how do you tackle the 2 family christmas,

no matter how i try to make it work out it always seems that both families are either hurt or offended... i don't friggin get it.

12/23/2011 10:05:11 AM

depends on how close they are (travel time-wise)

or are you talking about getting gifts for them?

12/23/2011 10:07:21 AM

We plan one for lunch, and then the other for supper. Then alternate that each year between the two.

12/23/2011 10:08:16 AM

I drink a lot and hope for the best. in the end do what you can to accommodate both without going crazy.

12/23/2011 10:14:05 AM

Yea, really depends on the distance apart and how well the two families get along etc.

Both of our families are fairly small in number and my parents live about 30 minutes from her dad so luckily it is always pretty easy for us. Thanksgiving her dad and twin sister just come to my parents' place and we all eat there. Christmas we spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at one place and then drive to the other.

12/23/2011 10:15:15 AM

there is no way to make everyone 100% happy.

So aim for 80% and enjoy yourself.

12/23/2011 10:20:29 AM

Man I'm glad our families don't give a shit. Also helps David is an only child and his dad lives in bumfuck nowhere Washington so there's zero expectation that we'll go out there for the holidays.

Anyway, Christmas Eve we do with his mom. We give her a joint gift. Christmas Day we do with my family. We give everyone a joint gift. And by joint gift I mean I pick out the ones for my family and he picks out the one for his and we put each other's names on the from line For extended family we mail them a card and a tin of cookies or something. Nobody gets hurt or offended but our families are also made up of (sometimes) reasonable people.

12/23/2011 10:21:15 AM

Quote :

"no matter how i try to make it work out it always seems that both families are either hurt or offended... i don't friggin get it."

Sounds like your families need to grow up.

12/23/2011 10:21:20 AM

My husband's parents live in Florida. We live in Durham and his sister and her husband live in Raleigh.

We alternate Christmases each year. Last year we went to Florida so this year, his parents are coming up here to spend the holiday with us. Next year, we will go down to Florida


My parents live in Raleigh so we will spend Christmas Eve with them (my family has always opened gifts on Christmas Eve). We'll go to his sister's house for Christmas Day brunch and open gifts that we bought for his family. Christmas Day dinner is at my mom's house and his family is coming to that too

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 10:27 AM. Reason : f]

12/23/2011 10:25:41 AM

Quote :

"Sounds like your families need to grow up."

Indeed. My family and extended family is from eastern NC so that's where I want to be. My fiance's family is from Ohio but her mom lives in eastern NC. Sometimes her mom's family comes to visit but not often. I'm more than welcome to come visit when that happens, but when it's just her mom, and siblings sitting around the house reading...I'm opting out.

12/23/2011 10:25:47 AM

Alternate? The distance is definitely a factor. My girlfriend's family and my family live about 4 hours apart. The first year we spend Christmas together, we visited my family on Christmas Eve, stayed the night at our own place (in between the two families) and then drove to her family on Christmas morning. Too much driving. Since then we've alternated. Whichever family gets us for Christmas, the other gets us for Thanksgiving.

Once kids come into the picture, parents can come visit us--children want to spend Christmas morning in their own house opening gifts. For now, we make the trip.

12/23/2011 10:28:49 AM

Christmas for my wife and me involves going to six different places (divorced parents on both sides + extended family on both her mom's and dad's side) that are not remotely close together (Asheville, Raleigh, Franklinton, and Moorehead City). It's a 4+ day affair that requires 20+ hours of driving that leaves virtually everybody disappointed that we weren't there exactly when they wanted us to be. Just like Jesus wanted.

What I'm saying is that it could be worse. Also you could have AIDS or something which would be way worse. #FWP

12/23/2011 10:28:51 AM

Quote :

"Once kids come into the picture, parents can come visit us--children want to spend Christmas morning in their own house opening gifts. For now, we make the trip. "

Truth. I hated the years we got stuck in a car forever for Christmas when I was a little kid. Luckily my parents hated it too so they stopped after awhile.

