A politician walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you a politician?"

The politician replies, "Why yes."
The bartender says, "We don't serve politicians here."

Before walking out the door, the politician turns around and says, "That's okay, we don't serve you either."


hur hur hur. /thread

6/17/2010 3:56:33 PM

bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods

bear turns to the rabbit and asks, " do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"

rabbit says, "No, why?"

the bear picks him up and wipes his ass with him

6/17/2010 3:59:04 PM

Two men walk into a bar.

The third one ducked.

6/17/2010 4:00:02 PM

Two marshmallows are being heated up in a microwave. One marshmallow says,"Gee, it sure is getting warm in here..." The other marshmallow replies," Holy fuck a talking marshmallow!"

6/17/2010 4:00:15 PM

the wolf web

hur hur hur. /thread

6/17/2010 4:12:37 PM

i actually like that politician joke

6/17/2010 4:13:59 PM

There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later.

So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,
'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'

'OK,' says the guy.

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
'You have one wish.'

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.

He tells the barman,
'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.'

The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'

6/17/2010 4:19:49 PM

that on the other hand...

6/17/2010 4:21:36 PM

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?


A private tutor.

7/21/2010 9:23:01 AM

7/21/2010 9:30:05 AM

How come Barbie never got knocked up by Ken?

He came in another box

7/21/2010 9:33:44 AM

Did you here about the fire at the circus?


It was IN TENTS!

7/21/2010 10:50:40 AM

Birthing coach: "All you mommies-to-be should know that walking while you’re pregnant is very beneficial. And you husbands, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partners."

One husband: "Is it OK if she carries a golf bag?"

submitted by CrazyJ on Monday, August 6 at 6:51 PM

7/21/2010 10:52:02 AM

Quote :

"Women's Rights"

7/21/2010 10:53:49 AM

how can you tell if there is an elephant in the refrigerator?


the door won't shut!

7/21/2010 11:39:46 AM

7/21/2010 11:41:52 AM

why do cows wear bells?

because their horns don't work!

HUR HUR HUR

i have bad jokes for days and days

7/21/2010 11:46:57 AM

A female cop is arresting a man on a DUI charge. While she is arresting him she is reading him is miranda rights. "Anything you say can and will be held against you"
Drunk guy says, "Boobs!"

7/21/2010 11:48:38 AM

How do you wake Lady GaGa up in the morning?

Poke her face.

---------------


two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff

7/21/2010 12:10:46 PM

more jokes please

7/21/2010 2:49:03 PM

Goldie, a recent widow was sitting on a Florida beach near Miami. She was attempting to strike up a conversation with an elderly gentleman, who was one blanket down, reading a book.

"Hello Sir," she interrupted, "how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded and turned back to reading his book.

"I love the beach, do you come here often?"

"First time since my wife passed away last year" he replied.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered returning to his book.

Goldie persisted..."Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped up off his blanket, unto hers, whipped off his and her bathing suits and gave her the ride of her life.

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie asked the man, "How did you know that is what I wanted?"

He replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

7/21/2010 2:53:44 PM

So a protractor walks into a bar




bartender says "excuse me you have to leave, we do not serve protractors at this bar"




The protracor says "but sir I really need a drink, can you level with me??"

7/21/2010 2:55:40 PM

So a politician walks into a bar


Bartender asks, "Are you a politician?"


The Politician nods


Bartender says "Excuse me you have to leave, I do not serve politicians"


The politician says "That's okay, I don't serve you either."

7/21/2010 3:08:21 PM

you do realize that you made this thread and that you opened the thread with this joke

7/21/2010 3:09:57 PM

But the thread also ended with /thread. Thus this just must be reapplied to the new thread creating a vortex of parallel threads.

7/21/2010 3:11:31 PM

^ Winner

7/21/2010 3:13:17 PM

Two ducks sitting in a bathtub.
One turns to the other and says "Hey pass the soap"
Second one says "No."
First on replies "Hey, don't turn this rape into a murder."

7/21/2010 3:14:33 PM

So, a chicken and an egg are laying in bed together. The chicken lights up a cigarette, looks at the egg and says, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question."

7/21/2010 3:16:05 PM

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: A fsh.

7/21/2010 3:17:18 PM

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no penis? Still no fucking eye deer.

7/21/2010 7:52:16 PM

So a man and his wife were having the conversation about whether or not they would date if either one of them passed away.

The wife asked the husband, "If I were to die, would you see other women?"
"I am a young man, so I probably would." he responded.

"Would you ever marry again?" she asked.
"I am a young man, so I probably would." he answered.

"If you were to marry, would you still live in our house?" she persisted.
"It is a nice house, so we probably would." he replied.

"If she played golf, would you let her use my golf clubs?" she asked, astonished.
"Nah, she's a lefty."

7/21/2010 8:30:52 PM

What's the difference between the dean dome and a porcupine?

There are 20,000 pricks on the outside of the porcupine.

7/21/2010 9:19:29 PM

obligatory whats the difference between a bmw and a porcupine

the pricks are on the outside of the porcupine hur durrr derp derp

7/21/2010 11:26:34 PM

How did Pinocchio catch himself on fire? He figured out how to masterbate.

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's dick.

Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the nursery? For sitting on Pinocchio's face and yelling, "Lie to me, motherfucker. Lie, lie, lie!!!!!!!!".

What do you call a bull masterbating? Beef Stroganoff
Cow having an abortion? Decaffinated
Cow with no legs? Ground beef

7/21/2010 11:42:15 PM

^you have advanced to first place

7/22/2010 12:44:14 AM

:insert why did the chicken cross the road joke with the dog going LOL gif here:

7/22/2010 12:53:40 AM

LOL!


LOL!


Tell it again Human!

7/22/2010 8:30:33 AM

MOAR

7/22/2010 8:45:19 AM

Quote :

"Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh..-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes… The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote... Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw the car had an Obama sticker... We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired... It's important at our age. "

7/22/2010 10:43:56 AM