The older I get, the less likely I think it will be that I'll have kids. The main compelling reasons I have to have kids would be to have a relationship with them when I'm elderly and they're adult, and so that I will have something in common with people my age since it seems like the vast majority of them are looking to have kids. I don't want to be socially isolated, or have to have friends that just talk about their kids constantly.

But I don't think those reasons are all that compelling, and I don't think that I have a very motherly quality about me since every time I deal with kids they just feel like leeches who want and want and don't give much in return. I don't want to have a kid unless I feel like I can give it a good life. Also, there's a lot of depression/mental illness in my family that I don't want to subject upon a kid. I think if I did decide to have children, I'd be more inclined to adopt. But I think I'd be miserable to be chained to a whining kid constantly, and I'd really rather just have dogs to be honest.

Any thoughts?

7/8/2010 10:34:36 PM

Seems you would fall into this category: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

7/8/2010 11:11:03 PM

^good read

I just found this article for my Psych of Aging class and thought it was cool...kind of leaves me one less reason to be compelled to have kids:

http://medicine.jrank.org/pages/1294/Parent-Child-Relationship-Effects-childlessess-on-elderly.html

7/9/2010 12:00:41 AM

It's definitely not for everyone, and no one should have kids out of societal pressure.

7/9/2010 8:04:32 AM

I've heard it said before but can't vouch for its validity:

Whether you choose to have children or not, at some point you will regret your decision.

7/9/2010 8:16:30 AM

I just think I'll make a better uncle.

7/9/2010 9:04:31 AM

Quote :

"since every time I deal with kids they just feel like leeches who want and want and don't give much in return."

Depends on how you raise them.

But yes, at the beginning of life for several years, they definitely want need more than they give are capable of giving in return. That's how nature works. Of course, if you don't like that, then yes, you are not motherly. But even in those first few to several years when they take more than they give, they DO give you their company and the joy of raising a child. Again, if what they can give in return is not enough, being a mother is nor for you.

After a certain age, however, say 10, they can become very independent and mature if you raise them to be, otherwise they will turn out to be cruel, whiny, and dumb, the kind you see hanging around in malls and turning up in the papers for committing all sorts of crimes and just being overall nuisances.

7/9/2010 9:04:36 AM

Quote :

"Whether you choose to have children or not, at some point you will regret your decision."

Amen.

I love being a mother. It is what I was born to do. I plan on having a house full of children. But there are definitely times that I second guess my decision. And I'm sure that those who are childfree will have those moments as well.

7/9/2010 9:17:32 AM

My wife and I are not planning to have children, either, and have gotten used to parents being occasionally offended by our choice for some reason or another.

7/9/2010 2:24:20 PM

^ yeah, I've seen people get like that too, and I don't understand why people take offense to others' choice not to have kids.

Maybe the offended parents see it as some sort of indirect insult towards their own kid(s), but it's absolutely ridiculous. It's not like we as a species are in danger of dying out due to low birth rate, so I don't see why anyone would see a problem with people opting not to have children.

The only other (and perhaps slightly more logical than my first inclincation) reason parents might be unhappy to hear that another couple they are friends with plans to not have kids is that generally people who don't have kids don't want to hang out with people who do have kids, and parents with kids end up mostly socializing with other parents who have kids. So they might just be unhappy coming to terms with knowing that the relationship with the childless couple will likely drift apart.

7/9/2010 2:38:33 PM

I have met a couple of people who are a part of the child free movement and they are down right hateful about it. They openly dislike children and look down on those whole have them. They seem to think that they are elevated by their decision not to reproduce.

I think that people may be put off by your decision because they're worried that you're an extremist child hater.

7/9/2010 3:02:55 PM

Quote :

"Depends on how you raise them. But yes, at the beginning of life for several years, they definitely want need more than they give are capable of giving in return. That's how nature works. Of course, if you don't like that, then yes, you are not motherly. But even in those first few to several years when they take more than they give, they DO give you their company and the joy of raising a child. Again, if what they can give in return is not enough, being a mother is nor for you. After a certain age, however, say 10, they can become very independent and mature if you raise them to be, otherwise they will turn out to be cruel, whiny, and dumb, the kind you see hanging around in malls and turning up in the papers for committing all sorts of crimes and just being overall nuisances. "

Yes, I'd agree with you. See, I used to want kids, but I think my exposure to my sister's kids have made me not want them. She really pretty obviously doesn't want her kids...treats them like shit and constantly pawns them off on my mom and their other grandparents. They are about 11 and 12 and annoy the shit out of me...but since they're the only kids I really encounter, I don't know if all kids are like that. I know looking back, I couldn't have been as immature and annoying as they were when I was their age.

I have a feeling I might change my mind, but if I do, I will be someone who has kids in their late 30s. I don't know if I'd want to do it any older than that because then I'd be 60 by the time the kids were moving out.

