My wife and I are seeking to adopt a baby. We both are NCSU Graduates and still in the area. I am a Structal Engineer and my wife is a stay at home mom to our 5 year old son. We are hoping to grow our family through adoption. If you know anyone in a situation that might be thinking about adoption please conact me at structengineer@gmail.com. We are paper ready and do have an adoption agency we are working with. We would love to hear from you! Thank you so much!

11/4/2010 11:24:36 PM

are you looking for domestic adoptions only? which agency are you working with, if you don't mind me asking

11/4/2010 11:26:00 PM

Yes, we are looking at in the states right now. We are working with Adoption Answer in CA. They work in all of the states. Thanks for asking. If you need more information please keep asking.

11/4/2010 11:33:05 PM

My niece was adopted through the NC Children's Home, which is a foster care program. My sister and her husband were very fortunate to get such a wonderful, healthy, child, and she was only a day old.




she is super cute and super smart, definitely at the head of her preschool class, and way ahead of the curve in language skills.

11/4/2010 11:35:29 PM

That is so wonderful! How cute! It really is amazing!!!! Thank you for sharing. I love adoption!

11/4/2010 11:39:50 PM

Just wanting to refresh the topic every now and then. Thank you! I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

11/29/2010 9:59:28 PM

this is awesome. thumbs up to you, sir!

11/29/2010 10:19:35 PM

You should probably learn how to spell structural, just sayin'.

11/29/2010 11:05:56 PM

bttt for you! good luck!

4/13/2011 4:38:53 PM

Wish more people would adopt.

4/13/2011 4:43:17 PM

^

Mad respect!

4/13/2011 4:59:19 PM

i am so glad to see this.


cody and i have talked about it and are 99.9999999%, hell i go ahead and say 100, that we will adopt in the future.

however that is a few years away.

i am curious how long did it take you to get paperwork and all that jazz ready?
i hear its like a year to 1.5 years?


please oh please tell me how this goes.

so awesome

4/13/2011 5:04:25 PM

I hope I can be able to adopt one day. I want to be in a financial situation where I can provide the things I would like to provide. like a college education etc.

4/13/2011 5:19:50 PM

word up! i'm adopted. so's my brother

Children's Home Society of NC represent.

if i have kids, i'm adopting fo sheezy. because...well i could elaborate and go off on a huge rant, but i wont

4/13/2011 6:07:47 PM

Quote :

"I hope I can be able to adopt one day. I want to be in a financial situation where I can provide the things I would like to provide. like a college education etc."

Education is free. You have all the information you need in the library.

Money making information won't be learned until they get a job in the field.

Save 2/3 the cost of college by taking a comprehensive exam to pass a class.

4/13/2011 6:15:18 PM

All I am saying is I'd want to provide any child, physically mine or not every opportunity that I had growing up.

4/13/2011 6:20:27 PM

Joie- It really didn't take long to do the home study. It took a while to get the background and finger prints back. I think it took about 4 months to get everything together we needed and for the home study lady to do all of her stuff. The long part is finding a match. Most places have a system where you start at the bottom and work your way up to the top. If you can find a birth mom yourself, that is quicker, sometimes. It will depends on what you are looking for- gender, race, ect.

4/13/2011 9:18:04 PM

You looking to adopt a baby of a different race then yourself?

4/13/2011 9:51:02 PM

qntmfred and I have looked into this before. We def believe in adopting kids and if we could possibly do it in the future we'd adopt domestically.

4/13/2011 9:56:52 PM

Quote :

"i am so glad to see this. cody and i have talked about it and are 99.9999999%, hell i go ahead and say 100, that we will adopt in the future. however that is a few years away. i am curious how long did it take you to get paperwork and all that jazz ready? i hear its like a year to 1.5 years? please oh please tell me how this goes. so awesome"

My wife and I are in the process of adopting two little boys (brothers aged 5 and 6). We have been their foster parents since last July and we hope that everything goes through sometime in August.

