Lisa: Im a little kid, no one listens to me....

Grandpa: Im old, no one listens to me



Homer: Im a white male, age 18 to 49, everyone listens to me!

4/17/2007 11:45:26 AM

first

4/17/2007 11:47:50 AM

Bart (calling Moe's Tavern): Hello. Is Amanda Hugandkiss there?

Moe: Hold on let me check.... (yells) is there Amanda Hugandkiss here? I'm looking for Amanda Hugandkiss!

(locals laugh)

Moe: When I find out who's calling I'm gonna kill you slowly and painfully......

4/17/2007 11:48:32 AM

in that first quote, doesn't homer continue saying something like, "no matter how dumb my ideas are" and then he gets out a can of "Nuts N Gum"?

4/17/2007 11:49:36 AM

haha yep

i couldnt stop laughing at it

4/17/2007 11:50:07 AM

yeah i love that part too

4/17/2007 11:50:52 AM

no tv and no beer make homer something, something..........

4/17/2007 11:58:42 AM

SKINNER: Don't worry, children. I've got a gut feeling Üder's around here somewhere, he he. In fact, can't we say there's a little Üder in all of us? Ha ha ha. In fact, you might even say that we've eaten Üder and he's in our stomachs right now! Ha ha ha! Wait. Forget that last part.

4/17/2007 12:01:05 PM

It tastes like burning

-ralph

4/17/2007 12:04:26 PM

Ned: Excuse me neighbor! I couldn't help but notice you picked pretty much all of my flowers!
Homer: Can't make a float without flowers...
Ned: Uh, sure enough, but did you have to salt the earth so nothing would ever grow again?
Homer: Hahahaha yeah...

4/17/2007 12:28:46 PM

TRAMOPOLINE!

4/17/2007 12:30:29 PM

Ralph: When i grow up i want to be a principal...or a caterpillar.

4/17/2007 12:31:01 PM

I can't feed my family with a codpiece

4/17/2007 12:57:27 PM

Granpa ftw:

"My story begins in nineteen dickety two. We had to say dickety, because the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles."

"You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I used my washtub that morning to clean my turkey, which back then was called a 'walking bird'. We had walking bird on Thanksgiving with cranberry sauce, Injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. We also sat around and watched football, which back then was called baseball. Anyway, 'long story short', is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling."

"This nickel has a long and interesting history. It dates back to one morning in 1957. I got up and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to 3 — medium brown . . . "

"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say."

4/17/2007 1:13:07 PM

GO BANANA!!!!!

4/17/2007 1:32:56 PM

Me fail english that's unpossible!

4/17/2007 1:49:17 PM

SEX CAULDRON?!
I thought they shut that place down

4/17/2007 1:49:43 PM

Krusty: I'm not saying Jezebel was easy, but before she moved to Sodom it was known for its pottery!

Homer: Ohhhh, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: Ah but Homer,with twenty dollars you can acquire many peanuts.
Homer: Explain.
Homer's brain: You can exchange money for goods and services.
Homer: Woohoo!

4/17/2007 1:58:49 PM

^ /message_topic.aspx?topic=468683

4/17/2007 1:59:43 PM

Ralph: Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers!

4/17/2007 2:04:55 PM

Homer: It's true, I'm a rageoholic! I just can't get enough RAGEOHOL!

Cletus: He really speaks to me, the average Joe six-tooth.
Cletus's Wife: When did you get another tooth?
Cletus: The sidewalk.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

4/17/2007 2:07:05 PM

Gil: Honey, you should have seen me with my last customer, I ...
no, but I came so close. This guy was as ... Whose voice is
that? Is that Fred? ... Aw, you said it was over ... No,
don't put him on -- Hello, Fred, h-hi.

4/17/2007 2:22:48 PM

"Lisa its your birthday, happy birthday lisa"

I love that episode

Michael Jackson: "How do we know everyones not crazy?"
Homer: "Ive got mine right here (shows [NOT INSANE] certificate)"

4/17/2007 2:27:42 PM

This thread is very cromulent.

4/17/2007 2:34:12 PM

no tv and no beer make homer something, something..........

wlb420

Don't forget the best part!

Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

4/17/2007 2:35:36 PM

my favorite:


Sideshow bob: How can one man have so many enemies?
Homer: I'm a people person.. who.. drinks.

