I was very close to my first cousin Brandon growing up. We saw each other often, and he was close to my age. He was like a little brother to me.

We'd sleep over at each other's house all the time. When I stayed at his mom's, my mom would usually come pick me up the next evening, so Brandon and I would spend all day together. That usually involved spending all day with his mom while she shopped.

This one time, when I was 10 and Brandon was 8, I stayed over the night before he was supposed to have his portrait done. He didn't want to get his picture taken, and he put up a hell of a fight about it with his mom. Of course, he was only 8, so it's not like the fight amounted to much. He fumed about it in the car all the way to Kmart.

He didn't relent when we got there, either. He whined (keep in mind he was only 8) and talked back to his mom and the photographer. It was an ugly scene. His mom was a tough lady, though, and she was seeing the thing through no matter what.

So anyway, the photographer gets Brandon up on his shooting stage, and he's trying to get him to smile. You know how they do, shaking toys and all that. Brandon wasn't having any of that.

Ten-year-old FroshKiller had the medicine, though. Here was a perfect opportunity, right, to show solidarity with his cousin and get on his aunt's good side. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I bet I can make him smile for the picture."

"How are you gonna do that?" she asked. It was obvious that she didn't think I could pull it off, but I was confident.

"I bet I can make him laugh."

She gestured for me to go up on the stage. Brandon looked at me like what are you doing, but I said psst and beckoned for him to lean in close.

The photographer watched expectantly. His mom looked on, doubt and irritation written on her face, but she didn't know what I knew. I had the magic bullet in the chamber, baby. I was going to crack my little cuz up with just one word. I licked my lips and pulled the trigger.

"Buttfucker."

6/7/2010 1:12:36 PM

cool story

6/7/2010 1:13:17 PM

yo holmes to bel air

6/7/2010 1:13:42 PM

That should be on This American Life, son.

6/7/2010 1:14:23 PM

so do i have to subscribe to your newsletter to get the rest of this lame story?

6/7/2010 1:16:28 PM

I want to hear Ira Glass say buttfucker.

6/7/2010 1:17:31 PM

I mean...is anyone really in suspense over the question of whether an eight-year-old boy laughed at the word "buttfucker"?

[Edited on June 7, 2010 at 1:19 PM. Reason : i mean come on guys]

6/7/2010 1:19:47 PM

So you're a fag that got buttfucked by your cousin? Eww you nasty.

6/7/2010 1:25:13 PM

Man, I had my pants down with anticipation while reading only to be let down.

6/7/2010 1:26:34 PM

I would like to see the portrait.

6/7/2010 1:28:38 PM

I think we can all agree that the average 8 year old would double over in stitches over that.

6/7/2010 1:29:26 PM

Quote :

"I mean...is anyone really in suspense over the question of whether an eight-year-old boy laughed at the word "buttfucker"? "

i thought this was erotica and part 2 was about you banging out your aunt.

6/7/2010 1:34:55 PM

I honestly look forward to these. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, perhaps.

ADD TO MY TOPICS

6/7/2010 1:40:57 PM

I want to meet people who knew the 10-year-old Froshkiller and have them recount things from their perspective.

6/7/2010 1:42:08 PM

It would then need to be edited by froshkiller to make it worthwhile though

6/7/2010 1:49:50 PM

i know that kmart. its a big lots now

6/7/2010 4:46:50 PM

You are correct, sir!

6/7/2010 4:49:24 PM

I seriously expected a story of how you both had recently figured out how to get your dicks hard, and you sucked each other off, resulting in busting your first nuts.

This story was tame and not nearly graphic or sick enough for TWW. Take this shit to The Lounge.

6/7/2010 4:49:34 PM

I could tell the story of how I taught your mom to spacedock instead.

6/7/2010 4:50:09 PM

^ok, but make a new thread.

6/7/2010 5:06:23 PM

so what would the music cut to in "this american life" after buttfucker

[Edited on June 7, 2010 at 6:37 PM. Reason : .]

6/7/2010 6:34:55 PM

Seduction- two to make it right

6/7/2010 6:40:13 PM

Quote :

"I was very close to my first cousin Brandon growing up. We saw each other often, and he was close to my age. He was like a little brother to me."

did you and your cousin touch weiners?

[Edited on June 7, 2010 at 6:50 PM. Reason : 1200]

6/7/2010 6:49:22 PM