So today I was awaken by bliblers banging on my door. They wanted to talk to me about the 7 FAQ of God and discuss my beliefs. I told them I was Catholic and wouldn't be changing churches and they said "well can we come in and share opinions with you" I said no I am busy today (lied) and they said "no problem, when can we come back" At this point I was like "fuck it, these people are resilient and said SATURDAY..."

So Saturday they will be coming back. Two chicks, one pretty hot. I want to ask them all the hardest questions possible and make challenging points to troll the fuck out of them. Here are the questions.

Does God really care about us?
Will war and suffering ever end?
What happens to us when we die?
Is there any hope for the dead?
How can I pray and be heard by God?
How can I find happiness in life?

Bible verses to back up troll points would be great since they already have a pamplet using verses to answer those questions the way they want them answered.

My plan is to offer them an alcoholic beverage when they arrive, have rap playing in the background and get touchy feely with the hot one. (ask to hold her hand to feel Gods connection or some shit)

6/28/2011 11:42:54 AM

answer the door covered in fake blood.



dont speak the entire time.

6/28/2011 11:43:55 AM

give them credit for getting in on the ground floor of the zombie craze

6/28/2011 11:46:12 AM

those seem like questions that they love to be asked.....



ask them why god kills babies and if stillborns go to heaven

6/28/2011 11:46:24 AM

Get the door knocker from Scary Movie 2

[Edited on June 28, 2011 at 11:47 AM. Reason : act like you hear voices]

6/28/2011 11:46:54 AM

i once answered the door to them and told them i was headed out.
they said someone one else would be out the next day and asked me if they could send them.

i said SURE! (knowing that i was gonna be at work but my roommate would be home), told them to tell their friends to just come over and ask for debbie (my roommate)


i got the most horrible texts from her all day



/ my story


tell us how this pans out

[Edited on June 28, 2011 at 11:47 AM. Reason : ^hahahahah]

6/28/2011 11:46:56 AM

Just show them some of your posts from here.

6/28/2011 11:48:49 AM

ask them to join tdub and then let the trolls do their jerb!

6/28/2011 11:49:27 AM

I got stopped by a pair of J_Hova witnesses a few months ago and I was with my girlfriend and they wanted to talk about our relationship and "the most important C-word in a relationship". I egged them on for a few minutes asking if it was Commitment, or Compromise, or Compassion, etc etc until they were finally like "it's jesus christ" handed me a pamplet and quickly walked off.

6/28/2011 11:50:28 AM

Quote :

"Does God really care about us? Will war and suffering ever end? What happens to us when we die? Is there any hope for the dead? How can I pray and be heard by God? How can I find happiness in life?"

With my basic knowledge of the Bible I could easily answer all these questions with scriptural back-up, they will have absolutely no trouble doing this.

6/28/2011 11:50:31 AM

Answer the door in your underwear/robe with a boner and pretend they are the hookers you ordered.

6/28/2011 11:51:59 AM

I usually tell people "no thanks, I'm not interested" and carry on with my life. If you have to research how to be a dick you're probably not cut out for it.

6/28/2011 11:52:49 AM

^^^Those are the questions they are asking and they already have the easy answers from the bible for them. What I want to do is find contrary verses from the bible to refute their answers. I know its possible.



[Edited on June 28, 2011 at 11:54 AM. Reason : ^People on here say I'm a troll, I just want to knock it out of the park]

6/28/2011 11:54:06 AM

I wouldn't mind if these people came to my door. I'm lost and in need of guidance.

6/28/2011 11:54:35 AM

Except there isn't. And anything you find "saying" it refutes, I should be able to take out with a concordance.

6/28/2011 11:54:55 AM

Quote :

"^People on here say I'm a troll, I just want to knock it out of the park"

I'm going to laugh when you end up with a big stack of The Watchtower magazines that you feel obligated to read because they're coming back next week to discuss them with you.

6/28/2011 11:55:39 AM

It all boils down to interpretations.

6/28/2011 11:56:17 AM

Man do I get tired of hearing that. But if you *must* know, there is a such thing called a skeptic's Bible online. Mind you glimpsing at a concordance will destroy about 1/2 their arguments immediately, so I'd try to pick a good one.

[Edited on June 28, 2011 at 11:59 AM. Reason : ]

6/28/2011 11:56:34 AM

The FFA was on campus at State last week, so I got used to younger kids walking around campus dressed up. Wily Mormons took advantage, infiltrated campus and ambushed me.

