got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too. Why don't you knock it off ?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out ?" My cousin was a weird guy.

[Edited on March 7, 2011 at 2:14 PM. Reason : -g on cousin GODDAMMIT]

3/7/2011 2:13:53 PM

Paul Cousings

3/7/2011 2:15:03 PM

Brandie: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?
Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gill: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!

3/7/2011 2:17:18 PM

damn, that bastard's faster than Walt Flanagan's dog!

3/7/2011 2:19:07 PM

3/7/2011 2:22:58 PM

I was hoping for an obama joke

3/7/2011 2:28:09 PM

3/7/2011 2:28:14 PM

dang now i want to watch that movie again

3/7/2011 2:31:15 PM

a schooner is a sailboat, stupid head

3/7/2011 2:35:04 PM

this was back when Jason Lee was still awesome

3/7/2011 2:41:11 PM

i like jason lee's older shit when he was inventing the 360 flip, not when he sold out and started acting

derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

3/7/2011 2:43:46 PM

^^ Tell 'em, Steve Dave!

3/7/2011 7:36:12 PM