Anybody in the same boat?

What are your avenues?

Go to bars and chat up girls? Talk to women/girls at the gym, grocery store, park, etc? Sign up on dating sites? Have your friends find for you/set you up with potential dates? Ask your relatives for help? Colleagues?

I have tried just one of those avenues. Full experience coming soon within the next couple of days. Have to get back to work and some other errands.

5/20/2022 3:40:11 PM

Talk to them about DeFi

5/20/2022 7:16:31 PM

WAS in the same boat. No longer in my 40’s, and in a committed relationship for about 9 years.

Between 39 and 42, I pretty much threw caution to the wind and engaged in frequent debaucherous behavior. It was very much worth it.

5/20/2022 11:06:15 PM

It’s pretty much terrible. I’ve basically set the bar at “attractive/in-shape”. Even that narrows it down to nearly no one, at least where I live. In 5-6 months, I haven’t found anyone who satisfies anything beyond that, and only a couple who meet that minimal standard. I expect the odds are pretty high of that remaining the case, or maybe having a long-distance travel buddy who will meet me at cool places, for the next few years until I can move somewhere else.

5/22/2022 6:35:51 PM

In a tangentially related topic, my wife didn't know what FDT mean, which made me really sad.

5/23/2022 11:56:32 AM

^^

Local kayak/hiking groups and buy yourself a Spartan Race shirt or two

0EPII1, dating in your 40's and not being white/black is going to be impossible unless you have a work friend who fits the bill. Us foreign types ain't gonna cut it on first impressions; shit takes time.

[Edited on May 23, 2022 at 12:51 PM. Reason : truth]

5/23/2022 12:24:28 PM

^^^Need to move somewhere more liberal and outdoor focused like Chapel Hill or maybe Asheville. Rural outdoors is usually just hunting, fishing, and drinking beers. Urban outdoor people are all about hiking, biking, rafting, etc and are going to be a lot more in shape.

5/24/2022 6:07:12 PM

Ugh, I need to find the time to write my experience here... just so damn busy with 2 jobs and a mountain of urgent/important tasks to do, including getting a divorce and figuring out how I can be reunited with my daughter

I am glad to read the replies here so far, and will reply to each one. I really hope I can come back here and talk about my experience.

Need to go get supplies for making my famed tiramisu to impress this girl I met... she is a mirror image of me; it is really surreal how alike we are and all that we share. I accompanied her to her place at midnight (returning from a gathering with friends) on Tuesday (she said she would go herself, but I insisted because it was late), and then we just stood outside her building and talked about deep issues* from midnight to 2 am. I was literally floored that she has the same issues close to her heart that I do. But she is probably leaving this place and going back to her home country in a couple of months... as if my life couldn't possibly get any more complicated than it already is

*We talked about the environment and sustainability (a lot about how fast fashion, fast food, and fast tech are destroying the planet), languages (esp. endangered ones) and cultures, our careers and hobbies, life experiences from our past, crypto, social justice, Trump, Bezos, and Musk, how the rich and famous get away with everything, big corporations against family owned businesses, and other similar issues.

Also, she is 29 and I am 45, so I don't know if she would be ok with that or not even if she does feel the same as I do about her. Add to that the fact that I have a 13 year old daughter and am not divorced yet.

She is having a hot pot at her place tomorrow, and I will take the tiramisu there (we are both crazy about desserts and we chatted for an hour about that yesterday on WhatsApp). There will be 10 other people there.

P.S. My lower back was dead after standing in one spot for 2 hours

5/26/2022 5:38:14 AM

>crazy about desserts
> :3

6/1/2022 5:44:59 PM

Update time!

Quote :

">crazy about desserts"

It's serious business bro... I don't mean I stuff my face with cake and ice cream (other than once in a while ). It means I seek out desserts with unusual ingredients (taro, ube, chestnut, black sesame, gingko nuts, lotus seeds, balsamic vinegar, peach resin), make wholefood plant-based versions of popular desserts (tiramisu, cheesecake), look up histories of popular desserts, explore different versions in different countries/cultures of a given dessert, etc.

She gobbled that tiramisu up like there was no tomorrow, and even wiped clean the big serving dish with her fingers.... I am hopelessly in love

After that we went to LKF (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lan_Kwai_Fong) by tram (told her my life story on the tram, that I was going to get divorced soon and have a 13 year old, and am looking for someone new) at bloody midnight to party! Met her friends there (4 couples, all professionals, interesting convos) and had/did shisha, drinks, dancing... took her back home at 3:45 and I got back home at 4:30. That was last Friday. Then on Saturday, went to an African cultural event and she came there too... I got the feeling she came there to see me, as she said she probably won't, but I asked her to come. Then we went partying/clubbing in LKF again and met up with some of her other friends, really crazy [single] friends who only wanted to talk about drinking and clubbing. Went to a full-on nightclub with music at 100 dB and indoor visibility of just a few feet (full of artificial smoke). Not my thing, at all. Took her home again, around 2 am, and then I went back.

