So I've begun seeing this Vietnamese girl. She's really nice, fun, and innocent. I've gone out on a date with a Korean girl once, but she didn't exactly count b/c she was adopted by white people when she was a baby. She was more culturally white than Asian. I've hooked up with girls that weren't white, but I've never been in a relationship with any. Just looking for some advice about how to go about this from those that have had experience dating girls that were Asian. If they were Vietnamese that'd be even better.

5/28/2008 1:21:31 PM

I'm not sure if this is your purpose, but you come across as sounding really ignorant and shallow.
I also realize this is the lounge and not chit chat so I won't say anything further.

What exactly are you asking? Like cultural explanations or what?

5/28/2008 1:27:59 PM

Don't take her to a Vietnamese restaurant every time you go out. I'm sure she's tired of that shit.

5/28/2008 1:29:17 PM

What was the Korean girl's name?

5/28/2008 1:31:01 PM

I hear they don't put out.

5/28/2008 1:35:31 PM

Ignorant and shallow? I have a ton of Asian friends and I know a ton about the Vietnamese culture b/c one of my best friends is Vietnamese and I've known him since we were in elementary school. I've just never dated any Asian girls, so I don't know how I should act around their parents when I meet them. I've never taken her to a Vietnamese restaurant, even though we both agree that we like Pho a lot. I'm not looking to bang this girl (although that would be nice). I'm actually looking to have a nice long relationship with her. In fact I think she might be a virgin or at least a girl that hasn't had much experience. She's the kind of girl that you could go out with for a couple of years, perhaps even marry.

The Korean girl's name was Patricia.

5/28/2008 1:41:01 PM

jeez...act like a normal person...if she or her parents don't like it, then you should probably move on

this isn't complicated - you're in america, and you're old enough to have developed your own personality...be yourself, don't be a douche, and you'll probably find out pretty quickly whether or not it'll work out

do people really have this much trouble dating these days?

5/28/2008 1:43:10 PM

oh...nvm then. one of my good friends is Korean adopted by white people at a very young age and is more white than asian. "Twinky"

5/28/2008 1:43:41 PM

i'd refrain from saying twinky

perhaps you should wiki "twink"

5/28/2008 1:47:50 PM

I don't think so...this is what she calls her self.

yellow on the outside, white on the inside.

[Edited on May 28, 2008 at 1:48 PM. Reason : .]

5/28/2008 1:48:39 PM

Quote :

"I know a ton about the Vietnamese culture b/c one of my best friends is Vietnamese"

Hey, I've got an idea of someone who might be able to give you a lot of information on this subject.....

5/28/2008 1:50:42 PM

quagmire02 well her, her friends and I were discussing Asian parents the other night when we were hanging out. well I wasn't discussing it too much, I was more just taking it all in. They were saying that a lot of Asian parents are strict about their daughters and who they date. I usually impress parents the first time I meet them. I think the parents of the last girl I dated liked me more than she did. I guess one of my main concerns is that even if I impress the parents they still won't completly accept me since I'm not Vietnamese. I guess in time I'll just have to win them over. Give them nothing that they can not like about me.

^ he actually wants to stop dating Asian girls and start dating white girls. I don't know if he'd be very unbiased on the subject. he talks pretty badly about this one girl's parents, and has said that a lot of Asian parents are strict.

[Edited on May 28, 2008 at 2:00 PM. Reason : ]

5/28/2008 1:57:04 PM

the strictness of an asian girl's parents is inversely proportional to the amount of time they have lived in the us

5/28/2008 2:13:33 PM

Dude if there is something about her parents or culture that is important, she'll make sure that you know about it.

5/28/2008 2:14:21 PM

This is a silly thread.

Be a mature adult and things will take care of themselves.

It's that simple.

5/28/2008 2:17:58 PM

Avoid tentacle rape?

5/28/2008 2:45:55 PM

Quote :

"Avoid tentacle rape?"

i think thats only if they're japanese girls, who also have sideways vaginas.

5/28/2008 2:55:12 PM

volunteer/clean up at her family nail salon

5/28/2008 2:57:09 PM

have dinner at her house. when her mom asks you how the food is, proclaim that all the dish needs is some soy sauce. then take the soy sauce and douse all the food with it. this will surely get you in good with the parents.

5/28/2008 3:07:03 PM

^ Joy Luck Club right? I watched it one time with some girls.

I posted this in The Lounge rather than Chit Chat b/c I thought I'd get some serious responses here. While my friend who's Vietnamese can give me some advice about Asian girls he doesn't have the perspective of being a non-Asian guy dating an Asian girl. Most people admit that dating someone outside their race for the first time can be an intimidating experience, but a good one overall.

