Customer: "Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

Pet-shop owner: "No, no he's not dead, he's -- he's resting! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian blue, isn't it, aye? Beautiful plumage!"

-- From "Monty Python's Flying Circus"

11:45 a.m., Melrose Hotel, Foggy Bottom: It's Day 7 of the Clinton Campaign Death Watch -- a full week since the official arbiter of the Democratic primary, Tim Russert, declared the campaign over and Barack Obama the nominee. Hillary Clinton's advisers continue to insist that the candidate's prospects are very much alive, but the press isn't buying it. Exhibit A: There are two press buses waiting at the hotel here for Clinton's trip to her victory rally in West Virginia, but the entire press contingent doesn't quite fill one. It isn't until the entourage arrives at Dulles Airport that Clinton aides learn that the second bus is still idling, empty, at the hotel.

If there is importance in the results of the primary in West Virginia, the press corps isn't letting on. During the security sweep at Dulles, some play Hacky Sack with a cigarette carton. Awaiting the candidate on the tarmac, two guys from CNN toss a football. Aboard the plane, one member of the press corps entertains his colleagues by flopping down the aisle on his belly, like a fish.

But Clinton, wearing a salmon-colored jacket and dark sunglasses, is all smiles as she boards the jet. She hugs and kisses her campaign chairman, Terry McAuliffe. Still grinning, she helps herself to a cracker with spread from the snack tray as the plane taxis to the runway. And why shouldn't she be happy? Within minutes, Clinton has crossed the Blue Ridge and is over the green hills of West Virginia, home of what she calls the "hardworking Americans, white Americans." This is Clinton Country.

Customer: "That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."

Pet-shop owner: "Well, he's, he's, ah, probably pining for the fiords."

2:57 p.m., Yeager Airport, Charleston, W.Va.: A steep descent brings Clinton's plane to Charleston's hilltop airport. After an appropriate wait, she steps from the plane and pretends to wave to a crowd of supporters; in fact, she is waving to 10 photographers underneath the airplane's wing. She pretends to spot an old friend in the crowd, points and gives another wave; in fact, she is waving at an aide she had been talking with on the plane minutes earlier.

On the way into town, she makes an unscheduled stop at an upscale farmers market, but about 30 Clinton supporters, several wearing AFSCME T-shirts and waving Clinton campaign signs, have somehow gotten wind of it. Clinton works the crowd, signing autographs and making small talk ("Is that your dog?"). She makes her way past rows of geraniums and marigolds.

But even among the blooms, Clinton is reminded of her troubles. She stops at Ellen's Homemade Ice Cream and orders a scoop of espresso Oreo and a scoop of butter pecan. "Ooh, that looks good," she says after taking the confection, then pauses. "Now, let's see. Who's got my money?" asks the woman who has lent her campaign $11 million to keep it afloat. She laughs. "Where -- where'd they go, the people with my money?" Finally, two aides arrive to retire Clinton's dessert debt.

Customer: (Takes parrot from cage, bangs its head on counter, lets it drop to floor.) "Now, that's what I call a dead parrot."

Pet-shop owner: "No, he's stunned! . . . You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian blues stun easily, Major."

7:30 p.m., South Hall, Charleston Convention Center: The moment the polls close, the networks declare Clinton the winner of the primary. This is no surprise: Exit polls show a 2 to 1 margin for Clinton.

There is no television playing on the red-carpeted floor of the convention center, where all of 89 Clinton supporters have arrived so far. After a 12-minute delay, somebody thinks to turn on the TV in the hall, and the small group breaks into a chant: "It's not over."

Or is it? A week ago, Clinton won the Indiana primary by two percentage points -- and the media decreed that she had lost. Now she's trouncing Obama by double digits in West Virginia -- and nobody seems to care. This, no doubt, has something to do with the fact that she is trailing Obama in the popular vote, states won, pledged delegates and, now, superdelegates. Even Clinton loyalist James Carville calls Obama the likely nominee.

But Clinton aides press on in their effort to demonstrate life in her candidacy. At the Charleston victory celebration, McAuliffe charges up to the lectern. "Hillary Clinton is in this to the end," he tells the crowd. "She's going to Denver as the nominee!"

Customer: "He's not pining! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! . . . His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!"

