page 14

6/3/2005 1:42:03 PM

^wtf?

6/3/2005 1:47:28 PM

Dear kidney,


Ow.


Bye

6/3/2005 9:42:54 PM

Dear Rubber Cement,

Where have you run off to? I would like to use you. I need to make a dart in this latex and you are fucking up my progression.

Please come back soon.

Love,

Elizabeth

6/8/2005 9:56:22 AM

Dear airplane,
Please fly smoothly today, avoiding any and all rain and turbulance... also I would love if you asked the storm to stay away so our flight isn't delayed. Thanks!
Love,
Leann

[Edited on June 8, 2005 at 10:00 AM. Reason : .]

6/8/2005 10:00:20 AM

Dear Site,
Grade yourself

-Brian-

6/8/2005 10:03:14 AM

Dear 3 chili dogs from Snoopy's I just ate,

Thank you for being so tasty and inexpensive today. Please be gentle with my digestive system. (for once)

I'll see you next week.

Love,
John

[Edited on June 28, 2005 at 9:57 PM. Reason : ]

6/28/2005 9:56:58 PM

Dear ass,
Please stop following me around.
Ashley

6/28/2005 9:58:17 PM

Dear Stitches,
Please stay intact and don't come out until next week when the doctor removes you.
Love,
Leann

6/28/2005 10:02:58 PM

Dear Hand,

quit
G|------------------------------------|
D|------------------------------------|
A|-7-7-7-7-7-5-----------------------|
E|-------------5-6-5-0-3-5-3-0-0-0-0-| X 12



its going to kill you



[Edited on June 28, 2005 at 10:18 PM. Reason : Love, Sean]

6/28/2005 10:12:04 PM

Dear workstation at my job,

I fucking hate you. You haven't work correctly for months and now my boss has me doing some bullshit so tedious and annoying I wanna stab myself in the neck with a pencil. I'd rather the company collapse under the attack of vicious computer virus that erased hard drives and anally raped every employee (except interns like myself) than have to spend one more minute looking at you dumbass interface. Eat shit and die.

Best regards,
Antonio

6/28/2005 10:29:19 PM

Dear Darvocet,
Thank you so much for making my arm stop hurting. I think you will help me get some sleep tonight.
Love,
Leann

6/28/2005 10:36:13 PM

dear brooke ruff's darvocet.


come get in my belly


Love,
David

6/28/2005 10:37:03 PM

Dear Armani Black Code Cologne,
You do not help me attract young women. Only 35 year old soccer moms.

6/28/2005 10:47:23 PM

dear phone battery,

please don't die yet. i'm still talking.

-lauren

6/28/2005 10:56:46 PM

dear phone battery,

fuck you for distorting my voice for the last few minutes before you died.

Fuck You.

-lauren

6/28/2005 11:03:24 PM

Dear goatee,

I am thinking that I should shave you off. Maybe I'll grow you back after a few days. Or maybe not at all. I can't decide yet. If you see me take the guard off of the trimmer, then just know that you're in trouble.

Sincerely,

EDDIE

6/28/2005 11:24:05 PM

Dear goatee,

I am thinking that I should shave you off. Maybe I'll grow you back after a few days. Or maybe not at all. I can't decide yet. If you see me take the guard off of the trimmer, then just know that you're in trouble.

Sincerely,

STEVE

6/28/2005 11:57:44 PM

Dear butterfly hair clip:

Why did you have to go away?

6/30/2005 10:41:57 AM

dear thread

i love you and have missed you

6/30/2005 10:47:54 AM

Dear Cook out banana fudge shake,

you are so good to me, all smooth and cold..but why do the people who make you not fully blend up the bananas at the bottom of the cup..dont they know its impossible to get it throught the straw?

6/30/2005 2:45:30 PM

Dear Headache

GTFO

Sincerely; Woodfoot

6/30/2005 2:52:58 PM

dear english 288,

listen man, fuck you. i already know how to write. you're ruining my life.

love,
rita.

6/30/2005 2:55:27 PM

Dear Liver,

Quit bugging me about that damn bottle of Vodka. We are at work right now, and to do what you are asking would get us fired.

