Most ridiculous bullshit I've ever seen. I couldn't even dream this shit up.

Who else is feeling my pain?

11/27/2007 4:58:22 AM

I am not, because I kept my dick in a bag.

11/27/2007 7:52:36 AM

I punch them in the stomach afterwards.


But I'd hate to be in your position duke.

11/27/2007 7:55:28 AM

even though im not in your situation, i feel your pain

what the hell is she doing now?

11/27/2007 9:56:35 AM

I cant believe you only have one kid.

11/27/2007 10:13:17 AM

i think the custody laws are insane.

11/27/2007 11:09:57 AM

Quote :

"I cant believe you only have one kid."

I feel your pain... but I hope to never be in your situation.

11/27/2007 5:04:12 PM

my advice is this:

put your foot down before she does, if its too late for that, then i feel for you

11/27/2007 6:09:31 PM

Quote :

"I cant believe you only have one kid."

[Edited on November 27, 2007 at 6:20 PM. Reason : w]

11/27/2007 6:17:56 PM

how much is it...

is it a percentage or ??

11/28/2007 4:21:58 PM

I feel your pain, but only because I have to learn all that crap for an exam on Friday. I hope you do not have alimony as well.

I think there is some kind of formula that they use to determine what is owed. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

11/28/2007 6:03:32 PM

it depends on BOTH of your incomes, and if she doesn't have any income you will have to pay more, unless you are married and/or have other dependents - i got several people in my family on it, so i know the low down and dirtiness of this system. oh and they might try to make you pay for health insurance too. just be prepared for a big dent in your check if you are not married and/or have other dependents.

[Edited on November 28, 2007 at 6:18 PM. Reason : e]

11/28/2007 6:09:10 PM

i believe he is already paying for the health insurance, I think the kid is on his. I remember awhile back Duke said they had this wonderful plan worked out......appears that it didnt work out.

11/28/2007 7:17:55 PM

child support laws give women constitutional powers, allow her to have someone hauled into a courtroom, and scrutinized under the assumption that the dad is dead beat. laws should allow a 6 month observation period of the father's interaction, financially, with the mother and child, and if he isn't paying THEN and only then is there a need for child support. not that they have to be even involved in this. if he is served a subpoena to show for child support court and he shows official, and accepted documents that prove he has financially fulfilled, within reason, he support as a father he should not have to be ordered to pay anything, but have a yearly appraisal, or if the mother doesn't report that he is not paying, which obviously she is satisfied with his actions, they should not intervene. the power a woman has after bearing a child.

11/28/2007 7:31:56 PM

I'm a single father and I feel your pain.

I take care of the lion's share of my son's care.

11/29/2007 9:05:55 AM

so all that bitching women do for equal rights...was that FOR equal rights or for empowering women above men?

11/29/2007 9:55:49 AM

how about this one?

mother kills son, sentenced to prison, but the father must still pay alimony after she's finished her sentence.
http://cbs3.com/local/Linda.Calbi.Christopher.2.300535.html

11/29/2007 10:37:54 AM

man our country is jacked up.

11/29/2007 11:46:59 AM

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/2095347/

I am not too fond of this case either. The son is now living with the dad. It would seem like a windfall to reimburse the mother for something she was obligated to do in the first place. I believe if you are in jail, your CS duties are waived.

11/29/2007 12:10:15 PM

Quote :

""Mr. Calbi is using his son's death to take away any obligations he has," Hirsch said. "I think he's trying to take advantage of a tragedy and turn it around to his economic benefit.""

i hope that bitch rots in hell

she killed their son and the lawyer is just a money grubbing bitch

11/29/2007 8:01:56 PM

again... sometimes life seems rough

and then I see stuff like this

and life doesn't seem all that bad anymore

11/29/2007 8:44:56 PM

I got two kids, and I know my wife would own my ass if she ever did leave. Luckily things have been good the last year or two. 5 in Feb. But seriously, that fucking blows man. A former close friend of mine had his wife leave him a month or so ago. She just drove cross country from NYC to LA with their only car, their infant son, and all her shit, and left him at his USCG base.

