So I'v been working on a team for nearly 2 years now. When I started into the project it was just me and another guy who had been on the project for a year before I started. We added a couple of other folks to the project about a year ago and then last July the team added 5 more people and we took on quite a bit of new work. Starting in July the guy that had been on the project the longest was unofficially and somewhat (literally) unspoken apparently granted the "team leader" status by our supervisor. Since then he has been sort of behaving like he is "the guy" by running meetings and acting like major decisions about our work have to run through him.

Well, they recently competed the job, we had interviews today and they let me know that I had won the position. It won't be formally announced until tomorrow so I didn't say anything to my teammates yet.

About an hour later the guy who had been acting as lead came out of the debrief with our manager and he didn't even swing by his desk didn't say goodbye, just walked right passed me and a couple other guys chatting. He looked like someone had just told him his dog died.

And tdub...I actually felt worse for the dude than I did happy for myself. What should I say if anything tomorrow or in the next days to this guy? Should I pretend like nothing really happened and just take over this role and don't look back? Should I throw the guy a bone and let him know I've got empathy for his plight? I don't want to feel like I'm rubbing salt in a fresh wound or anything.

Tdub, in all your finite wisdom, tell me what you think?

2/13/2012 5:46:33 PM

I wouldn't say anything to him. If I were you, I would lead the team the way it seems like you liked for it to be led...cooperatively.

2/13/2012 5:48:53 PM

maybe shoot him an email or stop by his desk (whichever is more appropriate per your relationship) and say something along the lines of "HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! forreal though that's beat up" "I know you've been on this project the longest and want you to know I value your opinion and direction."

[Edited on February 13, 2012 at 5:51 PM. Reason : but forreal though]

2/13/2012 5:50:13 PM

I'd let him bring it up, until then act like you don't know anything

2/13/2012 5:54:39 PM

honestly though take the first advice I gave. You're an asshole and I feel you should be internally consistent.

2/13/2012 6:01:39 PM

I only play an asshole on the internet.

2/13/2012 6:17:24 PM

In real life, he's just a big, bald, teddy bear

[Edited on February 13, 2012 at 6:26 PM. Reason : I've always liked Chance ]

2/13/2012 6:26:07 PM

Sounds like the guy missed his Chance...

2/13/2012 6:29:24 PM

I'm too drunk to read that block of text and comprehend and analyze it, but I did see the word "project" and "team" multiple times and am glad that I didn't join the corporate rat race, and thusly am glad I'm not in your position, based on those words alone.

2/13/2012 6:29:54 PM

I'm glad you asked, so, hear me out. First, ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" You should be humble and non-judgmental towards him. Tell him to seek Christ in dealing with this matter.

2/13/2012 6:30:29 PM

Quote :

"I only play an asshole on the internet."

nope, you just pretend to not be a douche irl

2/13/2012 6:32:10 PM

Quote :

"I wouldn't say anything to him. If I were you, I would lead the team the way it seems like you liked for it to be led...cooperatively."

same here. i wouldnt bring it ... just roll with. after all, it wasnt personal and if management thinks you are the right person to lead then he will just have to deal with it.

if there is an issue in the future with chain of command....cross that bridge when you get to it.

2/13/2012 6:33:16 PM

Ok...so I want bring it up to him personally. But still, I've got empathy for the guy...should I send out a message to my teammates ahead of the official announcement telling them not to swing by and congratulate me if he is in the office or until he does it first?

On the one hand, thats almost a bit presumptive in and of itself. While I think the rest of my team genuinely likes me, maybe one of them thinks it's a real dick move to expect them to congratulate me?

Quote :

"nope, you just pretend to not be a douche irl"

An interesting point. If I've pretended for so long at not being a douche such that it's indistinguishable from when I'm pretending and when I'm not...am I still a douche?

2/13/2012 7:53:50 PM

He asked your boss if he could stay team leader...





























...Your boss said, "Fat Chance".

[Edited on February 13, 2012 at 7:57 PM. Reason : .]

2/13/2012 7:56:08 PM

I would post a thread on TWW about it, just to let people know.

2/13/2012 7:57:37 PM

^ yeah, I knew you'd say that so I made this thread

2/13/2012 8:02:16 PM

do not send an email telling people not to congratulate you with him there. It's presumptive and it might get back to him and make you sound condescending even if you mean to be tactful. I would ignore the whole thing and if it requires comment say that you value his input since he has experience on the project.

2/13/2012 8:03:28 PM

Quote :

".should I send out a message to my teammates ahead of the official announcement telling them not to swing by and congratulate me if he is in the office or until he does it first? On the one hand, thats almost a bit presumptive in and of itself. While I think the rest of my team genuinely likes me, maybe one of them thinks it's a real dick move to expect them to congratulate me?"

just let things play out naturally, partially for the presumptiveness, but mostly because people are gonna feel how the feel, and trying to control it tends to backfire.

As for the guy who's taking it hard for being passed over for the lead role, yeah I agree with reaching out to him and doing whatever you can to win him over. If he's a reasonable person, he should know that any angst about this shouldn't be directed at you. As long as you come across genuine, he shouldn't hold a grudge. That said, if he's unreasonable, all bets are off.

Been through similar situations, and the above worked well in my case.

2/13/2012 8:05:03 PM

Quote :

"Ok...so I want bring it up to him personally. But still, I've got empathy for the guy...should I send out a message to my teammates ahead of the official announcement telling them not to swing by and congratulate me if he is in the office or until he does it first?"

