*OLD VERSION*:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.


The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.


The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!


************************************************************
*UPDATED VERSION:*


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.


Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving.


CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.


How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?


Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries
when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."


Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has
the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.


Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the
ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.


Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to
hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay
his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.


Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Barack Obama appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.



The ant loses the case.


The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant
has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug
related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of
spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote


[Edited on March 26, 2012 at 12:55 AM. Reason : .]

3/26/2012 12:53:27 AM

my grandpa sent me this chain email like 5 years ago. sorry yours is behind the times

3/26/2012 12:56:13 AM

5 years ago? It was at least 10 years ago for me. Sounds like it was you who was behind the times.
I am guilty for adjusting obama's name over bill's.

[Edited on March 26, 2012 at 1:07 AM. Reason : .]

[Edited on March 26, 2012 at 1:07 AM. Reason : .]

3/26/2012 1:07:17 AM

sounds like you should travel back in time and post this in 2001

3/26/2012 1:10:34 AM

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't be a spider in an ant neighborhood. Spiders liable to be shot up in there, because spider gangs are a threat to us all.

3/26/2012 1:46:53 AM

And that child turned out to be Albert Einstein

3/26/2012 1:48:30 AM

And I smiled at her and said, "Welcome to the Republican party."

3/26/2012 1:48:53 AM

And the bear got down on his knees and said, "Thank you lord for this meal I am about to receive..."

3/26/2012 1:49:19 AM

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: "Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!" The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying "Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!" As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. "It'ssss me you want!". And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

3/26/2012 1:52:54 AM

^ That story sucked.

3/26/2012 1:59:05 AM

Isn't this thread for shitty stories?

3/26/2012 2:15:12 AM

more like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus

All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns, and also he got a racecar.

Is any of this getting through to you?

3/26/2012 8:30:42 AM