Sincerely,

your brain

6/30/2005 2:57:11 PM

Dear Chair I'm sitting in,

I wish you'd stay in position; I like to lean back -- I do not like being dumped forward onto the floor. I'm trying to get some work done, so please stop ruining my back and posture.

-Mike

6/30/2005 2:57:56 PM

dear throat-
i know i'm not sick, so why are you tormenting me with annoying pain? quit it.
jessica

6/30/2005 3:02:49 PM

dear lilpoopface's throat

ehehehe

sincerely
eheheheheh

6/30/2005 3:04:07 PM

dear penis-
why did you do that to that poor girl's throat?
dude

[Edited on June 30, 2005 at 3:04 PM. Reason : .]

6/30/2005 3:04:21 PM

Dear mucus,

Stop over producing yourself. I don't enjoy your presence and constant nagging of my nostrils and esophagus. And other people don't enjoy seeing you laid out all over the ground like some immoral prostitute either. Thanks,

Xam

6/30/2005 3:07:26 PM

dear pencil

how bout you conveniently jab yourself into my eye just so so we can make it look like an accident. at this point, i'm desperate.

thx

6/30/2005 3:12:34 PM

^

Dear Ice Cream,

Thank you for being so very good, even though I don't normally care for vanilla and you were mostly melted by the time I got to eat you.

Love,
Sara

6/30/2005 3:18:41 PM

hahah, i love this thread

6/30/2005 3:20:46 PM

Dear Wal Mart,

You are the primary cause of the moral and intellectual decline in America. The people that own you are criminals, and should feel ashamed that they contribute to driving small businesses out of business, underpaying/witholding benefits from their employees, and striving to get rich off the American lower class.

Burn in hell.

6/30/2005 3:25:24 PM

Dear You (YEAH YOU),

Choke.


With the best intentions,

me

6/30/2005 3:51:21 PM

dear AC,
why are you broken ? AGAIN!! this is so frustrating! i am burning ujp right now!

thanks for nothing,
megan

6/30/2005 3:53:06 PM

Dear feather pillow:

Why must you be so inviting when I should be working?

-Me

7/15/2005 5:21:52 PM

dear people,

please worship the same thing.

thanks, ~kbb

7/15/2005 5:23:01 PM

dear you,

plz fuck off.

love,
me.

7/15/2005 5:26:12 PM

hey guys

i'm just letting you know i'm basically an inaimate object

so feel free to PM me your letters

7/15/2005 5:27:55 PM

Dear Thunderstorm

Please pass over Richmond so I can have a swell time at King's Dominion this weekend. Go bother another city with your incessant rumbling.

Looking out,
~SIG

7/15/2005 6:23:57 PM

Dear Vending Machine,

Prepare to meet your death. I shall cram half dollars down your throat.

-your thristy fan club

7/15/2005 6:53:52 PM

Dear Liver,

You're going to hate me in the morning.

Peace

7/15/2005 8:49:15 PM

dear hand,

thank god you arent inanimate.

Dave.

7/15/2005 9:19:34 PM

dear bed,

i just wanna crawl in you right now and treasure all parts of you.
those comfy sheets...
that down comforter...
the egg crate that makes you really soft...
the down pillows...
and the firm pillows...

sigh

~LK

9/8/2005 1:27:07 PM

dear pretty stone bracelet,

i love you, and i love your pretty colours

you make my wrist happy

love,
kate

9/8/2005 2:15:32 PM

Dear penis,

keep makin em scream for more

Love,


Jarren

9/8/2005 2:16:21 PM

J_Hova's penis is inanimate.

9/8/2005 2:17:00 PM

I'm pretty sure your penis isn't an inanimate object. Although I guess you could be hiding something from TWW?

9/8/2005 2:17:27 PM

THE PLOT THICKENS

[Edited on September 8, 2005 at 2:18 PM. Reason : .]

9/8/2005 2:18:05 PM

dear motorcycle,

it's nice outside so I'm gonna go take you out for a cruise, please don't kill me.

Love, Greg

9/8/2005 2:19:16 PM