Page 11 is dedicated...

TO BILL BRASKY

10/26/2004 4:21:31 PM

Bill Brasky actually invented a 5-point shot for the NBA. The NBA shortly banned the shot, seeing as how Brasky was the only one who could make it. That, and it made anyone who saw the shot legally blind, and gave them lock-jaw.

10/26/2004 4:24:35 PM

dud ewe get fucked up and come up with good brasky quotes

we remember most but i bet we have lost plenty of good ones to the haze that is a drunken night at 3526

10/26/2004 4:26:00 PM

Brasky invented tobacco so he could have something to do after sex, other than eat his mate.

10/26/2004 4:27:03 PM

Brasky was out making moonshine one day when his still broke. Instead of trying to fix it, he ate five ears of corn, cob and all, and a box of 10 penny nails. Then he drank two gallons of vinegar and a cup of fuel oil. I couldn't believe what I saw next, but I swear to god he pulled down his pants and sat his bare ass on a bed of hot coals for 45 minutes. After he stoood up he hand blew a glass jug and filled it full of his own piss. The moonshine he made from his own piss in that one jug was so strong it would kill a lesser man on smell alone.

10/26/2004 4:30:21 PM

Bill Brasky believes in Women's equality, and that they should be free to do as they please... after they clean the house, cook dinner, and give ya a B.J. and damned if my wife doesn't do that everyday too, before she comes back from Brasky's house

10/26/2004 4:31:28 PM

I never believed in God, until I met Bill Brasky. He had God's head mounted on a plaque, hanging on the wall right next to the Loch Ness Monster and the last wooly mammoth that ever lived.

10/26/2004 4:42:09 PM

Brasky is one tuff sunuva bitch. Anyway, Bill can only be killed by a silver bullet -thats covered in garlic- and shot with a 79 remington 6-shooter, at the heart, on a full moon, on the top of mount everest, by a descendant of the forgotten tribe known as the Makali... Either that or by a bee sting

10/26/2004 4:45:56 PM

In 'Nam around '67, Brasky rigged our genades by splicing clippings of his toenails and ectoplasma he borrowed from the then developing ghostbusters orginzation to give us portable thermonuclear devices. Blew those gooks straight to Mars, he did.

10/26/2004 5:02:38 PM

Did u know brasky is part chipewa indian?" Anyways, His lawyer used that as a defense to get him out of some jail time after he alledgedly tomahawked 3 old lady's to death and scalped their poodle for clothing. I can't remember if one of them was my grandmother, cause Brasky clocks me everytime i look like i'm gonna bring it up. Now that's one hellova friend!

10/26/2004 5:09:09 PM

Bet ya didn't know Bill Brasky had a state named after him...

When he was 15 years old, Bill went down to Mexico. He ended up killing 27 people that week, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, Bill is fond of hot food and beans, which Mexico has plenty of.

Well, on his way back home, he ripped the most monstorous fart ever known to man. It leveled over 77,000 square miles of land. Flatened mountains and dried up lakes. After he left, the settlers named the area "New Brasky". Eventually the named changed to Nebraska, which is what we call it today.

At some point his expelled gas had to slow down and it settled over an area of land in what is now South Dakota. Nothing grows there due to the toxic nature of his flatulence. Later the US Parks Service deemed that patch of land the "Band Lands" of South Dakota.

As punishment for changing the name of the state from Bill's last name, he cursed the land to ever be plagued by violent winds much like those he created to form the state. That's why Nebraksa has so many tornados.

10/26/2004 5:09:55 PM

Sometimes when Brasky gets bored, he passes kidney stones...just for fun

10/27/2004 9:04:25 AM

Brasky actually has a softer side, he cries at every Julia Roberts movie.
Its probably because he still hasn't forgiven that tramp for eating his nipples

10/27/2004 9:07:53 AM

Brasky was supposed to be in movies, but they replaced him with John Wayne because they wanted someone with a softer image. That, and Brasky wouldn't stop using real bullets during the gun fights.

10/27/2004 9:53:00 AM

10/27/2004 10:48:31 AM

I'M BACK BITCHES, NOW TOP ME OFF!!!!!!

10/27/2004 10:50:21 AM

I'll never forget the time I went to the art museum with Brasky. He ate five 1st graders that day, but that story's for another time.

