This thread is inspired by a good friend of mine and his girlfriend. After living most of their lives in North Carolina they have decided to quit their jobs, pack up, and move to a brand new city and state far away from friends and family and completely start over. No job/career prospects have initiated the move, just the want to get a fresh start in a new place.

Has anyone ever done anything like this without the security of a new job lined up? What was your motivation to move? Love, complacency, adventure? How did you break it to your friends and family? How did it turn out in the end?

1/22/2014 9:05:44 AM

seems like one of those things where there are underlying emotional problems, depression, whatever and they feel like starting over will fix said problems.

1/22/2014 9:07:40 AM

I assume they are walking away from shitty jobs and an apartment or something. The idea of me quitting my good paying job and my mortgage is basically insane.

Back to your friends though, that whole plan sounds like a good way to end up homeless living in car to be honest. This ain't the movies where magical shit happens. In real life, you have to bide your time, work hard, and develop real in-demand skills to succeed. Running off to a new place pretending that things will be better is a recipe for failure.

1/22/2014 9:14:48 AM

i don't want to psychoanalyze their motivations. i'd rather t-dubbers psychoanalyze their own.

Quote :

"I assume they are walking away from shitty jobs and an apartment or something. The idea of me quitting my good paying job and my mortgage is basically insane."

they are both college graduates walking away from jobs, not so much careers. and yes, an apartment. so no ties to a mortgage or any outstanding debts.

1/22/2014 9:15:07 AM

My second cousin did this. He used to live in Charlotte, NC but he quit and moved to Honolulu. I don't think he had any job prospects or anything lined up, he just decided he was tired of NC and saved up money for a while. I was never really close to him but he seems to be doing well in Hawaii based upon what I can see on Facebook. Although his current job is listed as "Works at 'Your mom's house' ".

1/22/2014 9:24:24 AM

Quote :

"I assume they are walking away from shitty jobs and an apartment or something. The idea of me quitting my good paying job and my mortgage is basically insane. Back to your friends though, that whole plan sounds like a good way to end up homeless living in car to be honest. This ain't the movies where magical shit happens. In real life, you have to bide your time, work hard, and develop real in-demand skills to succeed. Running off to a new place pretending that things will be better is a recipe for failure."

Agreed.

But, some people can do it-

1/22/2014 9:57:53 AM

Just moving on a whim like that sounds pretty scary. There's a lot to be said for getting a new start in a new place--I feel like my current situation is so much better than when I was in the triangle, whereas if I had stayed I don't know that I would have had the motivation to make things better--but I also waited to move until I had a new job lined up.

I guess as long as you have some money saved and are willing to work a shitty job until a better one comes along, it could work out. But it's not for the faint of heart.

1/22/2014 10:18:51 AM

I did it when I hit a super rough patch in my life. But I had a job lined up when I left. If you've got nothing tying you down I say go for it, but again...having a job lined up might be a smart move.

1/22/2014 10:29:42 AM

I see the end result a lot down here in Charleston. It's mostly people up north (I'm talking young, not the obvious retirees) that take a visit and decide they can't take it anymore and just pack up and move. For the most part everyone seems to be doing pretty well. I think you have to a decent nest egg so you can go a few months without a job or a low paying job. You have to be able to wait tables or do some kind of restaurant work (which is where I meet most of these people) while you figure out what you're going to do. And you basically have to be able to live below your previous means for a little while. Hopefully the change of scenery will be worth it.

1/22/2014 10:43:52 AM

i guess i should specify that they've planned the move for the past 6-8 months so it's not like they woke up and threw a dart at the map. They are moving to Denver, went out to visit a couple times, and signed a lease in an apartment complex set to open this month.

but there are definitely no jobs lined up. but his experience (almost 10 years in property management) should give him a decent resume to send out and he's been taking courses in programming in order to change career directions. Nothing is holding them back in NC, he has almost no family and her's have long since moved away.