Definitely not.

I understand where you are coming from, and personally I'm shocked that I'm reading that you are really feeling the empathy you do for the other dude in your situation (no offense, i understand we're all different on the internet, just didn't expect it)

But, all of these personal feelings aside, you have been with this team for quite a long time yourself, and you are moving into a position where you have to go above being just a member of the team. You can feel whatever you want for the guy you are replacing, but raising attention to the situation does no good whatsoever. These types of situations usually resolve themselves on action of the other party.

Your obligation is to make the transition smooth and make sure the team continues to function at a high level. Sounds like you have a nice opportunity, don't forget what your job is. But kudos for having this dilemma.

Quote :

"people are gonna feel how the feel, and trying to control it tends to backfire."

yep, precisely this. spot fucking on.

2/13/2012 8:06:13 PM

Quote :

""people are gonna feel how the feel, and trying to control it tends to backfire.""

thats a thread winner

2/13/2012 8:24:40 PM

Quote :

"I'm shocked that I'm reading that you are really feeling the empathy you do for the other dude in your situation (no offense, i understand we're all different on the internet, just didn't expect it) "

Look, I spend 8-10hrs of my day 5 days a week with my coworkers. We share all matter of personal stories with each other. I know what makes them tick, what their mannerisms are, and a whole lot of either shit you just don't learn about people via a message board. It's really nothing personal if I've ever said something dickish to you.

Quote :

" but mostly because people are gonna feel how the feel, and trying to control it tends to backfire."

Yeah, thats money. Pretty much as soon as I posted about the "email to the other team members" I was thinking now thats a really terrible idea you moron.

I guess I was hoping to get some "how would you feel perspectives" but even if I got an average of your guys opinions it isn't going to add up to how this guy may or may not feel. I'm just going to try and be light on my feet tomorrow and role with whatever may come.

[Edited on February 13, 2012 at 8:51 PM. Reason : z]

2/13/2012 8:51:23 PM

it's shorter to just type TWW you know

2/13/2012 8:52:28 PM

Yeah but when refer to the joint in the real world I don't say the wolf web or tww...I say tdub...so I type tdub.

2/13/2012 8:53:52 PM

so am I not a mongoloid today or what

2/13/2012 8:54:53 PM

It seems as if sometimes BubbleBobble TRIES to pick internet fights with people

2/13/2012 8:58:38 PM

i try to avoid talking about tdub in the real world

but yeah basically dont do anything too over the top but if it comes up, let the guy know you appreciate what he has done and will continue to value his input

if you choose to, you could say the promotion is just a formality and you're still a team, but at the same time if he seemed a little demanding in the first place, it might be a reality check of his people person and team leadership skills to not mention that

but you obviously know him better than us

2/13/2012 8:59:54 PM

Quote :

"so am I not a mongoloid today or what"

I dunno man. I haven't read any of your other posts outside of this thread so I can't fairly judge.

Quote :

"let the guy know you appreciate what he has done and will continue to value his input if you choose to, you could say the promotion is just a formality and you're still a team,"

Yeah, this was my initial thoughts...but then I was like "what if he takes even that wrong?", and I made a thread for tdub to decide my life.

2/13/2012 9:05:38 PM

yo dude sorry was trying to bring some levity to the situation, don't get all defensive and shit just because we all realized you have a heart

you have important dealings to focus on

Quote :

"I'm just going to try and be light on my feet tomorrow and role with whatever may come."

go for it dude. there's a reason you were chosen, be confident in that, and move forward. you got this.

2/13/2012 9:08:19 PM

if the guy is a real professional, then he'll accept the decision. this is just a part of life, and business. he had his shot and it didn't work out, you shouldn't have to apologize to anyone.

2/13/2012 9:11:15 PM

Quote :

"if the guy is a real professional"

it sounds unlikely.

2/13/2012 9:13:00 PM

ibt tl;dr

2/13/2012 10:25:09 PM

The guy (for the sake of protecting his ego, if nothing else) most likely feels like he deserved/was entitled to the position, so he's a little butt hurt. My approach would be to never talk about it. If he brings it up, then you've gotta respond. Otherwise, just let it ride.

2/13/2012 10:43:25 PM

Tell him you had sex with his wife.

2/13/2012 10:50:12 PM

show him this thread

2/13/2012 11:30:11 PM

It took him 3 days before he finally said a word to me. The first couple minutes he was ever so slightly terse, like "this is bullshit I have to even talk about this stuff to this guy" and then I could tell he eased up a little bit and we had a normal conversation about work.

Still no congrats though.

2/16/2012 6:30:10 PM

2/16/2012 6:33:14 PM

Quote :

"just walked right passed me"

you should be ashamed

2/16/2012 6:36:54 PM

I know this is Chit Chat and all, but fuck, can you assholes put at least a .1% effort in your posts?

2/16/2012 6:50:22 PM

Galatians 6:7-8

2/16/2012 6:51:54 PM

Why are you expecting a congrats?

2/16/2012 6:52:46 PM

Social convention?

Note, I'm not expecting it. Not at all. Just that, social norms dictate that people offer it, sometimes even if they don't mean it.

[Edited on February 16, 2012 at 7:46 PM. Reason : .]

2/16/2012 7:45:17 PM

2/16/2012 7:47:55 PM

I....


am....dealing with it.

Do you have anything interesting to post?

2/16/2012 7:51:44 PM