6/28/2011 11:59:36 AM

Every time I say Mormons I say it like this:

6/28/2011 12:02:29 PM

I remember one time a couple god-bros came to the door after a party years ago, when I lived at U-Glen. I opened the door to reveal several extremely hung over dudes sprawled on couches, a beer pong table scrawled with profanity and crudely drawn genitalia. Beer bottles on every horizontal surface in the kitchen, the air thick with the stank of stale booze.

They kinda gave up after I said no thanks.

6/28/2011 12:04:56 PM

They stopped my apartment when I was in the process of moving into law school, asking me if they could share the message of Jehova with me. I said, "sure, grab a few boxes, lets do this thing."

So after a day in the sun, a couple of glasses of lemonade, and about 30 minutes of talking, I was completely moved in and sent them on their way. I simply let them know we played for the same team, but that I wasn't joining their church.

They thanked me for the lemonade and went about their way. Nice guys.

6/28/2011 12:27:47 PM

^
That's about as well as things could possibly go. Nice job.

6/28/2011 12:33:51 PM

I think what you should do is invite them in and be really friendly

Sit them down and ask them a few questions like you're really interested

Get them thinking that you're really into it and that they are succeeding

After a little while tell them "Okay, well I've kinda been saving this one up........but I'm gay. I don't ever want to be straight either. I've learned a lot from our little chat here, but does this mean I'm going to hell?"

6/28/2011 12:49:10 PM

Answer me this parent: Which is the worse sin, hating your brother or being a homosexual?

6/28/2011 12:56:01 PM

Quote :

"I usually tell people "no thanks, I'm not interested" and carry on with my life. If you have to research how to be a dick you're probably not cut out for it. "

6/28/2011 1:56:34 PM

ask them have they ever seen dogma and you were curious if there was really a black disciple?

also ask them how they feel about alanis morissette playing god.

is god really a woman?

6/28/2011 3:04:34 PM

sing everything in opera
everything



when they ask what are you doing
respond with "what are you talking about?" (in opera of course)
and get pissed off about it
in opera

6/28/2011 3:11:45 PM

Quote :

" I usually tell people "no thanks, I'm not interested" and carry on with my life. If you have to research how to be a dick you're probably not cut out for it."

6/28/2011 3:23:07 PM

Who does God have sex with? I mean he has got to get off somehow, right?

What kind of porn does God favor? I bet He just jerks off to some boring MW missionary style sex.

Does God poop?

6/28/2011 3:51:01 PM

-Ask them about the council of Nicea in 325AD.
-Ask them why a group of Roman men chose which gospels were included in the New Testament and why 42 other early christian gospels were not included.
-Ask them how then could the Bible still be considered the "word of god".
-Ask them how christianity formed in the years immediately following Jesus' death and why out of all the early Christian groups only one believed that Jesus Christ was actually God.
-Ask them why they are 3 completely different versions of they visits Jesus' tomb after his death and find angels, guards or a floating cross in the sky.

*Bible bangers usually know very little about the history of Christianity and just assume the religion that is practiced today has always existed. In fact, modern Christianity is nearly unrecognizable when compared to early christianity. Mind fuck them with factual history.

6/28/2011 4:00:33 PM

Quote :

"Bible bangers usually know very little about the history of Christianity and just assume the religion that is practiced today has always existed. In fact, modern Christianity is nearly unrecognizable when compared to early christianity. Mind fuck them with factual history."

Yeah, because they didn't read any of the epistles of Paul.

Obviously, the church has changed over the years.


So half your questions are much like why Christians don't believe the book of Mormon or Enoch is the word of God.

And the other half is like asking why are there false prophets and people who lead others astray.

I mean if you want history to "question" Christianity look at the crusades or ANYTHING THE CATHOLIC CHURCH EVER DID. They've changed their "doctrine" so much it would make your head spin.

The fact of the matter is a multitude of false doctrine does not destroy what is right.

6/28/2011 4:07:26 PM

No matter what you say to them trying to disprove their beliefs, they will just ignore it or dodge the issue and nothing will have happened by the time they leave except that your time will have been wasted. That is of course unless you can get them naked. The best way to do that is to tell them that you are the reincarnated spirit of Joseph Smith and proceed from there as you deem fit.