11/29/2007 10:07:22 PM

Quote :

"mother kills son, sentenced to prison, but the father must still pay alimony after she's finished her sentence. http://cbs3.com/local/Linda.Calbi.Christopher.2.300535.html"

I don't get this.

So who will get custody of the other [alive] son after she gets out of jail? If the father will get custody, what does he have to pay alimony for?

But since she will still get alimony after she gets out of jail, that implies to me she will retain custody of the other child.

If true, that is sicker beyond belief... keeping the 2nd son with the same mother who killed her own 1st son.

11/30/2007 6:59:19 AM

I'm not sure, but I think the alimony might be like a spousal support that he has to pay for her to continue the style of living that she had grown accustomed to while they were married. Not agreeing with it obviously, just that might be what it's for.

11/30/2007 7:20:42 AM

^^ alimony != child support.

Alimony is an antiquated holdover from the days when women didn't work. It was a way to force an ex-husband to support an ex-wife after a divorce if she had no means to support herself. However it's a completely jacked system, because in this day and age, if you don't have a disability, you can work.

Laws vary from state to state, but in many cases women have to pay men alimony (example: britney spears pays kevin federline alimony on the order of $20,000 per month not including child support)

11/30/2007 9:36:14 AM

when I leave the restaurant, they dont owe me a steak.

- chris rock


i feel for you guys. if you ever listen to opie and anthony, anthony will go off on this topic and it is hilarious. his blood-sucking ex cleaned him out.

11/30/2007 10:55:14 AM

^^ yeah, alimony is completely fucked up, too. if i ever get married, i will keep my finances as seperate as possible from my wife's, and she'll have to sign a helluva pre-nup.


quote from a PM i sent another user:

Quote :

"I actually took it upon myself to open a 2nd checking acct and grant baby's mama joint access to it...she had her own checks, debit card, deposit slips, etc...all the same rights to it that I had. I started putting money into it 3 months before our daughter was born so we'd have money to buy things we'd need from day 1, and to build up a "cushion". She contributed a little to it, too. Then I guess she saw how lucrative a baby can be and decided to sue me. Now I have to pay her $1007/month. She's liable for $350 or so on paper, but what happens in reality is that there are really only at most about $800/month worth of expenses related to our daughter, so in practice I end up paying for ALL of our daughter's expenses, plus an extra couple hundred bucks for her mother to buy shoes, or make her car payment, or whatever else. On top of all that, she's only once allowed me any interaction with my daughter without her being there with me, and that was for a couple of hours when she was about 2 months old. She literally tried to argue in court for me not to be allowed to bring my daughter to my own house. Then, against a court order (and a mediation agreement she'd agreed to less than 24 HOURS earlier), she HID my daughter from me all day (by leaving her with a neighbor down the street while she went to work, sending me a text message lying about where our daughter was, and then dodging all of my phone calls throughout the day)--all of this the DAY BEFORE I WAS MOVING FROM FLORIDA TO WASHINGTON STATE. the reason she gave the judge for all of that? she didn't want Hannah around my roommates, becase they're all single guys (all military officers with secret-level security clearances, mind you) and she knew that one of them like to get mildly drunk on occassion when he didn't have work."

thankfully her mother is being a little more reasonable as of late, but this is the kind of shit i've had to deal with.

also, the order will finally be signed off by the judge and official soon, so it won't matter if she tries to keep my daughter from me at that point. i'll have her charged with contempt of court if she does (tried before, but couldn't until the judge actually signed the papers).

oh, and it would be even more than $1007/month except that my daughter's health care is totally covered by virtue of her being my military dependant.

12/1/2007 3:25:52 AM

that sucks

12/1/2007 5:25:00 AM

I had to deal with the same shit, I was not being allowed any time with my daughter

when she was about 2 months old, her mother had threatened to have the court make me pay child support

but I struck first, I filed a court order in which I volunteered to pay, and demanded visitation every other weekend

her dumbass family tried to fight the idea of visitation, and the judge called them "morons"

I got visitation every weekend, the state gave me money for tuition, and extended time over the summer.