It took us about 2 years to get our foster license so that we could take in what they call low-risk foster placements--meaning it's a foster placement at first, but it's extremely unlikely they will be returned to their biological parents. At this point, we are just waiting for the formal termination of parental rights so that we can proceed with the adoption.

Getting the foster license was a little longer process than a typical home study because you have to have things like fire and home inspections, etc. Once we had our license, getting the children placed with us only took a few months. Of course, if you are really pick with things like race, or if you want an infant it may take much longer.

I think it takes longer through the state rather than through a private agency, and I do think we had some unusual hang ups in our case. Of course, going through the state was free which was a big factor for us. We couldn't afford the sometimes 10s of thousands it costs for private adoptions.

Good luck to you, sox! There are a lot of kids that just need a loving family to thrive.

4/13/2011 10:00:54 PM

I wish to one day adopt a Coptic orphan but I'm not sure how feasible it is since it's probably impossible :/

Islam forbids abortion and there is a couple sitting in jail due to their attempts. It is so sad.

4/13/2011 10:02:07 PM

egyeyes...I'm confused. Are the two sentences in that post related? "Coptic" generally refers to a Christian rather than Islamic sect. Maybe I'm missing something.

4/14/2011 12:56:56 AM

i have another question (may seem odd, but these are things i think about)...

i plan on working, although more than likely will be part time....

when they do home studies do you know if it would be a deciding factor against us adopting?
of course should it go through i would take off for a while but i'm curious>

4/14/2011 10:17:14 AM

my coworker and his wife both work and they successfully adopted if that helps

her company treated adoption leave like maternity leave

4/14/2011 10:31:59 AM

GrumpyGOP, if I adopt a Coptic orphan I would like to adopt him/her from Egypt but Islam outlaws adoption, even though in Christianity adopting is allowed.

4/14/2011 10:39:43 AM

Quote :

"there is a couple sitting in jail due to their attempts. It is so sad. "

That's the couple that owns/owned Zorba's in Durham, right? That was a sad story.

I also didn't realize that Islam forbids adoption. what happens to kids whose parents are killed? I figure that is probably an extremely common situation in the middle east.

4/14/2011 10:43:43 AM

My grandmother did foster care for high-risk babies for many years (drug addict babies, physically and/or sexually abused babies, etc). It was so sad to see how some people treated their own children She ended up adopting the last child she fostered. Amazingly the parents tried to fight it even though they were in jail for raping the child when she was still an infant

^ I imagine it would be like Japan where a family member is expected to step up and raise the child.

[Edited on April 14, 2011 at 10:50 AM. Reason : F]

4/14/2011 10:48:41 AM

Quote :

"It was so sad to see how some people treated their own children"

My wife tells me a lot of stories of kids abused by their parents that show up at UNC. It's beyond sad an infuriating. I can't even handle hearing second hand. I don't know how she handles being the one trying to keep these kids alive.

Recently on her PICU rotation, she had a 22 day old infant with shaken baby syndrome. his brain was essentially liquefied, and both eyes had completely hemorrhaged from the trauma. I don't understand what kind of monsters can do this to their own children.

4/14/2011 10:52:04 AM

^oh my jesus.

your grandmother is a saint. i would love to do something like that, but i honestly dont think i have the patience.

4/14/2011 10:52:15 AM

Quote :

"i have another question (may seem odd, but these are things i think about)... i plan on working, although more than likely will be part time.... when they do home studies do you know if it would be a deciding factor against us adopting? of course should it go through i would take off for a while but i'm curious>"

I can't speak for private adoption, but through social services, it does not. Both my wife and I work (although she does work 8-230 so its more like part-time). They cover day care while the children are in foster care if the parents work.

The home study is more about you as a person rather than whatever present circumstances you may be in. They do check to make sure you are financially stable and that your home can accommodate children, but more than anything they just want to know everything about you. They write a biography of sorts about you, your family, your upbringing, how you were disciplined, how you plan to discipline, your relationship with your spouse, if you have an childcare experience (babysitting counts), etc. Pretty much anything you can think of, they ask about. Circumstances like work and stuff will often change, but how stable you are is alot less likely to change so they want to make sure the bases are covered.

