When I joined the Army, my worst fear came to life when I was injured during a training exercise. I had lifted a man into what we call the "Fireman Carry." It's similar to how Forrest Gump had lifted an wounded Lt. Dan Taylor after a battle against the Viet Cong. Anyway, the guy was on my shoulders when he had felt his weapon was slung wrong and choked him. I told him to just hold the sling, I had only 50 meters left to carry him. He tried to take the weapon off wrong and hit my right hip with the butt stroke. Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain along with a loud pop. I threw off the Soldier on my back and grabbed on to the nearest tree. Before I knew it, I was being told by the doctor that I had a stress fracture in my right hip socket.

"Sorry Soldier, but it looks like bed rest for the next month for you, then physical rehab for about 6 weeks after that," the doctor said.

"What happens after that?" I asked.

"You go back to basic," he said as he turned and closed my medical folder.

I was worried. I only anticipated basic training to be 9 weeks. After 3 weeks, I was injured and stayed in limbo for another 10 weeks, only to restart training at the very beginning all over again.

As I arrived, I was greeted by other injured Soldiers who had daily activities such as cleaning the showers, toilets, floors, etc... It kept time going, it kept us busy.

I remember during those times about the amount of religious personnel who would come by and try to encourage us.

"All adversities pass, and so will this," they'd often say.

Twice a week they came, and every time they passed out bibles. I would always forget to bring one they gave me last week, and always felt guilty if I wanted to refuse.

Before I knew it, I had over 16 bibles in my locker. I tried to throw them away, but again, I felt guilty. The Drill Sergeants had stepped in and advised us all that we would soon have a locker inspection. I couldn't think of where to put the bibles, so I waited for everyone else to go to class while I had fireguard duty for the next four hours. By that time, I had acquired 8 more bibles to add to my 16.

I started grabbing all the bibles in my locker and began stuffing them inside people's pillows.

"Well, it's there problem now," I said with a feeling of accomplishment.

When I was relieved from duty and everyone came back from class, they started to clear their lockers and began preparing them for inspections.

Suddenly during inspections, Soldiers began to yell.

"Who the fuck stuck a bible in my pillow?!?" someone yelled.

"Someone left one in my boots, dude!" someone else screamed.

"Someone left this one in my PT uniform!"

People began accusing each other of being a fanatic Christian trying to shove their beliefs down their throats. Apparently, I had burst a bubble that had long been growing.

Before we knew it, there was a huge bible-fight where everyone started throwing it like dodgeballs at each other. Someone had jumped when he wasn't supposed to and slipped and re-injured himself.

The Drill Sergeants ran in. Everyone screamed "At Ease!" and assumed "Parade Rest." Someone had to explain why people were throwing bibles at each other, but instead everyone started shouting at the Drill Sergeant their version of what happened. To this day, I don't think the Drill Sergeant understood what happened exactly and why people were so heated about hidden bibles.

The re-injured guy wound up staying an extra week over a mere bruise.

I don't know why that happened they way it dude, but I feel that the butterfly effect was always pretty immediate when it came to me.

12/30/2008 8:33:24 PM

words

12/30/2008 8:34:19 PM

I just want you to know that i didn't read ANY of that. at all.

12/30/2008 8:34:40 PM

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare. But I thought now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air

12/30/2008 8:34:42 PM

OH I GET THE HEADLINE NOW

12/30/2008 8:37:10 PM

rgr tht

12/30/2008 8:40:06 PM

nice story.

10/10

12/30/2008 8:43:19 PM

funny = 10

true = 0

12/30/2008 8:45:09 PM

Military stories are always the best.

12/30/2008 8:57:53 PM

i knew a petty officer who could tell a story

12/30/2008 9:01:06 PM

i think there should be an official funny boot camp stories thread.

12/30/2008 9:02:30 PM

Quote :

