So, everyone always told me to enjoy college to it's fullest because life after college was all about being a grown up and paying bills. I have come to a conclusion that is a total crock of crap, let's review the month of August:
my life is NOT NORMAL:


Communes
My apartment is a commune. Since July 27th I have had at least one extra person in the apartment spending the night, but not even in a sexy time way… just there… This can lead to funny things:

Jessy and her cat, Poochie. I love these two critters and Jessy was supposed to be my official roommate but she moved to Cali. Why is this weird? Well Jessy did not sleep like I sleep, and we were sharing a bed. She pet my head at night while I was trying to sleep and attempted to spoon me multiple times.

Sara G and boxed wine- Sara G can stay with us everynight, in fact, she does. The reason why? She brings us boxed wine and beer. She also helps us win at trivia. Now this is not so weird except for the fact that I have not had one sober night since August 10th, which so happens to be when Sara G started hanging out more. Also, we watch hours of trash reality tv.

Other guests- I had another friend get way drunk at the bar and spill a drink on a dude on accident so she spent the night. I woke up and her hand way on my head, petting my head. This is the second time I chick has felt up my head while I was sleeping. Everyone in the universe wants me

Classy Stories- okay, here are some side notes of things that will happen if you turn your place into a commune:
i. Random use of your razor, but without warning

ii. Random 3AM show-ups needing a place to stay, leaving you with the question- is everyone I know homeless?

iii. People leave things in your care that you don't have room for

iv. Toilet paper goes really fast with the randomness of people in house

v. Neighbors knock on the door and a non-roommate answers for them only to say: "hey, wait, who are you, you don't live here"







Drunk Diaries
What happens when you drink every night?

my entire ass and back is bruised. Is it because I fell, maybe… because I beat up? Most certainly. Or maybe it is a plain disregard for that thing called balance.

You have a new knowledge of the location of your kidneys and liver because literally… they hurt.
Dinner in liquid form is not that strange. If you get hungry the thought, "damn, I do not feel like cooking, Guinness is pretty thick, that will make me feel full" might actually cross your mind. This might sound like a great idea at the time, but it is not.

Trivia and karaoke become your strong suits in life. So at one time I had talent. I was funny and played the guitar (poorly, but it was there), I painted well, I read books and I wrote fantastic poems. I do none of those things. I yell out the wrong answers at trivia night in a bar and feel like a karaoke queen on Sundays and any other day I can get out to a Karaoke bar.

The television is on and it is reality tv. The drunk on the show is on screen and the "roommates" are talking trash. You look at Sarah Grady and say "I don't know what they are talking about… drunks are freaking awesome." You even realize in saying this that you are more of a drunk. Embarrassed? No, rather proud actually.

On the night of your best friend's bachlorette party you only have 1 beer, two shots, one gin and tonic and two glasses of champagne. You are proud of yourself because you didn't drink.






Man-Children
Yes, that is what I said. Man-Children. You know what they are, grown men above the age of 25 that have the mental or social class of a 10 year old. For some reason they love me. It is true. Men-Children, please… can I give you advice (and this is all from recent personal experience):

Do not pretend to have the world's highest confidence. The line "you should clear some time out of every single day to talk or hang out with me so you have something to look forward to" is not cute, sexy or confident. It is creepy.

two weeks of dating and phone conversations is not a good time to tell a girl that you are in the middle of a divorice. That is kind of a big deal, maybe try to get that out of the way sooner.

No, you are not best buddies with Derrick Roy of the Buffalo Sabres. And no, claiming that is not a reason enough for me to do you.

Holy crap batman. Do not, by any means, break into a girls apartment to shower unnannounced while she is at work. And the excuse, "well your roommate left the front door unlocked: does not make it okay. It brings up questions of homelessness.