Quote :

"It was so sad to see how some people treated their own children"

It's unbelievable to me. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about what my boys went through. And honestly, even when they are being little shits and I'm pissed at them, I can't even fathom doing some of the shit their bio father did.

[Edited on April 14, 2011 at 10:56 AM. Reason : d]

4/14/2011 10:52:31 AM

^i can only imagine

thanks for the advice ya'll. if i have any more question i shall consult you guys!


have any of yall come across adversity with your decision to adopt?
i can't believe some of the stuff i've had "friends" and family members say to me about our decision to do so. (i had one person tell me i was being selfish! o.O)

4/14/2011 11:04:57 AM

Joie - Things like working mothers won't rule you you out of being placed for any adoption but it does limit the number of mothers that would consider you. Typically (from what we are told) the birth mothers give the adoption agency any desires they have for the adoptive families, such as religious preference, age of parents, location, and so on. Then your adoption profile is only shown if you meet the constraints. From what we are told most birth-mothers prefer stay at home mothers but some may prefer the financial stability of two working parents. We are told that since we have a child already that it is going to take a little longer to be placed, so we are waiting for a birth-mother who is looking for our situation. Just so y'all know we have an almost 6 year old son who is great with his younger cousins. He really wants a little brother or sister as much as we do.

Thanks for all the supportive comments in the thread!

In regard to the comments to others, we have heard quite a few weird comments about adoption in general like "don't you want one of your own", and "how do you know how smart they are going to be". Our friends and family have been very supportive though (surprisingly so with the older members of my family).

[Edited on April 14, 2011 at 11:33 AM. Reason : comments from others]

4/14/2011 11:05:38 AM

I think the only reason my grandmother could do it is because she's a retired nurse. That's also why she would be given the high risk cases.

There's an interesting TV show from Japan that deals with child abuse and adoption in a country that frowns upon adoption. Delves into the "how could someone do this" thing. I normally think Japanese shows suck but this ove was good. I recommend it (and it's subtitled ) http://www.dramacrazy.net/japanese-drama/mother/

4/14/2011 11:07:21 AM

keep us updated!

i really hope you find someone (or they find you) soon!

4/14/2011 11:07:46 AM

Quote :

"have any of yall come across adversity with your decision to adopt? "

When we first started openly talking adoption, we did get a bit of backlash like what you are describing because some of our family couldn't fathom why we wouldn't just have babies, but they got used to the idea over time. It was something my wife and I had talked about even while we were dating and although we had semi-planned on having some biological children first before we adopted, that didn't work out so we just moved the adoption timeline up.

The boys have been 100% accepted by both of our families and all of our friends as well. We were honestly a bit nervous that my wife's parents wouldn't be as supportive and had the kids been a different race (which we were open to), I'm not sure it would have gone so smoothly with them as they are your pretty typical eastern north carolina farm family. We do get comments all the time from her mom asking why we didn't adopt a baby, etc.

We get approached by friends and acquaintances relatively often now asking questions because they are interested in adopting. I think it's much more accepted by the younger generation.

4/14/2011 11:19:16 AM

Quote :

"i had one person tell me i was being selfish! o.O"

holy shit, seriously? It's probably one of the most selfless things anyone can do.

4/14/2011 11:26:28 AM

We had been waiting to adopt for about a year. One birth mother contacted us, had it down to us and another couple but later sided with the other couple. Turns out we ended up knowing her mom so she felt we were too close for her to feel comfortable. Her decision, and it's a hard decision to make. I definitely respect that.

Now we're back to the waiting game. We're really only looking at infant adoption right now.

Quote :

"have any of yall come across adversity with your decision to adopt? "

Race isn't an issue for us, but I'm sure it would be an issue with the grandparents. I don't even bring it up because there's no sense in getting into a debate until it becomes necessary - ie we're in the finalization process. At the end of the day it's a decision between you and your spouse and no one else.

I have heard the random coworker speak out against it. Usually how there's a real "bond" with a biological kid that wouldn't exist with an adopted kid. Almost as if they were saying that if complications arose they'd be more likely to really sacrifice for a biological kid and likely shirk responsibility for someone that really wasn't "theirs" to begin with.

