The father of a girl on my soccer team died this week. I have never met him, but I know the couple quite well who is on my team. Her husband said I could come to the service if I want, when I asked about services. I asked another guy on the team if he is going and he said, "I don't know. I feel kind of weird about going to the funeral of someone I don't know."

My Options

1) Send Flowers

2) Attend the service

3) Attend the service and send flowers

4) The "I'm sorry about your loss." response on facebook after she posted the news is good enough.

Thoughts?

5/8/2015 12:44:47 AM

I wouldn't go to the wake. I would consider going to the funeral if t was a good friend who I wanted to show emotional support for.

Flowers are always nice.

5/8/2015 1:08:14 AM

It's one of those double header deals where the wake is from 5:30 to 7 and the funeral is from 7 to 8, or something like that. I get off of work at about 5 though. I'm kind of temped to send flowers and have them write "from: team name." I should probably ask the rest of the team if they are going to send them anything though.

[Edited on May 8, 2015 at 1:15 AM. Reason : .]

5/8/2015 1:11:51 AM

I feel like flowers are waaaay more personal than just showing up to a funeral. Unless this is a very close friend or family member, I would consider flowers to be way overboard. And I would think it was weird as fuck if I was part of a group and one guy took it upon himself to send flowers on behalf of everyone. Then again, I think it's weird as fuck to be in your mid-30s and playing co-ed soccer as well, so what do I know? It should definitely be a group decision about the flowers though. I would say that most people would either suck it up and go to the funeral or just post on facebook and call it a day depending on how close they were to the friend. The fact that you didn't know the deceased shouldn't really factor in at all, you're there to pay your respects to your friend, it's fine that you never met her dad. Also, if it's a traditional southern funeral (which I have my doubts that it is, since you called it a wake and not a viewing or a visitation) it's perfectly fine to go to the visitation and not the funeral or vice versa. If it was me and I wasn't that close, I'd just go to the visitation, say you're sorry, and go home. 10-20 minutes depending on the line and you're not out that much. I'd say staying for the entire funeral would only be necessary if you actually knew the deceased.

5/8/2015 1:23:06 AM

^Kind of my thought too. We do play 20 games a year together and go to/get invited to the same parties. Plus we have post game outings at the bar at least once a year. She's one of those "real friends" of mine on facebook and not one of those people that is on my list because I went to school with them 20 years ago.

On a side note, playing coed sports when you are 30+ isn't weird. It's actually pretty cool because a lot of people bring their spouse, siblings, or children with them when they join the team. I play on three teams, but this team and my men's team I have been with for a while and am closest to these teams. I don't even know the e-mails, or phone numbers of anyone on my other team. If someone on that team ever has something happen to them then I will never know.

[Edited on May 8, 2015 at 1:36 AM. Reason : .]

5/8/2015 1:31:21 AM

only immediate family members

5/8/2015 3:31:12 AM

You should crowdsource a Photoshopped image of her father based on some security camera footage. Get it framed. Very tasteful, not creepy at all.

[Edited on May 8, 2015 at 7:04 AM. Reason : ///]

5/8/2015 7:04:26 AM

Ok how good of a friend are you? If you were there would you be her crutch to help her through? If so, then go.
If you're just another supporting face in the crowd then i'd flip a coin.

The truth is i wish i had gone to more before they were ones that really mattered to me.

The first 2 funerals i remember going to were my mother and my fathers (3 and 4 years ago) mostly because i didn't know how to handle them.

Now I've gone to a bunch more and i know what i wish people had done for me so that's what i do for them.

5/8/2015 7:10:36 AM

^^jajajajajajajajajajaja

5/8/2015 8:15:42 AM

Hispanic laughter....

TWW is multi cultural friendly.

5/8/2015 8:39:54 AM

Go to the wake, not the funeral service.

5/8/2015 8:49:58 AM

^^^^like I said, we go to the same parties and play on the same team, so I consider them real friends.

5/8/2015 8:56:36 AM

Quote :

"I think it's weird as fuck to be in your mid-30s and playing co-ed soccer as well, so what do I know?"

lol, what!?

5/8/2015 9:16:33 AM

I'd love to have a weekly game of something

5/8/2015 9:23:16 AM

after someone dies

5/8/2015 7:49:07 PM

Quote :

"You should crowdsource a Photoshopped image of her father based on some security camera footage. Get it framed. Very tasteful, not creepy at all."

Or make a collage?

Quote :

"I'd love to have a weekly game of something"

If you live in Raleigh and would really like to play sports once a week then check into these...

Triangle Adult Soccer League http://www.tasl.us
Tri Sports http://www.trissc.com
Premier Coed Sports http://premiercoedsports.com/
Raleigh Coed Soccer Group (free) http://www.meetup.com/pickupsoccer-205/

5/8/2015 8:22:45 PM

I'm going to whatever I make it to after I get off of work at about 5 pm tomorrow. At least one other person from our team will be there too.

5/10/2015 10:09:16 PM

Quote :

"I wouldn't go to the wake. I would consider going to the funeral if t was a good friend who I wanted to show emotional support for. Flowers are always nice. "

I feel the opposite. As a somewhat recent example, my close friend's grandfather died recently. I'd known this friend almost my whole life and knew his parents really well. But I'd only met his grandfather a time or two. I went to the wake, not the funeral. My thinking was that I wanted to show support and be there for my friend and his parents. But I felt like the funeral was an opportunity for them to grieve as a family and with close friends of the deceased.

And yes, flowers are always great.

5/11/2015 8:31:09 AM

Quote :

"I think it's weird as fuck to be in your mid-30s and playing co-ed soccer as well, so what do I know?""

5/11/2015 9:24:51 AM

I've never been to a funeral/wake. I only plan to ever go if its immediate family.

5/11/2015 9:52:13 AM

Quote :

"I feel the opposite. As a somewhat recent example, my close friend's grandfather died recently. I'd known this friend almost my whole life and knew his parents really well. But I'd only met his grandfather a time or two. I went to the wake, not the funeral. My thinking was that I wanted to show support and be there for my friend and his parents. But I felt like the funeral was an opportunity for them to grieve as a family and with close friends of the deceased. And yes, flowers are always great."

pretty much this. for me: funerals for family (to an extent. i'm not going to my aunt's mothers funeral who i might have met once), friends and the family of some friends (like the parents of kids i grew up with and was at their house all the time, so i knew their parents well). I only go to wakes for people I didn't know as well (relatives of good friends, etc) or for ones where it is impossible for me to go to the funeral.

5/11/2015 10:39:03 AM

I went to the visitation and so did another guy on our team. I skipped the funeral service though. That was the way to do it in this situation because I was actually able to talk to my friends and I didn't know the deceased person. Now my friends know I attended.

5/11/2015 7:24:47 PM