7/9/2010 3:17:14 PM

I consider myself as someone who wants kids after I'm married and all settled down. But as finding "that special someone" keeps not happening and I keep getting older I start to wonder if I'll want to deal with having children when the time/opportunity finally rolls around.

7/9/2010 3:28:32 PM

^^^

I can't imagine folks like that are anything but a tiny minority.

7/9/2010 4:22:41 PM

Im about to hit 30 and am not close to married much less kids. Basically I figure my timeline is shrinking. I'm in the boat of if I do not have kids I'll be more than content. If I meet the right woman and we decide thats a step we want to take then so be it. That being said I'm of the mindset that I want to spend at least a good 3 years with my wife enjoying life before I think about kids because once you have em your life is gonna change big time. So that pretty much puts me at having to find and marry a great girl in the next 2 years because after I have passed 35 I think I will be officially taking the kids thing off the table.

7/9/2010 4:39:40 PM

I would like to one day, but only if I'm in a happy and healthy marriage. Who knows if that'll happen.

7/9/2010 7:09:55 PM

^^^ For real. I may not be planning to have a kid, but I'm for damn sure not part of any "movement" to that effect. I'm not trying to convert people, I'm not hoisting any picket signs, I'm not even complaining about "welfare queens" who view popping out kids as their job and a pathway to more income. It's just not my thing, but for some reason, parents usually think that acknowledging that fact is an open invitation for them to proselytize.

I have yet to come across a dog owner who chastised me for not having a puppy. (No, I'm not equating your child to a dog, but it seems a lot more common to be fanatical pet owners or be zealously pro-cat or pro-dog, and yet no one tries to force their opinion on me.)

7/9/2010 7:19:33 PM

Like I said, it has only been a couple. But sometimes running into just one person like that is enough to put some on the defense.

I have no problem with people who choose not to have children. I don't necessarily understand it, but I don't have a problem with it.

7/9/2010 8:31:01 PM

Quote :

"I just think I'll make a better uncle."

7/9/2010 9:14:04 PM

I've pretty much decided that kids will be out of the question after 35 as well. Its not that I don't (or in my case didn't) want kids, but at 33, the window is starting to close pretty quickly. If I were to meet a wife, I want to have some time to enjoy being married bringing kids into the picture. As it stands a wife is no where in the near future so it looks like no kids for me.

7/9/2010 9:24:47 PM

ah, so you're into married women?

7/9/2010 10:46:22 PM

The whole not being married thing is something to consider too

I really don't see myself getting married or even really being in a relationship so if I have kids I'd have to be a single mom...which means I'm gonna have to make enough money to afford a nanny, or let my kids grow up in daycare (No thanks).

7/9/2010 10:49:14 PM

lol, i guess i should rephrase that...

damn, there's all sorts of missing words and typos in that post. Its too late to edit, but i think I got the jist of it across. I swear I'm not drunk, ha ha ha

7/9/2010 10:50:35 PM

Yeah they def. take alot of work. I dont have kids, but I wanted a puppy to kind of see how Id handle that...and yes I know they are two totally diff. entities, but Im finding my patience level is not as great as I thought it would be.

Since parenting is a 24 hour job, im at the point now where Im 2 semesters from being done with grad school, wanting to travel the world some more, and I plan on doing that b4 the whole kids thing. If it happens great but if not I wont be too disappointed!

7/10/2010 12:05:34 AM

I'm selfish and I want to be able to spend my life enjoying the company of my chosen companion, without adding the complications of children in. College fund? Hell no, trip to Italy fund.

The fact that I have a genetic hearing impairment (and a carrier for a life-threatening related disorder) that I'm fine with living with, but wouldn't want to wish on any child also factors into things.

It doesn't have anything to do with not liking children, though. I loved teaching early childhood and elementary age children, and I think my baby niece is just the best thing in the world. I'd just rather interact with other children than to have my own.

7/10/2010 1:15:11 PM

Don't like kids, don't want kids. Frankly, probably don't want to get married. I'm 30 years old and for the last 10 years people have been telling me, "you'll change your mind down the road." Well, here I am still not wanting kids. Nothing wrong with it, I don't want the responsibility and all the joys of parenthood sound awful to me.

7/10/2010 1:23:16 PM

Listen.


I know you don't like kids, but you're not looking into YOUR future. Kids are essential for your retirement and financial security when you're 80 and your kids are 50.
You're not going to live forever.
Your body is not going to be able function as well as you can now. Yes you'll have to change a lot of shitty diapers now, but later in life, you'll need someone to change YOUR shitty diapers. You going to trust a stranger to do it???? You'll have to whether you like it or not. You think a stranger is going to care about you more than your own family? Nope.
That is why it's essential to not only have kids, but to maintain a peaceful relationship with them. Kids are tape recorders and know reality as only what they see, hear, and feel. Train them to be who you want them to be.