I like the idea of moving for a fresh start. I'm so bogged down and complacent here in North Carolina. but the realist/logical/risk-averse side of me gets nervous about thinking about making that kind of jump.

1/22/2014 10:59:08 AM

I think if I lost my job, there would be a strong urge to say 'fuck it', sell everything I own to bring a nice down payment in whatever dream location we wanted to live, and live off my wife's income until I found a job

'But honey, you said you wanted to move to Hawaii!'

1/22/2014 11:13:12 AM

Sometimes I can't quite wrap my head around relocating before finding a job. I know plenty of people who have done it.

But cities just aren't that important. The city identity is not special. It doesn't matter which city it is.

It might have a particular industry hub which is relevant to you, but you'll still do better looking for jobs and then moving.

1/22/2014 12:05:34 PM

Quote :

"But cities just aren't that important. The city identity is not special. It doesn't matter which city it is. "

Certain cities are to certain people. Coastal and mountain cities for example. There's nothing like having a shitty day but being able to end it watching the sunset over the ocean or the mountains. I have really bad weeks, but then I drive ten minutes and take my dog for a walk on the beach and it really puts shit into perspective.

Moving from Charlotte to Atlanta isn't a big difference...but giving up a "so-so" life to live in a place where you can reap the benefits on a daily basis is a big fucking deal.


[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 1:29 PM. Reason : .]

1/22/2014 1:28:35 PM

Quote :

"Moving from Charlotte to Atlanta isn't the same...but giving up a "so-so" life to live in a place where you can reap the benefits on a daily basis is a big fucking deal."

yes. this. i don't think i'd ever consider quitting, moving, and starting over in Richmond or some shit like that.

1/22/2014 1:30:38 PM

JUST DO IT

1/22/2014 1:39:55 PM

Leaving my job March 1st. I've been here six years and have grown more and more disgusted with the corporate structure, where politics and ass kissing get you further ahead than performance and merit. March 1st because its the start of our next fiscal year, and I plan to take an extended spring break to figure out exactly whats next.

I have three main options at this point. 1) Go back to school for an MBA and/or finish my law degree. This is probably the leader in the clubhouse at this point, and the option that will set me up best for the future. I'll be 30 later this year, so its pretty much now or never; I don't want to be 43 and still in the classroom. Considering UNCC, Wake, UNC and Davidson.

2) Find another job in the financial services sector. I've talked to some acquaintances with other firms and am fairly confident I could find something similar within a few months, but I don't think its what I really want. I make a decent enough living, but I really get nothing out of my work, and I hate spending 50-60 hours a week waiting for 6 o'clock on Friday. I know most people don't like their jobs, but without kids or a wife to support, I don't want to do something I hate just for the paycheck.

3) Do something completely different. Open a food cart, franchise a restaurant, move to Cali and get into writing/acting/porn. I've always stayed in Charlotte and stayed at my job because it was comfortable and I was afraid of change. But now I'm really looking at just uprooting and starting over. Most of my friends are married and I never see them anyway, and I don't really have anything keeping me here, except familiarity. Go to work, go to the gym, grab a beer, watch tv, every fucking day for the next 30 years? No thanks.

It'll be an interesting next few months, but I'm confident I'll look back in 10 years and be thankful I did something instead of staying in place. I'd strongly suggest taking the path less traveled, Jeepin4x4. Treading water is the same as drowning for people like you and me.

1/22/2014 2:14:12 PM

Quote :

"yes. this. i don't think i'd ever consider quitting, moving, and starting over in Richmond or some shit like that. "

Hey, there's actually a lot to be said for Richmond. Though, truthfully, the reason for here specifically was my wife's masters program...if I was just going to pack up and start new just for the hell of it I'd probably pick somewhere close to the water.

But it's better than Charlotte or Atlanta...

