10/16/2013 8:07:00 PM

10/16/2013 8:08:07 PM

I'm sorry to hear that, man. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 8:08 PM. Reason : Was this the one with Alzheimer's?]

10/16/2013 8:08:29 PM

^ Yea, kind of happy about it, tbh - Thanks man

^^ haha

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 8:10 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2013 8:09:52 PM

Man, I lost both my grandmas this year. It was rough. One of them had Alzheimer's...Alzheimer's sucks.

10/16/2013 8:25:40 PM

i, too, lost a grandparent this year and i am sorry for your loss

10/16/2013 8:27:35 PM

Quote :

"Alzheimer's sucks. "

No joke - she went from being an intelligent quick witted woman to not knowing where she is or even being able to communicate at all.

Boss is going through the same thing with his mother. Shit sucks.

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 8:30 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2013 8:30:06 PM

That sucks dude. My grandmother fell and fractured her back this week. None of my grandparents have died yet. I get the feeling it's going to happen soon though.

10/16/2013 9:45:41 PM

Quote :

"No joke - she went from being an intelligent quick witted woman to not knowing where she is or even being able to communicate at all."

That's exactly what happened with mine. She was always sharp as a tack...even into her late 80s. Then over the course of maybe just a few months it was all gone. It was always so hard for me to see her in such bad shape and remembering how different she was just a few years earlier.

10/16/2013 9:53:16 PM

Lots of sad in this thread

^^ My grandfather passed away in 2003 ( the husband of the grandmother who passed away ) - It was out of nowhere. We had times where we didn't really get along, but he helped raise me and I have never missed someone so much in my life.

^

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:03 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2013 10:03:38 PM

sorry bro, lost my mom to Alzheimers after a 16 year battle in Jan 2012, its tough. Your grandfather still around?

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:09 PM. Reason : d]

10/16/2013 10:08:56 PM

Nah, passed away about 10 years ago. Actually, not longer after is when she first started showing signs. It really went down hill quickly after that. I'm surprised she's held on this long.

And 16 years? Jesus, I can't imagine that.

I'm more worried about my dad than anything. He's been taking care of her for the past few years.

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:13 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2013 10:13:19 PM

yeah, doctors said they had never seen anyone live that long with it. I read somewhere that people can build up a "brain cell stock" and really intelligent people can handle it longer as they have a bigger supply of brain cells to lose. Mom had her Masters, was the first teacher in the State to win some professional license. She was also really healthy otherwise, made it from 1st grade through grad school only missing 5 days of school total.

She has to retire from teaching in 1994 due to it, but was driving up until about 5 years ago. Only got really bad the last year, couldnt do anything at all, didnt know where she was, etc. Worst part is we tried a nursing home and she hated it because she knew she wasnt at home but didnt know where she was. We ended up having a family member stay with her 24 hours a day in shifts, but after about three months and her losing 20lbs we took her home, she didnt last long after that. I literally cannot drive by that nursing home whenever I go home, I hate it, such a horrible place.

Definitely try to keep your dad busy. My dad watched mom for years and years and he has a huge void now, in addition to the void that one normally feels when losing a loved one. He is VERY slowly getting better

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:20 PM. Reason : d]

10/16/2013 10:19:25 PM

Damn, that's really depressing. Can't even pretend to know what either of you went through.

This is going to sound truly fucked up, but I think we're going to handle it pretty well. She's been almost non responsive for well over a year. Honestly can't believe she was able to keep holding out this long after that started. So it's kind of like we've all had time to slowly "get over it" already. (Or, I mean, I could just be a sociopath. Either is probably likely.)

And I feel you on the nursing home thing. Dad had considered it, but opted against it. Had to put her in there a few times for about a week at a time when he just couldn't take care of her, like when my uncle died and he had to plan the wedding. It was the worst. they treated her like shit. Didn't seem to care at all. Bleh

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:38 PM. Reason : ]

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:38 PM. Reason : ]

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:39 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2013 10:37:52 PM

Dude, don't feel bad about "being over it". Alzheimer's is a shitty disease for everyone involved. I know I was relieved when my grandmother finally passed, because it can be frustrating dealing with someone who is physically an adult but acts like a child. Taking care of someone like that is exhausting and is a huge responsibility. Every time I would go home, you could just feel how heavy the house was, cause you're just waiting for it to be over.

I also understand what you mean about "having gotten over it" long before the death. I felt the same way. I guess I realized that who she was died a while back and all that was left was a physical shell that, frankly, felt like little more than an obligation.

Sorry to hear that you went through this, though. It sucks

10/16/2013 11:00:31 PM

<3

10/16/2013 11:02:14 PM

very sorry to hear that jazon

10/16/2013 11:32:38 PM

I heard dementia is far worse? When I was in the hospital a nurse told me she had a patient who couldn't remember how to hold utensils so she was fed by other means.