Also, if they care so damn much, why don't they just come to your house for Christmas? I never really understood families that put the onus of traveling all on the younger generation. If they're going to get butthurt regardless of what you do, invite them over to your place next year and call it the day.

12/23/2011 10:35:43 AM

christmas eve night has always been a tradition at my maternal grandparents house and her family doesn't do anything on xmas eve, so that works out fine. that's also when i see my mom and her significant other. then on xmas morning we meet her parents at their house and ride with them to her maternal grandparents' in smithfield. then we rush back so we can go to her paternal grandparents'. at some point in there we're supposed to go to spend time at my dad's house with him and his wife. this is usually where i see my paternal grandmother, who i usually have to pick up from her house (she refuses to drive through the outskirts of goldsboro) on the other side of the county near my wife's paternal grandparents. that actually works out good b/c it's not far out of my way, but it's just more bullshit to arrange b/c they want a locked down time a week in advance and i have no idea how long i'll be at her paternal grandparents'. usually someone else will take her home b/c by this time it's supper time on xmas and my maternal grandmother wants us to come back to her house for some reason. i guess to eat leftovers, but i've already run around so much all i wanna do is go the fuck home.

the worst part is everyone thinks you don't love them anymore because you rush off to the next house and can't sit and look at them all fucking day.


man, when i was a kid it pissed me off so much when we'd get up on xmas morning, get all our presents from santa and then just once you got everything put together and working you had to put it away and go change clothes and get in the car. that fucking sucked.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 10:48 AM. Reason : adsf]

12/23/2011 10:46:45 AM

we have three sets of parents (wife's parents are divorced)

Basically we alternate.

One year we spend Christmas day with my parents, and on alternating years we do christmas day/eve with one of her sets of parents that also alternates.

If we do Christmas with my parents, than Thanksgiving is with one of her sets, and vice versa.

It sounds way more complicated written down, but it's worked for the last 7 years now.

12/23/2011 10:52:16 AM

1 week before - 1 set of my grandparents
Christmas Eve - my wife's family including her only grandparent
Christmas Day - my family, my other set of grandparents

Luckily my grandparent's on my dad's side realized that everyone's schedule is packed on the holidays so they do their Christmas 1 week early. Now there is "no excuse" for missing it lol.

When we were in college we would try to do it all on the 25th but luckily my in-laws were very understanding and decided to move their get-together to the 24th. Also helping with their decision is the fact that her family is relatively small (maybe 20 total people including friends) whereas my family is huge (I have 17 first cousins from 8 aunt/uncles not including any of the spouses/ex's from either).


All of our families/grandparents are ~1 hour away from us (in different directions) so traveling isn't an issue.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 10:58 AM. Reason : ]

12/23/2011 10:56:44 AM

I am not married, but close enough. Here is how we have done it the past 3 years.

We do Christmas with my family in Greensboro on Christmas Eve day.
Drive to the mountains that afternoon to her family's place.
Stay the night, and do Christmas with her family on Christmas Day.

12/23/2011 11:03:22 AM

Man, you guys put up with a lot of bullshit just to make everyone unhappy. I'm sure there is an easier way to make everyone either unhappy or just a few people happy each year.

12/23/2011 11:03:24 AM

Quote :

"we have three sets of parents (wife's parents are divorced) Basically we alternate. One year we spend Christmas day with my parents, and on alternating years we do christmas day/eve with one of her sets of parents that also alternates. If we do Christmas with my parents, than Thanksgiving is with one of her sets, and vice versa."

We do this too, minus the divorced parents part. Christmas with family X one year, thanksgiving with y, then we switch it up the next year. We exchange gifts with the non-Christmas family sometime the weekend before or after usually.

