Another chain mail, but its new to me, funny, and true.

Quote :

" A Darwinian explanation of the differences between Conservatives and Liberals. (Note that I didn't say Republican and Democrat.) In prehistoric times humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer taken in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish, oysters and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history since then were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These events were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing game animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the "Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement". Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen'. Many examples of these girliemen exist today. Kerry, Gore, Kennedy, both Clintons, Jimmie Carter come to mind. This group between them only has 6 nuts. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the invention of group therapy, group hugs, thievery and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but will not eat beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with their production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply giggling and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers."

1/3/2009 2:13:44 AM

thats literally some 1 out of 10 shit

1/3/2009 2:15:42 AM

Whether you like it or not, you can't argue with history.

1/3/2009 2:16:44 AM

fail

1/3/2009 2:17:14 AM

i disagree with most of this

1/3/2009 2:17:48 AM

Hitler was a conservative.

You can't argue with history.

1/3/2009 2:17:57 AM

I have no idea which history books you've been reading, but they seem to have dumped shit into your brain.

1/3/2009 2:18:30 AM

Haha, apparently I touched a nerve with some of you people

[Edited on January 3, 2009 at 2:19 AM. Reason : lolberals]

1/3/2009 2:18:34 AM

1/3/2009 2:20:20 AM

Quote :

"I touched a nerve"

how would you feel if you were a conservative that liked to sew

1/3/2009 2:22:51 AM

thats literally some 1 out of 10 shit

1/3/2009 2:30:03 AM

LOLLL

1/3/2009 2:30:49 AM

Quote :

"firemen, medical doctors"

i found your error

1/3/2009 2:34:55 AM

Generally speaking, there is an exception to every rule

1/3/2009 2:37:10 AM

I want that minute of my life back

1/3/2009 2:42:38 AM

bttt for you people

1/3/2009 12:45:07 PM

no, i didn't read it

1/3/2009 12:47:23 PM

This seems to be the stuff rednecks find funny.

1/3/2009 1:04:10 PM

Way too many words

1/3/2009 1:05:27 PM

wow

no wonder we leave creativity to the liberals

ps - liberals took the country to wwii, conservatives took the country to iraq

1/3/2009 1:12:41 PM

Wow, it all makes perfect sense now. I'm so glad I got to read that!

1/3/2009 1:13:56 PM

i also wish i had that minute of my life back

1/3/2009 1:21:00 PM

Meh, Liberals also took us to Vietnam

1/3/2009 1:24:22 PM

1/3/2009 1:27:58 PM

Conservatives created the Sierra Club, but now hate the environment.

1/3/2009 1:38:21 PM

Quote :

"Hitler was a conservative."

actual he was a national socialist.

1/3/2009 1:58:03 PM

Quote :

"no wonder we leave creativity to the liberals"

1/3/2009 2:24:36 PM

Quote :

"ps - liberals took the country to wwii, conservatives took the country to iraq"

untie your shoe
take off sock
stick foot in mouth

1/3/2009 3:16:13 PM

plz, i was trying to show how stupid generalizations like the OP are

1/3/2009 3:29:38 PM

just making sure

1/3/2009 3:36:36 PM

Conservatives don't believe in prehistoric times

[/thread]

1/3/2009 4:17:15 PM

WHIGS TOOK US TO THE FRANCO-AMERICAN WAR

1/3/2009 4:17:41 PM

did Communists invent the beer of prehistoric times?

1/3/2009 4:19:19 PM

I'm pretty sure the invention of beer came after the domestication of grain. that's only one of the many things wrong with this history lesson

1/3/2009 5:17:55 PM

Quote :

"OLIVER ON LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES WELL, WELL, WELL. THE POLITICAL SCENE HAS BEGUN TO HEAT UP. AND WHILE MOST OF US ARE FIRMLY INTRENCHED ON ONE SIDE OR THE OTHER, THERE ARE SOME OF YOU STILL UNDECIDED. IN FACT SOME OF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S A REPUBLICAN OR WHAT’S A DEMOCRAT, LEFT FROM RIGHT OR RIGHT FROM WRONG. WELL HERE’S A LITTLE MORALITY TALE TO HELP YOU FIND YOUR WAY. A YUPPIE WOMAN IN A HOT AIR BALLOON REALIZES SHE IS LOST. SHE SPOTS A FISHERMAN IN A BOAT BELOW AND LOWERS HER ALTITUDE. SHE SHOUTS TO HIM, “EXCUSE ME, CAN YOU HELP ME? I PROMISED A FRIEND I WOULD MEET HIM AN HOUR AGO, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE I AM.” THE MAN, ALWAYS PREPARED, CONSULTS HIS PORTABLE GPS AND REPLIES, “YOU’RE IN HOT AIR BALLOON APPROXIMATELY 30 FEET ABOVE A GROUND ELEVATION OF 2346 FEET ABOVE SEA LEVEL. YOU ARE 31 DEGREES, 14.97 MINUTES NORTH LATITUDE AND 100 DEGREES, 49.09 MINUTES WEST LONGITUDE.” THE IMPATIENT YUPPIE WOMAN ROLLS HER EYES AND SAYS, “YOU MUST BE A REPUBLICAN!” “I AM,” REPLIED THE MAN. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?” “WELL” SHE ANSWERS, HANDS FIRMLY ON HER HIPS, “EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME IS TECHNICALLY CORRECT, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO MAKE OF YOUR INFORMATION, AND I’M STILL LOST. FRANKLY, YOU’VE NOT BEEN MUCH HELP TO ME!” THE MAN JUST SMILES AND SHAKES HIS HEAD. “AND YOU MUST BE A DEMOCRAT,” HE REPLIES. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?”, ANSWERS THE WOMAN. “WELL,” SAYS THE MAN, “IT’S QUITE OBVIOUS! YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE YOU’RE GOING. YOU’VE RISEN TO WHERE YOU’RE AT DUE ONLY TO AN EXTREMELY LARGE AMOUNT OF HOT AIR. YOU MADE A PROMISE THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO KEEP, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM. YOU’RE IN EXACTLY THE SAME PREDICAMENT YOU WERE IN BEFORE WE EVER MET, BUT SOMEHOW, NOW, IT’S ALL MY FAULT!” IF YOU’RE LAUGHING, WELCOME TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. IF YOU’RE NOT LAUGHING, IT’S JUST ANOTHER SIGN THAT YOU’RE A DEMOCRAT! I’D SAY HAVE A NICE DAY, BUT WHY WASTE IT!"

1/3/2009 5:25:12 PM