You ever think about them? Keep in touch? Wander if things could/should have taken a different turn?
Regret? Wish you can bring them back? Compare with current partner?

[Edited on July 22, 2008 at 3:17 AM. Reason : down]

7/22/2008 3:16:08 AM

oh god yeah I think about my old crushes and old loves.

with the crushes you can kinda be like "well maybe it would still be going" type of thinking

but with the ex's, you know them, so you know at some point it would end.

7/22/2008 3:57:50 AM

a couple i lost touch with, the rest i'm still on good terms with.

definitely would not bring 'em back, although i don't regret those relationships at all.

there were definitely a few more casual relationships that could have been a lot more, but circumstances got in the way. That's why i don't believe in the concept of "the one." There are tons of females that could have been "the one", but when you've found someone great, you gotta hold on to her.

7/22/2008 8:25:07 AM

^true

7/22/2008 10:30:28 AM

i agree with bobby, there are multiple people i could spend the rest of my life with

why trip over someone it didnt work out with?

i'm a cut and run kind of girl. it ends and i peace out, no need to stay in touch. no one i've dated has made such an impact on me that i felt the need to keep in touch.

7/22/2008 1:05:46 PM

There's a girl I once knew in Junior High School who I occasionally wonder about. Part of me is happy not knowing what became of her. Knowing that she became a mother for the third time at 19 while battling a recurring meth addiction would just be depressing. I like to think she's up to good things and still hot. As long as I can hold on to that hope, I can also hold onto the hope that I can one day introduce her to my wife. I think we all know what kinky directions that should lead.

7/22/2008 1:12:46 PM

Oddly enough, the "one i let get away" just contacted me last week. It's the first time I had heard from her in like 5 years. She is 2 years older than me, and we met when she was in grad school at NCSU and I was still an undergrad. Needless to say I was just an immature little college kid so I fucked it up.

Anyway, she is interviewing for a job with UNC-CH this week. She's single and I'm single. She wants me to come out to Chapel Hill to hang out. Weird how things happen.

7/22/2008 2:28:30 PM

I got over the "crush" thing in college.

It only took me one "lost love" to learn to go after girls i was interested in.


Consequently, though, I've managed to dive headlong into some pretty disfunctional relationships. So I keep it moving, looking forward, not back.

7/22/2008 4:07:19 PM

I don't miss any relationship that wasn't good enough for me to stay in.

Or if the dude thought he could do better and dumped me.

7/22/2008 5:45:10 PM

i have kept in touch for the most part, although the more time passes, the less and less we keep in touch

7/22/2008 7:37:10 PM

I was really serious with a girl about 3 years ago. We'd been dating for 2 and I'd started to think about marriage. Anyway, she fucked me over really bad and we didn't really speak afterwards.

I called her last month and told her that I wanted to get together and make peace because being pissed off at her for 3 years had really burned me out. We got together and caught up.

It's one of the smarter things that I've ever done.

7/22/2008 8:47:14 PM

Quote :

"There are tons of females that could have been "the one", but when you've found someone great, you gotta hold on to her."

so true.

7/23/2008 8:25:00 AM

There were a few girls in my early college years who I think I could have had a chance with if I hadn't been so oblivious to their interest.

There was one that got away, mostly because I fucked it up from the very start by not asking her to hang out after our first dinner together after work. But I did learn a hell of a lot from chasing her for months, like never get involved with a girl in her early 20s. When I went on the first date with the woman that became my wife, I had learned not to be too eager, too quiet, too nice, or too interested, and to just be myself. And to get some booze in both of us. The girl I chased was kind of dimwitted, unexpressive, and shallow (she watched MTV way too much), which made me appreciate my wife more, who has way more going on upstairs, and communicates her thoughts and feelings much more openly.

I still think about that girl now and then, even have dreams involving her, which is only natural when someone drove me crazy for months. I mostly harbor a mix of resentment and gratitude for the experience that taught me some harsh lessons.

7/23/2008 10:27:30 AM

there is only one



and it still hurts




and i still hold grudges

7/23/2008 11:53:55 AM

I don't really think about my exes anymore, except the most recent, because I'm still healing from that one. I hear stories about people who dated when they were younger and then reunite 10, 20 years later, and I wonder if that would ever happen to me. There's no one I would want it to happen with, but it's an interesting thought that two people who change over time could cross paths again and make it work the second time.