We probably could fit everyone in every year because my family lives in town and hers are only 3 hours away, but we would rather be able to take it easy and not be stressed. We told everyone this is how its gonna be since the first year we were married and it hasn't really been a problem.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 11:05 AM. Reason : d]

12/23/2011 11:04:29 AM

Move 3000 miles away and tell them the burden is on them

12/23/2011 11:04:42 AM

Quote :

"Man, you guys put up with a lot of bullshit just to make everyone unhappy. I'm sure there is an easier way to make everyone either unhappy or just a few people happy each year."

honestly, the way i look at it is we do most of the running around to satisfy the grandparents. they're all getting pretty old and my time with them is limited, so if that's what it takes to make them happy, then i'll put up with it for the short time i have left with them. i've already lost a grandfather and i'd gladly do any amount of driving to spend another xmas with him.

to me, xmas means nothing and i see no difference between seeing them on dec 25th or seeing them any other day of the year, but to them, it's a big deal and they want to see me on that very day. i just chalk dec 24th and 25th up as a loss and make them happy.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 11:17 AM. Reason : dasf]

12/23/2011 11:14:39 AM

I just always go to his parents' place for Christmas and see my family before or after. When we buy a house we are totally going to make people come visit us if they want to get together.

12/23/2011 11:16:58 AM

Now I don't go to anyone's house (not even family) unless invited.

When and if I get married I'll probably go to my spouse's house unless and until we get kids.

12/23/2011 11:27:28 AM

yeah so i have the divorce thing on my wife's side so there is 2 there, and then my family wants like 3 days out of us every year or they're all, we don't see you enough blah blah blah.

12/23/2011 11:32:04 AM

Xmas eve is for the wife and I.
Xmas morning breakfast till 1:00 with her family.
Xmas afternoon with my family.
The families are anywhere from 10 minutes to 2.5 hours apart depending on who is hosting in each family.
No one loves the arrangement, but it works for everyone.

12/23/2011 11:52:32 AM

^^ I got you covered:

New Years/New Years Eve
Easter
Thanksgiving.

That gives you an actual solid 4 days out of the year to spend with them.

Then for the divorced parents:

Struggle with Christmas
See them at odd times throughout the year

You could even invite them over to your house to make it easier for you. If they've "gotten over" each other and they don't bicker around each other, but are willing to be together for making it easier for everyone, then it shouldn't be too bad to invite them over.

12/23/2011 11:57:43 AM

Quote :

"Man, you guys put up with a lot of bullshit just to make everyone unhappy. I'm sure there is an easier way to make everyone either unhappy or just a few people happy each year. "

Lol I'm thinking the same thing reading this thread. It makes me thankful my extended family has never expected family reunions during the holidays since we're so spread out and most of my husband's family has been dead for decades. Makes life so much easier and relatively stress-free.

12/23/2011 2:23:39 PM

My husbands family is all in WV by the OH boarder. We used to spend every holiday over the past 2.5 years with his family. This year I put my foot down. So I made a compromise.

This year: Thanksgiving with his family. Christmas with mine.
Next year: Thanksgiving with my family. Christmas with his.

Alternating every year.

Until we have kids. In which case they can travel to us too. Although they already have grand-kids in WV that they swear they will not be apart from on holidays. So, if they want to play favorites, tough luck for them

12/23/2011 2:42:39 PM

last year we did her family stuff down in GA for both thanksgiving and christmas... this year we are doing it again for christmas (and didn't do anything for thanksgiving as we both had to work that friday). Next year, I'm going to give her the option to go do that again if she wants, but it will be without me. I am totally over the travelling bs to make everyone happy

12/23/2011 2:44:59 PM

we have stopped the hat dance. the two of us dont get a lot of time off together (she works odd shifts at Wake Med)

we are doing NOTHING on Christmas Day except sitting at our house together. we told the family to make plans on other nights if they want to get together. going to see my dad tonight and her mom/dad next week.

perfect.

12/23/2011 2:47:05 PM

^^ Yes! Mine wants to travel right after Christmas to see his family since it's his first time being away from them on the holidays and they are guilting him into it.... I told him he can go by himself lol.

