Quote :

"before they would even show me any of their dresses, let alone price tags, some bridal shops have required me to fill out a form divulging my occupation, employer, address, dress budget, overall wedding budget, reception venue and other intrusive information"

screw that. i wouldn't go there.


things had been getting out of control in the planning department so we've scaled back our vision by a lot, hopefully saving several thousand so we can maybe afford a honeymoon.

12/4/2013 12:57:13 PM

We saved a ton of money by having ours out of wake county. And then even more by using people mom knew. We got great deal on the venue and we got to use it from Friday night until Sunday morning and we used the same caterer for the rehearsal dinner and wedding so they again cut us a deal.

12/4/2013 2:54:16 PM

this link has provided the funnies for the past hour or so

http://badengagementphotos.tumblr.com

12/4/2013 3:19:27 PM

We aren't doing engagement photos. No way I'm going to look like any of those weirdos. Plus, I don't want to pay for it. Plus, I don't want to.

12/4/2013 5:58:43 PM

^

I'm a dude, so I shouldn't (and didn't) want to do engagement photos. Wifey actually didn't want to do them at first, but the combination of: (1) her mom wanted them, (2) they worked out great for newspaper announcements and a book signing thingy we had at the wedding, and (3) they say it gets you comfortable with your photographer so it isn't really awkward doing pictures on your wedding...we ended up doing them.

I can honestly say that #3 was really true. Our photographer was really easy going...but the beginning of the engagement photo shoot was kinda awkward. By photo time at the wedding we were really comfortable with each other and it took no time. We also brought our dog with us for the engagement photos...which makes everything better.

Oh...our photographer finally released some teaser pictures. She said she hopes to be done by Saturday...which falls right into her 6-8 week range...so no complaints here. These are at the entrance to the courtyard where our ceremony was held:





[Edited on December 5, 2013 at 12:59 PM. Reason : .]

12/5/2013 12:50:15 PM

Quote :

"We aren't doing engagement photos. No way I'm going to look like any of those weirdos. Plus, I don't want to pay for it. Plus, I don't want to."

I have an SLR and I haven't used it in forever (though I want to). I could have some fun with it, and you guys could get some free photos.

12/5/2013 1:36:39 PM

seems silly to pay to have pictures made of you when you get engaged

that's not really the "event"

12/5/2013 1:49:59 PM

Most people seem to have them done for a reason where they need a good couple photo, not just because. We wanted to have ours done in time for our save the dates, but that didn't happen. (and yes, I know those are unnecessary too) We had a friend who is also a pro photographer do them for pretty cheap because we wanted to be able to order our thank-you notes before we got our wedding photos back, but it turned out that our wedding photogs were super fast. So we ended up with ours that serve no particular purpose, but I'm fine with that. It was fun, and now we have some good photos of ourselves that aren't just weddingey.

12/5/2013 2:11:51 PM

yeah, I find save the dates the most useless

because that's exactly what invitations are for

12/5/2013 3:34:15 PM

We sent out save the dates solely because a couple in our group of friends got engaged two weeks after us and after assuring us they wouldn't plan on top of us changed their mind after we set our date and tried to plan theirs a week or two ahead of ours. They were sent super early out of spite and competition....and love.

[Edited on December 5, 2013 at 3:56 PM. Reason : .]

12/5/2013 3:50:56 PM

We didn't do engagement photos as neither Dawn nor I thought it was a big deal or wanted to pay for them. Then we decided about a month out that we didn't want a guestbook, but instead one of the large-matted photos where the guests sign the mat. And we didn't really have an appropriate picture for it. (We didn't do save the dates and, while our invitation had a photo, it was casual.)

Thankfully Dawn has a friend who is an on-again off-again professional photographer so she agreed to do an "engagement" shoot for us as her wedding gift to us. Turned out great even though it was only two weeks before the wedding.

12/5/2013 4:06:07 PM

Couldn't you have gotten a blank mat and put a wedding photo in it?