We were looking at some sculptures when Brasky got annoyed at the poor craftsmanship. He proceeded to take the largest dump I've ever seen and it came out in the shape of bull mounting a group of Nigerian farmers. I'll be damned if it didn't win 5 art awards and blind a group of school children with its beauty. God bless that man!!

10/27/2004 12:12:57 PM

He once held prince William hostage for 3 weeks. His ransom demands were that Wham should get back together and that Bugs Bunny should be inducted into the baseball hall of fame. You know, for playing all the positions at once.

10/27/2004 12:23:36 PM

TO BILL BRASKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111

10/27/2004 12:23:46 PM

Brasky once took a bunch of week-old, mouldy, balogna and stapled it all over his body making a very nice double breasted suit. Then he broke onto the set of ‘The Breakfast Club’, said ‘Here’s your breakfast you pansy!’ and forced Emilio Estevez to eat every piece off his sweaty greazy unwarshed body.

10/27/2004 12:29:25 PM

The cartoon crows Hekkyl and Jekkyl are based on Brasky, but with feathers, rather than raging alcoholism and debilitating psoriasis.

10/27/2004 12:31:01 PM

When we were kids, Brasky convinced me to trade my Mickey Mantle rookie card to him for his navel lint. To this day I still consider it a wise financial investment.

10/27/2004 12:34:15 PM

Brasky actually started going by his christian name shortly after he singlehandedly laid seige to the city of York, a feat long credited to a man named William Wallace, who was, and I quote, "10 feet tall, consumed the english with bolts lightning from his eyes, and balls of fire from his arse." Sound like anyone you know? But if you look at ancient english, you'll see the mistake: the words "brasky" and "wallace" held the same meaning back then: 168 metric tons of cast-iron testicles. Anyway, ever sice then, the name "William" has meant "conqueror," and people talking about that day would always say, "That was so christian of him", so he began calling himself Bill, his christian name.

10/27/2004 12:45:36 PM

He built a VCR out of an old cereal box and rabid raccoon. He then forced me to watch 72 hours of him raping my grandfather. I give it two thumbs up.

10/27/2004 12:51:24 PM

He invented Bojangle's sweet tea by mixing his stomach bile and the blood of three 8-year-old virgins. Best stuff I've ever tasted.

10/27/2004 1:00:00 PM

Brasky's left testicle is on display at the Louvre, but its the right one that'll knock your socks off!

10/27/2004 1:01:21 PM

^Brasky actually touched my forehead with that right testicle after I had beed bitten by a rattlesnake. It forced out the venom, along with one kidney and several yards of my small intestine, and I've never felt better since then, but thats another story

10/27/2004 1:05:36 PM

Brasky originally came up with the idea of the spork. He made his out of metal and used them to scoop the eyes kittens that he wanted to eat. KFC stole the idea from him after catching him stealing their inventory for his own personal consumption.

Sometime before that happened he taught Jesus how to walk on water.

10/27/2004 1:49:46 PM

All this talk about him. Lets see a picture???????????

10/27/2004 1:53:47 PM

no camera has been created that could capture a full picture of Bill Brasky and his essence

French director Emile Chautard attempted to get him on film once
his soul vanished as soon as he tried to focus
they say when he returned to france his children would not play with him

10/27/2004 1:56:25 PM

Quote :

"He invented Bojangle's sweet tea by mixing his stomach bile and the blood of three 8-year-old virgins. Best stuff I've ever tasted."

after Brasky got diabetes; he had to switch to unsweetened tea, which of course he made with the blut of 8-year-old harlots

10/27/2004 1:57:34 PM

WTF, who is this like the internet imaginary friend.

10/27/2004 1:59:14 PM

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BILL BRASKY!!

10/27/2004 2:00:50 PM

When Ronald Reagan died Brasky cried into a glass for 7 whole days. At the end he mixed some scotch with the tears and used it to cure his daughter’s tuberculosis.

10/27/2004 2:13:29 PM

Bill Brasky once drank so much scotch that his BAC was 2.0

His liver quit working and he stayed drunk for 17 weeks. Eventually he had to drive to the store to get more scotch, so he scared his liver into working again and that bastard was sober within 10 minutes.

