I'm 28 and been with my girlfriend for 2.5 years. Most of my friends aren't married. I don't see any rush. The average age men get married now in the US is what 29? 30+ in some states. My dad had me when he was 40. I'm finally making money, traveling, and getting to buy all the gadgets and outdoor gear I want. Why spoil it with kids? I see a lot of highschool and college acquaintances who got married right out of college and have a house in the suburbs and don't do anything outside of soccer practice and trips to Disney World. Not saying kids wouldn't be awesome. Just seems like you've finally got freedom after college. Why go straight to kids? Pros/cons?

10/22/2014 11:31:48 AM

so is this thread about marriage or about having children?

10/22/2014 11:36:15 AM

Both. I guess I was a little vague there.

10/22/2014 11:42:55 AM

I was 23, had my first kid at 26.

We were highschool sweethearts and dated for a good 6 years before we got married. I didn't see myself wanting to be with anyone else but her, and she was the same so we got hitched once I was done with school.

We opted for having kids earlier so that we'd still be young enough to keep up with a couple of teenagers and have enough youth left in us to enjoy a kid free house.

I run a parenting group and am one of the youngest, if not the youngest, at 30. Most of the guys I hang out with are approaching 40 with little ones running around.
Too often I hear "I'm too old for this shit" from that crowd.
They are also the ones that complain about lack of sleep the most and drains of energy.

There are exceptions to that though and its more the age you feel than the age you are. Case in point one of our older guys is 46 and he's probably the most youthful in the group. He's always one of the ones hanging out latest at the bar, one of the only ones that doesn't complain about an inactive sex life and is constantly going to concerts and shows. He's also the only one that will openly talk about recreational drug and alcohol use.

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 11:45 AM. Reason : ]

10/22/2014 11:45:07 AM

I was gonna get married just to make the gays jealous, but now that they can get married, I'm gonna wait

10/22/2014 11:49:58 AM

Got married at 24, after being together 5 years. We'll celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary and 11th dating anniversary in a week. No kids. But that's the first question we get asked when people find out how long we've been together.

10/22/2014 11:51:50 AM

My close social circle breaks down like this

Me - 29 and single
Best Friend #1 - 29 and single (active lifestyle, still go out and party often)
Best Friend #2 - 29 and married (no plans for children and we hang out all the time, wife too)
Friend #3 - 29 and married (no kids, but only comes out maybe once a month)
Friend #4 - 29 and married (1 kid - comes out as much as he can especially when wife is out of town)
Friend #5 - 29 and married (no kids, this is my old best friend, i was the best man in his wedding. I can count on 1 hand how many times I've seen him in the last 12 months or more)
Friend #6 - 30 and married (2 kids. I see him at Christmas and Super Bowl and that's it)



This isn't a negative on marriage or children by any means..this list was more for me to see it myself than anything. Had i made this list 4-5 years ago it would have been Friends #1-#6 all single/dating and hanging out every weekend. But marriage and children definitely impact your social interactions and in my case it seems to really change your social circle as well. I don't get invited to the child birthday parties....but I'm ok with that.

10/22/2014 11:55:09 AM

Quote :

"We opted for having kids earlier so that we'd still be young enough to keep up with a couple of teenagers and have enough youth left in us to enjoy a kid free house."

Yeah that's a huge plus. Although yeah it's now how old you are but how old you feel. Even though my dad had me when he was 40 both my parents are still more active than I am today (i'm pretty active).

On the other hand both my cousins are ~40 years old and live in Denver also and neither of them are married and have kids. They are the most traveled and experienced people at just about everything outdoors I know. My cousin goes to a different country every few months and they still party. That life sounds pretty appealing to me. I kind of want to just keep doing more and more activities. I guess having kids doesn't entirely eliminate that just make it harder.

10/22/2014 11:57:32 AM

29, got married after dating for about five years.

We have no desire to have kids any time soon -- if ever. We definitely lead a stereotypical life, don't go out much other than drinks or a nice dinner. It works for us; I never went out much anyway other than Discovery or concerts, which I still hit up. My wife's a homebody/introvert.

I feel like if I had kids; I'd advise them to wait until about this age to marry and longer for kids.

10/22/2014 12:35:40 PM

28. waited 4 years into marriage before having kids.

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 12:41 PM. Reason : ]

10/22/2014 12:39:47 PM

Quote :

"We definitely lead a stereotypical life, don't go out much other than drinks or a nice dinner."

Depends on what type of stereotype and where you live.

10/22/2014 12:53:31 PM

i was 24 and she was 21 - married for 7 years now with an 8 month old

we'd still be overseas - likely in asia somewhere if having family close enough to do a long weekend wasn't important - we both are close to our families and grew up with extended family nearby and loved it

at our daycare, in the infant room, we are close to the youngest couple and well under the average age - it does seem that in general people are having kids later from what i've seen

Quote :

"But marriage and children definitely impact your social interactions and in my case it seems to really change your social circle as well."

priorities change for a lot of people - especially once kids leave the baby stage

10/22/2014 12:55:07 PM

28, which was 4 years ago

being married has been awesome and we've traveled a lot

we're thinking about kids in the very near future and admittedly, part of me will miss the freedom that being childless brings...but i have no doubt that having kids is going to be its own kind of fun that is incomparable to the kind of fun we have now

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 1:01 PM. Reason : grammar]

10/22/2014 12:59:49 PM

Married when we were both 32 (about 1.5 years ago), dated almost 6 years before that. We do plan to have kids (maybe just one) but not just yet. She is finishing her masters degree and we'd like to be a two income household again for a bit before starting down the parenting route, but we don't have forever there either with both of us closing in on the cutoff age of 35...

