Barack Obama once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!

2/15/2008 12:53:30 PM

I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.

2/15/2008 12:54:02 PM

IBTL

2/15/2008 12:54:50 PM

They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Obama talk in his sleep.

2/15/2008 12:57:38 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time Obama took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Obama takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Obamayelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'

2/15/2008 12:57:41 PM

Obama once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.

2/15/2008 12:58:03 PM

He gave a handjob to a manta ray

2/15/2008 12:59:57 PM

If you drop a phonograph needle on Obama's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.

2/15/2008 1:21:02 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time Obama and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Obama throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Obama decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, Dont shoot him, hes a human.

2/15/2008 1:34:52 PM

They use Obama's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium.

2/15/2008 1:37:44 PM

<insert name> <rest of chuck norris/ Bill Brasky joke from online generator>

You're not funny, dude.

2/15/2008 1:43:37 PM

these are dumb as shit

2/15/2008 1:54:33 PM

yankee stadium is full of faggot so im sure they'd love a foreskin tarp

2/15/2008 1:57:00 PM

IT'S A TARP

2/15/2008 2:02:35 PM

Barack Obama: A Tribute to Hope

http://youtube.com/watch?v=K6AYrYZCQig

2/15/2008 2:19:46 PM