This Friday (tomorrow) is a public holiday, and a couple of days ago she messages me at 1:30 am with "wanna go party again on Friday?"... obviously she likes to hang out with me, but does she like me more than that? I need to find out, but I don't want to ask her either, at least not so soon, as it might jeopardize the friendship.

********************************************************************

[A new contestant enters]

Yesterday I went on a dinner date from someone who clicked "like" on me first on the CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel) app... well first meeting to get to know each other, not really a 'date'. We sat in the bar/resto for 3.5 hours and chatted away with no end in sight of the things we wanted to talk about. Talked about our life histories, mass shooting and gun control in the US, human rights, dictators, Putin, Ukraine, George Carlin, Uncle Roger, food, future plans, hobbies, everything. She makes mechanical keyboards as a hobby!!! She is 39.

We agreed to meet again, but she also made it clear that she can't date me until I am divorced, and I told her that's how I want it too.

Now I am confused between the 29 and 39 year olds. Very different from each other but also have important-for-me commonalities (love to discuss serious global issues), and I like them both.

Wish I could combine them into a single person.

********************************************************************

[New contestant unwittingly enters on this Sunday]

Sunday I am meeting a colleague for dinner, a 30 yo. We have been colleagues for 3 years ever since I joined my current employer, and I have liked her since day 1. We get along really, really well, and shoot the shit all the time at work, but have never gone out for lunch while at work. Maybe I will tell her that I am about to get divorced (first one from work), just to plant that seed in her mind.

********************************************************************

Since I will be blogging updates here (TWW is a blog), I will start referring to the girls by their initials:

29 yo: WL
39 yo: WA
30 yo: M

********************************************************************

Just cancelled my paid one-month subscriptions for Tinder, CMB, and OKCupid.

********************************************************************

Yes, I will still reply to some of the interesting points some of you brought in response to my OP.

6/2/2022 3:16:20 AM

You should have kissed WL that first night you were up late talking. She's clearly into it. Don't worry about age difference -- it would be an issue if you were both 10 years younger, but that at this point 29 is old enough to where there really isn't that much of a difference in maturity.

6/2/2022 12:24:12 PM

^ I would have if I was already divorced...

I really, really like her a lot. She is amazing. I prefer her over WA and M, for sure.

WA is amazing too, but a bit too serious for me, and not as silly and fun-loving from what I could gather from the only meeting I had with her.

6/3/2022 3:24:01 PM

Thread is not legitimate until Smath74 weighs in.

6/7/2022 9:42:27 PM

Good luck!

6/8/2022 3:49:02 PM

As promised, replies to the replies:

Quote :

"Talk to them about DeFi"

I actually did talk to WL briefly about crypto and DeFi on May 24, but only because she brought up the LUNA/UST crash. Unless people bring it up, I don't broach the subject.

Quote :

"WAS in the same boat. No longer in my 40’s, and in a committed relationship for about 9 years."

You in your 50s now? Damn. Scared of hitting the big five O. Glad to hear you are in a committed relationship. How old were you when you guys got together?

Quote :

"Between 39 and 42, I pretty much threw caution to the wind and engaged in frequent debaucherous behavior. It was very much worth it."

Not my thing. Never did that in my 20s or 30s, and not going to start now.

Quote :

"It’s pretty much terrible. I’ve basically set the bar at “attractive/in-shape”. Even that narrows it down to nearly no one, at least where I live. In 5-6 months, I haven’t found anyone who satisfies anything beyond that, and only a couple who meet that minimal standard. I expect the odds are pretty high of that remaining the case, or maybe having a long-distance travel buddy who will meet me at cool places, for the next few years until I can move somewhere else."

You are in Murrca -- expect it to get worse. You should try meetup.com. I have been told by a few friends it's a great app for meeting like-minded people. You can join different groups (fitness, sports, hiking, crochet, etc) and meet like-minded and like-bodied people. Or move to East Asia. Here in 5-6 months you will meet a couple of girls who WON'T meet your minimal standard! I love it here for that reason (among many other reasons)... hardly any obese people in sight, so my eyes rarely ever get assaulted by overflowing rolls of fat. And the biggest people I see here? Almost always white/black Americans (still quite rare). Lots of French here, but nope, never obese!

Quote :

"In a tangentially related topic, my wife didn't know what FDT mean, which made me really sad."