4/17/2007 2:36:36 PM

I love all the shady shit thats always going on in the back room of Moe's

Moe: " alright they are on to us, time to get Shamu back to Seaworld!"

4/17/2007 2:37:49 PM

Dental Plan

4/17/2007 2:37:55 PM

krusty: I'm begining to become so jaded that freebasing moon rocks is the only thing that gets me off...and that just gets me to normal.

4/17/2007 2:44:56 PM

Bart: STAMPEY! Come back!!!

4/17/2007 2:46:54 PM

Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!!!

4/17/2007 2:59:57 PM

Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.

Homer: But I'm using my whole ass!

4/17/2007 3:01:25 PM

Moe (as a child): my father was a circus freak but my mother don't remember which one. <sigh> I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Moe(on the phone in the back): Yea I'd like an escort please. To WHERE!?!?!? How about ORGASMVILLE!!!

Hank Azaria (as Moe): Moe's Tavern, home of the world's smallest large screen TV!

Ralf (sitting on smokey the bear's lap): I want a fire truck, and a football, and a.....
Smokey: You're not gonna start any forest fires are you?
Ralf: At my house we call them Uh OH's

and MY personal Favorite simpsons quote

Homer: Ahh alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems.

[Edited on April 17, 2007 at 3:04 PM. Reason : .]

4/17/2007 3:02:35 PM

Ralph: You smell like dead bunnies.

4/17/2007 3:02:46 PM

Homer: OK, little buddy: hop in! (Bart steps forward) Ah bah! I mean my little girl buddy.
Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love.
Homer: OK, hon (after she gets in) Sucker! Competitive violence, that's why you're here!

4/17/2007 3:03:41 PM

Quote :

"Don't forget the best part! Marge: Go crazy? Homer: Don't mind if I do! "

touche


HELP ME JEBUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Edited on April 17, 2007 at 3:04 PM. Reason : .]

4/17/2007 3:04:12 PM

mmmmmm

macamadamia nuts

4/17/2007 3:14:27 PM

Homer : In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

4/17/2007 3:16:08 PM

Homer: Homer no function beer well without

Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

Homer: I am the piano genius from the movie "Shine".
Guard: And your name is...?
Homer: Uhh... Shiney McShine.

Rev. Lovejoy: I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. Who came to earth... and then died... only to be brought back to life again. And his name was: E.T., the extra-terrestrial. I love that little guy.

4/17/2007 3:16:46 PM

SEE YOU IN HELL CANDY BOYS!

4/17/2007 3:19:33 PM

Apu: Thank you for robbing my store, please come again!

4/17/2007 3:20:10 PM

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

----------------------------------------------

"A lima bean that looks just like the Leader! I'll put it with the others!"




[Edited on April 17, 2007 at 3:26 PM. Reason : skittlebrau]

4/17/2007 3:24:35 PM

Quote :

"Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"

This appeared in my notes today, out of sheer randomness and boredom.

4/17/2007 3:25:26 PM

ahaha

Ralph: You smell like dead bunnies.

4/17/2007 4:29:47 PM

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
-- Homer Simpson

4/17/2007 4:32:35 PM

s-u-c-c-e-s-s that is how you spell success!



I actually think of that when I'm typing

4/17/2007 4:51:37 PM

HS: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!

HS: In Ameerica, first you get de sugar, then you get de power, then you get de weemen."

RW: These rubber pants are hot.

RW: Mrs. Hoover, a worm went in my mouth and I ate it, can I have another one?
MH: No Ralph, there are no more worms, just try to sleep while the other children learn.
RW: Oh boy! Sleep, thats where I'm a viking.

PS: And with a flute up his nose . . . Ralph Wiggum
CW: Thats some nice flutin' boy.

Kent Brockman: Violenence, drunkenness, mayhem, are these the things we usually associate with St. Patricks day?

[Edited on April 17, 2007 at 4:57 PM. Reason : .]

4/17/2007 4:56:46 PM

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me
Post Office Guy: Ok Mr. Burns, what is your first name?
Homer: I don't know

4/17/2007 5:13:24 PM

Rainer Wolfcastle: "My eyes! The goggles; they do nothing!

4/17/2007 5:22:03 PM

set em up

4/17/2007 5:34:50 PM