Also, you'll be missing out on a lot of once in a lifetime experiences.
You'll be missing smiles and "i love you, moms"; Graduations and Birthday parties.
You'll leave no legacy in the world, you'll be forgotten in one generation.
Your whole generation is going to die off as you get older and finally you'll understand that life doesn't last forever. The more of your friends die from natural causes, you'll realize that death is creeping up on your doorstep.

Where are your kids to make you feel better? Nonexistent.

7/10/2010 2:26:01 PM

I've never had a desire to have kids, or create a legacy in that way. And how expensive of an investment they are is also a factor. I'd rather be a cool uncle and enjoy a fraction share of the benefits, than have to deal with all the things about having kids that hold one back. Hell, I'm even hesitant to get a dog after being raised in a house full of animals, because I don't enjoy waking up to a steaming pile and as it held my family back from doing some traveling.

7/10/2010 4:03:30 PM

guys, this was shawna's subtle way of telling me she isnt gonna let me hit it. equally sad, but i thought you all should know.

7/10/2010 7:52:42 PM

it should be her way of saying you can hit it all the time and she won't be popping one out for you

7/10/2010 10:16:06 PM

i have super sperm tho buddy.

7/11/2010 1:37:24 AM

Hey guys, leaving a legacy is so important because the human race is totally going to survive the heat death of the universe

If you don't want to have kids, big whoop.

7/11/2010 2:00:16 AM

My wife and I are both only children and we don't live close to most of our family. We've moved 3 times in the last year and the company I worked for was 95% expatriates, so we haven't made any friends since college. And we spent 5 years in a long distance relationship before that. And we don't live in the city we grew up in.

It's a lonely fucking existence. I look at some other countries where huge extended families live under one roof and envy that.

I think we're going to have 4 kids. I can't imagine having less than 2. But that's just me. I'm just wondering if any of ya'll that dont' want children have large families or what?

7/11/2010 9:02:56 AM

some people just aren't big on the idea of family.

different strokes.


and why the hell was MoronSxBoY given old school access?

7/11/2010 12:41:09 PM

Pretty much decided this a while ago and I'm happy with this decision.

7/12/2010 12:50:09 PM

http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/07/having-children-brings-high-carbon-impact/

Quote :

"Having Children Brings High Carbon Impact Having children is the surest way to send your carbon footprint soaring, according to a new study from statisticians at Oregon State University. The study found that having a child has an impact that far outweighs that of other energy-saving behaviors. Take, for example, a hypothetical American woman who switches to a more fuel-efficient car, drives less, recycles, installs more efficient light bulbs, and replaces her refrigerator and windows with energy-saving models. If she had two children, the researchers found, her carbon legacy would eventually rise to nearly 40 times what she had saved by those actions. “Clearly, the potential savings from reduced reproduction are huge compared to the savings that can be achieved by changes in lifestyle,” the report states. The impact of children varies dramatically depending on geography: An American woman who has a baby will generate nearly seven times the carbon footprint of that of a Chinese woman who has a child, the study found."

Plz to think of the children carbon.

7/12/2010 1:48:42 PM

So alternatively, we should have a kid and give it up for adoption in China?

7/12/2010 2:33:35 PM

I'm on the fence here, 35 is my cutoff for that one, fortunately im 10 yrs away

7/12/2010 5:53:48 PM

I haven't really decided it, but I am starting to accept it. My GF can't have kids.

We have shot around the idea of adopting or possibly surrogacy, but we ain't getting any younger. She is turning 38 this month and I am turning 32 in August.

7/13/2010 11:14:29 AM

I've wondered about this as well. Generally I do not like children, though there are exceptions. I follow a logic that several people here have echoed, which is that if you raise kids right they won't exhibit most of the negative qualities attributed to them.

My thought for some years is that I would like to have them, for reasons listed in no particular order:

1) I have some positive qualities -- and presumably would marry a woman with similar qualities -- that surpass those of many people, which I would like to contribute to the future of the species. This sounds narcissistic but I'm not sure that's fair. Presumably all of us are in college or have degrees, which implies that we're a bit smarter than many people in the US and elsewhere. And of course we've all heard or seen or thought about the extent to which dumb people breed, because of their unwillingness to take precautions to prevent that outcome. Meanwhile, well-educated people have relatively few children. "Idiocracy," in other words.

2) There's something to be said for leaving something behind after you die. Very few of us will do anything worth remembering to strangers.

3) Continuing the family line, so to speak. Many of my relatives are better all around than I am, and presumably I have their genes. That said, I'm pretty much the only person left who can pass those on (for various reasons). So if I don't make babies, it's game over for my people.

