I seemed to have caused some drama so place your vote on if I'm the asshole or not the asshole.

The situation: The inlaws have a guest house and also a guest room inside the main house with a pullout bed that's basically a glorified futon. They've only lived in this house a couple years so this is a new issue. Last year the younger sibling took the guest house - they had just gotten engaged so I thought that was appropriate and didnt mind. This year I assumed we would get the guest house but the younger sibling still claimed it. Today when we were talking about plans for next year I said I couldn't really sleep in the guest room bed and we would probably get a hotel next year if we weren't in the guest house. This seems to have upset the inlaw who thinks this is some kind of ultimatum. My wife is the older sibling and we've been married longer so in my opinion we should get the guest house, but nevertheless I thought a hotel was the nonconfrontational solution.

Am I the asshole or not the asshole or not the asshole

12/27/2018 12:50:03 AM

NTA but if they have a guest house there surely most be some place comfortable to sleep…

12/27/2018 1:15:43 AM

I don't think you're an asshole for wanting to sleep comfortably, though you certainly may have come across as an asshole depending on how you expressed yourself. The guest room and house belong to the parents and it's ultimately up to them to decide who sleeps where. It may be best that your wife intercede and negotiate better (for you) sleeping arrangements.

There's no shame in staying at a hotel for personal space and comfort. Realizing, of course, that things don't stop just because you're not there. The trade off with a hotel is that you may miss out on spontaneity.

This stuff is always awkward because of the forced intimacy with people you likely don't know well (majority of your inlaws) and other people you probably barely know and may have met only once or twice before (inlaws of inlaws). Other than your wife, you likely haven't explicitly chosen to have a relationship with any of them.

12/27/2018 2:45:17 AM

Quote :

"It may be best that your wife intercede and negotiate better (for you) sleeping arrangements."

Yep, you should take this up with your wife and have her handle it. You will always come off as the asshole by bringing this up with your in laws, especially when you do it while you are staying at their house.

Ideally you/your wife and her sibling/their spouse would alternate who gets what.

Quote :

". My wife is the older sibling and we've been married longer so in my opinion we should get the guest house, "

This is being an asshole. Being born first doesn't mean you always get the better accommodations.

12/27/2018 6:17:10 AM

id rather get an air mattress than a hotel. put one in your car or if flying there ship it ups and leave it there

you prob should have let your wife handle it

12/27/2018 6:50:31 AM

I would suffer through the shitty sleeping arrangements. Not worth the drama. I try to keep interactions with my inlaws to a minimum. There's no clean end by which to pick up this turd.

12/27/2018 7:01:35 AM

Quote :

" a pullout bed that's basically a glorified futon."

Who has a pullout in their guest room? I find this strange - perhaps subtle hinting at getting a real bed.


Also, try to get there earlier than the sister and claim the guest house first.

12/27/2018 8:42:39 AM

I probably would have just said "We are planning on getting a hotel next year...", and left it at that. If they really pressed you for a reason why, like not wanting to overcrowd the house and to get some more space.

12/27/2018 9:17:00 AM

justinh524 is right on this. You went off rails here: "Last year the younger sibling took the guest house - they had just gotten engaged so I thought that was appropriate and didnt mind."

What you think is appropriate doesn't really matter. It ain't your house.

But fuck your rich-ass in-laws with their fucking guest house anyway.

12/27/2018 9:34:53 AM

What you ought to do is just roll up in either house and start pushing shit off of shelves and tables and mantles onto the floor.

[Edited on December 27, 2018 at 9:39 AM. Reason : ///]

12/27/2018 9:39:41 AM

Quote :

"id rather get an air mattress than a hotel. put one in your car or if flying there ship it ups and leave it there"

or...just order one on amazon and have it shipped there prior to your arrival. you save on space in the car and on UPS shipping.

12/27/2018 10:20:44 AM

Your inlaws are just now figuring out that you're an asshole?