7/23/2008 1:36:41 PM

my grandpa did that. dated a girl in his teens, went to war, came back got married to a different girl, had 3 kids, wife died in her 50s, few months later ran into the girl he dated way back and soon she was moved in with him

[Edited on July 23, 2008 at 2:31 PM. Reason : .]

7/23/2008 2:31:36 PM

Living in a smaller town makes it hard not to know what they are up to. Only got a couple. One girls father is on the school board where I work. The other girls mom is the HR director at my job, and her dad is the principal at the school my office is in! I hear about them but don't really talk to the girls.

One I saw working at the pharmacy the other day. She was within 5' of me and never said a word or even looked at me. I was going to at least be nice and say hey, but whatever. Just thought it was kinda shitty of her.

7/23/2008 2:33:12 PM

Just one really, although he's married now

I miss certain aspects of it but he's a completely different person now so I try not to think of the "what ifs" since they aren't applicable anymore. We've spoken a few times and it was nice that it didn't feel akward or uncomfortable. Mostly just a "hi, how are you, what are you up to these days?" kind of thing. I like to let the people that I have had a relationship with (friend or otherwise) know that I don't harbor hard feelings and that I'll always be available if they are ever in need.

Life is too short to just not speak to someone or cut them out of your life. I've never understood that about other people. It takes too much energy and wasted time to be angry.

7/23/2008 4:40:10 PM

You always remember them in the best light, luckily Facebook heps you find out what they're really up to. I've thought about and found old crushes and find them to be nothing like I remember. Things work out how they do and I wouldn't have it any other way.

7/24/2008 12:13:18 AM

Quote :

"You ever think about them? Keep in touch? Wander if things could/should have taken a different turn? Regret? Wish you can bring them back? Compare with current partner?"

My answer is yes to all of those questions. Sometimes it sucks, but the older/wiser I get and the more women I date takes away regret and shows me that there are plenty of girls for me.

7/27/2008 2:24:23 PM

Quote :

" Life is too short to just not speak to someone or cut them out of your life. I've never understood that about other people. It takes too much energy and wasted time to be angry."

Don't associate it with anger. The world's big enough to go elsewhere, and thats what I choose to do. No hard feelings, I just want nothing to do with them.

I find that trying to keep some semblance of "friendship" takes much more energy than folding the cards and walking away.

7/27/2008 7:04:48 PM

^ exactly

i dont spend any energy hating the people no longer in my life, i simply stop putting any energy into any sort of relationship good or bad with them and focus on the people who make a difference in my life

7/28/2008 12:25:24 AM

I dont regret any relationship ive had, though im glad they ended for various reasons.

I have 2 exs that i still maintain a good friendship with to this day and still very much enjoy their company. We always got along exceptionally well as friends, but didnt have the core commonalities to maintain a deeper relationship.

I also have a couple other exs that i have no desire to ever see again.


I suppose it depends on the person and the nature of the friendship/relationship. Not something i could say one way or the other with a blanket statement.

7/28/2008 12:37:15 AM

Quote :

"We always got along exceptionally well as friends, but didnt have the core commonalities to maintain a deeper relationship. "

We need a computer to figure this out for us. To save time. Someone reprogram eharmony.

7/28/2008 10:52:05 AM

Quote :

"Well, theoretically, yes. But the computer matches would be so perfect as to eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest. Mw-hurgn-whey."

7/28/2008 5:04:04 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlYszkgGQdY

7/31/2008 1:04:53 AM

Quote :

"You ever think about them? Keep in touch? Wander if things could/should have taken a different turn? Regret? Wish you can bring them back? Compare with current partner?"

All the damn time



[Edited on July 31, 2008 at 3:29 PM. Reason : ]

7/31/2008 3:24:04 PM

Quote :

"Life is too short to just not speak to someone or cut them out of your life. I've never understood that about other people. It takes too much energy and wasted time to be angry."

I've got an ex with that 5 minutes into any conversation it devolves into whose fault it was, how she's still so hurt and everything in her life is not roses. Then it ends up turning into WW3. I'm finally detached enough I don't get negative about it anymore but there is no excuse for that kind of emotion that long into a break up.

7/31/2008 3:29:35 PM

^ I've got an ex like that. If it gets to a subject and starts to go down hill I just tell her that we aren't talking about it.