12/23/2011 2:51:18 PM

see, I don't mind the the drive to charlotte or to hickory, but having to drive to canton GA is just too much for me. I love seeing her family too, but it honestly isn't worth it to me for just 2-3 days of sitting around and chit chatting.

12/23/2011 2:51:36 PM

Haven't read all the thread yet, but married people xmas stuff is waaaaaaaaaay better than divorced people xmas stuff.

As a kid: Constant fight each year over where you'll end up on Christmas day.
As a married adult with children: You can't stay put and ask your parents to come visit you, at least not both of them. Also, now you've got at least three places to go. Mom's, dad's, and the in-laws. Must be really annoying when both people in a relationship have divorced parents.

In my case one side of the family was pretty cool about it, visit when you can. The other side would get all bent out of shape if you weren't there on the very day of Christmas. I never understood that mentality. Now, and likely the result of all that crap over they years, I've got the attitude that it doesn't matter what the day is, so long as everyone can get together once every so often.

Don't forget to add Thanksgiving. Only a month of separation from Christmas yet it is again the end of the world if you are not there on that day. They really need to spread out these family guilted into meeting on one exact calendar day holidays.

Edit:
Ok, so I've read this far now:

Quote :

"Christmas for my wife and me involves going to six different places (divorced parents on both sides + extended family on both her mom's and dad's side) that are not remotely close together (Asheville, Raleigh, Franklinton, and Moorehead City). It's a 4+ day affair that requires 20+ hours of driving that leaves virtually everybody disappointed that we weren't there exactly when they wanted us to be"

Pretty much describes my holidays (of times past, now I won't put up with that). The WORST is that there's no one place that's farther than a 2.5 hour drive, so EVERYONE expects the visit... completely forgetting that you've got 6 places to visit. At least in my case there was only one place that got bent out of shape if the day you could show up didn't align with the day of the holiday.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 3:51 PM. Reason : -]

12/23/2011 3:41:10 PM

My sister put her foot down with our divorced parents. You want to see my niece Christmas morning you come to her house. If you don't want to go to her house you see her a different time. No one got mad, our mom and dad don't kill each other when they happen to be there at the same time.

12/23/2011 4:13:27 PM

We are doing neither family this year. Going to try and host Christmas next year.

12/23/2011 4:26:08 PM

Mother in law is a nurse (hospital) so she works either Xmas eve or Xmas day, and it flips every year. We go there when she doesn't work, and stay here (where all my family is) when she does. This year she has Xmas Day off, so we'll go there sometime Sunday afternoon. It definitely makes it easy to decide & lends to no hurt feelings bc who is gonna argue with her work schedule? However, once buddy understands what Xmas is (maybe not next year, but def the year after), we'll always be here at home Xmas day.

However...we also do 3 other xmases with extended family. My dad's side, my mom's and his dad's side. Twice we've gone down to Florida after Xmas to spend time with his mom's side. December is chaotic. But...it's relatively painless.

Quote :

"Next year, I'm going to give her the option to go do that again if she wants, but it will be without me. I am totally over the travelling bs to make everyone happy"

wow.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 4:51 PM. Reason : Damn Brett...that's cold]

12/23/2011 4:45:39 PM

Quote :

"Damn Brett...that's cold"

Ehh, I can understand where he's coming from. If you only get limited time off work every year, do you want to spend that time and money traveling for hours every Christmas? Sometimes it's nice to just stay put and tell people to come to you if they want to see you.

