One pump?
Two?
Three?


Myself, I usually just go in for a strong, steady, consistent, and pumpless grab. If I'm shaking hands with a guy, this is strong and assertive. If it's a female, there's a limited strength to the grab, so it's not like I'm squeezing her hand...


In my youth, I would squeeze with two dedicated squeezes at a time.... squeeze squeeze....squeeze squeeze....squeeze squeeze....squeeze squeeze then say "Hello, I'm Doctor EMCE....cardiac surgeon.

5/15/2011 9:11:38 PM

I read that as "in my mouth"

I wonder what's on my brain...

5/15/2011 9:13:20 PM

as soon as our hands begin to make contact for a firm, manly handshake, i use my index finger to quickly tickle their palm and creep them out

another good one is a nice firm handshake, followed by grabbing their hand and thrusting it towards your crotch

a third favorite is a firm handshake, followed by an exaggerated up and down motion of the shake that, instead of being a normal 4" to 6" up-and-down becomes a 12" to 18" retardedish shake

5/15/2011 9:13:26 PM

bump fists yo

5/15/2011 9:13:31 PM

so long as they don't just grab your fingertips

5/15/2011 9:13:51 PM

^yeah thats the fairy boy shit

5/15/2011 9:14:32 PM

I generally go with the flow of whatever pump number the other person goes with, but you have to actually apply pressure to their hand. I hate limp handshakes, probably a little more than I should. People tell me I have a manly handshake sometimes. I think it's just a real handshake.

5/15/2011 9:14:35 PM

Quote :

"I usually just go in for a strong, steady, consistent, and pumpless grab"

this

5/15/2011 9:14:53 PM

firm, strong handshake + eye contact = irl

5/15/2011 9:15:19 PM

5/15/2011 9:15:30 PM

Oh God.... I hate people that grab prematurely, and end up squeezing my four fingers .... looking at you like they 'owned' you because they can grab harder than you.

WTF DUDE! THAT'S NOT FAIR! YOU JUST GRABBED THE PART OF MY HAND THAT'S INCAPABLE OF GRABBING BACK. YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR FREAKING OPPOSABLE THUMB

5/15/2011 9:18:06 PM

one or two pumps, usually one. and firm grip, not like a fairy.

if it's a girl, and i stick my hand out first... i'll usually grab her hand like you would if you were going to kiss it and basically just a light sqeeze. otherwise, i'm afraid i'll break their fucking hand. i shook a dudes hand one time, and his hands were like girls... and i swear I felt something pop. if a girl sicks her hand out first, all shake it normally, maybe less pressure.

^happens to me all the time, since i have small hands. i'm like daaamn make me look like a pussy.

[Edited on May 15, 2011 at 9:19 PM. Reason : .]

5/15/2011 9:18:10 PM

Quote :

"I generally go with the flow of whatever pump number the other person goes with"

the definition of strong and assertive

5/15/2011 9:18:38 PM

^^^that bugs the ever living shit out of me

5/15/2011 9:21:22 PM

Tell you what, coming from the right guy, that I'm going to kiss your handshake is adorbz.


I try to squeeze as hard as possible to show off my assertiveness.

5/15/2011 9:24:58 PM

^

5/15/2011 9:25:31 PM

5/15/2011 9:26:35 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdnIRIJ61EU&feature=related

embed

5/15/2011 9:39:48 PM

5/15/2011 9:45:09 PM

I squeeze pretty hard.. But I hate when some people are seemingly try to straight up crush your hand to look tuff

5/15/2011 9:46:57 PM

My late Uncle Bobby...

genuine man, with morals and integrity.... he would love to fuck with me. I had a honest upbringing, and he was a part of it. BUT.... he always fucked with me...

he would squeeze my hand, and roll my knuckles against each other. But I digress...he taught me to be tuff

5/15/2011 9:50:03 PM

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0101/shake.html

[Edited on May 15, 2011 at 9:53 PM. Reason : .]

5/15/2011 9:52:20 PM

Quote :

"Oh God.... I hate people that grab prematurely, and end up squeezing my four fingers .... looking at you like they 'owned' you because they can grab harder than you. WTF DUDE! THAT'S NOT FAIR! YOU JUST GRABBED THE PART OF MY HAND THAT'S INCAPABLE OF GRABBING BACK. YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR FREAKING OPPOSABLE THUMB"

was going to post a similar thought to this, but EMCE speaks the truth for me

5/15/2011 9:54:58 PM

I hate people with wimpy griped, limp, handshakes That said I make a point to firmly grip the others hand and don't usually pump. I have a coworker who I immediately lost respect for when our introduction was soured by a limp, gentle grasp. I might as well have shook a soggy burrito.