7/31/2008 6:08:30 PM

I don't keep up with any exes anymore. Every once in while facebook is there to check to make sure they're happy and stuff ( I only care about one person I dated) the rest that are on Facebook are set to not show up in my news feed because I just don't care. It would be nice to know that they are as happy as I am, but other than that it doesn't matter much.

8/1/2008 6:52:25 AM

Quote :

"You ever think about them? Keep in touch? Wander if things could/should have taken a different turn? Regret? Wish you can bring them back? Compare with current partner?"

It's hard not to think about them in terms of memories. I think about all good and bad memories.

Not really

Not really

Don't really regret anything. Don't really compare

8/1/2008 5:03:38 PM

i think about a couple of them sometimes, like mainly when something like this thread prompts me to. i don't care enough to sit around wishing any of them would come back, but at the same time i hope they're all happy and getting what they want out of life. i don't hold any grudges, and my only regrets involve me being really really mean. as for changing things, there's nothing i could have changed at the time for any of them.

i do have weird dreams about 2 of them though, if that counts for anything. not like sex dreams. weird dreams. some would call them nightmares

8/2/2008 7:48:44 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpYTw60mJ1E

8/3/2008 4:12:02 AM

Sometimes it's better not to know what would happen if you dated an old crush. Last year I dated someone that I had met in 9th grade and had a crush on. I had always wondered what had happened, but when we dated the old spark fizzled pretty fast. I think I had built it up so much in my head that it just didn't compare to the "fantasy."

8/3/2008 3:21:00 PM

there is only 1 exbf I think about from time to time, hope he is doing well etc. I thought we had so much potential and he was the most interesting guy I had met up to that point in my life. But the circumstances weren't right. Never saw him again and stopped hearing from him once I started a new relationship.

All others... really don't give them a second thought. One has randomly IMed several times over the past 8 years, to try to mess with my head.

but I'm getting married in a month! No time for such things!!

8/3/2008 7:47:58 PM

Quote :

"there is only 1 exbf I think about from time to time, hope he is doing well etc. I thought we had so much potential and he was the most interesting guy I had met up to that point in my life. But the circumstances weren't right. Never saw him again and stopped hearing from him once I started a new relationship."

i can relate to that. i dated a really great guy for most of my college career. definitely the sweetest and nicest guy and the parents loved him. i think we found each other too soon because it ended up not working out but he showed me what a good boyfriend was like in a lot of ways. we aren't in touch at all now and although sometimes i think about him and it makes me sad, i realize that my memories of him are all the good things and if we ever talked or met up again it might ruin the image i have in my head of him.

8/3/2008 8:13:16 PM

i still talk to most of them....and i think it's because i was friends with them first....

we grew apart....gave it time...grew up...and were able to retain a friendship....but that's mostly because i have no physical interest in them in any way....so it doesn't create the awkwardness...

i can turn off the feelings pretty quickly if i choose to but i can never truly stop caring about someone that was so important to me for so long or that i was so close to...


the last one died a little over a year ago and i thought i would never be able to get close to anybody again after that because it just hurt so bad....even though it had been 4 years since we dated...so this one still affects me every day of my life...

i didn't think i would ever get that close to another man emotionally...i didn't want another good guy-friend...i didn't want to care about another one on any level (i'm not just talking about "that" way)....i just wanted to shut that part of me down and just do what i had to do to get what i needed to get on occasion...and it worked for quite a while...

but i've failed miserably at this lately and have let myself develop a good friendship (it is for me, at least) with a guy and i remember how nice it really is to care about somebody...and, once again...i'm not talking about in "that" way...but it's a stark contrast to not giving a shit about anybody but myself and my closest bartender for a while...


as for the actually questions in this OP...

i think about the ones that mattered everyday...and still keep in touch with them occasionally...

they worked out exactly as they were supposed to by not working out...

i don't regret them because they've helped make me the person i am today...

i wouldn't date any of them again...

and i will NEVER compare a current partner with a past one...they are all different...

as for the rest of them....who gives a shit

[Edited on August 3, 2008 at 8:29 PM. Reason : fdsgf]

8/3/2008 8:23:31 PM

Quote :

"and i will NEVER compare a current partner with a past one...they are all different..."

this is SO key.

i do not hold new guys accountable for the idiotic or mean things past guys did to me, its simply not fair for anyone.

and i am so glad i have the ability to do this

8/3/2008 9:35:26 PM

^ you might be the only woman on the planet that can do that.