5/28/2008 3:15:19 PM

I dated an asian guy for over two years. He was born in Vietnam and moved here when he was about 4 with his parents and sister. It was different dating him, mainly because his household culture was so different than what I was used to. Like the time his mom made dinner and served me a giant portion and when I didn't eat it all apprently I offended her. But I did eat some awesome food like pha and homemade egg rolls. All in all though, Vietnamese people are still people....they're not too different

5/28/2008 3:21:25 PM

hehe yea joy luck club. but seriously, just be respectful of her parents and you should be fine.

5/28/2008 3:24:05 PM

Thanks to both of you for your input. Whenever I go to Vietnamese restaurants they give me a ton of food and I can never finish it. I'm terrible with chop sticks. A girl I went to high school runs her family's restaurant. She always brings me a spoon and fork rather than chop sticks when I go see her there.

[Edited on May 28, 2008 at 3:26 PM. Reason : ]

5/28/2008 3:26:07 PM

/blog

5/28/2008 3:29:53 PM

i've been dating Fumbler for 6 years (7 in october). his parents are cambodian ethnic chinese but he was born in durham. everything involving his parents was very tough in the beginning. they didn't approve of him dating a white girl at first, but they like me now and we get along fine. his mom would try to find chinese girls for him to date for a long time. she didn't really even know that we were dating for the first couple of years b/c we were so afraid of her reaction. his immediate family still doesn't refer to me as his "girlfriend" although that's just their thing. i don't think his mom really believes in girlfriends/boyfriends...it's more like you have a friend and then you get married. i dunno. his parents had an arranged marriage.

be yourself, do more listening than talking, try to eat whatever it is they feed you (thankfully chris doesn't like seafood either so i was off the hook there), be respectful. i don't recommend any outward displays of affection around the parents at first.

i wouldn't call the entire experience of dating outside my race intimidating, but his mom definitely was for a long time. my mom was a little nervous of what the rest of the family might think at first (there are a lot of racists morons in my family, esp my dad's side), but none of them cared one way or the other.

this all feels like it happened a long time ago, which i guess it kinda did...but i feel more comfortable around his family than my own most of the time now. i love that he has a million cousins and they all get along and like each other (i have 4 first cousins, on my dad's side only, and they've all been disowned by their parents for varying reasons at some point...just losers in general). i definitely know and hang out with more of his extended family than my own.

5/28/2008 3:35:30 PM

My wife is from the Philippines but she has lived here for 10 years. She is more like a white girl than an asian for sure. Her mom and dad were pretty easy to get along with but it was uncomfortable at first.

Before we got married I had to promise to her crying mother that I wouldn't beat her daughter, haha. They should be fine as long as you show some initiative in life.

The one big plus for me-as I am stark white-is that I have a son who will always have a Permatan . My dad has always dug Asian girls and thinks she is hot, haha

5/28/2008 3:47:54 PM

oh! chris's mom used to tell him not to drink or to watch his drinks when he came to visit me and my family because i might drug him and rape him.

she stopped telling him that, but now tells his little brother that (he's 18).

5/28/2008 3:52:48 PM

Get on the good side of the family to begin with. Asians are all about family. Befriend her brothers/sisters. Especially get to know her brothers if she has any. Asians are a patriarchal culture and the males usually hold all the decision making powers and respect. Some can be pretty protective of their sisters. So, just treat her and her family with respect. Once you get that done, you're in.

Get on the ugly side of the family and you can pretty much kiss the relationship good-bye.

Also, when you're around the parents, make sure you're not displaying too much PSA (public signs of affection). Most older/fobby asian parents don't like that.

[Edited on May 28, 2008 at 4:46 PM. Reason : advice from an asian guy who's parents are from Vietnam ]

5/28/2008 4:41:55 PM

Quote :

"this isn't complicated - you're in america, and you're old enough to have developed your own personality...be yourself, don't be a douche, and you'll probably find out pretty quickly whether or not it'll work out do people really have this much trouble dating these days?"

5/28/2008 6:33:04 PM

Quote :

"i'd refrain from saying twinky perhaps you should wiki "twink""

My cousins (Korean adopted by whitey) both use the twinkie phrase. I've also learned an "Oreo" is a black person raised by white people -- "black on the outside, white on the inside".

I always just referred to that as a "Case of the Bryant Gumbel"s

5/28/2008 7:14:00 PM

take your shoes off when you go to their house. if you walk in their house with shoes on i can guarantee you they will not like it.