Flipping out on the friend of the girl you are trying to hit on is not a good idea. If the girl you are hitting on already gave you a phone number, and then afterwards you flip out on her friend for spilling a drink, do yourself a favor… erase the number! Do not call the girl the next day asking her to dinner… Nine times out of Ten she thinks you are planning to kill her and drop her into a trashcan outside of your house.

Do not, in the middle of a date tell her that she is really fun and you think you should dump your girlfriend. That is not the right time to mention you have a girlfriend.. the right time would have been when you introduced yourself the week previous and she asked you if you were single.

8/27/2007 4:13:15 PM

ISSUES: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmLHOGT0v4c

8/27/2007 4:21:00 PM

Holy shit girl. Are you living in Haight-Ashbury during the 60's?

8/27/2007 5:00:13 PM

Quote :

"you only have 1 beer, two shots, one gin and tonic and two glasses of champagne. You are proud of yourself because you didn't drink"

that hits a bit close to home, actually...

8/27/2007 5:44:35 PM

this is vaguely familiar.

8/27/2007 7:49:44 PM

julie is part insane and part something else.

she used to live in charlotte. what happened to that?

8/27/2007 9:09:34 PM

grow up

8/27/2007 10:15:28 PM

i thought this was a dude at first

8/27/2007 11:10:46 PM

too much makeup

8/28/2007 12:47:56 AM

kind of sad... makes one wonder what your life will be like 20-30 years from now:

8/28/2007 7:37:18 AM

Still in Charlotte...

8/28/2007 8:49:27 AM

Why do charlotte women like the gay-o-sexual look so much?

8/29/2007 12:26:52 AM

Quote :

"i thought this was a dude at first"

Quote :

"because I beat up? Most certainly."

hahahha

this is probably the best post ive ever read

im gonna go chill with jules now peace

8/29/2007 4:49:52 AM

A++++++ would read again

8/29/2007 8:13:55 AM

It's a medical fact that alcohol abuse destroys women -- physically and mentally -- many, many times faster than it does men.

Jules, at this rate you're going to be a pathetic wreck by the time you're 30.

get some help.

8/29/2007 11:55:29 AM

hahah the funny thing is i drink 2-3 times a month and they're sending me to classes

8/29/2007 12:24:20 PM

she's from buffalo. therefore she has every reason in the world to be drunk as often as possible.

8/29/2007 12:40:11 PM

^^^ most irish people in their 20s drink as much as that, i don't see a problem with it

8/29/2007 2:23:14 PM

Obligatory ex-symeite post.

8/29/2007 2:33:51 PM

an alumna, not an alumni.

8/30/2007 12:08:54 AM

Is that really a medical fact? It sounds about right to me, but I've never heard of any studies to that effect

8/30/2007 8:06:13 AM

alumni is plural, so you couldn't be an alumni anyway

alumnus is the male singular

8/30/2007 8:46:20 AM

but since she is a chick, its alumnae (female singular)

8/30/2007 1:57:17 PM

it's most likely "life of a college graduate who doesn't give a fuck about latin and won't grow up"

i don't give a fuck either

8/30/2007 2:11:22 PM

yeah fuck

8/30/2007 5:32:52 PM

Quote :

" joe_schmoe : It's a medical fact that alcohol abuse destroys women -- physically and mentally -- many, many times faster than it does men. ... Jules, at this rate you're going to be a pathetic wreck by the time you're 30. Solinari : Is that really a medical fact? It sounds about right to me, but I've never heard of any studies to that effect "

yes.

