Well, let's not be too hasty here. I won't quit forever, I'll just space it out. Why? Because I have decided that masturbation is a waste of time.

A normal day, like any other in front of your screen. Suddenly -- an erection attacks! You briefly caress yourself, which leads to subtle stroking, which leads to... oh, we'd better get a wad of toilet paper.

Now you're back in your chair with the wad of toilet paper in front of you. After years of doing this, you don't even need to double check if the door is locked, it has become second nature to you. Getting caught is impossible these days, and there's no longer any thrill or heart racing, you look as bored as an accountant sifting through numbers. All these strange websites and movies have gone from a strange, erotic land of wonder to a purely utilitarian destination: you get in, rub one out, and x out all the windows once finished. Goodbye, and thank you for traveling with Cum Guzzling Airlines.

You begin the search. Will it be a file from your stash or some random vid on red/porn/x/[insert word here]tube? You're too lazy (and bored of) your personal stash, so you pick a tube at random then start clicking.

You find one that piques your 'interest'. Then you immediately fast forward to penises and vaginas (or any other combination) if there's an intro. You start masturbating. Boredom sets in. You stop.

Now you look for another scene. While looking for another scene, you remember an older scene you saw a few days or weeks ago and search for it. While you search for that scene, you spot a new scene in the corner of your eye that you've never seen before and immediately click it. It is not as good as the scene you were looking for, so you are about to open a new tab when you see yet another scene in the thumbnails below this scene and get sidetracked. This repeats many, many times and by now you have had more false starts then the Duke Nukem Forever project.


Your browser is now a forest of tabs, with the same logo on each one. You lean back and sigh. Your dick goes a little limp, but out of the kindness of your... heart? (after all, you've had so many wonderful times with the guy), you choose to finish the job.

Ah! Here's a good scene. Let's get to business. Business meaning to repetitively jerk yourself off with a stone cold face and dead eyes, watching a subtle variation of something you've seen hundreds of times already. Before you know it, you're done. The tissue is now moist. You squeeze a few sticky gobs of cum out, x all the tabs that were oh so interesting before (it all looks so stupid now--more stupid than before), throw the cum filled ball of toilet paper away and go about to what you were doing as if nothing happened.


I tell you: this is no way to live.

So I've decided that I am going to cut my masturbation to every 1-2 weeks. Once every friday. Why friday? Because it's not thursday. I HATE thursdays.

Also, I have discovered the joy of slow masturbation. If sex is an A or A+, then slow masturbation is at least a B and sometimes B+. Fast masturbation is C-, because it's not anywhere near as good. YOU ARE GRIPPING TOO TIGHT. You will lose sensitivity to regular sex, you stupid dick.

I was going to swear off masturbation for like a month, then I remembered that it has proven health benefits and I didn't want to get prostate cancer.

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/9999310

6/30/2013 4:33:15 AM

6/30/2013 4:51:48 AM

fight the good fight, against yo dick

6/30/2013 5:23:17 AM

huge ass pics
[Edited on June 30, 2013 at 7:45 AM. Reason : .]

[Edited on June 30, 2013 at 7:45 AM. Reason : ,]

6/30/2013 7:43:34 AM

I never once saw you mention washing your hands after that routine.

6/30/2013 8:09:29 AM

6/30/2013 9:24:06 AM

man i was going to beat my meat this morning. maybe i'll abstain because BHS description was dead on.

6/30/2013 11:14:24 AM

this applies to my tww addiction.

6/30/2013 11:20:32 AM

Hey do yall remember that song that goes something like this "Shake it like a salt shaker!"

I just imagined Lil Jon popping his head out from underneath his bed yelling this as the climax neared.

6/30/2013 11:20:56 AM

6/30/2013 11:49:18 AM

^LOL

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

6/30/2013 11:50:48 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

[Edited on June 30, 2013 at 12:45 PM. Reason : ,]

6/30/2013 12:41:14 PM

Quote :

"slow masturbation is at least a B and sometimes B+. Fast masturbation is C-"

Hmm. I personally find that the faster I masturbate, the better the climax.

When I try to draw it out over a span of 5-10 minutes, it's like I've already used up a lot of the pleasure available to me, and my climax is, well, anti-climactic. The really good jizzes come when I furiously attack my dick from the get-go and don't slow down until I'm limp.

6/30/2013 4:25:27 PM

Quote :

"description was dead on"

6/30/2013 4:28:37 PM

Beat it like it owes you money!

6/30/2013 5:19:14 PM

Quote :

"The Zhejiang University researchers discovered that abstaining from ejaculation for 6 days after orgasm has little effect on testosterone levels, but testosterone levels reached approximately 146 percent on the seventh day."

http://www.livestrong.com/article/246689-the-effects-of-masturbation-on-testosterone/

7/1/2013 11:57:48 AM

^checkmate, atheists

7/1/2013 12:24:23 PM

ahahaha

7/1/2013 12:41:14 PM

lulz

7/1/2013 1:14:15 PM

Quote :

"Yes granny - I seen the light. Like a DUI roadblock in the sky. But I pulled a U-ie and hauled ass through the woods! And now my life has purpose. Goodbye party liquor! Gunnery, you have a good'un! Masturbation... uh... let's just call it a hiatus. From now on, I am a bushhog on the front-end loader of the Lord!"

7/1/2013 1:30:20 PM

starting today i'm going to abstain from all sorts of self gratification.

7/1/2013 1:53:44 PM

I feel like I've clicked into something I was never supposed to read

7/1/2013 2:02:33 PM

with dead eyes

7/1/2013 3:07:15 PM

Get that 7th Day T-boost and sling some kettlebells son!

7/2/2013 2:01:12 PM

Quote :

"The Zhejiang University researchers discovered that abstaining from ejaculation for 6 days after orgasm has little effect on testosterone levels, but testosterone levels reached approximately 146 percent on the seventh day."

what? no

no sex (with my wife or myself) for 7 days just get a 46% bump in t-juice? no thanks

7/2/2013 2:16:04 PM

i think day 7 i have two softball games. so i'll use that t-boost to knock out some homers

7/2/2013 2:16:41 PM

Then to knock out some boners

7/2/2013 4:02:53 PM

Good luck fuckers...

7/2/2013 6:17:30 PM

you make it to that point where the hormones start piling up and I can tell you it feels amazing. I've done it a few times. One was against my will when I spent two weeks working in florida with my dad sharing a room with me.
TORTURE, SON
Now I can abstain just by attempting to masturbate just before bed, and that little trickle of happy hormone starts to flow puts me out cold if I don't fight it.
I gotta be COMMITTED to the shit.
Add in the antidepressants and sometimes i just don't have the energy to bust a nut.

7/2/2013 6:53:44 PM