1/22/2014 2:21:00 PM

I sort of did this, although it was spurred by not actually having a place to live after returning from Australia with the gf. Our relationship got rocky and ended during the transition. A good friend of mine moved to Boston a year prior so i decided to go visit and check it out. I loved the city and moved into an empty room in his apartment. I had savings, but no job, and essentially moved there on a whim. I was fortunate to get a job doing sound at Northeastern right off the bat through a friend of my friend's there. That gig lasted only two weeks, though, until i landed a good engineering job. Got very lucky.

Ultimately, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was stuck in a rut in the place, wrong gf, wrong job, etc. I moved to NC before college and worked there for 4-5 years after. Even though my parents retired there and my brother and his wife live in Chapel Hill, i knew NC just wasn't my scene.

I love everything about Boston. It's the perfect fit for me. I've found a good job and a proper northern girl (who oddly enough went to UNC) who i'm marrying in September. I can't say enough how glad i am that i went for it. Far too many people settle for things in their lives, don't be a settler!

[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 2:34 PM. Reason : .]

1/22/2014 2:34:00 PM

Slave Famous you should move to Charleston and get your joint MBA/JD at the Citadel/Charleston School of Law...you could live in my basement while you finish up your degree. Then you can get out and I can finance your food truck and we can have lunch together every day.

1/22/2014 2:51:26 PM

I did this when I was ~20. I bought a one way ticket to California with nothing but the bags on my back and the dream (more like fantasy) that my life would be a billion times better than it ever could be in NC. It took a while, but I eventually went back to school, graduated, went to grad school and began my career almost two years ago. Until I finished school, I paid my way through school bartending and waiting tables and had LOTS of crazy roommates and living situations. It wasn't easy and it took a LONG time (it's been almost 10 years since I left), but I don't regret what today might seem like a really naive and foolish decision looking back in hindsight. I certainly wouldn't encourage many people to do what I did, but I wouldn't trade any of the hard lessons and struggles I had to endure for the experience and confidence I have now either.Being a lost, scared 20 year old college drop out is probably a better time to do this sort of thing than when you're older, but sometimes the bigger the change of scenery, the quicker you to start to figure out who you really are and what you want to do with your life.

[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 3:31 PM. Reason : .]

1/22/2014 3:25:29 PM

That's a fantastic idea. Now I just have to dump my girl and sell my house. I'll really miss my house.

1/22/2014 3:44:16 PM

Quote :

"Treading water is the same as drowning for people like you and me."

good way to put it

1/22/2014 3:59:50 PM

Slave Famous, you summarized my underlying reason for making this thread. your situation sounds like mine to a T. and the fact that my good friend is doing this really has made me start to reevaluate my current situation on this planet.


Friends and family are in Charlotte, but all of my friends are married. I can go an entire week without seeing them. I spend a lot more time with what i'd call my "fringe friends" in town. People i ride bikes with, guys I play softball with. But my core friends have all settled down and that's fine. Like you said, i don't want to spend the next 30 years waiting for Friday and the off chance one of them wants to get a beer that night.

And truthfully i've never lived anywhere else. I did my 4 years in Raleigh and moved right back to Charlotte. I have a pretty sizable nest egg. The only thing that scares me is my resume is now loaded up with Construction experience. and I honestly want to get as far away from the construction industry as possible. And do what? i don't know and that's what really scares me the most.



[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 4:32 PM. Reason : add]

1/22/2014 4:06:19 PM

Lets kick around ideas for a pilot. Look at all the junk that's on TV. Surely we can come up with something better than Mike and Molly.

1/22/2014 4:30:57 PM

Quote :

"Go to work, go to the gym, grab a beer, watch tv, every fucking day for the next 30 years? No thanks."