But I am sure if she had filed the courts first, I would have been the "bad guy"

once she got away from he family, we have managed to work things out and are getting married, but that was years later, and I wasnt planning on it then.

12/1/2007 7:16:22 AM

if she hid your daughter then there's no reason you can't get full custody if you want it.

my girlfriend was telling me about her cousin who divorced from an abusive (or so she claimed, the family has doubts) husband...

the court granted her full custody, with him getting visitation...

well, she ran off with the kid to florida, at which point the courts were forced, based on her running, ot hand the kid over to her ex-husband...

i don't know if it's a better or worse situation for the kid, but hiding the child should be enough for you to get her custody revoked...

12/1/2007 8:41:38 AM

she'd be able to excuse getting the kid baby-sat at a neighbor's due to "miscommunication"

still, it could be put on a list for demonstrating patterns of behavior

12/1/2007 11:59:00 AM

Quote :

"if i ever get married, i will keep my finances as seperate as possible from my wife's, and she'll have to sign a helluva pre-nup."

people are fucking crazy. this is why i will insist on a prenup. even if the dude has more money than me, i dont give a shit. its a lot easier to decide who gets what if anything happens when you still like the person.

i don't view marriage as a source of income so if it doesnt work out i want to leave the way we went into it

however if cheating is involved (and there will be a clause in the prenup) i will drain the poor soul for every red cent hes worth, even if i don't need it. and he can feel free to do the same to me. but i'm not capable of cheating so i'm not worried about it.

[Edited on December 1, 2007 at 6:24 PM. Reason : oh yeah]

12/1/2007 6:23:27 PM

Spears alimony payments have either stopped or will stop in 2008. Of course, still gets the child support.


I think the prenup had alimony tied with how long marriage lasted.

also, ask Spears about prenups, she got one and still had to pay him a lump sum of like 15 million(might of been more)

Tom Cruise divorced his first wife because in CA after 10 years of marriage spouse gets half, not that she needed it, but he filed for divorce on the 9th year.

[Edited on December 1, 2007 at 7:46 PM. Reason : w]

12/1/2007 7:38:01 PM

Quote :

"however if cheating is involved (and there will be a clause in the prenup) i will drain the poor soul for every red cent hes worth, even if i don't need it. and he can feel free to do the same to me. but i'm not capable of cheating so i'm not worried about it."

Your position was admirable until this. This is no different than being a gold digger. Someone cheating doesn't entitle you to their money any more than if they had not cheated.

[Edited on December 1, 2007 at 8:34 PM. Reason : .]

12/1/2007 8:33:39 PM

Quote :

"if she hid your daughter then there's no reason you can't get full custody if you want it."

she didn't run off to another state or anything...she told me that her mom had our daughter, and just to call her up when I was ready to pick her up for the day. Of course, when she told me that, she has already dropped our daughter off at a neighbor's house. Then when I called her and her mother (who was 100% in on the deal), they wouldn't answer their phones.

Finally, I got in my car and started heading over to baby's mama's grandparents' house...I was gonna (1) see if either of them were over there, and (2) use their phone to call so they'd pick up. On the way over there, I spotted baby's mama's mama driving...I pulled a U-turn and chased her down...followed her to her house and cornered her in her garage. Since she was the one who supposedly had my daughter, she pretty much had to own up to who actually had her at that point.

all of this was preceded by a couple months (since I finally managed to get some court ordered visitation) of things just "happening" to come up and interfere every single time I tried to pick up my daughter--but I could never actually prove anything.

At any rate, I have a logbook of every single bullshit incident of any sort that's ever happened. If she ever tries to take me to court again (or starts pulling bullshit stunts again), I will fucking smoke her (I smoked her pretty badly in court the first time, relatively speaking. Made her and her lawyer look stupid and completely ridiculous in front of the judge...ended up with as good of a deal as could POSSIBLY be expected, other than absurd child support, which is pretty much set in stone.)

