occamsrezr
All American
6985 Posts
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Before I read your post in full, I just skimmed it and caught a few sentences. That lead me to believe that someone had made an alias just to copy paste one of my very old posts on this site, to troll me. (This was earlier, in chit chat)
See, I was in that exact same situation a decade ago, just on the other side. I was madly in love with an Indian girl who had come to the US to study and her family was still in India. I had also come from abroad to study. She was Hindu, and I am Muslim, but only nominally. I felt the same as you, that if I were to search the world, I couldn't find anybody with whom I clicked even half as much. We were inseparable, and our personalities and emotions had completely gelled into one, making a new entity. We even had made several new words that only we understood, it was fabulous.
We met at NCSU in October 2000 and I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I courted (in the true sense) her for a few months, and around April 2011 told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She said the same, and I was shocked. Until then, she had basically been saying no because she was wary of the fact that her parents wouldn't approve. Anyway, we were together till February 2003, and then I left the US. We stayed together in a long distance relationship till August 2004, and then she told me she had to break it off.
Her mother had told her that if she were to marry a Muslim man, either she (mother) would kill herself or society would kill her (mother), on more than one occasion. My ex never told her family that she was dating me, but her older sister had apparently told the parents. So my ex told me that she had to make a choice, and she couldn't possibly turn her back on her family as they had invested so much in her education even though they weren't well off. Not only that, they had a family business (carpet making) back in India, and her and her 4 siblings were expected to play their part in running the business after finishing their studies. So there was no way she could do any of that if she were to marry me.
As for your case, it is slightly different, because your parents moved to America. Why do people move from underdeveloped oppressive countries to rich democratic multi-ethnic countries and then stop their daughters from marrying men of other races/cultures/religions? It is like the Pakistanis who immigrate to the UK and then prevent their daughters from marrying English men, or worse take them back to Pakistan and force them to marry their own, or even kill them in so called 'honor' killings.
My advice would be to try to have a rational calm discussion with your parents. If they understand, great. If not, choose him if you really think he is the 'one'. One day, you, not your family, will live with a man. So choose the person you want to choose, as long as he makes you happy.
Another example I can give you is of a friend (uni classmate) of my wife. She is Indian, and she married an English man. Her parents disowned her, and from what I know of the latest, they still haven't come around even though she has had a child with him. In fact, my ex and I discussed this very point. I was trying to convince her that her parents would come around one day if she stuck with me, especially after we had a child. She didnt want to take the risk. So, your parents might come around, they might not. You have to go into this thinking that they won't. If you can live with that, go with your man. Good luck!  10/8/2013 6:50:02 PM
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