12/27/2018 11:00:01 AM

Have you tried throwing napkins at your in-laws?

12/27/2018 11:03:59 AM

Quote :

"Ideally you/your wife and her sibling/their spouse would alternate who gets what."

wife did handle it, that's why we ended up on the futon. i just said next year we'd do a hotel.

Quote :

"This is being an asshole. Being born first doesn't mean you always get the better accommodations."

i never expressed that to anyone, that was my internal opinion

Quote :

"Who has a pullout in their guest room? I find this strange - perhaps subtle hinting at getting a real bed."

it's slightly better than a futon or air mattress but it still sucks and you wake up sore if you're able to actually get any sleep. it's not really a guest room, it's kind of a man cave/library where the fil has some books and a collection of items.

Quote :

"What you ought to do is just roll up in either house and start pushing shit off of shelves and tables and mantles onto the floor."

i'm not a cat

12/27/2018 11:13:25 AM

You don't have to express your shitty ideas to anyone. Just having shitty ideas makes you an asshole.

[Edited on December 27, 2018 at 11:20 AM. Reason : Post #51,111.]

12/27/2018 11:14:13 AM

it's solid reasoning

12/27/2018 11:16:01 AM

I mean, yes, that reasoning would seem solid. To an asshole.

12/27/2018 11:20:18 AM

and not assholes because it's solid reasoning

12/27/2018 11:23:15 AM

SORRY GUYS, I GET TO EAT ALL THE GOOD FOOD BECAUSE I WAS BORN FIRST. HERE, YOU CAN CHEW ON THIS OLD NEWSPAPER DIPPED IN KETCHUP.

12/27/2018 11:35:42 AM

reductio ad absurdum

12/27/2018 11:36:54 AM

it's obvious who the in-laws prefer

12/27/2018 12:28:31 PM

"golden child - scapegoat child" is an accurate description

[Edited on December 27, 2018 at 12:48 PM. Reason : although the golden child is not a narcissist themselves ]

12/27/2018 12:47:35 PM

Here is actually solid reasoning about the issue: It's your in-laws' home, and they get to decide who sleeps where regardless of what you find appropriate. You don't need to agree with their reasoning. They don't even need to have a reason.

12/27/2018 12:58:50 PM

"Y'all have to sleep in the kitchen," okay, fuck y'all, I'm just not gonna sleep in your home and get a motel room or what have you. But that's still up to y'all! Fuck y'all, but it's still y'all's house! But fuck y'all! But I respect it's your house!

12/27/2018 12:59:50 PM

you've correctly described the situation, thanks for reading my posts

12/27/2018 1:17:45 PM

Sometimes I forget that dtownral is the biggest asshole I've ever encountered. Then I remember.

12/27/2018 1:56:17 PM

i'll be in a comfortable bed next year tho

12/27/2018 2:17:38 PM

So how many nights are we talking here? Honestly though your Wife should speak up, tell her the fair thing to do is alternate years, but if her little sister has kids they will always get guest house.

12/27/2018 2:54:50 PM

usually about 4-6 nights, no kids involved. wife did speak up.

12/27/2018 3:00:29 PM

After you passive aggressively said you were getting a hotel if you didn't get your way?

12/27/2018 3:16:08 PM

Yeah in this situation I think you have legitimate gripe, but you should express to your wife, give her the ultimatum and let her work it out with her family.

12/27/2018 3:18:25 PM

How do you all deal with holiday sleeping arrangements prior to marriage?

I've been asked to sleep in separate bedrooms, public areas, even in bunk beds with strangers in order to avoid sleeping with my significant other.

12/27/2018 3:20:43 PM

Quote :

"After you passive aggressively said you were getting a hotel if you didn't get your way?"

before, i didn't say anything about a hotel (or at all) until way after. google "golden child - scapegoat family roles", the other daughter is the golden child and my wife generally plays the scapegoat or surrogate parent role.