4) Evolutionary imperative. Let's face reality here, this rears its head for every normal person. After billions of years of life you did not come about because your ancestors were ambivalent on the subject of reproduction, so it's reasonable that you'd have impulses in that department as well.

5) Properly-raised kids will help you when you're old.

6) Most people with kids, in my experience, are very happy with their decision. I think that even my dad, who was emphatically opposed to children and was nagged into fathering a couple, feels pretty good about his decision now.

7) It's your best chance to shape a human being into your view of what is right -- even if that means getting them to think, "Whatever you want to do or be is OK." You could easily waste your entire existence trying to convince strangers to think like you do with no success. You've got at least slightly better odds with your own kids.

8) You get a relationship that is unattainable through any other means.

7/14/2010 4:43:19 AM

Plus, you get to refer to them as

FRUIT OF MY LOINS.

7/14/2010 10:08:17 PM

For me, the only thing that prompts an interest in children is my unflappable belief that I would be one of the greatest parents of all time.

7/19/2010 3:34:35 AM

i used to have no desire at all for children. when i first started dating my husband for serious, i told him i didn't want kids. he's always wanted them. i was never really exposed to small kids, esp babies, growing up. i have few cousins and those that had younger kids lived elsewhere.

i changed my mind some time after. i've wanted kids for years now and my sister-in-law having a baby recently has only made it worse. i never thought i'd want to have a baby as much as i do now. chris is chomping at the bit also.

my aunt & uncle never had kids. it's my understanding that she's always had problems down there and it would be really tough for them to get pregnant. they're both VERY career oriented people so kids wouldn't really fit in their lifestyle. my brother and i got treated like we were their kids growing up, money for college and all. it was awesome.

i wouldn't judge you for not wanting kids. that's up to you, and personally, if you're not 100% you want them then please don't have them. there are a lot of really stupid, inconsiderate people out there and i'm looking forward to the opportunity to raise one that isn't.

7/19/2010 2:48:43 PM

I'll be 31 in a few months, and am no closer to getting married than I was at 21. Even if I started dating some broad tomorrow, I can't imagine getting married sooner than at LEAST a couple of years down the road, and then I wouldn't want to have kids immediately after getting married--that would be enough of an adjustment without throwing a pregnancy and a child into the mix...so yeah, I'm like some of the rest of you...the timetable for [further] reproduction is drawing short, and with so few women I'd really care to get seriously involved with, it probably isn't going to happen.

Plus, kids are kind of expensive, and on the 50%+ odds that you divorce, it makes things that much worse (you can mitigate a lot of the rest of it with a good pre-nup, but that can't fix the fucked-upedness for your child).

On top of all that, I would never want my daughter to feel marginalized by any children with any potential future wife. I'm pretty content to make the very best of a very bad situation, pouring all of my efforts into being a good dad for her.

...so no, I don't currently foresee having any more kids.

7/19/2010 3:58:46 PM

I've enjoyed being an uncle so far. Kids can be a mixed bag; some days they're cute and funny, other times they're a thorn in everybody's side. But overall I think having a kid would be an endeavor worth pursuing.

The only obstacle in my way is that my female repulsion system is set to maximum. I suppose I could adopt, but I'd strongly prefer for my progeny to share my genetic heritage. The way things are now, my nephews will be the closest I'll ever get to having kids.

7/21/2010 12:16:08 PM

You people need to get on the ball with having kids.
It seems in todays world, the well educated and "producers" of society are choosing to use contraception and have no (or only 1 or 2) kids. While the moochers, thugs, and criminals of the world do not and have about 37 kids at a pop. At this rate, the ratio of stupid people to educated people will soon be a bazillion to one

7/21/2010 12:50:41 PM

Quote :

"You people need to get on the ball with having kids. It seems in todays world, the well educated and "producers" of society are choosing to use contraception and have no (or only 1 or 2) kids. While the moochers, thugs, and criminals of the world do not and have about 37 kids at a pop. At this rate, the ratio of stupid people to educated people will soon be a bazillion to one"

See Idiocracy

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/

7/21/2010 1:23:12 PM

Quote :

"Having Children Brings High Carbon Impact Plz to think of the children carbon. "

Hahaha, thanks for the laugh. Seriously though, they should just straight out say there are too many people on this planet and we need to shrink the population. If we could only get rid of those pesky humans, then global warming wouldn't be an issue anymore.

I think I'd like a pair of kids if I could find a good wife to raise them with. I think there's nothing wrong with people deciding not to have them though, and a lot of the reasons given here are legitimate. Better to not have kids at all then to have kids that turn out screwed up.

7/21/2010 2:07:38 PM

It is true though this world could definitely use a lot less people, I'd say a billion less and things would be a lot better for all those who werent in that group haha

7/21/2010 4:39:04 PM

set 'em up

7/21/2010 7:43:59 PM