http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ckby5/back_when_you_were_a_teenager_the_bad_old_days/

Forwarded to me by the--how'd you guess--computer system admin guys sitting behind me at my office.

The long post is the one you want to read. It will be readily apparent that you're reading the right one.

7/1/2010 11:30:59 AM

I'll save everyone the trouble:

Quote :

"A friend of mine who lived on the same street found his dads stack of penthouses and hustlers and was a latchkey kid. Whenever he said I couldn't come over that day I'd start crying until he relented. I tended to jerk off in his older sisters room who was away at college and he ended up having to drop some ice cream on her bedspread after I accidentally blew a load on it. My friend is also indirectly resposible for my current interest in hentai. I was 14 years old and my Friend got a cd with his PC games magazine that came with a Leisure Suit Larry demo on it. The demo was a Liars Dice game wherein the goal was to win rounds to get the Busty animated girl to remove articles of clothing. the interactive nature of the game made me feel levels of erotic energy I had never experienced before. When the woman begrudgingly removed her top to reveal heaving breasts nearly bursting out of her bra and stared ruefully at me and said "come on, it's your turn big boy"I felt like I was truly connecting to a woman. The women in playboy were abstract and distance but this was someone I had control over. I was utterly devastated when I finally won and she started to remove her top when the demo ended with an ad for the game. (you don't get to see her breasts in the full version either since she ends up spiking your drink, to this day I have considered putting out an ad on Craigslist offering a thousand bucks to a professional animator who can finish her bra removing animation. After the demo my friend shrugged "oh well", and suggested we pop in an Emannuelle movie he had taped off of Bleu Nuit, I agreed but from that day on I knew I had lost interest in real woman. The best day of my life was when I downloaded a copy of the Japanese erotic Dating Sim "three sisters story" wherein you play the hero at a High School who is sharing an apartment with three beautiful sisters. Early on in the game you get seduced by your beautiful teacher and use your wit and charm to seduce many beautiful girls around your school and town. The game features full on hardcore sex drawings and truly made me feel like I was accomplishing something by getting those women to have sex with me and felt like I was in genuine and loving relationships with. Your main goal is the oldest sister whose virginity you get to take, although she merely cries and says "I just want to make you happy" over and over again the first time, which to be honest was fine by me. You can have sex with her sisters also but if you neglect to use a condom they will get pregnant and the older sister will be very angry with you and you do not get married to her. At the end you need to rescue the sister by raping a female security guard at the facility where your evil older half brother is holding her. You finally get the password by sticking a modified cattle prod/taser up her anus upon which point she passes out. The awkard look on the sisters faces on the other room who listened in to your brutal interrogation is priceless. I must admit that moment awoke something dark inside of me and led to my fascination with more exotic form of anime rape. After you rescue the older sister and provided you wore a condom with the younger ones you make beautiful and tender love all night long and she becomes an insatiable nymphomaniac and you both orgasm countless times and then get married. If I ever do end up having sex I will use that magical night as a benchmark. I soon discovered more hentai games and eventually the joys of H anime such as Bible Black. My obsession with hentai does lead make me awkward around women, it became difficult to look them in the eye and I had trouble maintaining small talk without straying towards my more bizarre sexual fantasies which to me were normal, being immersed in that world. While I was still lonely I soon came up with the idea of truly believing I was married to the cartoon and anime women I was in love with, and with careful practice and the intense study of the art of lucid dreams I have achieved that goal and now experience relationships with women I feel are more intense erotic and uncompromising than most men dare dream. Every day is a new adventure and every night is an erotic land of a thousand tales. Plus being cartoons the sexual possibilities are endless. With real women enema play is a letdown because of all the safety precautions one must take to avoid rupture and possible death, with my wives there are zero restrictions. I am free to ejaculate literally GALLONS of aphrodisiac semen from my firehose like tentacle phalluses causing my wifes belly to expand to the point where she appears 34 months pregnant and you can see the outlines of my tentacles wriggling on her belly which is fit to burst as she screams from a singularity of transcendant pain and pleasure. The aphrodisiac qualities of my semen negate any pain she may feel and the only discomfort she feels is from the otherworldliness of her experience. When she realizes she is impossibly still alive and will not die she comes to take a masochistic delight in her predicament and laughs hysterically as gallon after gallon spurts out of her mouth as her eyes roll back in her head and her stomach wildly expands and contracts due to orgasms of a strength no human has ever experienced making her belly look like an overstuffed waterbed which is being drained and filled 7 times a second and when I have concluded my 40 minute orgasm and detract my tentacles and assume my true form the sheer force of the gallons of semen leaving her body causes her to shoot hundreds of feet in the air and I catch her in my magic carpet as she gasps for air with her anus gasping like a fish and sing her songs so beautiful that she cries tears of joy as we fly high above the clouds. I just don't see so called "real sex" providing the level of intimacy and otherworldliness I achieve in the castles in my so called "dreamworld." Even if I did meet a girl who truly did love me and wanted to help fullfill my fantasies I would end up getting a gallon of (sigh) water inside of her before she starts going "ouch!" that's too much! And spurts out half a gallon (admittedly watching her concentrate to hold in the remaining half gallon would be pretty cute/hot) and she ends up looking barely 4 months pregnant and she looks at me nervously and goes "is this what you wanted?" and I smile weakly and say "this is exactly what I wanted babe! Thank you so much!" And pretend to furiously masturbate even though I can't get over how far away this is from my fantasy and hating myself for being disappointed in her since she went so far out of her way to please me. Edit:http://www.xvideos.com/video409335/bible_black_03 NSFW!!! although the effect is created through water this is the "pregnant enema" look I'm looking for and have been repeatedly and angrily told is not possible on various medical and fetish messageboards. I've been repeatedly told to check out gorging sites for bloated bellies but that's completely missing the point and quite frankly is pretty gross. It's not huge bellies I like it's huge bellies caused by a very fast influx of liquid which is absolutely shocking to the recipient and is essentially a form of erotic torture. I love the effect in hentai where a demon suddenly ejaculates an inhuman amount and you see the closeup shot of the girls gasp as their eyes widen and pupils contract to points out of shock, a cute "sight gag" is when the girls gasp gives an opening to a tentacle. After a woman has a baby does her belly immediately deflate or does she stay like that for a few days? I'm thinking maybe I could safely give a massive enema to a woman who just had a baby since her belly would still be quite elastic, I'd be willing to pay a thousand bucks to do this, not exactly the thing you can take out an ad on craigslist for though... heck I'd be willing to get married and have children with a woman as long as she let me spend a week after each child using her as an "enema Disneyland.""