5/28/2008 7:22:55 PM

if you guys have kids, you are almost guaranteed not to get any gingers

so you got that going for you

5/28/2008 9:26:26 PM

Well, maybe a good start is to get off the "Asian" generalization. There isn't one monolithic culture that stretches over the whole continent(s).

I live in San Jose which has the largest Vietnamese population in the US ... so I am friends with several such couples. From what I've seen:

* Many Vietnamese are Catholic. Is she? Are you? This is a very important consideration.
* The idea that "family is important" is really understated. For a lot of Vietnamese, it goes beyond culture and the reasons why the family is here to begin with. A lot of Vietnamese living in the states are here because of the war, and they were refugees. A big hurdle to accepting an American spouse is that family is one of the big ways they continue to be a "normal" Vietnamese family. This is really important as many of the parents are first-generation immigrants. This might be an important consideration for you and it certainly can indicate what you're in for.
* Learn something about Vietnamese culture. Eating Pho counts, but only a little (you realize that's breakfast food, right?). That's the bare minimum. Try to learn enough of the language to understand some of the social graces. And to pronounce your girlfriend's name correctly, in the right intonation.

From what I've seen Vietnamese in particular tend to be among the most family- and culture-centric of the various Asian subgroups living here. It's really because of point two -- a lot of Vietnamese here are very new to the West and they didn't come over on great terms. In SJ in particular, lately, we had a massive political problem in our city council because they wouldn't name a section of the city Little Saigon. A guy nearly killed himself in a hunger strike.

Good luck.

[Edited on May 29, 2008 at 1:27 AM. Reason : foo]

5/29/2008 1:26:34 AM

Quote :

"I know a ton about the Vietnamese culture b/c one of my best friends is Vietnamese""

so what's the point of this thread again?

5/29/2008 8:00:03 AM

Quote :

"Well, maybe a good start is to get off the "Asian" generalization. There isn't one monolithic culture that stretches over the whole continent(s)."

No, I'm pretty sure it is like that... just like with the hispanics.

5/29/2008 8:05:51 AM

Don't take gifts to her parents (implies martial intent). My friend has a funny story about taking a bottle of wine to his girlfriend's parents the first time they met. They were able to ditch it before the parents saw and everyone finds the story funny now.

5/29/2008 9:37:01 AM

Quote :

"Well, maybe a good start is to get off the "Asian" generalization. There isn't one monolithic culture that stretches over the whole continent(s)."

Not exactly, but there are certain cultural aspects that are all but universal throughout Asia, that generally aren't held in regard in America -- especially the importance of Family.

5/29/2008 9:50:10 AM

Asian girls just dont so it for me

you guys can have them

5/29/2008 1:03:37 PM

I'm asian and asian girls don't do it for me. I think my mom's a little offended by that, but in some way, it's probably her fault.

I don't know if it's just a filipino thing, or an asian thing (or even just a woman thing ) but them filipino women has some kind of temper. I don't want to deal with it, and it's why I've never been attracted with asian chicks.

But as far as any advice, take your shoes off when you go inside, be polite, eat EVERYTHING they give you (no matter how gross it looks or tastes) and try to get to know them better. Don't give them any type of reason to hate you, because they'll take it and run with it. They may act nice around you, but will still disapprove behind your back. It's really an adaption thing. If they're more americanized, they'll adapt faster and get over it.

The whole marriage thing will be radically different, but I aint getting into that.

5/29/2008 2:08:18 PM

IMO being picky about food isn't too important unless you're sitting there eating just a bowl of white rice, haha. Who cares if you don't want to try the boiled cow intestines; the kids in the house probably won't care for it, either. I do recommend trying some of the foods you don't recognize, just for your own sake. I've never heard of being looked down upon because you didn't finish all your food or try everything at the table.

This is more from a Hmong perspective. hmong people are even more family-oriented and old school than the vietnamese. but they should be similar.

5/29/2008 7:22:30 PM

Speak in Full Metal Jacket quotes the entire time.

Train her to say "Me so horny, baby."

5/29/2008 7:45:48 PM

A number of asian girls I've gone out with have mentioned dating creepy non-asians who have sometype of 'asian fetish' thing going on. Don't be that guy.

5/29/2008 11:06:43 PM

^^^ I know for Japanese you might as well stab them in the chest if you don't at least attempt to eat everything put in front of you. Sometimes it pisses me off because I'm not that hungry dammit

5/29/2008 11:41:38 PM

Unrelated but the Asian chick who works in Global Village is pretty hot

5/30/2008 8:05:22 AM

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls/

5/30/2008 9:29:29 AM

This thread is fucking retarded.

5/31/2008 9:43:32 AM