Abstracts

* Women absorb and metabolize alcohol differently than men.(4)

* Alcohol consumption is associated with a linear increase in breast cancer incidence in women over the range of consumption reported by most women. A pooled analysis of several studies found breast cancer risk was significantly elevated by 9% for each 10-grams per day increase in alcohol intake for intakes up to 60 grams per day.(5)

* Although the mean lifetime dose of alcohol in female alcoholics is only 60% of that in male alcoholics, one study noted that cardiomyopathy (a degenerative disease of the heart muscle) and myopathy (a degenerative disease of skeletal muscle) was as common in female alcoholics as in males. The study concluded that women are more susceptible than men to the toxic effects of alcohol on the heart muscle.(6)

* Brain shrinkage in men and women was found to be similar despite significantly shorter periods of alcohol exposure or drinking histories in women.(7)

* Women with chronic pancreatitis have shorter drinking histories than that of men. Women with alcoholic hepatitis and cirrhosis were found to have consumed less alcohol per body weight per day than men. These findings indicate that women are more vulnerable to alcoholic liver disease than men.(8)

* Although alcohol problems are more common in male trauma patients, women with alcohol problems are just as severely impaired, have at least as many adverse consequences of alcohol use, and have more evidence of alcohol-related physical and psychological harm.(9)


Citations

4. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (1999). Are women more vulnerable to alcohol effects? Alcohol Alert No. 46. Rockville, MD: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

5. Smith-Warner, S. A., Spiegelman, D., Yaun, S., van den Brandt., P. A., Folsom, A. R., Goldbohn, R. A., Graham, S., Holmberg, L., Howe, G. R., Marshall, J. R., Miller, A. B., Potter, J. D., Speizer, F. E., Willett, W. C., Wolk, A., & Hunter, D. J. (1998). Alcohol and breast cancer in women: A pooled analysis of cohort studies. Journal of the American Medical Association, 279(7):535-540.

6. Urbano-Marquez, Estruch, R., Fernandez-Sola, J. Nicolas, J. M., Pare, J. C., & Rubin, E. (1995). The greater risk of alcoholic cardiomyopathy and myopathy in women compared with men. Journal of the American Medical Association, 274(2): 149-154.

7. Mann, K., Batra, A., Gunthner, A., & Schroth, G. (1992). Do women develop alcoholic brain damage more readily than men? Alcohol Clin Exp Res, 16(6):1052-6.

8. Mezey, E., Kolman, C. J., Diehl, A. M., Mitchell, M. C., & Herlong, H. F. (1988). Alcohol and dietary intake in the development of chronic pancreatitus and liver disease in alcoholism. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 48(1):148-51.

9. Gentilello, L. M., Rivara, F. P., Donovan, D. M., Villaveces, A., Daranciang, E., Dunn, C. W., & Ries. R. R. (2000). Alcohol problems in women admitted to a level I trauma center: A gender-based comparison. The Journal of Trauma: Injury, Infection, and Critical Care, 48(1):108-114.

8/30/2007 6:05:48 PM

wow - sucks for wominz

8/31/2007 6:00:51 AM

What is the point of living life if you are not having fun with it?

8/31/2007 9:14:15 AM

If you rely on alcohol to have fun then you have a pretty shitty life imo.


Alcohol can be used to augment fun times but shouldn't be used because you can't have funtimes without it.

8/31/2007 9:34:42 AM

FYI, I have not had more than three beers in the last 8 days... and have had a riot of a time still.
A whole month of experiences placed into a small list of stories is always going to sound much crazier than it actually is. When I put it all together it comes across as hilarious and to those that are sticks in the mud, maybe a little scary (and I feel bad for you all for that). Anyone that actually knows me is in full understanding that I am very resposible when it comes to work, very good at being a DD (a true DD as well) when the time comes, I let loose as well.



[Edited on August 31, 2007 at 10:44 AM. Reason : ...]

8/31/2007 10:42:51 AM

Quote :

"but since she is a chick, its alumnae (female singular)"

You've got it backwards.

alumna is singluar, alumnae is plural.

8/31/2007 12:50:19 PM

Quote :

"Major : English"

8/31/2007 2:36:59 PM

Quote :

"FYI, I have not had more than three beers in the last 8 days... and have had a riot of a time still. "

FYI - binge drinking is a hallmark of alcoholism

i'd dare say its better to drink a beer a day than seven beers every seven days

[Edited on August 31, 2007 at 3:55 PM. Reason : s]

8/31/2007 3:54:57 PM

Fyi you must be a damn brit trying to bring the irish down with your judgements.