7/1/2010 11:35:13 AM

What do you have against hentai, hmm? (It was me)

7/1/2010 11:35:17 AM

synopsis

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

7/1/2010 11:36:15 AM

Quote :

"My obsession with hentai does lead make me awkward around women, it became difficult to look them in the eye and I had trouble maintaining small talk without straying towards my more bizarre sexual fantasies which to me were normal, being immersed in that world. While I was still lonely I soon came up with the idea of truly believing I was married to the cartoon and anime women I was in love with... With real women enema play is a letdown because of all the safety precautions one must take to avoid rupture and possible death, with my wives there are zero restrictions. I am free to ejaculate literally GALLONS of aphrodisiac semen from my firehose like tentacle phalluses causing my wifes belly to expand to the point where she appears 34 months pregnant and you can see the outlines of my tentacles wriggling on her belly which is fit to burst as she screams from a singularity of transcendant pain and pleasure."

7/1/2010 11:37:10 AM

lol

7/1/2010 11:39:45 AM

haha, i bust out laughing every single time i read this

7/1/2010 11:40:57 AM

I... I just.... I mean... WTF

7/1/2010 11:42:03 AM

tl;dr

7/1/2010 11:43:21 AM

Quote :

" I catch her in my magic carpet as she gasps for air with her anus gasping like a fish and sing her songs so beautiful that she cries tears of joy as we fly high above the clouds. I just don't see so called "real sex" providing the level of intimacy and otherworldliness I achieve in the castles in my so called "dreamworld.""

Quote :

"After a woman has a baby does her belly immediately deflate or does she stay like that for a few days? I'm thinking maybe I could safely give a massive enema to a woman who just had a baby since her belly would still be quite elastic, I'd be willing to pay a thousand bucks to do this, not exactly the thing you can take out an ad on craigslist for though..."

Shows how much he knows about craigslist.

I wish this was just a giant troll, but I could totally see some of my coworkers writing this

7/1/2010 11:45:09 AM

ahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahha

7/1/2010 12:04:09 PM

i just started laughing as well

7/1/2010 12:06:59 PM

Quote :

"At the end you need to rescue the sister by raping a female security guard at the facility where your evil older half brother is holding her. You finally get the password by sticking a modified cattle prod/taser up her anus upon which point she passes out. The awkard look on the sisters faces on the other room who listened in to your brutal interrogation is priceless. I must admit that moment awoke something dark inside of me and led to my fascination with more exotic form of anime rape."

Wat.

7/1/2010 12:16:09 PM

probably half of you people could have written this.

7/1/2010 12:20:18 PM

probably half of you people could have written this. done these acts.

7/1/2010 5:09:01 PM

This thread needs so much of this....





































and maybe some





[Edited on July 1, 2010 at 5:14 PM. Reason : needed moar]

7/1/2010 5:13:15 PM

ok, I gotta admit, I always thought people who were "in to" hentai were doing it as a joke, and I never actually thought anyone truly got off on that crap.

holy.

fucking.

shit.

7/1/2010 5:17:39 PM

Seriously, someone who actually gets off on shit like this:







Needs help.

7/2/2010 12:40:11 AM

i'm sure glad they pixillate out the naughty bits. it's a good thing that the Japs are such a modest society. quality people, those Japs.

7/2/2010 1:01:50 AM

7/2/2010 1:48:10 PM

bump, for those who haven't yet seen this gem

7/2/2010 5:18:52 PM

Quote :

"ENEMA DISNEY LAND"

[Edited on July 2, 2010 at 7:13 PM. Reason : ,.]

7/2/2010 7:12:52 PM