Of course to us there would be no difference. An adopted kid would be viewed as our kid, the relationship would be the same as if they were biological. The only difference would be that the kid would know they were adopted.

[Edited on April 14, 2011 at 11:55 AM. Reason : -]

4/14/2011 11:49:38 AM

Quote :

"Recently on her PICU rotation, she had a 22 day old infant with shaken baby syndrome. his brain was essentially liquefied, and both eyes had completely hemorrhaged from the trauma. I don't understand what kind of monsters can do this to their own children."

Ok, this just made me cry. This is the reason why I would hope someone would put their child up for adoption instead of harming their child. I try really hard not to be judgmental of people that can't be parents (doesn't always work out this way for me, I often get extremely angry) but I do feel there is a slight nobility in owning up to that. It just breaks my heart to hear stories like this, BD.

4/14/2011 1:37:50 PM

Quote :

"I have heard the random coworker speak out against it. Usually how there's a real "bond" with a biological kid that wouldn't exist with an adopted kid. Almost as if they were saying that if complications arose they'd be more likely to really sacrifice for a biological kid and likely shirk responsibility for someone that really wasn't "theirs" to begin with."

Your random coworker is a fucking cancer to society. People who adopt are heroes.

4/14/2011 3:20:45 PM

^there are a LOT of people who think like that :/

4/14/2011 3:23:03 PM

My props to all of you! This world is overpopulated enough and full of kids who are forced to grow up in shitty situations. Adopting is one way to help balance out this world we live in these days. I honestly think having a kid is one of the scariest things I could imagine so you get double respect for that.

4/14/2011 3:54:59 PM

Good luck Jody!! Let us know how it goes.

4/14/2011 4:00:22 PM

Some of the stories shared in this thread regarding bad situations for the kids came to mind yesterday when I heard about the woman that drove her children into the river here. I've always been for adoption- there are so many cases where unfit parents don't consider it or just refuse, and the child(ren) suffer the most. That woman yesterday just broke my heart

On that note- a big thanks to the people out there like jocristian, sox and [user]jtbilley[/user] that are going through this process currently. Y'all are truly wonderful people

4/14/2011 4:56:36 PM

Quote :

"People who adopt are heroes."

+infinity.

I'd really really love to adopt, but my wife is not onboard with it, and if we're not both 100% in, then it's unfortunately not a good idea.

4/15/2011 9:51:49 AM

Quote :

"but my wife is not onboard with it"

Does she not want kids or does she want "her own"?

4/15/2011 10:06:05 AM

My sister and her husband were actually asked to help cousel couples that were in the process of adopting through nc children's home, and I'm sure she would be glad to speak to anyone on the subject. My niece is such a sweet blessing and we are so lucky to have her in our life. If anyone would like to ask any questions, please pm me and I'll give you my sister's email address.

4/15/2011 10:09:10 AM

Adoption is a great thing, sure, but I wouldn't go as far as to call every person who adopts a hero. Just sayin'

4/15/2011 11:25:49 AM

^ I agree. There are so many reasons and circumstances for adoption, and while most of the people who adopt are selfless and wonderful people who should be respected, I think hero is a bit strong as a blanket statement. (and I was adopted)

4/15/2011 11:39:13 AM

Quote :

"Adoption is a great thing, sure, but I wouldn't go as far as to call every person who adopts a hero. Just sayin'"

I wouldn't either, because I see adoption as the only ethical choice for a well-off couple. I believe it's extremely selfish to have your own children when you have the ability to adopt.

4/15/2011 11:41:48 AM

^

Quote :

""but my wife is not onboard with it""

Quote :

"Does she not want kids or does she want "her own"?"

judging someone for wanting their own biological children is like judging someone for NOT wanting their own. it's a personal decision and bobby is right. if both couples are not 100% comfortable with the decision then it shouldn't be done. regardless of what you think is ethical for a "well-off' couple.

4/15/2011 11:48:40 AM