Soooooo do you say it to her 5 times a day now?

Quote :

"0EPII1, dating in your 40's and not being white/black is going to be impossible unless you have a work friend who fits the bill. Us foreign types ain't gonna cut it on first impressions; shit takes time."

I was gonna say "I know bro, but I don't have to worry about that because I am not in the US", but it's the same for me here (HK) as I am in a foreign land and am part of a small minority just as I was in the US, so yeah, it's hard. That's where the dating apps come in because they give me a chance to meet that tiny percentage of local women (or just to meet, period, as people here stick with their type) who are not insular and maybe even are into brown guys. Of course, if I was white, they would be all over me (global hierarchy of races).

Quote :

"Thread is not legitimate until Smath74 weighs in."

LOL... should I DM him? Come on TWW, get with the program: tagging a person should give them a notification on the TWW mobile app!!!

Quote :

"Good luck!"

Thanks dude. You not in the same boat, right?

6/11/2022 11:31:31 AM

My own updates coming soon!

6/11/2022 11:36:32 AM

Do these women know about your dirty boxer fetish yet?

6/14/2022 8:27:51 PM

I was promised updates.

7/11/2022 10:49:24 PM

So much has happened... I don't even know where to start!

Just returned from a dinner date a couple of hours ago. And had a dinner 'date' with another girl yesterday. And another two Sundays ago.

My self-confidence level with girls has never been this high.

Yes, details will be provided when I have some time to write them here. But just as a teaser, here are the current options, with the first 4 being the ones I have had dinner dates with and thus being the realistic options:

Hoi Ki the Sweetheart, 27?
Stephanie the Smile, 37
Emilie the Fit Teacher, 33
Alison the Wordsmith, 39 (formerly WA in my 6/2 post)

Astor the Alarm Clock, 38
Yan the Chocoholic, 39
Clara the Professor, 36
Leanne the Vegan, 36

I have paused my Coffee Meets Bagel account for about a month now, even though I paid for a 6-month account a month ago.


[Edited on July 12, 2022 at 11:35 AM. Reason : If they all said yes, I would choose the first 4 in the order above, based on what I know now]

7/12/2022 11:31:34 AM

9/1/2022 2:46:31 AM

Unofficially official with someone I met!

More details another time.

9/5/2022 4:09:37 AM

where do I meet people in rural bumfuck tho

I'm so stuck

halp

9/5/2022 8:20:05 PM

^ Have you tried any of the dating apps? Fuck Tinder (unless you just want to fuck); try OKCupid and CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel). Serious people there.

Try meetup.com to meet like-minded people for various activities (hiking, chess, kayaking, crocheting, whatever fancies your heart).

9/7/2022 12:23:49 AM

feeld is where it's at ya prudes

[Edited on September 8, 2022 at 9:28 PM. Reason : congrats on the officialness, if you're into that kinda thing]

9/8/2022 9:27:22 PM

^ Interesting app, never heard of it before. I wonder if anybody uses it where I live. Anyway, I don't need it anymore!

Thanks bro... might make it officially official on Sunday! Taking her to a restaurant with a romantic setting:

http://www.habitu.com.hk -- scroll down until you see the "Floating Rosy Garden", and it's in a mall called "The ONE"

Will get the Rosemantic Lucent Tea Set from the Rosemantic menu, plus some drinks, and might get the dessert too:

https://www.habitu.com.hk/_files/ugd/53d4ab_8823a47680974fd8969c47a1e83d564f.pdf

9/9/2022 1:29:44 AM

We are official today!!!

9/11/2022 2:34:45 PM

China officially made Hong Kong its bitch. And that makes me sad.

9/11/2022 9:11:36 PM

^^ outstanding did you tell her about your dirty underpants sniffing fetish? probably good to be upfront about your fetish.

10/6/2022 1:20:42 AM

Honest question are they the most androgynous of the group?

[Edited on October 6, 2022 at 8:30 PM. Reason : .]

10/6/2022 8:29:46 PM

10/7/2022 3:26:06 PM

My question was honest too.

10/10/2022 9:14:11 PM

Thread is not legitimate until Smath74 weighs in.
I have not dated in my 40's... late 30's was a shit show though.

10/11/2022 8:12:59 PM

Quote :

"late 30's was a shit show though"

girl same.

I just turned 40 a week ago and I haven't tried dating quite yet but we'll see I guess.

10/12/2022 10:47:16 PM

Ugh, all the more power to you.

I am with the same person I have been with for 20 years, but watching my single friends. . . No, thank you.

10/18/2022 6:01:16 PM

just turned 43 a week ago. I've been back in the game almost a year.

