Does anyone have any experience dating someone who is very faith based or religious while you yourself are not? Or the opposite, are you a faith based/religious person and have experiences dating a non-believer or ambivalent person? Is this a make or break issue for you?

Is anyone currently in one of these relationships? If so how have you balanced it?

Just curious. interested in discussing it with either point of view.

12/9/2014 2:23:06 PM

I can't date anyone who believes that the ten commandments were once real.

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 2:29 PM. Reason : What a group of lucky girls amirite?]

12/9/2014 2:25:55 PM

Sophomore year I dated a girl who was raised in a strict Catholic family. I was raised baptist but am not an actively practicing person nor have I ever been since my parents stopped making me go to church. The first time I went over to her house to have dinner with her family, her mom said at the dinner table "I'd let my daughter marry outside her race before I let her marry outside her religion." We didn't last more than a couple of months and I swore off Catholics forever.

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 2:32 PM. Reason : ]

12/9/2014 2:31:42 PM

I was in a serious relationship with a Mormon girl for about 1.5 years back from 2007-2008. I'm not really atheist or whatever, I just don't really feel the need to go to church or pray regularly or read the Bible and stuff, regardless of religion/denomination. She however, was very religious although she never pushed it on me. Her [huge] family had no issues with me not being in their church or anything either, although I still went every now and then with her just out of respect. In the end though, it was the religion thing that ended it. She ultimately realized that she could never see herself settling down with someone outside of her church and didn't expect me to change.

12/9/2014 2:33:26 PM

Never did it, probably never could have.

12/9/2014 2:41:40 PM

There was a religious set of twins i went to high school with... i never "dated" the one twin, but she used to come to my dorm room (i was 2 years older) and lets just say she didn't act very godly when she came over.

12/9/2014 3:00:21 PM

i'm not a religious person, but i don't think i'd consider myself an athiest. I was raised on christian values but after my elementary years my family never attended church, never prayed around the dinner table, or anything like that. So religion just wasn't a big focus. I gave it another try in high school with things like morning bible study, young life, and that sort of stuff. But in the end it wasn't for me and I still isn't. I'm always cautious when it comes to discussing religion with potential significant others and seem to steer clear if I know early on that they are very religious. But i'm just curious if anyone has had any luck in their life of dating someone on the opposite side.

12/9/2014 3:26:50 PM

the NOFX's "Best God in Show" kinda sums up my thoughts on this



I have no consideration
Zero mutual respect
For billions who suffer from rational thought neglect
I don't wanna waste a sentence
I don't want a conversation
That's gonna end in disdain disbelief and aggravation

And I find it's getting harder to hang out
With grown adults who actually believe
In Santa Clause and Noah's Ark, and Their god is the best
My distaste has turned into detest

Who would read a 2000-year-old medical journal?
Techniques for blood-letting
Advice on trichinosis
Would you navigate the globe
With a map of a flat Earth?
Without DNA testing would you believe virgin birth?

And I find it's getting painful to put up
With grown adults who actually believe
In unicorns and creation and god always takes their side
That's when my innocent jabbing turns snide

Thank god for the Grammy
Thank god for the touchdown
Thank god for blowing up the enemy's sacred ground
So how am I supposed to take anything you say seriously
When you swap free will for faith, hope and pre-destiny?

And it's getting agonizing to hang out
With grown adults who actually believe
Mythology and history trump physics and science
My aversion has turned to abhorrence

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 3:39 PM. Reason : ]

12/9/2014 3:39:14 PM

Not sure if it counts but a good friend of mine is a devout Muslim (doesn't eat pork, makes his 5 prayers a day, etc.) and he married a devout Catholic a few years ago. Happily married with a baby now.

12/9/2014 3:41:21 PM

So who gets to brainwash the baby?

12/9/2014 3:44:21 PM

MOST girls that start blurting out biblical stuff are an immediate turn off, so I really wouldn't have to worry about it

12/9/2014 3:44:44 PM

Quote :

"he married a devout Catholic"

That's disrespectful on both parts. Did they even consider all of the people who literally died so that their ancestors could live in a world without evil their spouses religion?

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

12/9/2014 3:48:34 PM

Quote :

"So who gets to brainwash the baby?"