Quote :

"she'd be able to excuse getting the kid baby-sat at a neighbor's due to "miscommunication" still, it could be put on a list for demonstrating patterns of behavior"

exactly

and a very detailed list has already been compiled.

Quote :

"when she was about 2 months old, her mother had threatened to have the court make me pay child support but I struck first, I filed a court order in which I volunteered to pay, and demanded visitation every other weekend her dumbass family tried to fight the idea of visitation, and the judge called them "morons" I got visitation every weekend, the state gave me money for tuition, and extended time over the summer."

What in the hell was her reasoning for denying you time with your daughter? There are plenty of single moms out there who can't get the father to do a goddamned worthwhile thing for their children...but half of the guys who want to do the best they can get continually blocked.

Quote :

"once she got away from he family, we have managed to work things out and are getting married, but that was years later, and I wasnt planning on it then."

Yeah, maybe that will happen here. Who knows. Her family is fucking nuts and a terrible influence (they're the ones who hired her fucking dirtbag lawyer, saying "Here's your lawyer. You're paying us back for him, so you might as well use him.)...she wants to move to NC when I get stationed back there in the spring (wants to move in with me...I said no way in hell. Shit, she asks me to marry her about once every month or two).

To be fair, she's made a HUGE change for the better over the last 5-6 months or so (although there is still plenty of room for improvement). Hopefully it will be a big positive to not have her family around her.

Of course, at this stage, even if she did everything perfectly, I'm still extremely bitter about a lot of things that've happened. Even if she does everything right from now on, it will take me a long time to get over the shit she's put me through.

and if nothing else, the extraneous child support has got to go before anything is going to get any better between the two of us. I can even handle covering 100% of our daughter's expenses for the time being until her mother gets her degree, if she'd just chip in what she could when she's able to, and return that extra couple hundred bucks per month that isn't even needed for our daughter.

12/2/2007 4:12:36 AM

Quote :

"Your position was admirable until this. This is no different than being a gold digger. Someone cheating doesn't entitle you to their money any more than if they had not cheated."

i said it was a two way street. if i cheated he could take me to the cleaners too. its not about gold digging, its about payback. cheating is a character flaw in my opinion and if you're not flawed you won't cheat and if you are, chances are good that if the perfect storm of situations happened, you'd cheat.

its my opinion & my prenup

12/2/2007 12:09:18 PM

go ahead and marry her, it will be a loveless "marriage" but at least you will save money in the long run.....and you can tell your daughter that you did it for her. Heck, maybe she will get a bro or sister out of it. She seems sorta pyscho so once she has the ring she will probably eventually file for divorce and then she will take you to the cleaners, for sure. She will accuse you of cheating blah blah blah and the courts are already on the mothers side.


[Edited on December 2, 2007 at 1:15 PM. Reason : w]

12/2/2007 1:13:13 PM

Quote :

"What in the hell was her reasoning for denying you time with your daughter? "

thats pretty much what the judge asked them

I still laugh about how she ripped them a new one

and her family still hates me for it

and people who know me know i dont usually hold grudges for long periods of time, but her family earned it

12/2/2007 3:29:44 PM

Quote :

"if you ever listen to opie and anthony, anthony will go off on this topic and it is hilarious. his blood-sucking ex cleaned him out."

Haha yea he hates that scum sucking bitch. Can't say as I blame him. Sounds like he got married for all the wrong reasons, and stayed with her because he was just too fucking stupid to tell her peace.

12/2/2007 10:59:56 PM

Quote :

"its not about gold digging, its about payback. cheating is a character flaw in my opinion"

So, cheating is a character flaw, but vindictiveness is not?

12/3/2007 8:36:11 AM

Duke...I remember reading your stories about the baby mama hiding your daughter and all that in a previous thread. I don't envy you at all. Sucks that you're stuck dealing with someone so immature.

12/3/2007 9:47:09 AM

why did you agree to make those exorbitant child support payments? didn't you say her lawyer sucks? is yours not any better?

