I'm here to answer all of your precious questions my little springtime bunnies.

12/6/2008 12:54:42 PM

who?

12/6/2008 12:55:18 PM

Oh my god! Where did you get that jacket?

12/6/2008 12:55:20 PM

I got my jacket where I get all of my jackets my little lambchop.

The discount rack at TJ Maxx.

[Edited on December 6, 2008 at 12:56 PM. Reason : ]

12/6/2008 12:56:01 PM

everyone's favorite lesbian

12/6/2008 12:56:51 PM

carrie brownstein and schmitty are my favorite lesbians

12/6/2008 12:57:26 PM

People first

Then money

Then things

Then jackets

12/6/2008 12:57:46 PM

Close my eager little busy beaver, but it's actually

People First

Then Money

Then Bleached Teeth

Then Jackets

Then Things.

12/6/2008 12:59:36 PM

can i afford it?

12/6/2008 1:01:19 PM

What is it you think you've worked hard enough to buy, and what do you have in savings?

You've got to give me some flour if you want me to bake cookies my tepid little sunbeam.

12/6/2008 1:02:26 PM

well i want to buy a new mercedes s550 amg, but i have $40,000 in credit card debt and i am on my third mortgage...oh and my annual income is $25,000

savings is $0.00

can i afford it?

[Edited on December 6, 2008 at 1:07 PM. Reason : 

12/6/2008 1:06:15 PM

So let me guess here my spicy little crabcake. You've been going around living like a king on credit? And now you've finally found that you can't borrow another dime. It sounds like you're trying to dig yourself a hole all of the way to China.

Someone needs to take a long hard look in the mirror my fizzy-lifting drink and get honest about their financial situation.

And if while you're there you happen to notice that your teeth aren't a bedazzling and blinding white, you need to get that taken care of.

You have been DENIED.

[Edited on December 6, 2008 at 1:29 PM. Reason : ]

12/6/2008 1:28:12 PM

screw you, you muff diving, militant, comfortable shoe wearing dyke

12/6/2008 1:29:55 PM

If you could summarize what you have found to be the key to a successful, happy life in one sentence, what would it be?

12/6/2008 1:33:46 PM

That's an excellent question my fragrant little loaf of pumpernickel.

I'd have to say money, bleached teeth, and jackets first until you can afford to put people first.

12/6/2008 1:37:35 PM

lol this is one of the best threads in a hwhile

I'm Big Business and i approved this message.

12/6/2008 1:37:49 PM

You betcha it is buttercup, but we need more questions or I won't be able to afford to keep buying these fabulous jackets.

[Edited on December 6, 2008 at 3:40 PM. Reason : ]

12/6/2008 3:39:54 PM

I have about 1k in the bank, I'm 10k in debt via student loans and unemployed.

The Wendy's new Gourmet Mushroom Swissburger: can I afford it?

Or should I just eat ramen for lunch?

12/6/2008 3:51:49 PM

Quote :

"can I afford it?"

if ya have to ask...

12/6/2008 3:54:14 PM

Well now my extra crunchy peanut buter and jelly mix, you've made this a simple one. You're $10,000 in the hole and standing on a delicate $1,000 Martha Stewart stepstool you found on clearance at K-mart. You're in a great place to eat dirt so you can get out of that hole even faster.

You, my tender little tiddlywink have been DENIED.

12/6/2008 3:55:29 PM

Suze, should I buy this german shepherd puppy I've been thinking about getting...im completely financially stable, but not sure If Im ready for a puppy

12/6/2008 4:00:22 PM

bitch you don't need no puppy. your ass is about to move

12/6/2008 4:08:40 PM

nigga you ain't Suze Orman

12/6/2008 4:09:16 PM

^^^ You might think you're financially stable my pungent can of sauerkraut, but lets take a closer look at your situation.

First, in your closet, how many jackets do you own?

Next, If you had to rate the whiteness of your teeth, would you say you're an eggshell, or light of the afterlife?

If you don't have a jacket for every federal holiday, and your dentist doesn't start looking for his dead relatives when he stares into your mouth, you've got other places you need spend first. Fortunately this will give you time to decide that the puppy is always going to be a losing investmet. I hope that clears everything up my cozy pair of pocket kings.

[Edited on December 6, 2008 at 4:18 PM. Reason : ]

12/6/2008 4:16:32 PM

Quote :

"The Wendy's new Gourmet Mushroom Swissburger: can I afford it?"

yes you can!! i cant stop eating the damn things. i've had 3 in the past 4 days.

12/6/2008 6:47:49 PM

who are you?

12/6/2008 6:49:54 PM

I'm a six time New York Times bestselling author, two time daytime emmy award winner, five time gracie award winner, and millionaire. I've also been named one of the most influential people in the world by Time in 2008.

All this and when I graduated from college I spent my first three months living in a van.

Now, my inquisitive little serving of spongecake, who are you?

[Edited on December 7, 2008 at 12:32 AM. Reason : ]

12/7/2008 12:27:46 AM

What's going on in your world my capricious little cluster of cloverleaf?

12/7/2008 8:35:02 PM

Back to the top my fervent little flapjacks.

12/8/2008 1:03:03 PM

never really saw what the deal with her was.

12/8/2008 1:06:39 PM

What is your favorite lesbian experience?

12/8/2008 1:08:19 PM

If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why?

12/8/2008 1:09:21 PM

^^ It'd be too hard to decide my subborn little salmon. There was one magical night in the early 70's in my van with an illegal though that I'll never forget.

^ That's an excellent question my rosy little turnip. I'd have to say Sigfreid and Roy hands down. They're the only people on the planet who might have a more fantastic jacket collection than my own.

12/8/2008 1:19:21 PM

Do lesbians like anal?

And if so why do they like anal, when unlike gay men they have vaginae and don't have a part that would enjoy being inserted in an ass?

12/8/2008 2:46:30 PM

12/8/2008 3:19:11 PM

how the fuck do you look like that at 57 years old.

do your boobs sag?

12/8/2008 3:21:46 PM

^ Here's the secret of keeping my youthful looks which I shared in the video above my cagey jar of cocoa butter. Instead of tanning, I sleep overnight in a bathtub with a dozen beef bullion cubes.

My cantankerous little cameltoe, It doesn't matter if your boobs are riding high or laying low when you know how to wear a jacket.

[Edited on December 8, 2008 at 3:47 PM. Reason : ]

12/8/2008 3:45:15 PM