My rinkydink account ain't shit. But it is shit somewhere on this planet, and despite the dangers, always, always, in the back of my mind, I'm like, "Fuck this mildly unpleasant interaction...I'ma cash out and get murdered in Belize."

Retirement savings aren't good for emotional people. I'd rather lose it all in Vegas and kill myself than dutifully collect dollars in anticipation of cancer and incontinence.

Life is hard.

6/28/2015 10:51:13 AM

You could be Greek and waiting to see if banks open on Monday.

6/28/2015 10:53:43 AM

My struggle is that I think I'm going t invent something and be a millionaire, why am I facing a pittance and NOT buying a Tesla now?

6/28/2015 11:26:23 AM

I honestly wouldn't mind taking care of Bridget financially, now and into retirement. However, in return, I would most likely make her put her mouth on my penis multiple times a day. As far as I know, she still smokes, and I don't think I want my genitals to smell like tobacco saliva.

6/28/2015 11:49:06 AM

Yeah, but how often do you really smell your own dick and balls?

6/28/2015 1:13:45 PM

See, to me watching the savings grow is a game so it's fun and I'm pissed off if I ever have to take money out, so cashing out in Vegas is beyond unappealing to me.

6/28/2015 1:47:50 PM

I think about this every day.

6/28/2015 2:49:59 PM

EMCE will be the first person diagnosed with tobacco induced dick cancer

6/28/2015 3:24:49 PM

Not surprising

6/28/2015 6:40:25 PM