We went to the 1998 National FBLA Convention in Orlando, Florida when I was in high school. I took first place in Computer Concepts at State--suck on that, I know some of y'all were there--so it was a free ride for me. My buddies were in Parliamentary Procedure, and we were prepared to rock shit.

So we're in Orlando, and there's no time to do the tourist shit. Our chaperones were the Computer Applications and Keyboarding teachers, two ladies we just charmed the shit out of on a daily basis, so we talked them into giving us basically free rein one night. But we're in Orlando, like I said, and there's no time for Disney, and we didn't have a car.

So Heather says, "My cousin lives in Winter Springs. He can drive us wherever we want." Fucking score, we knew that hippie Anglophile vegan would be good for something someday. Thanks, Heather. Fast-forward 20 minutes, dude rolls up in front of the hotel in a fucking June bug green Caprice.

We get in, and Heather introduces us to her cousin Toby. This guy is a fucking case, man. He had this spiked black hair with frosted tips, fucking Wayfarers propped up on his head. Navy blue cotton tank top, fucking cut-off denim shorts. Homeboy was nasty tanned, fucking tribal around his upper arm when it was just starting to not be cool anymore.

"What's up, guys?" Yankee, like a Boston accent or something. "What's the game plan?"

Fucking Adrian--I love him, but come on--pipes up with, "Man, where are the arcades?" And Toby gives us this shit-eating grin and says, "I know a place."

Most boring hour of my life follows as we're walking around this fucking tourist trap whose only saving grace was a Marvel vs. Capcom machine. Adrian says his Spider-Man is unbeatable; I stomp him with War Machine. Whatever. Toby borrows quarters off of Heather--not a good sign.

But I'm shooting the shit with him between matches, right, and I'm noticing that dude has a Black Flag tattoo on his hand. Oh, cool, right? He's all telling us how "White Minority" was his favorite song, changed his life. I'm having a hard time following. Toby's loud as shit, attracting attention to us.

So here comes Matthew, Heather's brother, like, "Hey, man, can you buy us some alcohol?" Okay, not a bad idea. Heather's cousin seems just like that kind of guy, so good call. This motherfucker is like 30-something and hanging out with us, did I forget to mention that?

"Fuckin' A, man, I can do better." Oh, boy. "I know a place, they won't card. I'll tell 'em Heather's my cuz, you guys are with me, it'll be cool."

So I mentioned he was loud as hell, right? We're on our way out, and this fuckin' security guard steps up. "Excuse me, sir," and he gets up in our business. He heard Toby promising to buy us drinks, and he's got to put the kibosh on it. Whatever, he's harshing our groove, but in retrospect, he was doing the right-ish thing. Whatever.

Anyway, this guy easily has four or five inches on Toby and probably a hundred pounds. He looks a little younger, a little fitter. But I can tell Toby doesn't wanna get shown out in front of the kids, right? He puffs up, "It's none of your fuckin' business," etc. We're moving for the door.

So I don't know who did what first, but next thing I know, the guy has Heather's cousin in this fucking arm lock, and he's squealing like fucking Babe or something. I notice--and this is absurd--that the bars on homeboy's Black Flag tat are fucking smearing. Dude took a Sharpie to himself for the easiest fucking tattoo in the world, and like...I don't know, we feel dumb because we thought he was cool, you know?

Adrian's out the door, and Heather's all like "LET HIM GO." I'm pretty sure she was gonna grab the guy or something, but she was a fucking wisp or whatever. And Matthew is all non-committal, kinda chickenshit. I'm thinking, "Fuck this," right, but this dude drove us. We're like 15 minutes from the hotel, it's 10:00 at night, and I don't from Orlando. Let's bear this thing out, right?

So the fucking guard has a gun, and Toby's struggling, and he hits the clip on the holster. The gun is fucking loose, and the guard is thinking Toby is going for it, right--shit gets REAL. Security dude shoves Heather, Toby loses his shit ("you motherfucker!"), and Adrian's half out the door grabbing me by my shirt tail like we've gotta GO.

We're out of the arcade and down to the sidewalk. Matthew's with us, but we don't know about Heather. We're waiting. She doesn't show, Toby doesn't show, the guard doesn't show. I'm hiding behind a fucking potted palm tree, right, and it's like fucking 90 degrees or whatever, and I'm in flip-flops. I'm not running.

Then we heard the sirens. Fucking Aladdin's Castle called the cops, right? And we're thinking, "Oh, shit. We're FBLA, they're gonna send us home," whatever. Matthew's got the most cash, and he's like, "Let's just get a taxi and go!" Adrian's all, "We'll say we went to the movies!" It's a fucking good plan. So I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said FRESH, and there were dice in the mirror....

8/11/2009 1:03:10 PM

obligatory "words"

8/11/2009 1:03:36 PM

When did Froshkiller turn into Apocalypse?

8/11/2009 1:05:02 PM

fuck that story.

8/11/2009 1:05:29 PM

So I'm not sure what the point of that was but I read the whole thing...