9:06 p.m., still in the South Hall: The announcer has just introduced "the next president of the United States." And with the TV now turned off, it almost seems possible. The confetti guns are loaded and ready. The streamers hang from the ceiling. And the crowd -- now up to 500, all but about 10 of them white -- is rapturous as Clinton rebukes the "pundits and the naysayers."

"There are some who wanted to cut this race short!" Clinton says from the faux-wood lectern. They boo.

"I am more determined than ever to carry on this campaign," she says. They cheer.

"There are many who wanted to declare a nominee before the ballots were counted or even cast," she says. They boo.

"This race isn't over yet," she says. They cheer.

The sound system emits a loud screech of feedback. The confetti cannons fire.

See? She wasn't dead; she was just pining for the fiords.



by Dana Milbank, The Washington Post
--http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/05/13/AR2008051302862.html

5/14/2008 2:33:36 PM

lol

5/14/2008 3:02:08 PM

on a related note,

5/14/2008 3:40:08 PM

that's kind of funny^

yet very distorting.

when you look at it vote by vote, it's a practical tie. and with the groups she is winning, those are the ones barack needs most to win the swing states

sorry dems

5/14/2008 3:42:36 PM

It is a practical tie, but it's clear who the (small) majority belongs to and it's also clear that she can't win the majority in any of the relevant categories to get the nomination (unless she pulls of some really wicked stuff with the undeclared superdelegates).

5/14/2008 3:44:31 PM

President McCain.

5/14/2008 3:47:40 PM

Quote :

"(unless she pulls of some really wicked stuff with the undeclared superdelegates)."

what's her last name again??

5/14/2008 3:48:00 PM

She has a chance to win, albeit I wouldn't gamble on her chances with any of my own money.

5/14/2008 3:51:12 PM

I bet

Quote :

"See? She wasn't dead; she was just pining for the fiords. "

is funnier in and of itself than if you read the wall of text preceding it.

5/14/2008 3:56:48 PM

I'd probably gamble that she won't drop out for at least another month...at least

5/14/2008 3:56:55 PM

i hope it ends up in a highly disputed tie with entire hillary wing of the democratic party breaking off and joining the republican party.

5/14/2008 4:00:52 PM

Quote :

"At least in West Virginia, Clinton chose her words more carefully than she did last week when she blurted out to USA Today that "Sen. Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again" and how whites who had not completed college were supporting her. Clinton sounded less like George Washington and more like George Wallace. Imagine a presidential primary where, after more than 16 months, almost two dozen debates, hundreds of speeches, millions of dollars, and countless chicken dinners, the rationale for electing someone boils down to this: Vote for me. I'm white. I can win because other whites will vote for me."

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/14/navarrette/index.html

5/14/2008 4:02:15 PM

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/14/clinton/index.html

is also a good one.


Also, Rat, with those people joining your good ol' boy party and mccain as president wouldn't that spell the end of your party as you know it?

5/14/2008 4:10:16 PM

^probably

[Edited on May 14, 2008 at 4:17 PM. Reason : .]

5/14/2008 4:17:39 PM

She's been the ex-candidate for the last month. And that's by the numbers.

This has been a spectacular failure of strategic leadership among the Democratic party, letting her bloody Obama up for all that time. If McCain weren't such a codger in comparison (and an ecomonic stooge), the GOP would probably beat him with all the campaign material Clinton's given them.

But Barack's got it. He just can't let Hillary be the VP.

5/15/2008 1:15:22 AM

its not the fault of leadership.

its the fault of having these stupid superdelegates in the primary system. they should have gotten rid of them completely in 1968 or at any point since then.

but as much as the rules suck, they cant reasonably go and change them in the middle of the game. The "leadership" can't just yank her out. Hillary, as much as I can't hardly stand her, is playing by the rules.

5/15/2008 12:07:06 PM

With the exception of the whole wanting to count states that they agreed beforehand not to count (for reasons regarding the way that the states held their elections, not because the Obama campaign hates people in Michigan). That's bush league and transparent to all but the very dumbest of the dumb.

She's pretty much lost, everybody knows it, but she's hanging on to hope that she can keep it close going into the convention and pull something off with the super delegates or force him to make some kind of ridiculous compromise like making her Secretary of State.

