http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/942873935.html

Quote :

"Fine, Don't Fucking Hire Me, You Can't Handle My Shit Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin job, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE FUCK?! Cover Letter? Here's my fucking cover letter! Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right! Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? FUCK IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a motherfuckin job! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then hire me and I'll fucking show you! OBJECTIVE I need a motherfuckin job. SHIT I HAVE DONE -I invented the moon. -Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine. -I am also a wolverine. -Had sex with the Spice Girls. -The blowjob machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it. -I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse. -Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/ -Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave. -I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works. -When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind. -My brother is the Eiffel Tower -Direct descendant of Beowulf -Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment -Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19 -Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people GreenHate Enterprises POSITION: Once Again, I was a fucking Front Desk/Administrative Assistant DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate. REFERENCES Glomgor Evil GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com Sloblor the Muck Monster GreenHate Enterprises sloblor@greenhate.com So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything. Sincerely, Steve Madonna stevemadonnayeah@gmail.com remember.....anything. "

[Edited on January 17, 2009 at 5:11 PM. Reason : .]

1/17/2009 5:06:41 PM

k

1/17/2009 5:11:00 PM

there's not a craigslist thread hanging around here on chit chat or anything

1/17/2009 5:14:23 PM

Quote :

"Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! "

WIN!!! GET THIS MOFO A JERB OR SOMETHING

1/17/2009 5:21:13 PM

^^ Yeah yeah but this one merits halp

He will shoot the goddamn lock off your door with his laser eyes!

1/19/2009 4:36:47 PM

i'm totally stealing his objective for my resume

1/19/2009 4:41:55 PM

8/10

1/19/2009 4:42:36 PM

how the fuck do you misspell Apocalypse?

1/19/2009 6:19:49 PM

Isn't Madonna a girl's name?

1/19/2009 6:21:14 PM

people on craigslist always try too hard for the lolz

1/19/2009 6:32:23 PM

Quote :

"I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex"

plz to explain this technique

1/19/2009 6:59:20 PM

Quote :

"there's not a craigslist thread hanging around here on chit chat or anything "

normally i'd agree but i generally don't read threads over 5 pages that i didn't catch at the beginning so i totally never read the CL thread. as such, i, for one, am glad this thread was posted. it's pretty lol

1/19/2009 7:08:51 PM

LAZER EYES

1/23/2009 1:58:24 PM

post

1/23/2009 2:00:21 PM

LOL

1/23/2009 2:07:34 PM

Quote :

"people on craigslist always try too hard for the lolz"

yeah... i'm not impressed.

1/23/2009 2:11:12 PM