6/28/2011 4:14:29 PM

^That only works on Mormons.

6/28/2011 4:21:17 PM

http://www.quickmeme.com/Advice-God/

6/28/2011 4:25:45 PM

Look em dead in the eye and repeat after me "I is a atheist."

watch the color drain from their faces.

profit.

6/28/2011 4:32:52 PM

Quote :

"So half your questions are much like why Christians don't believe the book of Mormon or Enoch is the word of God. And the other half is like asking why are there false prophets and people who lead others astray."

No, I was referring to actual gospels....the gospel of thomas, the gospel of mary, the gospel of paul, the multitude of gnostic christian gospels etc. etc. All were gospels that were revered as sacred to the original christians yet they were mandated to be burned and destroyed in order to push the New Testament and further the Roman Catholic Church. I also said nothing about false prophets.....

All I'm stating is that the Christian religion that most folks follow today is nothing like what was practiced by the original followers of Jesus. Even if Christianity was truth in the beginning and Jesus Christ was actually god, the religion has been perverted into something so far removed from it's roots that it's modern followers are instead placing all their faith into bullshit and it's extremely sad that no one is teaching them the truth

6/28/2011 4:33:41 PM

I am impressed by your memory of bed time stories.

6/28/2011 4:36:40 PM

Also....ask them where the idea of the trinity came from? The notion that we pray to "god the father, the son and the holy spirit" is a foundation of the modern christian church yet it appears nowhere in the Bible and was completely fabricated by man.

6/28/2011 4:36:47 PM

dead hooker on the couch

6/28/2011 4:41:10 PM

Quote :

"completely fabricated by man"

6/28/2011 4:42:43 PM

ITT 2 people spell pamphlet as pamplet ITT.

And:

Quote :

"I usually tell people "no thanks, I'm not interested" and carry on with my life. If you have to research how to be a dick you're probably not cut out for it."

6/28/2011 4:58:40 PM

Quote :

"The notion that we pray to "god the father, the son and the holy spirit" is a foundation of the modern christian church yet it appears nowhere in the Bible and was completely fabricated by man."

Let's start here shall we.

"All things are delivered to me of my Father: and no man knoweth who the Son is, but the Father; and who the Father is, but the Son, and [he] to whom the Son will reveal [him]."

Luke 10:22

As for the trinity at creation:

"1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2The same was in the beginning with God. 3All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made."

John 1

Sadly I will have to debate this:

Quote :

"No, I was referring to actual gospels....the gospel of thomas, the gospel of mary, the gospel of paul, the multitude of gnostic christian gospels etc. etc. All were gospels that were revered as sacred to the original christians yet they were mandated to be burned and destroyed in order to push the New Testament and further the Roman Catholic Church"

without support from scripture because it is a logical misconception. What you've done is establish an absolute. "All were gospels that were revered as sacred to the original christians" That is an absolute saying all Christians revered all the gospels. That is like saying all Christians revere the Pope or revere the book of Mormon. Even if the majority of Christians do, this does not mean that it is correct. Now sure it is sad that people at times pervert the gospel and organized religion on earth has failed to a large extent. But the word of God abides forever.

"The grass withereth, the flower fadeth; but the word of our God abideth for ever."
Isa 40:8

You just tell me if you need more scripture examples of the trinity though.

6/28/2011 5:17:47 PM

Quote :

"As for the trinity at creation: "1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2The same was in the beginning with God. 3All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.""

I do not see trinity mentioned in those 3 verses...?

6/28/2011 5:23:08 PM

Ah sorry, that may be a little difficult to see just from that part of John.

"And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth."

John 1:14


It's further explained within the entire first part of John.

6/28/2011 5:25:07 PM

6/28/2011 5:28:19 PM

I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.

6/28/2011 5:30:29 PM

i hope they troll the shit out of you.

6/28/2011 5:37:59 PM

Ok my freshmen roomate was a quazi Mormon ( which means he was one but didn't follow the rules)

so we had a Mormon repellant kit by the door It consisted of:

1 porn dvd we'd toss to another roomate to turn on,
1 pint of jack to sip on and offer them
1 coke to mix with jack as needed and is also Mormon proof

and if that didn't work we had a snub nose revolver to point at a fellow roomate and threaten

6/28/2011 5:38:06 PM

shouldn't that spiderman picture say "ow my arach-nads"?

6/28/2011 5:40:28 PM