10/22/2014 1:18:58 PM

Got married at 24, had first child at 28.

10/22/2014 1:19:58 PM

Quote :

"Got married at 24, had first child at 28."

10/22/2014 1:40:43 PM

We were both 24 and dated for 5 years prior to tying the knot.

We both wanted kids within 3 years or so of getting married - sort of along the reasons that Mtan Man214 said. Unfortunately, life kept getting in the way (job responsibilities, had a difficult time conceiving, etc.). We traveled a ton before we actually did have a kid, and tried to make it a game of "Wouldn't it be cool if we made the kid in <insert city name>?" Ultimately, it did become a little frustrating that things didn't happen when we wanted them to, but we got there eventually.

Now that we're there, there are times I want to shove them back into their Mommy's happy place. No lie - kids are a game changer. Now, a "late night" consists of a box of Raisinets, a glass of port, and Monday Night Football. I console myself by saying I only have 16 years until they're off to college.

Moral of the story: Don't worry about the pros/cons about doing it one way vs. another. Life will eff up your plans either way.

10/22/2014 1:48:54 PM

Quote :

"Moral of the story: Don't worry about the pros/cons about doing it one way vs. another. Life will eff up your plans either way."

Quote :

"The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, Gang aft agley"

10/22/2014 1:58:28 PM

Quote :

"Now, a "late night" consists of a box of Raisinets, a glass of port, and Monday Night Football."

You say that like it's a bad thing. I mean...I could use a different snack, but I don't mind Raisinets.

10/22/2014 2:04:35 PM

Naw, definitely not a bad thing. Just highlighting how things may change as time progresses. Raisinets are the shit, yo. One of the better mindless eats in front of a screen (that aren't named Twizzlers).

10/22/2014 2:16:47 PM

Moved in 22
Married 24
Kid 26
Kid 28

Quote :

" I'm finally making money"

this is hard to answer; we've always been comfortable there is always more to be had

Quote :

"traveling,"

we lived in Ireland for 10 weeks while i was on business and done trips to PR and the west coast a number of times. Not big on very involved traveling anyways. couldn't afford or perform if we wanted to anyway with kids (con i suppose)

Quote :

" and getting to buy all the gadgets and outdoor gear I want. "

This is relative. there is always another level you're just comfortable here

Quote :

"Why spoil it with kids?"

You should avoid having kids until you want them. We had the means to have kids early and ive seen that trend across my profession/major.

10/22/2014 2:32:27 PM

I got married when I was 30...wifey was 32. We dated for two years, engaged for a little over one. We're both a year older now and will probably have kids within the next two years as her biological clock is ticking.

10/22/2014 2:33:26 PM

Got married at 28, wish it had been older.

There is a lot of life to live and I think spending enough time on yourself is beneficial to everyone. In my mind, 30 - 32 is the best age at which someone should get married.

10/22/2014 3:06:40 PM

Got married at 32 to my 29 year old wife. Now 33 with baby #1 on the way.

Couldn't have asked for a better situation. I had my 20s to make bad decisions and experience terrible relationships before understanding what I wanted and recognizing when I had it.

10/22/2014 3:51:40 PM

PaulISdead makes all the monies.



also i feel much better about being 29 and still sowing my wild oats now. All my sub-30 married friends live vicariously through my misadventures.

10/22/2014 3:55:06 PM

7.

10/22/2014 3:57:06 PM

Quote :

"We had the means to have kids early and ive seen that trend across my profession/major"

We have the means to have kids but I'm gone every weekend skiing, mountain biking, backpacking, or climbing. I'm busy almost every day of the week with activities. I do go out and enjoy having money.

Sure I could do all this if I had a nanny or something but that's not something I'd want for my kids.

Right now it's live life how I'm living it or have kids and not do all the things I'm doing now (at least to the extent I'm doing them).

10/22/2014 4:17:55 PM

ITT we learn neodata686 fucking loves activities

10/22/2014 4:29:11 PM

23. Had my baby at 27. No regrets. She is amazing and even though I wanted a baby sooner, the timing ended up being perfect.

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 4:47 PM. Reason : (dated for 4 years, married for 5)]

10/22/2014 4:46:18 PM

Married at 29
first kid 11 days before I turned 31.

If we have any more I want it to be out before I turn 35.

10/22/2014 4:53:30 PM

Quote :

"ITT we learn neodata686 fucking loves activities"

You have no idea how many times I reference that scene. We just moved into a new apartment with a second bedroom, bathroom and huge closet and I was so excited at how much room there was for activity supplies.