I do what I do, I will stop when I want and learn to laugh sometime rather than take everything so seriously. They are funn stories for humor- get over yourself. Sounds to me like you could use a damn beer.

8/31/2007 4:53:33 PM

or get preggers due to drunk sex.....father being esgargs

8/31/2007 5:25:02 PM

Quote :

"If you rely on alcohol to have fun then you have a pretty shitty life imo. Alcohol can be used to augment fun times but shouldn't be used because you can't have funtimes without it."

Quote :

"Now this is not so weird except for the fact that I have not had one sober night since August 10th, which so happens to be when Sara G started hanging out more."

Quote :

"You have a new knowledge of the location of your kidneys and liver because literally… they hurt. Dinner in liquid form is not that strange. If you get hungry the thought, "damn, I do not feel like cooking, Guinness is pretty thick, that will make me feel full" might actually cross your mind. This might sound like a great idea at the time, but it is not."

SOUNDS LIKE LOTS OF FUN!

Quote :

"I do what I do, I will stop when I want"

the classic catchphrase for our society today to justify their actions, absent of any moral judgement, everything is relative, implies no responsibility for their actions, etc etc... it's all about having fun isn't it and it's all about you. i can't stand it when people lean on this lame mantra.

[Edited on August 31, 2007 at 6:32 PM. Reason : .]

8/31/2007 6:25:15 PM

People who use the word random in excess bug the shit out of me.

8/31/2007 8:44:41 PM

i dont care how much you drink, but the stories werent all that funny.

9/1/2007 9:55:57 AM

[Edited on October 9, 2007 at 1:15 AM. Reason : .]

10/9/2007 1:13:09 AM

^ that's hooksaw back in 1974

10/9/2007 9:12:00 PM

^ That's actually Wooderson from Dazed and Confused, joe_shithead. BTW, I was eight in '74, troll.

10/10/2007 12:41:51 AM

Being compared to wooderson is a compliment to you, big guy.

10/10/2007 1:15:51 PM

^ No it's not. If you'd bothered to read his posts, you'd know that.

Quote :

"the 50's, those were good days for America, weren't they? you want to go back there, don't you. you were sportin a hightop fade, pegleg trousers, pack of Lucky Strikes rolled up in your shirt sleeve... that's right, daddy-o. you were the cats meow."

joe_shithead

/message_topic.aspx?topic=485359&page=4

In any event, it was just a joke image I posted about an alumnus who won't grow up--you know, something closely related to the topic. Thanks to joe_shithead for ruining yet another thread.

[Edited on October 10, 2007 at 11:19 PM. Reason : .]

10/10/2007 11:17:33 PM

whatever you do, don't forget to use those rolly eyes

they definitely make you less of a loser

10/11/2007 4:27:46 PM

Jesus Christ I think you got his vag in a twist.

10/11/2007 5:08:41 PM

Quote :

"alumna is singluar, alumnae is plural."

yep.

alumna=female singular
alumnae=female plural
alumnus=male singular
alumni=male or mixed gender plural

10/12/2007 3:41:21 AM

TWW morality police to the crime scene!

10/12/2007 10:20:53 AM

^^ I noted the distinction in my previous post, but I didn't bother correcting anyone. I didn't care to read the numerous howls of "Grammar Nazi!" from those that have allegedly attended college.

10/13/2007 1:19:22 AM

Quote :

"Thanks to joe_shithead for ruining yet another thread."

i already ruined this thread a long time before you ever showed up.

hey, who let you in old school anyhow?

noob.

10/13/2007 4:30:43 AM

wow... yeah just b/c people work doesn't mean they can keep their shit together... seems like you've run into more than just a few of them...

10/24/2007 9:38:48 AM