I can't tell you how many times I've been burned because some asshole in a girl's past treated her wrong and she developed crazy insane idiosyncrasies as a result.

8/3/2008 9:41:23 PM

but it's really no different than men deciding all women are whores and must pay for the one chick that really messed him up

8/3/2008 9:45:53 PM

Jesus Christo.... boy do I ever...

I've botched soooo many relationships over soooo much time...

First, actually it wasn't my fault the first time, but the subsequent times it was: Head over heals in love with a beautiful girl... one weekend she goes home and hooks up with the Ex BF... This is around thanksgiving time freshmen year... so I told her "figure out what you want and we'll go from there" well after Christmas she totally sided with me, but I was a freshmen and was more about picking up random chicks and having a good time then actually dating a girl. I can't say I regret that particular mentality, however I do highly regret hurting this girl. We actually dated 3 times over the next 3 years and each time it just came down to we were different people. She was the sweetest girl ever (also 6'+ and beautiful)

Next major, major regret came 2 years later... I was recently 21 and seeing 2 girls at the same time. One girl was well accomplished and very cool. The other girl just remained mysterious the whole time we interacted. So both of them knew about the other and finally the accomplished one called me out. B/c the other one was yet a mystery I was still more fond of her... So I chose the mysterious one only to find out shortly later that she wasn't so much mysterious as simply boring...

I've had several relationships since these 2 but they are the ones that directly stand out. I've also had some pretty congenial breakups that I'm still really good friends with to date... They are just cool chicks who it didn't work out with for one reason or another...

Present situation is a phenomenal conundrum complicated by a tremendous amount of unknown variables

8/3/2008 10:40:12 PM

Quote :

"and finally the accomplished one called me out."

<3 who is she? sounds like someone i'd like to be friends with

Quote :

"Present situation is a phenomenal conundrum complicated by a tremendous amount of unknown variables"

unless someone is hold the phone, off the chain fucking awesome, its not worth the trouble in my book

the thing about men is they're making them everyday

8/3/2008 11:28:31 PM

I try not to go backwards anymore.. Never worked out for me in the past.

there are soo many girls/women out there, why worry about the ones who didnt make it.

8/4/2008 12:51:52 AM

backwards is never good. but i am feeling now that maybe if i reconnect with my ex (seperated over a year) we may have grown up in different ways.

emotional confusion at its best.

8/4/2008 9:06:56 AM

Quote :

"I try not to go backwards anymore.. "

I try not to either, but it is hard...

8/5/2008 2:18:44 AM

Quote :

"You always remember them in the best light, luckily Facebook heps you find out what they're really up to. I've thought about and found old crushes and find them to be nothing like I remember. Things work out how they do and I wouldn't have it any other way."

I couldn't agree more. As bad as this sounds, sometimes Facebook/MySpace makes me feel like I was the one that got away. I got rejected much more than any rejecting that I did.

I'm with the love of my life now so things do work out.

8/10/2008 1:01:14 PM

Think about them? Absolutely. I think (and hope) that's only human to care about the people in your life.

Keep in tough? I'm still friends with the majority of the girls I've dated. The two I don't speak with anymore are mostly because they married the guy after me and we lost touch.

Wonder if things could have taken a different turn? Yep. I've let two amazing women slip away because I wasn't ready to settle down. Really ate at me for a long time, but they are both very happily married, and it makes me quite happy to know they turned out just fine

There are a couple of other girls I would still consider dating again, but I know the circumstances won't ever happen.

Bring them back? Nope, everything happens for a reason.
Compare with current partner? Totally agree with LivinProof and NCSUWolfy here. The beauty of people is we are all different.

8/13/2008 3:40:22 AM

Think about them?

Hells yes. Not especially often, though.

Keep in touch?

Sure. Two of my best female friends are exes. But, I can't keep in touch with OMF SERIOUS exes. That's hard and weird.

8/14/2008 1:59:37 PM

I'm still waiting for begonias to come running back.....sigh.

8/16/2008 3:38:12 AM

all the time, i dont know if ill ever stop questioning what might have been

its been 2 yrs and ive since moved on but damn

8/16/2008 1:08:58 PM