As far as I know they are doing their best to present both religions to the kid from a young age and teaching her to respect all religions and stuff. Once old enough they will be happy with whatever religion (or lack thereof) the kid chooses. Not sure how it will go but I guess we'll see.

12/9/2014 4:06:46 PM

Seems like that would confuse the hell out of the kid

"Mommy and Daddy both devoutly believe two differing, and in many cases completely contradicting belief systems, but you get to choose which one, if either, you think is the right one."

12/9/2014 4:26:36 PM

not as confusing as two dads*

*Leviticus 17:3

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

12/9/2014 4:28:34 PM

I dated / lived with a girl that was a hardcore atheist. Like, had Christopher Hitchins books on her night side table. I'm not even a hardcore Christian but it caused a lot of problems.

If we ever talked about having kids one day and our respective philosophies on child rearing I'd say that I wanted my kids to grow up going to church and decide for themselves when they were older what they wanted to believe / practice. She said she wouldn't let them go to church.

In arguments she used to say shit like "fuck your stupid ass fake God" and stuff like that.

Also, when she came to Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. dinner at my parents house she wouldn't bow her head or close her eyes.

I don't care that she wasn't a Christian or whatever and I respected her beliefs, but she had absolutely zero respect for mine and actually persecuted me for them (which was extra hypocritical because she was as far left as you could go liberal).

12/9/2014 4:36:56 PM

If she was truly atheist she wouldn't care about bowing her head or closing her eyes since it would mean nothing to her. Seems like she was just trying to be atheist to be cool.

12/9/2014 4:39:08 PM

Atheists are the worst about persecuting people.

12/9/2014 4:40:28 PM

No experience but heard and seen enough to know it's a bad idea.

Bible mentions something about finding someone to your equal from a belief standpoint. If you're unequal then you'll have friction or the "weak" one will drag you down.

Even if you look past it now, it's usually because one side is convinced they can get the other side to change and things will work out. Then when it doesn't religion or lack of it will be the reason why the marriage fails or at least it will be given the blame whether it's justified or not.

I'll add the whole equal thing also applies in terms of belief. A hardcore thumper won't mesh well with a casual believer either. And while there are outliers and exceptions, I think the whole won't work thing is the rule and not the exception.

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 5:14 PM. Reason : .]

12/9/2014 5:12:48 PM

^^^

would you do the muslim prayers if you were visiting a muslim family for a day?

12/9/2014 5:16:27 PM

The bible is clear and warns to never date or marry outside your faith because it will create strife and weaken your relationship with God.

12/9/2014 5:23:35 PM

Quote :

"I'm always cautious when it comes to discussing religion with potential significant others and seem to steer clear if I know early on that they are very religious."

Aren't you avoiding a potentially huge problem that will cause headaches if the relationship progresses?

12/9/2014 5:25:41 PM

^^If you are truly atheist then all that is to you is just repeating words that have no meaning. But getting down on your knees and bowing and actually reciting words for a matter of mins takes a lot more effort than simply bowing your head and closing your eyes for 30 seconds.

12/9/2014 5:28:06 PM

generally a bad idea. it's like dating someone who doesn't eat the same type of food as you. eventually someone is going to try to sway the other in their direction and shit will go south from there.

12/9/2014 5:28:49 PM

^^^If you are truly atheist then all that is to you is just repeating words that have no meaning. But getting down on your knees and bowing and actually reciting words for a matter of mins takes a lot more effort than simply bowing your head and closing your eyes for 30 seconds. I'm not a religious guy though so I can't really see the issue with taking offense if someone doesn't bow their head and close their eyes if they don't follow your religion.

12/9/2014 5:29:06 PM

you can get on your knees and just do the motions out of respect, right?

honestly I keep my eyes open and just look down a bit. it's interesting to see the other non-believers around

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 5:34 PM. Reason : ]

12/9/2014 5:32:56 PM

Quote :

"Atheists are the worst about persecuting people."

I'm just trying to sit put and divide.

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

12/9/2014 6:03:33 PM

it can work if both people want it to. just be respectful and try not talk about it.