I don't really even think about finding a girlfriend, much less another wife. I'm not opposed to it; it's just a far-fetched idea. I couldn't even tell you the last time I met anyone (or saw a profile online) that I would even remotely entertain the prospect of getting serious with. I mean, that would be great, but I pretty much just think about having a girl or two to go out with when I want a date...and to make sure I'm getting laid fairly regularly.

i.e., attractive and not completely annoying.

A girlfriend? Like...single, smoking hot, with a great personality, that I view as a genuine peer? Yeah right.

[Edited on October 24, 2022 at 12:53 AM. Reason : maybe someday if i move away from here?]

10/24/2022 12:52:58 AM

Update! (and summary)

Cross-posting from Chit Chat:

I am 45 (46 in March), but life has just started for me about 3 months ago.

I am about to get divorced after being in a loveless and toxic marriage for 15 years. We shouldn't have gotten married to begin with, yet at the same time the marriage gave me my amazing daughter (whom I haven't seen for half her life ). Sure, I wish I could have those 15 years back, but the confluence of all the events and decisions, good and bad, leading up to this point in my life has meant that I met my soulmate 3 months ago.

I finally feel emotionally, spiritually, and romantically alive after 22 years (since my soulmate [yes, everybody has multiple soulmates] I met at NCSU, whom I couldn't marry because her mother threatened to kill herself because of ethno-religious bullshit if her daughter married me).

Aside from the time I have spent with my daughter, I have literally never been happier in my life. This relationship is way beyond what I have always hoped for and dreamt of in my view of an ideal relationship. I knew she was the one about ten days after we first met, and we started dating 13 days after the first meeting. We met through Coffee Meets Bagel, a dating app for those of you who don't know.

It's been 3 months, but every single day since we met has felt surreal. Nearly everyday I wonder to myself how this could happen. If there is someone pulling the strings behind the scenes, then He/She/It/They programmed this to happen. The sheer number of 'coincidences' and improbable occurrences we have discovered in our lives/how we met is mind-blowing.

I met her mother and two older, female cousins ten days ago, and it went really well. I loved them, and they liked me too. Made them laugh a lot!

Hopefully my divorce is finalized before my birthday so I can propose to her on my birthday.

11/30/2022 10:23:28 AM

YO WHERE U AT MAN

4/12/2023 12:13:07 PM

I am right here MAN

Three-Quarterversary today!

Yup, we started dating on 9/11.

Planning on moving in together around Nov/Dec

6/11/2023 4:28:51 PM

But how to you envision you two will share expenses once you move in together? That's one of the defining factors of the relationship.

6/12/2023 5:15:47 PM

Great, OEP's got two fucking celebrations to go to on 9/11

6/22/2023 5:23:06 PM

^LOL

7/3/2023 8:44:05 PM

mom still threatening to off herself tho?

7/12/2023 10:24:14 AM

Quote :

"But how to you envision you two will share expenses once you move in together? That's one of the defining factors of the relationship."

Thanks for that question. We have been talking about it lately, and I will make another post about that to bounce ideas and ask questions.

Quote :

"Great, OEP's got two fucking celebrations to go to on 9/11"

Sadly, I only went to my anniversary dinner as I couldn't find a celebration of the other one

Quote :

"mom still threatening to off herself tho?"

Nah mate, that was the girl I met (and dated) at NCSU 23 years ago. That lasted just a couple of years because of her mom threatening to kill herself, so we had to end it.

Current one is someone I met last year in August and started dating on 9/11 (in between the two is my failed marriage).

9/12/2023 6:52:10 AM

Quote :

"Sadly, I only went to my anniversary dinner as I couldn't find a celebration of the other one "

you sick fuck.

9/13/2023 10:37:09 PM

goddammit this is terrible


it's all but impossible to just find single women who aren't overweight, at least down on the gulf coast/Deep South. I don't even care if they're dumb or whatever. I mean, I wouldn't make her a girlfriend or anything without being the total package (i.e., unicorn), but for now I'd be glad to just find one that's single and in-shape/attractive.

I went on a dating site, and there literally isn't a woman within 200 miles that I would go out with, aside from some been there, done thats and some tried and faileds.

9/26/2023 1:29:46 AM

This is when 0EPII1 tells you how great it is in Hong Kong. I certainly believe there are much fewer fatties of any age, however.

10/2/2023 7:23:34 PM

yo OEP let me stay there and meet some hot azns jk

10/6/2023 7:56:28 PM

Mail boxers C. O. D.

10/6/2023 11:47:41 PM

come on guys, we're in our 40s

11/6/2023 6:23:39 PM

^True. For about two weeks so far.

11/10/2023 10:42:30 PM