12/5/2013 4:09:54 PM

Well yes, but it looks odd for people to be signing a blank mat. Plus now we do have some professional-grade photos of the two of us should they ever be needed. Considering we found a good location about four blocks away from our house (Virginia Museum of Fine Arts grounds) it worked out well.

[Edited on December 5, 2013 at 4:17 PM. Reason : Once we get our prints, one of those will go in the mat and the "engagement" photo moves to a frame.]

12/5/2013 4:16:40 PM

Quote :

"Most people seem to have them done for a reason where they need a good couple photo, not just because."

This...and..

Quote :

"yeah, I find save the dates the most useless"

I agree to a certain extent...but people that don't live close have to make travel plans. Plane tickets are cheaper when you book them further out and sometimes hotels get booked up. Our save the dates were necessary because our wedding was in Charleston. By the time our invitations went out (many months before the wedding), all of the hotels where we had rooms blocked had already been booked up. My wife had college friends that had to get rooms at a hostel.

[Edited on December 5, 2013 at 4:24 PM. Reason : .]

12/5/2013 4:22:56 PM

i'm definitely doing save the dates. we have a lot of family coming from all over the place (including alaska) so i want them to have time to plan in advance.

12/5/2013 4:26:44 PM

We did an engagement session bc it was part of the photo package. Didn't find many photographers that offered *just* wedding packages. They certainly exist, but we didn't find a ton when we were planning.

12/5/2013 8:05:39 PM

Ours offered it as an add-on, but it wasn't part of any of the base packages. Perhaps, being at the beach, she realized that the timing often wouldn't work out depending on how many trips there the couple can make initially.

12/5/2013 8:27:40 PM

we went to a wedding recently where they had put out a photo album filled with engagement photos. there were several silver & gold sharpies out for guests to sign throughout the book. very cute/sweet idea IMO, but the ink was wet so it smeared all over their photos! i tried to blow mine dry but i still felt so bad for the other pages that were already basically ruined

[Edited on December 5, 2013 at 8:52 PM. Reason : ]

12/5/2013 8:52:04 PM

Quote :

"I agree to a certain extent...but people that don't live close have to make travel plans. Plane tickets are cheaper when you book them further out and sometimes hotels get booked up. Our save the dates were necessary because our wedding was in Charleston. By the time our invitations went out (many months before the wedding), all of the hotels where we had rooms blocked had already been booked up. My wife had college friends that had to get rooms at a hostel"

Ours was in Charleston too: we told people about 8 months in advance because of that, no need to put something in the mail for it.

12/8/2013 5:15:01 PM

^ Eh...to each their own I guess. I don't know the exact count...but I THINK we had about about 220-240 invitations. IMO (disregarding costs, because I didn't pay for it), save the dates were easier than calling/emailing/texting/personally telling that many people the date for the wedding. Also pretty helpful on getting a jumpstart on having every one's address for the actual invitations. And from personal experience, I'm fairly forgetful and having that save the date on the refrigerator and reminding me on a daily basis that I need to book a hotel room and/or get a flight is pretty nice.

12/9/2013 8:37:14 AM

If anyone is bored as hell today, you can look through 900+ pictures of our wedding

Password is "Werner"

http://proofing.julietelizabeth.com/Weddings/PaigeJohnWedding/35323780_wDGV4G#!i=2963877766&k=dmr4fkc

12/12/2013 7:55:17 AM

I love the reveal moment. If I got married that's what I'd want to do, get all those pictures done before the ceremony etc.

Those are some beautiful pictures!

12/12/2013 1:14:22 PM

^It made things so much easier. Plus, it's nice and intimate, just you and the photographer. It was more a hassle trying to get the family photos afterwards; although, our maid of honor and best man did a great job corralling everyone.

12/12/2013 1:49:27 PM

I still don't get save-the-dates. If you know who, where, and when, then just send an invitation and be done with it.

12/12/2013 2:32:56 PM

I think they're mostly for destination weddings and probably bigger weddings. I think they do several things..