"Leonard Wood sees jump in sex misconduct cases The Associated Press Posted : Sunday Nov 23, 2008 16:56:57 EST ST. LOUIS — Twelve years after a military sex scandal that led to changes in Army training, Fort Leonard Wood has seen stream of cases in which drill sergeants have been accused of sexual misconduct with women trainees. Since February 2007, at least 14 drill sergeants or other trainers have faced courts-martial for improper relationships with soldiers undergoing basic training, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported in its Sunday editions. One was not convicted, and two cases are pending. Of those who were convicted, most were sentenced to reductions in rank, loss of pay and bad-conduct discharges. In cases involving consensual sex, the trainees also received punishment, which can include loss of pay, confinement, reduction in rank and dismissal from the Army. The cases since February 2007 included a 16-year veteran accused of having sex with five of his soldiers, including once in a vehicle while another recruit drove, and a drill sergeant accused of helping three female recruits go AWOL and having sex with one. The Post-Dispatch also reported that several of the drill sergeants deactivated barracks alarms to gain access to the trainees and gave them alcohol. Many of the sexual misconduct cases involved consensual sex, but an Army spokesman noted that drill sergeants should never have any kind of personal relationship with a recruit. “It’s a command relationship that can’t be abused,” said Harvey Perritt, spokesman for the Army’s Training and Doctrine Command, which oversees training. “It can’t be.” Perritt acknowledged an increase in sexual misconduct cases, while also noting similar increases in suicides and drug and alcohol abuse, not just at training bases, but across the Army. “The Army is under a lot of stress,” Perritt said. “People are tired. ... We’ve been at war for seven years. That takes a toll on the force.” Fort Leonard Wood is one of two Army installations that offers gender-integrated basic training. Each year, about 30,000 soldiers, about a third of whom are women, undergo basic training at the Missouri post, which has 503 drill sergeants, 96 of whom are women. Capt. Mary Leavitt, chief of military justice for the office of the staff judge advocate at Fort Leonard Wood, said her office prosecuted at least 14 sexual misconduct cases involving drill sergeants and trainees that took place between November 2005 and July 2008. She said most cases were revealed after the trainee or a fellow recruit reported the behavior, not through a targeted investigation. “The drill sergeants are the senior people in the situation and they’ve been in the Army more than a day,” Leavitt said. “They understand the rules and what the consequences are. They’re held to a much higher standard because of their position of trust as a trainer and mentor.” Still, the post and the Army have been dealing with the issue for years. Investigators uncovered widespread misconduct at Fort Leonard Wood two years after gender-integrated training began there. The abuse cases came to light toward the end of 1996, about the same time a military-wide investigation turned up similar cases at other installations around the country. At Fort Leonard Wood, 17 drill instructors were either convicted, pleaded guilty or received discharges in lieu of courts-martial as a result of the investigations. In response to the military-wide scandal, the Army instituted changes, such as requiring more training on sexual harassment and more comprehensive background checks for drill sergeants, and increasing the number of female drill sergeants. Col. Maria R. Gervais, who recently researched sexual misconduct during basic training while a student at the Army War College, has found that incidents of drill sergeants involved in sexual misconduct continue to plague training installations and “have continued to increase at an alarming rate.” Since 2005, sexual misconduct allegations against drill sergeants increased each year. In 2007, 68 percent of all trainee abuse allegations involved drill sergeant sexual misconduct, far ahead of complaints about physical or verbal abuse. The Army is starting a new program in which unit leaders sit down with female recruits, away from drill sergeants, to teach them how to prevent and report such incidents. “People are imperfect, but we do try to maintain a perfect training environment,” Perritt said. “We’re not going to sit back and say that goal is unattainable.”"

12/30/2008 9:09:13 PM

That's not in the spirit of this story

12/30/2008 10:42:19 PM

DID

NOT

READ

12/30/2008 10:43:18 PM

Quote :

""Well, it's there problem now," I said with a feeling of accomplishment."

12/30/2008 11:02:47 PM

I don't get it.

But that makes sense because I didn't read it.

12/30/2008 11:33:37 PM

Quote :

"AFRICAN AMERICAN NIG "

12/31/2008 1:25:33 AM

One time at Basic....

Dude shit himself on the first day, drill sergeants yelling and shit, and all of sudden brown diarrhea just came out of his pant leg. It got all over the guy next to him's hand receipt for his TA-50. They called him "shitty Peters" for the rest of Basic. He is a ranger now.

12/31/2008 1:48:10 AM

well, it's there problem now

12/31/2008 4:41:31 PM

whoop. their it is.

12/31/2008 4:46:39 PM

tl;dr

you're problem

12/31/2008 4:47:35 PM

yeah typo

1/1/2009 4:26:10 PM

YO HOLMES

haha, that was pretty funny

[Edited on January 1, 2009 at 4:32 PM. Reason : lkj]

1/1/2009 4:29:34 PM

there was no end to the story really

1/1/2009 4:33:01 PM

Quote :

" HUGE BIBLE FIGHT "

1/1/2009 8:53:24 PM

no there was no end

1/5/2009 12:01:36 AM