12/23/2011 4:55:49 PM

^^How so? I agree with ^. Like i said, if it were just a 3 hour drive, that would be one thing, but when these trips turn in 9 hours, it is an entirely different thing. If it is such a big deal, then she can talk them into meeting at a central location (ie: her parents house), or go a holiday without seeing family. And me giving her the option to still go if she wants to is not cold at all in my opinion- it is me saying I can accept if she still wants to go and visit them and saying I'm cool with it... fail to see the problem there either.


there is no reason that a day of vacation should be wasted on driving, each way, to visit anyone for just 2 days. At this point that is what it is becoming- we will hang out tomorrow and sunday, and then get to see my family for about 10 hours monday, and then be on the road again (with a stop in charlotte for the bowl game). I also think you are failing to see that this has been done 3 out of the last 4 holidays, and something that I forgot to mention earlier is the stipulation that if we did it twice last year, we wouldn't do it this year (and look where we are now).

I don't see why people haven't brought up how technology can alleviate some of these problems. My wife used to skype with her family, but has stopped that. I wonder if she did it more, if that would help with her periods of little/no contact





[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 5:10 PM. Reason : mooore]

12/23/2011 5:01:10 PM

We told our parents several years ago that we weren't going anywhere on Christmas day. We enjoy hanging around the house that day and we will not leave. If they must see us that day, then they can come to us.
Christmas Eve is out as well as that is our anniversary.

But now we live 1300 miles away from our parents so we don't have to worry about it anymore

12/23/2011 6:04:10 PM

You just come off so authoritative...chest puffing and thumping "puting your foot down." Almost un-brett like. That's why I said it was cold.

But your lengthy retort...very Brett-like

I'm not opposed to any reasoning behind it or stance...just was like "wow...Brett has balls. Brass ones"

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 6:09 PM. Reason : Balls]

12/23/2011 6:08:04 PM

we are not seeing either side for Christmas this year, but my mother was being really pissy about it. She actually told me "Well I just assumed you two would be in Georgia with us".

His side has never been too uppity about any of it, but they also don't do the big traditional family dinners or what have you.

[Edited on December 23, 2011 at 6:20 PM. Reason : /]

12/23/2011 6:18:09 PM

Christmas day in the triangle, 3 day trip to Charlotte at some other time during the holiday break. Our holidays are generally like that, one family gets the day of, and one family gets more time around then.

Although our family events have been merging more and more as the years ago on. It's becoming all the same people going to 2 different events so I think it's going to end up with 1 large gathering for most holiday events eventually.

12/23/2011 6:34:04 PM

^^^haha well she was kind of taken aback by it too, and I think actually agrees with me on it

^^damn you for not making a drive 2 times as long as us that has taken us to the brink of our sanity to hang out for a couple of days and drunkenly pass time awkwardly with everyone

12/24/2011 12:08:22 AM

the plane takes off

12/24/2011 12:14:36 AM

My sister and her husband basically decide when my family gets together now since they have to manage the inlaws.

12/24/2011 12:17:18 AM

Assign Christmas to one family and Thanksgiving to the other!

12/24/2011 12:31:33 AM

well thanks a lot solomon

[Edited on December 24, 2011 at 1:02 AM. Reason : *actually a pretty good call]

12/24/2011 1:01:33 AM

we're all adults so it works out well

in general my wife's family does xmas every year as a family together on xmas day so we're there for it - my family is much more spread out and my siblings have their own families so we do xmas the weekend before or after

we've missed xmas twice now - once for a vacation to paris and this year we're living in australia - my wife's family is waiting to open presents until we wake up on the 26th to Skype with them

12/24/2011 8:20:56 AM

My husband's family is 3 hours away and my family was 2 hours away in another direction up until this year. In the 10 years we've been together, we've always celebrated Christmas a little early with one family and spent Christmas with another. This year we celebrated early with my husband's family (on Tuesday) and my family is coming to our house for brunch on Christmas Day. We've recently moved to my hometown, so this is going to be our first Christmas spent at home with the kids.

12/24/2011 8:37:18 AM

fuck the family, take a trip with your girl friend/wife/hooker to Hawaii and then send Christmas cards of yourselves on the beach half naked together to them as a good reminder how you rock.

Added bonus, sign each card with "wish you were here".

12/24/2011 8:41:45 AM