- They help people know far in advance so they can get hotel rooms, book flights, etc. I think they're normally sent about 7 or 8 months in advance. For destination weddings or weddings in big cities, that helps to get better plane tickets and hotel rooms before they book up. I don't think wedding invitations are normally sent that far out. So I guess you could just send those out a lot earlier...but I guess people just don't do that??

- Helps you set your guest list early. Which means you can start working on everything else...which is all dependent on numbers. I think this is pretty key for bigger weddings. If you can get a lot out of the way early, then its a big difference.


If you've got a big wedding and/or its a destination, I think they're a really good idea. It helps your guests and it gets you in the planning stages early. They're really not that expensive and from a guest's standpoint (and someone who puts hotel and flight reservations off), it's a lot easier to put a magnet or tack a save-the-date onto a refrigerator than a big invitation.

12/12/2013 3:00:23 PM

Quote :

"So I guess you could just send those out a lot earlier"

Yes, exactly. So why send two pieces of paper when you could send one?

12/12/2013 8:37:47 PM

Some people set a date before all the details are in place so they want to tell people the date but dont have a registry or hotels or venues.

12/12/2013 8:44:32 PM

I sent save the dates to help the USPS earn revenue.

12/12/2013 10:15:02 PM

Quote :

"Yes, exactly. So why send two pieces of paper when you could send one? "

I mean...the Pros have been laid out and you disagree. I'm not fully against you, but I've seen how it works and I get it.

It's okay to say, "we didn't feel the need for a save the date and chose not to do so." But stupid to say..."Save the dates are unnecessary". They have their advantages.

12/12/2013 11:27:18 PM

Your pictures are gorgeous jbrick. Helps that you had good looking people and a good looking place.


(I'm in love with everything charleston)

12/13/2013 12:00:07 AM

Quote :

"It's okay to say, "we didn't feel the need for a save the date and chose not to do so." But stupid to say..."Save the dates are unnecessary". They have their advantages."

It's perfectly fine to say that they're unnecessary because they actually are. If you know the details in advance, I don't know why you wouldn't just send invites early. In fact, it's probably irresponsible to send a save-the-date if you don't even have a venue/reception place yet because so many of them require bookings that far in advance.

Do what you will, of course. If you want to spend your hard-earned money on double the things to put in the mail, have at it.

[Edited on December 13, 2013 at 11:11 AM. Reason : .]

12/13/2013 11:03:56 AM

Quote :

"In fact, it's probably irresponsible to send a save-the-date if you don't even have a venue/reception place "

Who said they do that? oh...I see that elise did...I don't think that's common.

Save the dates are also simpler (less expensive...so you're not spending that much more). Once you get your venues, send out your save the dates and take a deep breath (or even take a break before diving head first into planning). Invitations always seem to be a lot more elaborate and time consuming. I think it would rush a lot of couples to try and put together their nice invitation 8-9 months out when they can just send a simple save the date and worry about the invitation later.

[my mother in-law designed/paid for our STDs (yep) and invitations] Save the dates were very simple and invitations looked really nice. She took a nice long break after doing the STDs...but it made the invitations that much easier once she had all of the addresses and such.

[Edited on December 13, 2013 at 11:12 AM. Reason : .]

12/13/2013 11:11:38 AM

Sure, they are unnecessary, but for couples who decide they will ease something about their process, are they actually harming anything? You can get into an environmental standpoint about the paper and whatnot, but if you're getting that far into it, you might as well send an evite. Or a cost standpoint, but, again, if couples don't see them being worth the cost, they don't have to send them.

One not-yet-mentioned aspect of sending them instead of sending the invitations 8-ish months out is that you don't need a response from the save-the-date. If you send the invitation that far out, you're either going to have to ask people to RSVP way in advance, or ask them to keep track of a piece of paper to send back (or remember to RSVP in some other way) like 6 months after they get it. And I'll go ahead and venture a sweeping generalization that the only people who would remember to do that are the ones you'd be 100 percent sure would be there anyway-- bridal party, immediate family and the like.

So you didn't see the point, fine. But people who send them aren't bad people. They just have different thought processes and priorities.