10/16/2013 11:37:50 PM

embed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVSiv8-ugu0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

10/16/2013 11:39:42 PM

It's ok to be relieved and over it. It's no less painful, but I understand being past it before the actual end comes.

I took care of my grandmother at the end of her life. My father and uncle had already passed, so it was up to me and my brother to care for her. I kept her at home until I was so pregnant that I could no longer roll her to change her and her sheets. I felt incredibly guilty for moving her to a nursing home, but I knew that it was the right thing to do because I was physically incapable of providing the level of care that she needed. The nursing home didn't care for her as well as I thought that they could have, but going to the nursing home daily (or more) really helped. She passed less than a week after my daughter was born and it was a relief. It was incredibly painful, but the wait and her suffering was over.

It helped me to see her before they took her away and to see her after her body was prepared for visitation. It's been two years and I'm just now at the point where I can look back at things without getting emotional. Losing her has really reopened a great deal of anxiety surrounding the end of life.

Uhm, but yeah. It's ok to feel relieved that it's over.

10/16/2013 11:42:14 PM

Speaking of "dementia." Sundowners really sucks. My grandmother was just as cool as a cucumber. Just as sharp and witty until I had her admitted to the hospital for breathing problems. At 11 pm at night I received a phone call from her insisting that she'd some how been kidnapped from the hospital and was being kept in some woman's house. She and her daughters were mistreating her. I was to call the sheriff and come get her. I went down to the hospital and no matter how much I tried to reason with her that she as still in the hospital and hadn't been kidnapped, she could not see reason. She became so agitated that I had the nurse sedate her. The next day, she was completely fine. Like nothing had happened. She even seemed embarrassed about the night before. Afterwards, I learned about how confused elderly could get at night time in the hospital. It was so surreal.

10/16/2013 11:48:09 PM

yeah my grandmother with Alz just died a few weeks back. After 10 years or so it wasn't really a suprirse, but still kind of a bummer.

10/16/2013 11:54:43 PM

^^ oh man, I had almost forgotten the sundowning. That shit is insane

10/16/2013 11:56:38 PM

Quote :

" I also understand what you mean about "having gotten over it" long before the death. I felt the same way. I guess I realized that who she was died a while back and all that was left was a physical shell"

Yeah that's how I felt too.

10/17/2013 8:06:20 AM

My grandmother died of Alzheimer's 3 years ago. She had lived for almost 50 years on her own (got divorced in the 60s, never remarried) and watching her slowly lose her independence was the worst. First she had to move out of her house into a seniors apartment complex because she couldn't take care of her house/keep it clean/etc. Then she had to move into an assisted living complex because she would do things like forget to turn off the stove when she was finished cooking. During this time we also had to get her doctor to get the DMV to take away her license because she couldn't drive, although she would say otherwise. She resented all of this because she was so fiercely independent.

Before she moved out of her house, my mother was driving there basically every single day (30 minutes one way) after work to make sure she was eating and hadn't fallen down or anything. She couldn't call her because my grandmother stopped answering her phone around this time.

Once she was put in assisted living, things went downhill pretty fast and she was moved to a nursing home. They treated her well there (apparently unlike many of your experiences), the nurses there were some of the most amazing people i have ever met. I can't imagine doing their job for even a day. In the nursing home my grandma wasn't my grandma anymore. She rarely spoke, and didn't know who anyone was. Nevertheless, my mom went and sat and talked to her pretty much every single day, despite working two jobs. It broke my heart seeing that and knowing how hard it was on my mom.

About a week before she died, she suddenly became lucid and recognized my mom for the first time in at least a year and started talking for the first time in months. I know this really gave my mom some comfort, both in the fact that she got to talk to her mom again and that the hospice workers had told her that this could happen shortly before death.

I understand that "gotten over it" sentiment, as the last few times I went and visited, it just didn't seem like my grandma anymore. I think it's completely different though for a grandchild when compared to a child.

In summary, Alzheimer's is the shittiest thing ever. If I ever think I'm getting it, in a moment of clarity I'm gonna jump off a cliff or something. Fuck this disease.

10/17/2013 10:21:14 AM

i lost my last grandparent recently. she had dementia for the last 8 or so years. i don't think she'd spoken a word in the last several years, she was completely gone. it was almost a relief when she passed, she didn't have a good quality of life, and the nursing home was terrible.

sorry for your loss man.

10/17/2013 10:27:51 AM

Now I realize why I'm a bad person - I don't want to be around all these people I don't know that have suddenly taken an interest in me and won't shut the fuck up despite the fact that we have nothing to talk about and it's just annoying and awkward.

10/17/2013 6:39:55 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I SO FEEL YOU MAN

10/17/2013 11:46:27 PM