10/27/2004 2:24:34 PM

Brasky cured my rhumatism using faith healing. Well that and sodomy.

10/27/2004 2:54:58 PM

Bill Brasky was a real red sox fan. That son of a bitch loved the red sox so much he went back in time and killed Buckner and took his place so the Sox would win the series in '86.

10/27/2004 11:51:36 PM

Bill Brasky invented the Internet...on a typewriter! And he didn't even know how to type!

10/28/2004 9:16:57 AM

Brasky and I were camping deep in the woods one weekend.
We polished off our beers after a long day of setting up camp and hit the sack. I woke up that night by a giant growl, it was brasky shirtless squaring off the largest wolverine I have ever seen. I blacked out about middle of the first round. Im sure the match was on pay per view. All I know is that by the time it was over the wolverine was dead and pregnant.

10/28/2004 9:22:09 AM

Einstein developed the Atom Bomb based on a time when he accidentally walked in on Brasky taking a dump. He then examined Brasky's used toilet paper and came up with the theory or relativity.

10/28/2004 11:11:09 AM

One day I came home from work ON TIME and found the milkman loitering around the outside of my house crying like a baby. Connecting a vision of unfaithfulness in my head on behalf of my wife I stormed into our bedroom. Lo and behold there was that sunuvabitch Brasky laying the meat to my wife. Oddly, a sense of rage consumed me that was overpowered by a sense of awe and solace. I wanted to hurt someone real bad but Brasky uttered the following to me "Let me finish here then we'll talk". Upon that utterance, I sat on the edge of the bed an watched art in action.

Afterwards me and that SOB convened to the kitchen table and spent the next 24 hours drinking and BS'ing. I learned more about that damned Brasky than I thought possible. The next evening we wrapped up our bonding extravaganza, hugged, then I signed over the deed to my house to the SOB.

[Edited on October 28, 2004 at 11:19 AM. Reason : TO BILL BRASKY!!!]

10/28/2004 11:18:03 AM

My wife was pregnant with our first child but she was 2 weeks overdue. She was having trouble walking until Brasky came over one day. He picked her up by her ears and shook her as hard as he could. I thought he broke her neck, but out popped the baby. Son of a bitch was 4 feet tall and looked just like Brasky to boot. We named him little Billy and to this day he won't eat a ham sandwich without punching me in the face first.

10/28/2004 2:00:07 PM

The reason we have 12 months in the year is that each one respresents one inch of Brasky's manhood. That is, one inch in diameter. For the longest time there were only 11 months, but then we had to add September after Brasky contracted a nasty case of VD. He healed it soaking his penis in egg whites. I shit you not, after it was cured the SOB had gained another inch.

10/29/2004 12:32:00 AM

Bill Brasky is the voice of movie previews in Japan.

Interesting fact, Brasky doesn't know a single word of japanese, but somehow the crazy japs just understand what he says...

10/29/2004 1:35:00 PM

When Brasky sneezes all the women in Ireland piss their pants.

10/29/2004 2:46:22 PM

When Bill Brasky arrives in town, it is a mandatory law that all horses have to be tied up.

Brasky hates horses, and if he sees one wandering freely, he will instinctively crush its skull.

One day Brasky was over at the house, and I had a new dog; well Brasky sees it, walks over, and puts his size 18 boot right on top of little Brickette's head

As Brasky was stepping down with all his might, I distinctively remember him saying "I DON'T LIKE THE LITTLE ONES EITHER!"

10/29/2004 2:51:39 PM

hahahahahahahaha

10/29/2004 2:52:32 PM

Brasky once made love to an entire church congregation. Many exclaimed that this event was the second coming of Christ. Brasky told them to give him time and they'd experience a third or fourth.

10/29/2004 5:12:30 PM

Bill Brasky picked on Hitler on the playground at their primary school. Hitler's shame led to genocide, which was stopped by Brasky transforming into Eva Braun, getting Hitler to fall in love with him, and led him to a bunker, where he revealed himself.

Brasky raped Hitler, yelling "Mein Bitch" for all 38 minutes. Hitler swore the rape was beauty personified. He died of a broken heart, as well as a punctured colon, bruised kidney, and internal bleeding.

10/29/2004 5:23:31 PM

549

10/29/2004 5:58:32 PM