8/11/2009 1:08:41 PM

tl;dr

8/11/2009 1:10:23 PM

Just read it from the bottom...was the rest of it a real story?

8/11/2009 1:11:11 PM

FroshKiller is like the Mickey Rourke of TWW

King Shit, then he dissapears for a while, and is struggling to get back to the top

But I have faith that The Wrestler is just over the horizon

8/11/2009 1:11:15 PM

tl;dr

8/11/2009 1:11:33 PM

words

8/11/2009 1:11:43 PM

words

tl;dr

8/11/2009 1:18:53 PM

Nice execution.

8/11/2009 1:19:29 PM

This is 2007 clever.

Not 2009 clever

8/11/2009 1:20:19 PM

you son of a bitch, i was reading it because it was one of your stories

how dare you, this is like posting a video on youtube that has the scary face and the scream 20 seconds into it

8/11/2009 1:22:15 PM

Quote :

"FRESH"

8/11/2009 1:22:27 PM

king shit of turd island

anyway

ELEMENTS OF THIS STORY ARE TRUE

i did go to orlando in 1998 when i was 17 for the fbla national convention

i did win the computer concepts category at the state convention that year

(i will leave looking that up as an exercise for the reader)

i did go with friends heather, matthew, and adrian, among others, who were in parli

we did play marvel vs. capcom at an arcade

i did stomp adrian with war machine

there was no toby

i enjoy wasting your time

that's funny to me

8/11/2009 1:24:37 PM

10/10

8/11/2009 1:30:33 PM

Toby would be a good movie character

I'd like to see him played by Peter Saaaaarsgaaaaaard

8/11/2009 1:32:12 PM

Froshkiller = M. Night Shamalamadingdong?

8/11/2009 1:32:35 PM

Quote :

"This is 2007 clever. Not 2009 clever"

I disagree. After a meme has been sufficiently played out and forgotten about and some time has gone by, the funny returns when it is again used.

For instance, I would probably find it hilarious if everyone started using plimp again.

8/11/2009 1:37:41 PM

and I don't from Orlando

8/11/2009 1:41:15 PM

saw amount of words

skipped straight to "the license plate said FRESH, and there were dice in the mirror"

8/11/2009 1:47:27 PM

wtf is plimp?

8/11/2009 1:49:57 PM

sry i meant I DON'T KNOW FROM ORLANDO

plimp is kinda old school

right up there with samp and gant

8/11/2009 1:52:23 PM

tl;dr

8/11/2009 1:52:51 PM

Quote :

"i did go to orlando in 1998 when i was 17 for the fbla national convention"

i just realized that you said this...i was there, too (though i was...16?)!

our high school chapter got first in north carolina for website design (my friend and i were the designers)...we went there to compete and got 4th or 5th

our entire trip was paid for by the county

8/11/2009 1:53:42 PM

Sounds like an average boring upper-middle-class suburban white kid story.

8/11/2009 2:28:37 PM

...and other things that people who either didn't finish the story or didn't get it might say.

8/11/2009 2:33:25 PM

Sounds like an average boring upper-middle-class suburban white kid story overused cliche.

8/11/2009 2:43:27 PM

lo, i am skewered

your wry observation has surely wrung the moments you wasted reading my post back from the stream of time

8/11/2009 2:45:04 PM

ACH MEIN LAMEN!!11

8/11/2009 3:02:23 PM

Quote :

"We're like 15 minutes from the hotel, it's 10:00 at night, and I don't from Orlando."

8/11/2009 3:37:08 PM

I love when people very, very obviously have not read a thread before posting.

8/11/2009 3:38:09 PM

Quote :

"lo, i am skewered your wry observation has surely wrung the moments you wasted reading my post back from the stream of time"

8/11/2009 3:45:35 PM

-~/10 (yeah, negative infinity out of 100)

Fucking pitiful.

I hope you log in later and post that a noob hijacked your account.

This sets you back 3 years....when this kind of thread was cool.

8/11/2009 3:51:21 PM

Quote :

"If they hate, then let 'em hate, and watch the money pile up"

[Edited on August 11, 2009 at 4:06 PM. Reason : U MAD?]

8/11/2009 4:03:34 PM

I'm just saying when you are famous one day I can actually say I knew you.

8/11/2009 4:27:13 PM

Frosh, you should repost that story you made about the time you and your friends would go down to that abandoned country road and scare the shit out of yourselves.

8/11/2009 11:38:54 PM

TALES TOO TICKLISH TO TELL

2/4/2013 7:15:29 AM

Quote :

"who were in parli"

Parliamentary procedure oh snap.

2/4/2013 1:19:25 PM

Quote :

"samp and gant"

I still use those words

2/4/2013 1:35:20 PM

What's Adrian up to these days?

Also:

Quote :

"...we knew that hippie Anglophile vegan would be good for something someday."

lolz

2/4/2013 3:50:56 PM

All these frosh threads gettin' bumped are getting me all nostalgic

2/4/2013 3:51:30 PM