yesterday my girl pointed at the remote cause she wanted to change the channel and it was right next to a dog bone so i threw her the bone instead.



[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 1:24 PM. Reason : .]

12/10/2010 1:22:53 PM

it's not me, it's you

12/10/2010 1:24:32 PM

lol, thats pretty funny right there

12/10/2010 1:27:49 PM

its a good thing i didnt marry you for your brain

12/10/2010 2:34:10 PM

I once dated a girl named Andrea (ON-dray-a) who was several inches taller than me.

The Giant jokes really grinded her gears.

12/10/2010 2:36:45 PM

dutch oven

12/10/2010 2:37:05 PM

cuming on them when they ask you not to.

12/10/2010 2:41:13 PM

Jeepin I would appreciate if you stopped cumming on me.

The tissues are there for a reason.

12/10/2010 2:42:28 PM

Whenever she wants me to hold her hand as we're walking I just grab her by the top of her arm.

It's looks abusive as shit to anyone nearby.

12/10/2010 2:43:38 PM

I'll end an argument by saying "I'm right, you are wrong now let move on"

12/10/2010 2:46:56 PM

Whenever she mentions the future and having kids I remind her that I'll never have kids with her because she can't give me the beautiful black babies that I've always wanted.

12/10/2010 2:50:00 PM

^i would laugh so hard if she actually gave you those.. you know, by fucking someone who could create them..

As far as asshole things that i do to my s/o, her mother is from illinois, so anytime she says something that i don't agree with or don't care about, i always say "i would expect some shit like that from the daughter of a yankee" drives her insane.

12/10/2010 3:01:55 PM

"sorry for not giving you the courtesy tap......oh btw it's your turn to get the towel"

12/10/2010 3:06:27 PM

I'll fart on her/in her general direction just to piss her off. But she does the same to me so it's cool I guess.

12/10/2010 3:10:51 PM

i don't do this on purpose but i have a bad habit of tuning my wife out when she's talking to me and then later she'll be like did you do what i asked you yesterday and i'm like what the fuck are you talking about...that really pisses her off

12/10/2010 3:12:09 PM

Nothing creative...but I like to hide behind doors, walls, etc. and just jump out and scare the shit out of her.

I keep thinking it's going to get old, but I laugh my ass off every time she screams and drops something.

12/10/2010 3:13:25 PM

she's older than me

so, that's a gold mine.

although i think im wearing the dinosaur jokes down

you can only ask someone so many times what it was like to ride a brontosaurus to school and the like

12/10/2010 3:16:49 PM

Like how much older?

Just want to make sure your Diane Lane fetish doesn't manifest itself domestically

12/10/2010 3:20:38 PM

busted

[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 3:23 PM. Reason : e ]

12/10/2010 3:23:06 PM

sparky's thing's aren't very clever or funny, he just seems like a terrible husband.

i sometimes say, "one more time and you're going back into the closet" when we are in public

12/10/2010 3:25:19 PM

i get her to do shit for me and soon as she does it i say YOU BEST DO WTF I SAY haha

straight beastings

12/10/2010 3:25:52 PM

my wife is older by 6 months and I too make fun of how old she is...

12/10/2010 3:30:27 PM

I don't have a s/o because I used to do many of the things listed in this thread

12/10/2010 3:35:55 PM

Same here.

EMCE, let's mate.

12/10/2010 3:36:27 PM

you guys could name your children with conglomerations of your names like jermaine jackson does

jelucy
luffy
jel
jecy

come on it's perfect

12/10/2010 3:41:31 PM

Jermajestucy

12/10/2010 3:43:48 PM

i'm not good at being an asshole for fun


i usually laugh and give it away

12/10/2010 3:44:13 PM

when we're walking together in public, i'll slightly veer her into poles, people walking by, etc

12/10/2010 3:48:55 PM

i used to date a girl 3 years older than me (i was born in 82) she brought it up and i was like 'ya, its too bad cause we can't have conversations like 'hey, remember the 70's?')


she laughed though

12/10/2010 3:50:12 PM

I usually introduce her as my first wife. Always gets me that look where she's pretending to be Superwoman and burning a hole through me with her look. In fact, I'm getting that feeling right now. Shit...where is she...I'm just playing honey!

