I'll be adding to this thread continually and calling out specific examples as I see them, but for now, here are a few to get you started. I'll even include suggestions for methods of suicide appropriate to each.

Offending language: shite, a primarily British corruption of "shit"
Why it offends: Your ass ain't British.
How you should die: Park your auto on the railroad tracks, stuff yourself into the boot, and pray for Amtrak.

Offending language: ...and call it good, the content-free cap to a dumb suggestion
Why it offends: You use this, perhaps unconsciously, to pad your dumb idea and give it persuasive cadence.
How you should die: Jump in a lake, take a deep breath, and call it drowning.

Offending language: bougie, a slang term used by haters to describe anyone who aspires above his station
Why it offends: Your gross simplification of the concept of the bourgeoisie aside, there is nothing wrong with personal advancement.
How you should die: An extreme makeover courtesy of Madame Guillotine.

Offending language: seldomly, an over-correction of "seldom"
Why it offends: "Seldom" is a perfectly good adverb that does its job well enough without your dumb ass second-guessing it.
How you should die: Titration of bowling balls to a fatal concentration in your brain pan.

Offending language: I could care less, a malformed display of apathy
Why it offends: As if your affectation of not caring about the subject weren't offensive enough, your grammar clumsily contradicts the sentiment. You mean you couldn't care less.
How you should die: A dinner of Taco Bell's Volcano Box with Arm & Hammer for dessert.

Offending language: I'm sorry, but..., a thoughtless prelude to a thoughtless opinion
Why it offends: You're making a lame attempt to disarm your audience of their justifiable contempt for whatever the hell stupid thing you're going to say.
How you should die: Introduce an engine block on a pendulum to your fucking molars.

7/8/2009 10:42:22 AM

Shite

I'm sorry, but I seldomly say I could care less.

[Edited on July 8, 2009 at 10:44 AM. Reason : and call it good]

7/8/2009 10:44:02 AM

you know what is right up there with shite? calling a car an auto

7/8/2009 10:44:22 AM

Did Sonic fire you?

7/8/2009 10:44:29 AM

looks like someone didn't get the joke there

7/8/2009 10:44:40 AM

i seldomly say that shite either

7/8/2009 10:45:03 AM

It's not shite son, IT'S FUCKING SHYTE SON.

LEARN TO GOD DAMNED SPELL SON.

FUCKING SHYTE SON.

GAH!

7/8/2009 10:46:17 AM

Quote :

"You use this, perhaps unconsciously, to pad your dumb idea and give it persuasive cadence."

hahaha


i say "ya shite" sometimes when a defender strips the ball from me in a soccer game. mostly to pay tribute to english soccer gods, also to get a laugh.

7/8/2009 10:47:12 AM

I say I'm pissed when I'm drunk

I think thats ok

7/8/2009 10:49:42 AM

this thread tries to hard, and smacks of cracked.com

7/8/2009 10:49:54 AM

pretty sure the thread is operating within normal limits

[Edited on July 8, 2009 at 10:50 AM. Reason : i'm sure qntmfred can run a diagnostic]

7/8/2009 10:50:26 AM

Quality thread Frosh, will read again. Also, I think "per say" should be added to the list

7/8/2009 10:50:30 AM

I'm sorry, but I could care less about this shite. Call it good luck, but seldomly does a thread like this effectively make the bougies come out of the woodwork.

7/8/2009 10:53:15 AM

lame-o business speak:

synergy

touch base

wear many hats

shoot me an email

[Edited on July 8, 2009 at 10:55 AM. Reason : d]

7/8/2009 10:54:48 AM

Quote :

""per say""

7/8/2009 10:57:03 AM

During a morning meeting a couple weeks ago one of the maintenance guys said:

"i reckon' we can do them jobs when we come in to work thursdy."

in my mind:

why would we come into work thirsty and what job can only be done when i desire a beverage?

this story is pretty irrevelent but i needed to tell someone about it.