12/13/2013 11:32:02 AM

That point about the RSVPs way in advance is probably one of the better ones. You'd also have people that would RSVP 8 or 9 months in advance and then have something come up way before that. It's a lot easier to be 100% sure that you can make an event 2 to 3 months before hand rather than 8 or 9 months.

12/13/2013 11:38:16 AM

For the record, I thought they were silly too until we started planning a wedding and realized that they made sense for a lot of reasons in terms of our own situation.

12/13/2013 11:41:07 AM

We didn't end up doing them primarily because our guest list was small enough (85 invited, 62 attended) and mostly close friends/family that we got the date out by word-of-mouth. I was still considering it but time got away from me, and now I'm glad we didn't spend the money. (Plus the design I was contemplating for the save-the-dates got repurposed as our invitation...we went pretty casual and designed/produced them ourselves...worked out well). However, I can absolutely see how for a larger wedding it coudl make the process a lot easier.

Quote :

"^It made things so much easier. Plus, it's nice and intimate, just you and the photographer. It was more a hassle trying to get the family photos afterwards; although, our maid of honor and best man did a great job corralling everyone."

Agree 100%. We did a pre-wedding first look and it produced some really great photos, plus it let us have that moment (mostly) one-on-one rather than with everyone staring at us. No pressure, just pure emotion. Wrangling the family for post-wedding photos did prove more time-consuming but our photographer handled it well.

12/13/2013 12:28:43 PM

How do you guys feel about Andrea Bocelli - Con Te Partiro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcrfvP11Hbo

As a Mother Son dance song....I've like this song a lot since I heard it years ago on an episode of the Soprano's

[Edited on December 19, 2013 at 1:29 AM. Reason : i]

12/19/2013 1:27:50 AM

^I've always liked that song since first hearing outside of the Bellagio with its dancing water.

12/19/2013 9:27:15 AM

I sang Con Te Partirò at a recital once, one of my mother's favorites. Even the Donna Summer version is really good!

12/19/2013 9:33:35 AM

I should probably read this thread

[Edited on December 23, 2013 at 10:01 AM. Reason : a]

12/23/2013 9:33:36 AM

yeeeeeah. Engaged for two days and everyone wants to give their input on the date we're thinking about this is going to be a long and crazy year

12/23/2013 10:28:46 AM

Get used to that. It doesn't stop. I got very tired of hearing "you don't want that."

12/23/2013 10:52:56 AM

Well, no one in my family has had much input lately. At first I thought it was nice to not be told what to do, but now I'm wondering if they're even interested.

12/23/2013 12:12:57 PM

Actually, my mom and sister were a little pushy about some things at first. I must have been visibly distressed at Thanksgiving because I haven't heard much since. Or they really just do not care.

12/23/2013 2:40:46 PM

awww, is this the first wedding in your family in awhile?

12/23/2013 3:39:00 PM

My brother got married this past summer, but he's much much much older and it was in Alaska so it was a pretty small affair. Other than that my sister got married about 14 years ago.

12/23/2013 8:54:24 PM

OK peeps, venue is booked so now on to the fun stuff. FOOD! The venue only works with these caterers. If you have any experience with any of the following, feel free to share here or through PM. Your input is very much appreciated!! (Sorry but I'm not looking through 109 pages of this thread to see if comments have already been made)

Empire Eats Catering (The Pit, Sitti, Gravy, Raleigh Times)
Catering Works
Belle's Catering
Unforgettable Food Affairs
Donovan's Dish
Catering by Design
Green Planet Catering
Rocky Top Hospitality
Posh Nosh Catering
Clyde Cooper's (probably not going this direction since I am not a fan of BBQ)

[Edited on January 7, 2014 at 9:48 AM. Reason : ]

1/7/2014 9:47:49 AM

What venue did you get?

1/7/2014 10:12:03 AM

The Stockroom

1/7/2014 10:20:18 AM

Oh cool, us too.



jk

1/7/2014 10:24:34 AM