Quote :

"How do you all deal with holiday sleeping arrangements prior to marriage? "

in college dating it just depended on the family, i both slept in other rooms and with my gf. as an adult out of college before being married i don't remember ever being in separate rooms, although one time i can remember had 2 twin beds but i'm not sure if that was on purpose or if that's just the room that was available.

[Edited on December 27, 2018 at 3:31 PM. Reason : .]

12/27/2018 3:25:35 PM

^^It depends on family. When I was dating my wife (it was long distance for a while). When we were at my parents we had to stay in separate rooms until we were married. When her grandmother surprised her for her birthday I had to stay at a relatives house.

^sometimes being the asshole is the right call and you are the man for that job. I think I probably would have done the same.

12/27/2018 3:44:26 PM

Take your essential oils next time

12/27/2018 7:50:32 PM

I have slept on this and now conclude that you are the asshole because you posted a fucking Reddit thread to the Wolf Web, Redditor scum.

12/28/2018 7:24:05 AM

i downvoted your post

12/28/2018 9:12:19 AM

Solution:

Force the in-laws to sleep in the guest house while you and your old lady sleep in their bed, to assert your dominance over them. Fuck in the bed and jizz all over their pillows (but make sure that you don’t wash the sheets before you leave). Leave a mint under the pillow as a nice gesture.

12/30/2018 12:23:22 PM

Does anyone else find it odd that the only guest bedroom doesn't have a real bed, considering that there is an entire 'guest house' on the property.

Now, to better frame this thing - are we talking middle-class/upper-middle property with a quaint guest house, or are we talking some oddball rural setup where the people's children built a house damn nigh in the back yard and the elder(s) died so now children own both places?

12/30/2018 3:11:30 PM

3 bedroom house- 1-master, 1 used by 8yo, 1 used as office/library with futon thing. whatever class you describe someone with a pool, outdoor movie screen and croquet court

12/30/2018 3:53:37 PM

They have a dedicated croquet court? You married into the right family then, they're just like you

12/30/2018 4:36:18 PM

a small backyard one, yeah.

12/30/2018 5:11:04 PM

It's just fucking grass

12/30/2018 5:17:16 PM

Yeah, it's just a rectangle of flat turf grass cut short with wickets, it was there already. They want to put a basketball court there for the 8yo.

12/30/2018 6:56:28 PM

22 year older sister

12/30/2018 7:10:28 PM

You're not an asshole for wanting better sleeping arrangements. Without being there, I'm picturing that how you expressed getting a hotel next year, probably wasn't the most tactful.

Quote :

"How do you all deal with holiday sleeping arrangements prior to marriage? "

My mother made my fiancé (now wife) and I sleep in separate beds until we were married. We were living together at the time. I had to explain to my fiancé, that I totally saw the ridiculousness of this, but it was a free place to stay over the holidays. Mom's rules...

12/30/2018 8:42:49 PM

how do you end up with a house that has no spare beds but has a guest house? I could understand the beds being too small possibly, as my parents still have the twin beds in our old rooms from when we grew up - likely for nostalgia reasons. We just bought a nice queen air mattress to leave there for when we came to visit, and we've talked to them about giving them one of our queen mattresses as we're converting a spare bedroom into a kids room. They at least went out and got a crib for us. Have you talked to them about the bed issue directly? You could likely buy them a mattress cheaper than what 3 nights at a hotel will cost you.

If they intentionally downsized houses with no real plans for family visits and refuse to get a better bed, then they have no right to get upset about you and your wife wanting to stay at a hotel. You should still let your wife handle then conversation as much as possible.

12/30/2018 10:18:30 PM

Next year, show up a few days early and erect a Christmas shantytown in their yard.

1/3/2019 9:10:30 PM

Can you drive there? Buy or rent an RV. Then you don't have to deal with their shit and you don't miss anything. And you get your own shitter as well.

1/3/2019 9:18:33 PM

1/3/2019 10:33:03 PM