Even if you do find a different routine in another city - it's going to be the same routine for a while too

1/22/2014 4:37:35 PM

I did this back in November 2010. I had been laid off at the end of 2009 and had been looking for a job where I was living in the Raleigh-Durham area. I didnt know what I wanted and I was falling into a deep depression. I was engaged too and things felt like no matter what I did or what I tried, it wasn't going to work out. Then, and maybe this is weird, but ambrosia1231 died, someone I didn't know other than being on this website and something about it shook me. I remember reading how she had moved out to Colorado before she died and I remember thinking how I wish I could be like that. I wish I could pick up my stuff, my cat and move and then I thought why cant I? So I moved to Philadelphia. I had some links to the area but not too much. It was like starting over completely. I wasn't dating anyone, I had no friends in the area and no job. I somehow, magically, got a job and I let other things fall into place. The first year was hard, but by the 2nd I had joined a running group and made some friends but no one I was really close to. Three years later I've moved back to NC, I got sick of the cold lol, but I learned a lot about myself those years where I didn't know a soul and as an introvert I had to go out and make a new set of friends.

[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 4:50 PM. Reason : ]

[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 5:07 PM. Reason : ]

1/22/2014 4:40:02 PM

^^ not if you move to NYC, SF, CHI, Miami, NO, LA, etc.

I think people in Raleigh and Charlotte get a bit confused about what life is like in other large US cities. Visiting a city for a few days as a tourist isn't at all like actually living in one. There's a lot more to do on the weekends than hang out at Buffalo Wild Wings...



[Edited on January 22, 2014 at 4:47 PM. Reason : .]

1/22/2014 4:42:17 PM

abandoning too many goals at one time is defeatist

1/22/2014 4:43:33 PM

what if you don't have any goals?

1/22/2014 4:51:57 PM

You can at least start with a more conservative approach and make you're self feel better by being proactive by starting a job search in other cities. Just see what's out there. If something pops up and it starts moving forward, then you have a real decision to make.

Staying vs. moving somewhere to do something somehow with someone or noone is a little open ended and causes paralysis

1/22/2014 4:56:08 PM

Quote :

"what if you don't have any goals?"

trololol

1/22/2014 5:07:07 PM

Quote :

"I think people in Raleigh and Charlotte get a bit confused about what life is like in other large US cities. Visiting a city for a few days as a tourist isn't at all like actually living in one. There's a lot more to do on the weekends than hang out at Buffalo Wild Wings... "

Agreed, but they become the same routine.

I lived in bigger cities, they're that great.

1/22/2014 5:10:35 PM

I get what you're saying and I don't want this to devolve into a city vs city or urban vs suburban debate, but I think if you're going to bite the bullet and really change your life, then no, I don't think you'll be stuck with the same old routine unless you refuse to adapt and change your lifestyle. Yeah working, commuting, running errands, and going to the gym might be daily 'givens', but that's about it. At least that's been my experience.

1/22/2014 5:17:03 PM

I did this three years ago. My best friend from NC State got stationed at Ft. Carson in Colorado Springs and I visited her a few times and liked Colorado. Then I broke up with my boyfriend, and even though it wasn't a bad breakup I just felt like there was nothing keeping me in NC. I wasn't interested in what I was studying (PRT) and was really starting to hate my job.

So I dropped out of school, quit my job, got someone to take over my apartment lease, packed my cat and everything I owned in my Jeep and drove out here. I found a place to live on craigslist (a room in a house with two other people) and just job searched and hung out with my best friend for the first month. I had an idea of where I wanted to work but I got rejected twice before they finally hired me, that was the most stressful part.

I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had stayed in Raleigh. I look at the facebooks of my friends who have never left NC (or worse....moved back to my hometown) and even though I am sure they are happy it depresses me to imagine living their lives.

I think the area I moved to has a lot to do with my happiness here. I never considered myself an outdoors person but when you are surrounded by 14,000 ft. mountains it is hard not to appreciate nature. It's like I found a side of myself that I would have never known existed, and that what makes me know that any struggle was worth it. Not only that, it made me realize how independent and self sufficient I am.