10/22/2014 4:53:32 PM

I got married at 19 and by 20 had my first daughter. My first wife and I divorced at 26...a very long story...then I joined the army....I got married to my second wife in 1999 and now have a total of 4 daughters. Kids will eat up your time....my life is mostly eat sleep work repeat but I wouldn't trade anything for my girls. But it isn't too much to ask for some quiet time every now and then..as there is ALWAYS girl drama at my house. . .

10/22/2014 5:16:39 PM

Quote :

" Kids will eat up your time"

That is true, at least for me now with little ones.

I will say though we have done more activity-wise after kids than we did before kids. Its not the kind of $plurges I'd want, like ski or vegas trips, but its weekends full of parties, hangouts, concerts, etc.

If you get in with a good group of parent friends, kid birthday parties and events aren't the drag they're made out to be. Our parenting group is pretty large, and the guys at least are a pretty tight group, so birthday parties, brunches, etc. all end up being pretty fun. Going out to dinner, concerts, beer fests/tasting, bars, etc. are all guaranteed to be well attended and fun, with or without kids.

10/22/2014 6:37:29 PM

Quote :

"Why go straight to kids? Pros/cons?"

The more you wait past 30, the more likely your children are to have health problems. That's the only reason not to wait.

10/22/2014 7:06:36 PM

That is hardly the only reason not to wait. As mentioned earlier in the thread some people don't want to be approaching retirement at the same time the kids are getting out of the house/college. Suppose you wait until you're 40 to have your first kid and maybe you have a second around 43. That 2nd kid will finish college when you are 61. Fuck that.

I'd like to have my kids out of college and self sufficient by the time I'm in my 50s. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Also since I have kids, I'm glad we had them in our late 20s as I couldn't imagine dealing with babies in my 40s.

Also to answer the OP, we got married at 26 and 27 (her), had our first at 28/29. We pretty much followed our plan to a T.

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 8:13 PM. Reason : e]

10/22/2014 8:13:01 PM

Married at 26 after five years together

No kids... Because fuck that

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 9:14 PM. Reason : We're 29 and nearly 30 now]

10/22/2014 9:10:16 PM

I turn 30 in just a couple weeks. We just had our 5 year wedding anniversary last week (and many years of dating before that).

no kids and currently we do not have plans to have them.

10/22/2014 9:14:59 PM

Quote :

"The more you wait past 30, the more likely your children are to have health problems"

this only applies to the woman, right?

10/22/2014 10:00:18 PM

Only partly. Women's eggs deteriorate faster than mens sperm factories. Regardless, both sexes have more problems the later they wait, women just experience that first.

Have kids when you're ready whether its 23 or 43. You're offspring will be better suited in a home thats ready than a home that had them for other reasons.

10/22/2014 10:06:37 PM

We were both 25. I'm 27 and shes 28 now. No kids...not even near ready for that yet. Maybe around 30. Who knows. Just bought a house last year. Two dogs. We're still trying to figure out cleaning schedules and financial schedules. No time for kiddos.

10/22/2014 10:09:36 PM

im 30 now been married 3 years so i guess around 27

10/22/2014 10:11:28 PM

Of if you're a women and work for Facebook or Apple they'll freeze your eggs for you now so you can keep working.

10/22/2014 10:14:56 PM

I'm 39.

Got married at 33, she was 29.

Kid @ 36
Kid @ 38

I tried to push that shit back with the kids. I hate babies. I finally like my 3 yr old, because makes me laugh. The 1 yr old is a piece of shit that cries, shits, and screams.

But I don't hate the 1 yr old like I did his older brother at that age. The first time I thought the baby was trying to ruin every day by being a baby. Baby 2, I just understand that he's a baby that cries, shits, and screams.

I told my wife once he's able to make me laugh, I'll care about him. Until then, I'll be outside hitting golf balls with my 3 yr old and drinking beer.

10/22/2014 10:31:27 PM

10/22/2014 10:43:52 PM

24

[Edited on October 22, 2014 at 10:57 PM. Reason : how did I fuck that up?]

10/22/2014 10:57:09 PM

we had a kid a bit over a year ago (me = 31, wife = 29), married in 2012 (me = 29, wife = 27). I don't want to think about the first six months of a baby at an even older age.

also, waiting until you're financially prepared doesn't really work either. We were pretty set -- had a house, cars, two decent jobs and paying down our debts. Decided to start trying to have kids. That worked really quickly and then I lost my job. Shit happens. You can't know when your shit will get flipped-turned upside down.

10/22/2014 11:08:24 PM

27 after 4 years of dating

10/23/2014 12:36:39 AM

Married at 22, celebrated our 10-year anniversary this year. Still no kids, and still no plans for kids.

10/23/2014 1:35:50 AM

started dating at 20, married at 23, kid1 - 26, kid2 -29, kid3 - 31 - all done with kids

10/23/2014 7:23:08 AM

and to more succinctly answer the question:
24 (me) /22 (wife) started dating -> 30/28 when married -> 31/29 Kid

[Edited on October 23, 2014 at 8:28 AM. Reason : math]

10/23/2014 8:28:09 AM