12/9/2014 6:08:12 PM

^it will eventually fail. It's a boat with a slow leak. you don't want to be on a fail boat....do you?

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 6:11 PM. Reason : avoiding the problem just buys you time.]

12/9/2014 6:11:21 PM

I honestly don't see how it would work. The religous person would think their spouse would be going to hell. And if they wanted to raise their kid atheist, they'd think they were sending their kid to hell.

Quote :

"If we ever talked about having kids one day and our respective philosophies on child rearing I'd say that I wanted my kids to grow up going to church and decide for themselves when they were older what they wanted to believe / practice. She said she wouldn't let them go to church."

If you really wanted them to "decide for themselves when they were older", why would you make them go to church when they were young? If you really wanted them to "decide for themselves", it seems like you wouldn't indoctrinate them with any dogma at an early and impressionable age, so they could actually make an informed decision when they're older

Quote :

"Atheists are the worst about persecuting people."

uhhh, sure. and white people are the biggest victims of racism. and men are the biggest victims of sexism.

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 6:16 PM. Reason : ]

12/9/2014 6:14:31 PM

Dated a European muslim briefly. Def. would not work in the long run.

12/9/2014 6:16:24 PM

Quote :

"^it will eventually fail. It's a boat with a slow leak. you don't want to be on a fail boat....do you? [Edited on December 9, 2014 at 6:11 PM. Reason : avoiding the problem just buys you time.]"

that's just, like, your opinion man

12/9/2014 6:19:12 PM

Quote :

""I'd let my daughter marry outside her race before I let her marry outside her religio"

Super religious AND racist, cool stuff

Quote :

"she wouldn't bow her head or close her eyes. "

HOW DO YOU KNOW???

[Edited on December 9, 2014 at 6:40 PM. Reason : A]

12/9/2014 6:39:32 PM

Quote :

"HOW DO YOU KNOW??? "

LOL getting busted for this is one of my favorite childhood memories

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

12/9/2014 6:46:06 PM

I dated a girl in high school who was crazy religious. I went to church as a kid, but never really felt connected to it at all.

I went to her church once while we were dating, and people were speaking in tongues and it was insane. We didn't last much longer after that.

12/9/2014 7:33:16 PM

I was raised Protestant (baptist then Presbyterian), but really you can call me non-believer now.

Married a catholic. Kid will be raised catholic, and by that I mean we will go to church like 5 times a year or whenever he needs a sacrament.

It's really not a big deal to me because I don't really care. If she can sit through Redskins games, I can sit through church.

12/9/2014 8:32:30 PM

If she can sit through Redskins games, you should be doing a lot more than just church 5 times a year.

12/9/2014 8:42:33 PM

J sos you know jazz is super (almost creepy) catholic now hence the 5 kids and no birth control

12/9/2014 8:50:19 PM

People with different religions marry all the time. It's a hurdle (potentially a big one), but it's not impossible. Shit, my high school Spanish teacher said her parents had two weddings because both sets of grandparents refused to recognize the others' ceremony. Of course that was Protestant vs Catholic but still.

And taking your kids to church while teaching them to decide for themselves is hardly new. I've read a couple of people on here say they were raised the same way.

12/9/2014 8:51:48 PM

Quote :

"If we ever talked about having kids one day and our respective philosophies on child rearing I'd say that I wanted my kids to grow up going to church and decide for themselves when they were older what they wanted to believe / practice"

So you want to brainwash them and then allow them to make a decision for themselves. How the fuck does that work?

12/9/2014 8:55:40 PM

As a non church goer, I find itvery weird that people keep saying that attending church is brainwash are there you never attended church or you did attend church and somehow weren't brainwashed either way it's a stupid thing to say

12/9/2014 11:16:18 PM

Quote :

"If she was truly atheist she wouldn't care about bowing her head or closing her eyes since it would mean nothing to her. Seems like she was just trying to be atheist to be cool."

agree.

Quote :

"Atheists are the worst about persecuting people."

agree and I think it's ironic that they normally cite persecution of different religions as a reason to be anti-religious.