Even though I miss my family I don't regret moving. I say if you are thinking about it just go for it. Pick a place that has more going on than just bars, somewhere where you can really grow as a person (not just career wise). If worse comes to worse you can always move back to NC

1/22/2014 7:25:06 PM

^may i ask what your job is now? is it career material or just a job?

1/22/2014 7:42:10 PM

This thread depresses me...and I can relate.

1/22/2014 8:32:30 PM

this ^

1/22/2014 9:03:05 PM

I don't like leases. If you sign one, you're just entering into another commitment. So it defeats some of the point.

1/22/2014 9:29:24 PM

This thread brings me back to the ideal that I've been trying to live by for the past few years....

You either love your job and it really doesn't matter where you live...

or...

Love you where you live...and you can pretty much have any job.

So if you've come to the point where you think you need to start over...you need to look at your job, the area you live, or the people in your life. I think the last two are pretty much combined...but I guess special circumstances can have those separate (like you're the only single person in your group). But if you like where you live and the people are good...then find a different career. But if you hate your city and find your friends stale...then get the fuck out. I know I've been harping on beautiful coastal/mountain cities...but even a different city will give you a breath of fresh air. You might find a similar routine, but the initial rush of meeting new people and developing relationships should last at least a couple of years. By then you will have either found your groove, found a partner, or decided that you need to move on. Either way...sounds like you need to...

1/22/2014 9:46:03 PM

I moved to new york a few weeks before I graduated in 2007. I'm glad I moved.

If I moved outside of the NYC tristate bubble it would be drastic and most likely international.

1/22/2014 10:54:24 PM

Quote :

"Treading water is the same as drowning for people like you and me"

word.

1/22/2014 11:18:21 PM

Quote :

"After living most of their lives in North Carolina they have decided to quit their jobs, pack up, and move to a brand new city and state far away from friends and family and completely start over. No job/career prospects have initiated the move, just the want to get a fresh start in a new place."

That doesn't mesh well with:

Quote :

"they've planned the move for the past 6-8 months so it's not like they woke up and threw a dart at the map. They are moving to Denver, went out to visit a couple times, and signed a lease in an apartment complex set to open this month. "

How the hell do you plan this move for 6-8 months and not have employment for at least one party lined up?

1/22/2014 11:31:00 PM

I would be hesitant to include anyone in on a decision of where I relocate unless we were AT LEAST engaged.

AND

I wonder what made them decide to move to Denver in the past 6 months?

1/23/2014 12:09:27 AM

^lol i do tease them about that. told him if worse comes to worst he could be a bike delivery guy

^^it's not my place to question that, but you do bring up a good point.

1/23/2014 8:22:43 AM

I'd love to move to Colorado or California. Much more for me out there than in NC. Unfortunately it's pretty difficult for an entry-level engineer to find a job out of state (especially since I've switched disciplines since I graduated). I'm just biding my time and building some experience. I'll probably be tied down by the time I get the chance.

1/23/2014 8:32:05 AM

Have you tried applying for jobs in SV? The tech/engineering sector in the Bay Area is white hot right now and they are hiring like crazy. It's one thing to just assume it's impossible to land a job out of state, but it's a whole different story to apply/interview and take the plunge. I've met so many people that are miserable back where I'm from and would love to move out West, but they are too scared to make it happen.

1/23/2014 8:42:24 AM

I've started applying for more recently. I actually had a recruiter contact me from San Jose, so maybe it's not as impossible as I thought. Nothing came out of that one, though.

1/23/2014 8:56:50 AM

Might be relocating to Hawaii in September. Had a phone call with an HR person yesterday and will likely have phone interviews upcoming. It turns out good things can happen if you randomly apply for a position you don't think you have any chance of getting.

1/23/2014 9:51:13 AM

someone write my resume

1/23/2014 3:50:27 PM

Only problem with any place tropical is that if you have seasonal allergies, they will turn into year round allergies. If it weren't for me being horribly allergic to something in Hawaii I might be tempted to live there.

1/23/2014 4:08:42 PM