12/3/2007 10:57:14 AM

What the hell is wrong with some of these chicks? Duke, after the shit she has done hwy would you even consider her moving in with you or getting back with her? The girl has problems, can't think for herself, and will be nothing but baggage for the rest of her life. Get yourself a good girl and eat the money and be done with it.

12/3/2007 4:04:32 PM

Quote :

"So, cheating is a character flaw, but vindictiveness is not?"

wanting revenge? some may view it as such, but i don't.

there are a lot of things that can be considered character flaws. i'm speaking for my own opinion, i don't except everyone to agree.

12/3/2007 9:38:10 PM

Quote :

"why did you agree to make those exorbitant child support payments? didn't you say her lawyer sucks? is yours not any better?"

i agreed because there is simply no fighting it. it's formulaic.

her lawyer was absolute scum of the earth. i'm not kidding or exagerating when i say that if i found out tomorrow that he got run over by an Amtrak, I'd buy a ticket to make it to his funeral visitation so I could spit on his corpse, followed by pissing on his grave when they tossed his rotting body in the ground.

other than the child support issue (and things like alternating tax deductions, etc), i "won" almost all of the other contested issues. I mean, relative to how these things often go, I beat her like a drum in both court and mediation. I use that term loosely because it basically means that I got something approximating a fair deal, but if you're the dude, that's a win.

Quote :

"What the hell is wrong with some of these chicks? Duke, after the shit she has done hwy would you even consider her moving in with you or getting back with her? The girl has problems, can't think for herself, and will be nothing but baggage for the rest of her life. Get yourself a good girl and eat the money and be done with it."

I don't know what the hell is wrong with them. It's very common, though. The only explanation I've been able to come up with is simply that they're women, and for lack of a better way to put it, tend to lack some capacity for logic and reasonable decision making (speaking generally). Couple that with a society and legal system that enables (and sometimes even encourages) their bullshit behavior, and this is what happens.

and no, i wouldn't even entertain the idea of letting her move in with me. Shit, she asked me again last time I talked to her, and I told her that while things have gotten a lot more civil between the two of us, there is nothing that she can say or do to take back the shit she pulled on me for a year. I'm still extremely bitter over the whole ordeal and have very little trust in her, and it'll take a while for that to change (under the best of circumstances).

12/4/2007 3:19:58 AM

what formula is used to determine the amount of child support you have to pay?

12/4/2007 8:03:12 AM

i know its based on your income vs her income

the more she makes, the less you have to pay

but even if you are unemployed, you still have to pay based on min wage

i found it on some website one time

12/4/2007 8:58:09 AM

^^ Man its just such a tough situation, and the whole child support thing is so tough too. My parents got divorced when I was 2, and growing up my father made a lot of money and had to pay my mom child support and always fought it and always told me that she was being unreasonable (usually in much harsher terms) and it was very tough for me. I didn't know who was right or wrong. I know that my mother is a great mother and she has done everything right for me, but did she really need all the money my dad was required to send? I don't know.

I know that my dad didn't pay a lot of what he was supposed to and my mom didn't get into litigation until much later and it got really nasty, but I don't know.

I think what I can tell you is that no matter what your baby's mama does (within reason of coarse) I think that keeping the child out of the disputes is the most important thing. I think that I have never been able to get as close to my own father because of the way he treated this situation while I was growing up, and I know that you do not want that.

12/4/2007 9:18:48 AM

my parents are divorced, but it never got dirty and they never went to court. i lived with my mom, and my dad just agreed to pay a certain amount for both my sister and me...

it's a good idea to not ever bring up the child suppor thing to your kid when she gets older, or make any snide remarks about it....

12/4/2007 2:07:27 PM

I still feel that a lot of people or missing the point that child support is only needed is a parent is not willing to fulfill his or her financial obligation, within reason, to the child. Why else was the law designed?

[Edited on December 4, 2007 at 4:46 PM. Reason : asdf]

12/4/2007 4:41:50 PM