12/10/2010 3:50:26 PM

oh man, i'd be a dead man if i tried that

12/10/2010 3:52:14 PM

I guess I make fun of my husband daily for his chronic ability to lose everything as I had "don't worry...I'll find it" engraved on his wedding band

But I'm moreso giving myself props for having radar for his items

12/10/2010 3:53:55 PM

props well deserved. that's pretty lollable

12/10/2010 3:55:20 PM

Quote :

"when we're walking together in public, i'll slightly veer her into poles, people walking by, etc"

I hope not when she's pregnant

12/10/2010 3:55:57 PM

oh she's used to it enough by now that she can recognize when i'm about to do it.

i need new material

[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 3:58 PM. Reason : i guess maya's old enough now i can do it to her instead ]

12/10/2010 3:57:42 PM

I too make fun of her age (8mo older than me)...she really doesn't appreciate that..

I am also a fan of memory banking something silly/stupid that she did and bringing it up randomly later down the road.

12/10/2010 3:58:54 PM

I just pictured him not gently veering her in that direction but all-out shoving her into things.

I laughed, but only because that's not really true.

12/10/2010 3:58:55 PM

^^^haha

12/10/2010 4:00:07 PM

punchmonk and qntmmonk- you don't have to take that. You can move to raleigh.

[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 4:00 PM. Reason : ]

12/10/2010 4:00:30 PM

I slowly degrade my relationships with the ladies. Without knowing that I'm doing it. What significant other

12/10/2010 4:15:31 PM

It wasn't planned, but while making sweet, sweet love to my last girlfriend I drooled on her face.

She was also 7 years older than me, so I'd do stuff like bring home Depends and Centrum Silver when I'd go to the store. But it would go both ways, so she would bring Flintstones chewable vitamins home.

Most of my assholisness revolves around trying to embarrass them in public, so I like to order the Fuh-Ji-Tahs real loud at a Mexican restaurants.

12/10/2010 4:25:17 PM

I don't have a s/o but I do have a "friend"....

he's Turkish...

The terrorist/Subway/cab driver comments really piss him off but that's ok because he's generally a jackass anyway so it makes me laugh




[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 4:49 PM. Reason : i also thump him in the nose when he's sleeping]

12/10/2010 4:40:13 PM

Quote :

"Nothing creative...but I like to hide behind doors, walls, etc. and just jump out and scare the shit out of her. I keep thinking it's going to get old, but I laugh my ass off every time she screams and drops something."

haha i totally do this. i almost got knocked out for it the first time i did it!

12/10/2010 6:17:27 PM

He really hates it when I'm right about some movie and he's wrong... so sometimes just to piss him off I'll bring up the fact that Beowulf was not a live-action movie

12/10/2010 6:23:00 PM

I'm down with Jermajestucy


also

Quote :

"i guess maya's old enough now i can do it to her instead "

hahahaha, I can just see her giving you a look like "why would you do that to me?!"



[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 6:27 PM. Reason : MOAR ]

12/10/2010 6:24:48 PM

My girlfriend is half Japanese so I get a lot of mileage out of that.

I like to "speak for her" in public and then act like it's really hard for her to follow what I'm saying.

She likes to point out that I'm a worse driver than my ASIAN GIRLfriend.

12/10/2010 6:26:09 PM

If we're walking in public and I have my arm around her, I'll reach up and tickle her side...her arm pops up in a t-rex manner so I'll say something like now where did you put your helmet derka derka derka?

I can't stand sleeping at her place when they've got the heat cranked, so I'll open a window when she's not paying attention (and forget about it). It goes unnoticed because the blinds are down (she's usually gone from the wee hours in the morning until after dark)...then she'll be freezing for days and cranking the heat even higher... vicious circle

She zones out easily when people are talking, especially if I'm going on about something lol. Then she'll refocus just in time for me to say something like "and the dog died, it was awful" or "and that's why I have that crazy rash"...not usually appreciated in a group or public setting

12/10/2010 6:57:43 PM

I put roofies and sleeping pills in her drink when we're at the house. After she passes out, I get to watch whatever I want on TV and then have the entire bed to sprawl out on. When she wakes up sore the next day from sleeping on the couch, I poke fun at her for getting too drunk.

12/10/2010 8:13:10 PM

^Sad thing is you've considered it

12/10/2010 8:13:52 PM

I see nothing about doing anything with your s/o's asshole.

12/10/2010 8:15:35 PM