and is traumatized to the point where she will only rarely have sex with you if at all, would you be a dick if you broke up with her for not being sexually fulfilling?

Is not having sex with someone because of past sexual abuse a reason to end a relationship?



PS - This is not about me and my relationship.

7/20/2012 2:39:12 PM

If a relationship isn't working for you, why wouldn't you end it?

7/20/2012 2:40:30 PM

Yes no maybe so

7/20/2012 2:40:39 PM

If a relationship isn't working for you, why wouldn't you end it?

7/20/2012 2:40:59 PM

I'm glad you found someone, Pikey.

7/20/2012 2:41:47 PM

Why haven't you already ended it?

7/20/2012 2:42:22 PM

no sex or infrequent sex is a deal breaker

7/20/2012 2:44:44 PM

Things like this should be vetted out before making some chick your girlfriend.

[Edited on July 20, 2012 at 2:52 PM. Reason : .]

7/20/2012 2:46:48 PM

If she is still this traumatized, then how can he expect any other normal relationship behaviors. She has to come to terms with this on her own. It is a long process with no clear direction, and a lot of backward slides, a relationship is kind of out of the question for her, regardless of what she might say to him about needing him.

I would say the only exception would be if the event happened recently during their relationship. I would hope that a bf in this situation would stick it out (within reason) to help her regain some confidence. He would prob have to play more of a friend role, but at least try to be there for her until she has sought some help, but you cannot expect someone to take on baggage that isn't theirs.

7/20/2012 2:48:02 PM

if i were in that situation, i would try my utmost best to make her normal again (with and without professional help). i don't know how long i would try for, perhaps a year or two. (i would stick that long as long as she was at least non-sexually loving and emotionally fulfilling)

if there was no improvement in the situation, i guess breaking up would be the only option.

7/20/2012 2:48:53 PM

If she is open to addressing the issue give her the chance, if not move on and maybe she can find someone with a testosterone deficiency.

7/20/2012 2:49:08 PM

7/20/2012 2:49:20 PM

I would say the expiration date on trying to help her is a few months, by then if she hasn't agreed to some level of therapy then there isn't much you can do, trying to understand what a sex abuse victim is thinking is pointless. She isn't going to be functioning on a relationship level for a few years.

[Edited on July 20, 2012 at 2:55 PM. Reason : but if you are going to marry this girl, then you will have to wait it out a few years.]

7/20/2012 2:52:44 PM

Depends,

is she everything to you?

7/20/2012 2:55:10 PM

Quote :

"IF YOU GF"

7/20/2012 3:04:22 PM

i don't think you (or whoever the dude is) should break up with the girl right away..but talk to her about it. a relationship can't work if one person is consistently compromising. letting her know that you respect her feelings about her past, and that you want to help her overcome the trauma is probably a good first step. if the frequency of sex doesn't increase or if it doesn't become more comfortable for her, then maybe she's not ready for a relationship...then you would have a good reason to break up

7/20/2012 3:08:57 PM

It would be extremely painful...

7/20/2012 3:09:12 PM

You would be a dick if you started a relationship with her, despite knowing that there were some issues that had not been worked out.

Attraction --> Sex/Intimacy --> Relationship

In that order, always, or you're gonna have a bad time.

7/20/2012 3:10:45 PM

just pretend you've already been married 10 years and the thought of having sex disgusts you

7/20/2012 3:12:42 PM

Quote :

"My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men."

7/20/2012 3:13:19 PM

Quote :

"YOU GF IS"

7/20/2012 3:13:29 PM

Quote :

"If a relationship isn't working for you, why wouldn't you end it?"

this

it's like not being physically attracted to someone...it may not be something they can help, but you're not suddenly going to be okay with it one day unless you just give up and then you resent them for it

it sucks, but move on

7/20/2012 3:18:34 PM

Yep. Not gonna have a relationship without good sex and plenty of it.


However, the freakiest, horniest girls I've ever known were victims of abuse and rape.

7/20/2012 6:16:42 PM

A relationship without sex is a friendship.

7/20/2012 6:45:16 PM

Quote :

"However, the freakiest, horniest girls I've ever known were victims of abuse and rape."

That's pretty fucked up.

[Edited on July 20, 2012 at 6:57 PM. Reason : ]

7/20/2012 6:57:13 PM

Quote :

" However, the freakiest, horniest girls I've ever known were victims of abuse and rape."

O.o

7/20/2012 7:02:13 PM

Quote :

"However, the freakiest, horniest girls I've ever known were victims of abuse and rape."

i only dated one, but that was my experience, as well

she was messed up, and i knew it, but damn if it's not true

[Edited on July 20, 2012 at 7:06 PM. Reason : .]

7/20/2012 7:05:38 PM

TheDuke, I guess you get that out of the way on the first date (asking whether she was abused or raped)? Would be a waste of your time otherwise?

7/20/2012 7:16:56 PM

Find the guy that did it to her, cut off his dick and shove it in his own ass.

7/20/2012 11:36:30 PM

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But have you been raped?
If so call me maybe

7/20/2012 11:48:31 PM

It might be fucked up. I certainly can't explain it. I don't make the rules--I'm just relaying an observation.

7/21/2012 12:54:55 AM

^^lmao

7/21/2012 12:57:02 AM