5/15/2008 12:12:33 PM

Quote :

"With the exception of the whole wanting to count states that they agreed beforehand not to count"

well, yeah... that

what fucking pisses me off the most about that issue, is that the DNC is actually seriously debating on if/how those delegates can be apportioned and seated.

so yes, theres a leadership problem there.

i mean, of course you dont want to disenfranchise entire states prior to an election, so i understand them being afraid that to carry out the punishment may backfire in the long run... but these threats the DNC made were real, and both MI and FL defied very clear instructions that were given well in advance.

here's the way to handle it:

Say, "okay, fine: you can seat your delegates at the convention. they will be assigned in equal proportions to the candidates. 50% to Obama, 50% to Clinton."

that way they get seated, but they have exactly ZERO influence on the final score.

the best part, is half of these people (especially the one ones in FL) won't even understand that fact. they'll be all like "Woo, We won! We got seated! Take that, national par-TAY!"







[Edited on May 15, 2008 at 9:42 PM. Reason : ]

5/15/2008 9:18:51 PM

Must suck to have the press declaring it "over," right? Man, I love that independent and un-biased press. Now you see how Ron Paul felt as the press kept saying he wasn't a real candidate...

5/15/2008 9:25:01 PM

well, theres a big difference between the *actual* primary, and the imaginary primary that Ron Moonbat, Joke for America, and his piddly little percentages and zero delegates was competing in.

but whatever. that's a fringe issue.

the real issue here, is that -- by the absolute numbers -- Hillary can NOT win the primary. Obama has beat her in every meaningful metric: # of states won, % popular vote, # of pledged delegates, and # of Superdelegates.

Hilary has no legitimate stand to continue ... except for a legalistic, literal adherence to the rules. Morally and ethically, all she's continuing to do is drag this out for no possible positive benefit, and very likely a negative effect.

everyone knows she can't be forced to drop out... legally she can take this all the way to August. But if she gave a damn about the future of the Democratic party and the future of our entire Republic, she'd step the fuck down.

It bears repeating: five (5) Supreme Court Justices will be between 70 and 88 years old on January 21, 2009.






[Edited on May 15, 2008 at 9:41 PM. Reason : ]

5/15/2008 9:35:39 PM

And you don't think that labeling him a "3rd tier candidate" before primaries even began had anything to do with his less-than-stellar results? naaaaaaaah.

5/15/2008 9:58:59 PM

"Closing Time"?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KdmLmIArqWM

5/16/2008 5:00:57 AM

She should have run a better campaign early on.

5/16/2008 3:12:54 PM

She should have been black. Landslide if that's the case

5/16/2008 4:23:27 PM

the funny thing will be when the same people who were saying that obama is disenfranchising MI/FL will call him a hypocrite if the DNC decides to count the delegates in some way after hillary has dropped out.

5/16/2008 4:29:47 PM

democrats always spit out the most retarded candidates. even the ones that win

5/16/2008 7:20:16 PM

Quote :

"If McCain weren't such...an ecomonic stooge)"

How so?

5/16/2008 9:07:49 PM

[insert quote on mccain saying he really doesnt know the economy that well]

5/16/2008 9:25:20 PM

You have to put that quote into context. Its disingenuous to take a one-liner from McCain humbly stating he does not know all there is to know about the economy and suggest he is nescient in all economic matters.

What credentials do Obama or Hillary have that suggests they know more about the economy than McCain? What other evidence is there to suggest McCain is less qualified than Obama or Clinton on economic policies?

5/16/2008 9:56:13 PM

that argument goes both ways


i could say "what credentials does mccain have that makes him so much better than obama/clinton"

5/16/2008 10:08:52 PM

But my question didn't go the other way. I did not assert McCain has more credentials, but only questioned the evidence suggesting he knows less than Obama or Hillary. My main point is that you cannot simply take a one-liner from CNN and turn it into something that suggests McCain's economic policies are ill-informed.

[Edited on May 16, 2008 at 11:30 PM. Reason : .]

5/16/2008 11:17:04 PM

Quote :

"nescient"

well, hell. that's worth the price of admission right there.

5/16/2008 11:33:45 PM

^ not sure I follow. please explain

5/17/2008 8:28:54 AM

cuz i just lernt a new werd.

5/17/2008 2:25:48 PM