5/15/2011 10:03:42 PM

I don't shake hands like a bitch.


Basic rules:

1. As a man never extend your hand to a lady yet reciprocate if she extends hers.

2. Women can do whatever the fuck they want, and people who read too much into handshakes are dumb.

3. Try to avoid using portable hand sanitizer immediately after shaking certain individuals' hands because it could offend them.

4. Keep your own hands clean and manicured.

5/15/2011 10:03:59 PM

i'm big on the handshakes

if you don't shake like a man then you're automatically on the shit list... and absolutely no pumping allowed unless you're purposely trying to give someone the creeps.

if you shake like a death grip and crimp my knuckles together, well then fuck you, but i'll respect it. as a lady, i do appreciate it when guys don't do this tho, for some reason a lot of men do it to me poor hand

[Edited on May 15, 2011 at 10:32 PM. Reason : didn't address the pumping issue]

5/15/2011 10:31:49 PM

As a man, I greatly appreciate it when a lady provides a sturdy grip with plenty of pumping.

5/15/2011 11:00:53 PM

"roll my knuckles"

5/15/2011 11:11:58 PM

I do that thing where I stick my middle finger between our palms and rub it back and forth to creep people out.

5/15/2011 11:25:49 PM

high fives

5/15/2011 11:29:52 PM

whenever i shake hands with a girl i give about a quarter of the strength i give a guy

this is generally sufficient to give a firm handshake without crushing her hand, but also not so weak as to say "i see you as lesser in constitution than myself." once in a while that's too much and it's some little 100lb chick that i probably just should have coyly waved at to begin with

but sometimes some unassuming chick mans up and beasts me and I always inadvertently overcompensate and make things temporarily awkward

5/16/2011 3:50:41 AM

^This man speaks the truth

[Edited on May 16, 2011 at 4:06 AM. Reason : He also has a model handshake that others could learn from.]

5/16/2011 4:06:07 AM

Quote :

"i'll usually grab her hand like you would if you were going to kiss it and basically just a light sqeeze."

ugh, I hate that, so annoying. I like to aim my "webby" (the skin web between the thumb and pointer) to the other person's webby, wrap my hand around firmly and give a good, strong shake, and smile

[Edited on May 16, 2011 at 7:25 AM. Reason : ]

5/16/2011 7:23:22 AM

If someone ever called a body part of mine a "webby", I would probably kick them in the neck.

5/16/2011 7:26:58 AM

lol thats what I called it in 3rd grade

5/16/2011 7:29:12 AM

5/16/2011 7:29:55 AM

I throw them the grip. If they don't know it, I walk away.

5/16/2011 7:43:35 AM

I should just mention that as much as I hate someone who goes wayyy out of their way to give a ridiculous handshake (i.e., one that would be made for a gripping game champion), I think it's just as bad to shake hands with someone who feels like a limp noodle or a guy who intentionally gives a limp handshake because I'm a girl.

Damn limpies

5/16/2011 9:24:21 AM

Better than having the other guy try and squeeze super hard like crushing my hand will offer them more respect

5/16/2011 9:28:10 AM

I approach a handshake as a greeting, not a contest.

Quote :

"3. Try to avoid using portable hand sanitizer immediately after shaking certain individuals' hands because it could offend them."

I don't even own hand sanitzer myself, but if you're some kind of germaphobe put on the sanitizer before shaking hands, it will do the same thing and give the impression that you're the one with dirty hands to the other guy, therefore he won't be offended.

5/16/2011 9:33:58 AM

I hate those people who shake your hand and then want to keep shaking it for the whole conversation despite the fact that you obviously let go of your grip and assumed they were going to do the same. I think it's a power thing and make it a point to snatch my hand back and pimp slap them as soon as they stop talking.

5/16/2011 9:41:06 AM

^ I look down at our hands then give him the people's eyebrow



[Edited on May 16, 2011 at 9:44 AM. Reason : ]

5/16/2011 9:44:39 AM

germs...i dont shake hands

5/16/2011 11:18:16 AM

chest bump

5/16/2011 11:24:02 AM

Chim chiminy
Chim chiminy
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you

5/16/2011 11:31:42 AM

Quote :

"^ I look down at our hands then give him the people's eyebrow "

Aahahahahahahaha

5/16/2011 11:53:31 AM

I pull my elbow back as far as I can and thrust it forward when shaking. Especially if the person I'm shaking with is of superior build, which is often.

5/16/2011 12:02:51 PM

5/16/2011 12:50:29 PM

What's the matter BigMan157, CIA have you pushing too many pencils?

5/16/2011 1:21:04 PM

y'all put too much thought into this

i shake their hand...it's not complicated

5/16/2011 2:00:08 PM