7/8/2009 11:00:22 AM

i couldnt give a shit

7/8/2009 11:01:08 AM

"as per"

i know it's grammatically correct, but it sounds too awkward and redundant to me. i much prefer to just say "per".

7/8/2009 11:01:17 AM

I worked with a guy who used "crunked" as the past-tense of "crank".

e.g. "I crunked the truck"

He had like a third-grade education, though, so I let it slide.

7/8/2009 11:03:09 AM

vb.net

7/8/2009 11:04:31 AM

I use "crunked" as a present tense version of "fucked" or "jacked"


IE:


"That shit is crunked up"

7/8/2009 11:04:48 AM

The Internets is a great place to complain.

With that said let me add:

"A whole nother"

7/8/2009 11:05:05 AM

Quote :

"Offending language: I could care less, a malformed display of apathy"

Yes, very ignorant.

But just as often I hear people use it correctly; to indicate a level of caring greater than what is expected of them.

7/8/2009 11:06:01 AM

Quote :

"vb.net "

7/8/2009 11:06:38 AM

I first read the title at "Luggage" and was about to defend my use of the kidney bean bag if it was in here

7/8/2009 11:14:24 AM

7/8/2009 11:16:07 AM

Quote :

""A whole nother""

yes, that is such a pet peeve!

7/8/2009 11:21:05 AM

Arabic?

7/8/2009 11:21:58 AM

Quote :

"calling a car an auto"

"auto" is a more general term, and therefore when used, it most often refers to all street vehicles, not just cars. In other words: a camry, a hummer, and an econoline are all autos, but only one is a car.

7/8/2009 12:41:49 PM

yeah but it also sounds more british than "car" or "truck"

7/8/2009 12:43:07 PM

Quote :

"Arabic? "

hahahaha

7/8/2009 12:44:48 PM

i like "whole nother level"

[Edited on July 8, 2009 at 12:46 PM. Reason : lol]

7/8/2009 12:45:34 PM

Quote :

"why would we come into work thirsty and what job can only be done when i desire a beverage?"

lol

7/8/2009 12:46:24 PM

Someone post the Oh Shiite picture

7/8/2009 12:47:48 PM

How about 'arse'?

7/8/2009 12:49:16 PM

7/8/2009 12:54:58 PM

using "done" before a past tense verb

"done did" is by far the worst combination
e.g. I done did it already.

7/8/2009 12:55:12 PM

but we're in the south you stupid bitch

7/8/2009 1:02:11 PM

yeah, maybe try and respect our horrible grammar cultural vernacular

7/8/2009 1:03:40 PM

We get it already. You were an english major.

I don't see engineers coming into chit-chat solving the Navier-Stokes equation or other complex mathematical alogorithms.

7/8/2009 1:11:46 PM

Oh, there's my place! Silly me.

7/8/2009 1:16:38 PM

That's because what Engineers do pays well and why do it for free on a messageboard?

7/8/2009 1:23:03 PM

not your best work frosh

7/8/2009 1:24:00 PM

they can't all be ADIDAS HAT FOR SALE

[Edited on July 8, 2009 at 1:29 PM. Reason : also my most popular thread to date has been "more funny juxtapositions" so]

7/8/2009 1:27:25 PM

your post shows an obvious prejudice against the underline tag

ಠ_ಠ

7/8/2009 1:29:26 PM

i don't think anyone uses the underline tag

7/8/2009 1:34:59 PM

NEVER UNDERLINE ON THE WEB

PEOPLE WILL THINK IT'S A HYPERLINK

7/8/2009 1:37:41 PM

adidas hat for sale was awesome

don't bring me into this

7/8/2009 1:39:21 PM

all i'm saying is that if all the work was my best, all my work would be average

i ain't play like that, my shit is tony starks half the time

unintelligible and better before i went solo

7/8/2009 1:40:36 PM

sir, if you're referring to ghostface, it's toney stark or pretty toney, or starky love or ironman or tony starks or just starks

7/8/2009 1:44:21 PM