Quote :

"would you do the muslim prayers if you were visiting a muslim family for a day?"

her parents were Christian (not hardcore at all) just for the record but if I dated a Muslim I'd bow my head or whatever the equivalent was out of respect for their religion. I wouldn't praise Allah as the one true God because it's counter to my beliefs. But, if I was really an atheist, why would I give a shit because it's all just make believe words anyway right?

Quote :

"If you really wanted them to "decide for themselves when they were older", why would you make them go to church when they were young? If you really wanted them to "decide for themselves", it seems like you wouldn't indoctrinate them with any dogma at an early and impressionable age, so they could actually make an informed decision when they're older"

I think it's perfectly fine to instill the values the Bible teaches at a young age. I view the Bible as a metaphor for living an honorable lifestyle and an epic piece of literature. I also think that children benefit from a feeling of protection at a young age. As they get older, they'll sort things out for themselves as far as the origin of life and the terminus of their being but the basic teachings of the Bible are still solid in my opinion. Granted, you don't have to use religion to teach the same values to your children but it was the way I was raised and I like the traditional aspect of it.

Quote :

"As a non church goer, I find it very weird that people keep saying that attending church is brainwash. either you never attended church, or you did attend church and somehow weren't brainwashed - either way it's a stupid thing to say"

did you type that on your phone? I edited it haha but I got what you're saying and agree.


maybe I'm in the minority but I really appreciate my experience growing up. to be clear, I've never been to church with my parents and have never seen them go. they put me into a private school for the academic value but there was never, or is , not religious pressure on me at all. I was never brainwashed and I've made my own decisions on spirituality based on life experience.

12/10/2014 12:02:12 AM

I've been to church exactly once in my entire life and that was my decision. So yes the brainwashing didn't take hold. I thank my parents for my brainwashing me.

In one sentence the dude says he's taking his kids to church, and then says he wants them to make their own decision about it.....



[Edited on December 10, 2014 at 12:23 AM. Reason : .]

12/10/2014 12:17:27 AM

When my wife and I first met, we hit it off like no other. Her best friend and mine were talking about us. Her friend told mine- "you know she's not religious and she's anti-catholic". My buddy, who's a devout Christian- said "well, we have a match made in hell... they'll be married in 2 years".

He was right. My wife went to Catholic school (and can answer every question about religion on Jeopardy, BTW), but is agnostic. I'm anti-organized religion and consider myself a deist.

The only time we go to church is when someone gets married or dies.

Our 4 yr old heard about church for the first time a few months ago. I looked at my wife and said "you handle this"...

I don't know if I can look at my kid with a straight face and feed him a line of bullshit about Jesus.

Then again, I want him to be exposed to religion, so he can make up his own mind. That, I want him to be included with church shit that his friends' families do.

12/10/2014 9:07:04 AM

Quote :

"I don't know if I can look at my kid with a straight face and feed him a line of bullshit about Jesus."

do you laugh in his face when he talks about santa

12/10/2014 9:11:34 AM

Quote :

"truly atheist "

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman

12/10/2014 9:42:10 AM

Quote :

"I think it's perfectly fine to instill the values the Bible teaches at a young age."

You'd be better off just teaching them how to be decent, tolerant, and upstanding human beings. Trying to form a religious framework around basic human decency is ludicrous. You can teach your kid all the good values from the Bible without ever introducing it to all the inflammatory, outdated, and frequently contradictory values/statements made in that book.

Anyway. I'm currently dating a Christian lady. She's not a huge practice (2-3 times a year in church kind), but it's a small bone of contention in our relationship. Neither of really want kids so that will never be an issue, but all in all she seems comfortable dating a heathen condemned to Hell.

12/10/2014 9:47:59 AM

To say you'd raise a kid in the church and then let them decide what they believe is silly.

1. They're going to do that whether you want them to or not.
2. Children are extremely impressionable, and church is an unforgiving emotional environment. If you want to raise them in church, that's fine, but don't tell me that when they reach the age when they start questioning things, their church background won't have a strong influence on their mental state.

Personally, I think raising a child to believe in something that is completely without evidence is irresponsible and cruel.

12/10/2014 10:38:18 AM

well that's why you're not religious. people who believe see it differently.

12/10/2014 10:56:43 AM

^^Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

12/10/2014 10:58:04 AM