know what he'll do if you go?
He may be great now, and everyone deserves a second chance, but he fucked up his life on his own and he needs to get over it on his own.

Damn, I'm a cold bitch....

3/9/2007 12:39:03 PM

Quote :

"that actually does sound like a good idea in theory, but i'm not sure how realistic it would be."

well, it doesn't have to be exactly 20,000 troops and 2008...

3/9/2007 12:41:28 PM

i'd say he's using you. and you're only enabling him to not take full responsibility.

this is going to end badly. the longer you wait, the worse it will be.

give him 1 month (2 tops) to secure a new place to live. help him as much as you *reasonably* can to that end, getting an apartment, a job, a temporary license, a car, whatever...

but set a deadline and be firm.

3/9/2007 12:43:36 PM

I'd go with transition plan as well. Ultimately, a parent should be willing to do whatever it takes. That includes working 80 hour weeks and cutting out all non-essentials until he can get things back on track.

My only concern...
Since you mentioned he has violence and drugs in his past there is always the possibility of driving him over the edge. Look after yourself and make sure you have a place to go if it comes to this.

3/9/2007 12:59:05 PM

^^^^^I know enough about love to know that if you don't love and care about yourself first you can never completely give yourself to another person.

And given your post history you telling anybody that they don't know what love is is laughable.

[Edited on March 9, 2007 at 1:02 PM. Reason : ed]

3/9/2007 1:00:24 PM

Quote :

"I know enough about love to know that if you don't love and care about yourself first you can never completely give yourself to another person."

^ signed

3/9/2007 1:05:52 PM

MAke sure if you decide to leave him to tell him why. Mine cut and ran out of nowhere and this has been the worst time of my life. Tell him your feelings and he will realize its for the best. It will suck for a while but it will get better.

3/9/2007 1:13:43 PM

Quote :

"sounds like you don't know what love is either."

Love means different things to different people. Personally, I don't think I could even love someone enough to flush my life down the toilet with theirs (especially if they don't love you enough to realize what they're doing to you).
Now if you're stupid in love enough that that's what you would do, then more power to you.

3/9/2007 1:25:55 PM