In olden times, the animals of the forest could speak English just like you and me. One day, a pineapple challenged a hare to a race.

(I forgot to mention, fruits and vegetables were able to speak too.)

A hare is like a rabbit, only skinnier and faster. This particular hare was known to be the fastest animal in the forest.

“You, a pineapple have the nerve to challenge me, a hare, to a race,” the hare asked the pineapple. “This must be some sort of joke.”

“No,” said the pineapple. “I want to race you. Twenty-six miles, and may the best animal win."

"You aren't even an animal!" the hare said. “You're a tropical fruit!"

“Well, you know what I mean,” the pineapple said.


The animals of the forest thought it was very strange that tropical fruit should want to race a very fast animal.

"The pineapple has some trick up its sleeve," a moose said.

Pineapples don't have sleeves, an owl said

"Well, you know what I mean,” the moose said. "If a pineapple challenges a hare to a race, it must be that the pineapple knows some secret trick that will allow it to win.”

“The pineapple probably expects us to root for the hare and then look like fools when it loses,” said a crow. “Then the pineapple will win the race because the hare is overconfident and takes a nap, or gets lost, or something.”

The animals agreed that this made sense. There was no reason a pineapple should challenge a hare unless it had a clever plan of some sort. So the animals, wanting to back a winner, all cheered for the pineapple.

When the race began, the hare sprinted forward and was out of sight in less than a minute. The pineapple just sat there, never moving an inch.

The animals crowded around watching to see how the pineapple was going to cleverly beat the hare. Two hours later when the hare cross the finish line, the pineapple was still sitting still and hadn't moved an inch.

The animals ate the pineapple.

MORAL: Pineapples don't have sleeves

-------------------------------------------------

Beginning with paragraph 4, in what order are the events in the story told?

A switching back and forth between places
B In the order in which the events happen
C Switching back and forth between the past and the present
D In the order in which the hare tells the events to another animal


The animals ate the pineapple most likely because they were

A Hungry
B Excited
C Annoyed
D Amused


Which animal spoke the wisest words?

A The hare
B The moose
C The crow
D The owl


Before the race, how did the animals feel toward the pineapple?

A Suspicious
B Kindly
C Sympathetic
D Envious


What would have happened if the animals had decided to cheer for the hare?

A The pineapple would have won the race.
B They would have been mad at the hare for winning.
C The hare would have just sat there and not moved.
D They would have been happy to have cheered for a winner.


When the moose said that the pineapple has some trick up its sleeve, he means that the pineapple

A is wearing a disguise
B wants to show the animals a trick
C has a plan to fool the animals
D is going to put something out of its sleeve

[Edited on April 23, 2012 at 9:04 PM. Reason : ]

4/23/2012 9:04:10 PM

sounds like some of that dumb shit from an EOG test

4/23/2012 9:06:07 PM

I want my 2 min back

4/23/2012 9:07:37 PM

Quote :

"Talking pineapple question on state exam stumps ... everyone!"

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/talking-pineapple-question-state-exam-stumps-article-1.1064657

NeuseRvrRat won.

[Edited on April 23, 2012 at 9:08 PM. Reason : ]

4/23/2012 9:07:56 PM

My answers:

C
C
A
D
C

4/23/2012 9:12:28 PM

post to facebook

4/23/2012 9:12:50 PM

[Edited on April 23, 2012 at 9:14 PM. Reason : thread just got 100x better]

4/23/2012 9:12:58 PM

twas brillig in the slithy tay

[Edited on April 23, 2012 at 9:13 PM. Reason : ]

4/23/2012 9:13:13 PM

so the pineapples are the TexAgs.com posters?

4/23/2012 9:15:35 PM

Makes me think of:

4/23/2012 9:16:16 PM

tldr

4/23/2012 9:29:16 PM

^

a pineapple challenged a hare to a race.

Two hours later when the hare cross the finish line, the pineapple was still sitting still and hadn't moved an inch.

The animals ate the pineapple.

4/23/2012 9:39:13 PM

it's pretty sad that a private company took 32 million $ to come up with this.

4/23/2012 9:42:26 PM

4/23/2012 9:45:58 PM

DADADC now tell me wtf this is about

4/23/2012 9:47:35 PM

it doesn't matter if the questions are difficult or absurd. it's a standardized test. as long as everyone is given the same questions, everyone's results remain relative.

4/23/2012 9:53:00 PM

^ Ken Jennings admitted he didn't know what the answers are, and Ken Jennings is about the best guy on the planet at figuring out pun-ey reading comprehension questions.

^^ alright we're going to have to fight it out over some of these

4/23/2012 10:00:51 PM

You can get a job for these fucksticks who know absolutely dick about what goes on in a classroom day to day.
http://www.pearsoned.com/careers/

4/23/2012 10:16:03 PM

C
C
C
C
C
C

4/23/2012 10:27:30 PM

i really don't understand which questions are that hard. and i'm not trolling.

4/23/2012 10:28:23 PM

B
C
D
A
D
C

4/23/2012 10:36:56 PM

A
C
D
C

4/23/2012 10:42:05 PM

Quote :

"A switching back and forth between places B In the order in which the events happen"

both, since the animals weren't discussing which racer to back in the same exact spot the challenge was made

4/23/2012 10:52:31 PM

It just occurred to me how useful this is as an analogy to educated people arguing with religious people.

That, or internet trolls.

4/23/2012 11:14:00 PM

oh, standardized tests

i beasted the analogies on the SAT

4/23/2012 11:33:47 PM

I interpreted it to be about trolls (even though I just skimmed)b

4/23/2012 11:36:38 PM

only problem is that you don't get to eat the troll at the end. This is more akin to the douche who invites you to play hide and seek and then after counting splits.

4/23/2012 11:38:44 PM