Quote :

"Dear Playing Gigs With a Decent Band, come out of hiding i miss you -Bassman "

Holla at me bassman, I'm trying to jam.









Dear 17inch Zildjian K Custom Dark med/thin crash,

Please make yourself free to me, because I want you.

Sincerely, Ronny.

12/13/2005 5:51:32 PM

Quote :

"Hey chair, You belong in the lawn. Yet you are my computer chair. You have no redeeming qualities other than keeping me from kneeling infront of the screen. You better hope I don't drink anymore beers or the chances of you ending up in little pieces has exponentially risen. Your favorite asshole, Nick "

Follow up message:

Dear Chair,

I used to sit on you. Someone broke you. I proceeded to drop kick you. You felt it was necessary to leave a gash on my ankle and for that I say good riddance. Have fun in your new home, the dumpster.

Love,
Nick


[Edited on December 13, 2005 at 5:56 PM. Reason : .]

12/13/2005 5:51:41 PM

dear kernel of popcorn stuck in my gums,
i know that i ate everything around you and that you were resisting the urge to go to the scary black hole behind my tongue. please unlodge yourself and get going.
thanks!

12/13/2005 6:01:08 PM

Dear Dead Body In My Trunk,
Please stop stinking. I really want to ditch you, but everyone is always watching me. Also, please stop passing judgment on me with those eyes. No one liked you when you were alive either, you self-rightous bastard.

Thanks,

a$

12/13/2005 6:10:19 PM

Dear X-Box,

Stop being retarded.

kthanx.

12/14/2005 1:09:25 AM

dear nbc,
tell carson daly to gtfo

12/14/2005 1:41:12 AM

Dear lobsters,

Thank you for having such delicious tails for whatever reason you have them.

I can't imagine they do much more than cook up all tasty and go well with melted butter.

So thanks for taking one for the team and growing that so one day I can go to Red Lobster and eat it with those cheese biscuits.

xoxo,
John

[Edited on March 10, 2006 at 3:30 PM. Reason : ]

3/10/2006 3:28:42 PM

Dear President Bush.

Why are you fucking up my country?

3/10/2006 3:29:31 PM

dear wall,

i'm truly sorry for punching you 5 minutes ago (and my hand is even more sorry)

sincerely,
tater

3/10/2006 3:30:12 PM

Quote :

"Weeeees All American 18722 Posts user info edit post Dear Herb Sendek, Please find some emotion when you coach NCSU against FSU on Thursday WFU for the 2nd half. much, -Brian- 3/9/2005 11:56:35 AM "

3/10/2006 3:30:37 PM

Dear Lee Fowler....

3/10/2006 3:33:46 PM

Dear Time

Could you go any slower??? It seems as if some days your main purpose is to taunt me into taking a gun to my head as I sit here and count my dying brain cells as I wait for you to bring 4:30 PM around on Friday afternoons. Stop screwing with me and bring about my appointed time of departure from this Hell hole I call Work.

I hate you,

SIG

3/10/2006 3:46:43 PM

Dear Resumee

Please stop looking pathetic, get your ass off the couch and volunteer for some community service or something.

- 3 of 11

3/10/2006 4:26:54 PM

dear research paper,

pwnt!

love,
me

4/12/2006 3:24:35 PM

dear beard,

I think it should be obvious by now that I don't like you. Multiple times a week I shave you off, yet the next morning you are stubbly again. Can't you take a hint? LEAVE. This relationship is officially over.

regards,
me

ps: Don't you dare start something up with my back or ears...there will be serious repercussions then!!!

4/12/2006 4:50:10 PM

Dear Bed

I will try to get you some actions tonight.

YR

4/12/2006 4:52:05 PM

Dear ENT doctor's office,

Why are you closed on Good Friday? My abcessed tonsil does not take vacations.

Sincerely,
Erik

[Edited on April 14, 2006 at 2:21 PM. Reason : ]

4/14/2006 2:20:47 PM

Dear Home Depot,

Why must I work this whole weekend?

Sincerely Yours,

$

4/14/2006 2:22:30 PM

dear egg...

this has never been done before. we're making history right now. does that make you feel as good as i do right now?

4/14/2006 2:54:07 PM

Probably been done, but I love this shit too much:

Dear Lamp,

I love you.

BridgetSPK

4/14/2006 2:58:54 PM

Dear Parrot Bay
You taste good with Mt Dew rubbed all over your breasts

Love,
Jillene

PS... this time I have baby oil

4/14/2006 3:00:38 PM

Dear Land Rover,

PLZ DIE

THX

4/14/2006 3:06:53 PM

Dear Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion commercials,

Plz to stop taunting me and tempting me to buy an xbox360.

I really should wait until they come down in price.

So stop looking so entertaining and pretty on the TV, k?

I'll get to you just as soon as my budget allows for it.

Until then xoxo,
John

4/22/2006 10:50:18 PM

Dear Toilet,
Please fix yourself before I move in. Also stuff in garage please move yourselves out so we can make it a fun place. K? Thanks

4/22/2006 10:52:42 PM

Dear bartending job,
Tomorrow is our last day together. I have to move on. Sorry.
-Joie

4/23/2006 1:06:36 AM

dear guns

tomorrow I will touch you and squeeze you

4/23/2006 1:07:35 AM

dear 250, you are a peice of shit.

4/23/2006 1:08:08 AM

Dear penis

Please come back to life, I may need you in the future

-john handjob

4/23/2006 1:08:50 AM

bttt

1/4/2007 3:16:00 PM

Dear Africa webcam,

I can hear noises that sound interesting, but all you're showing me is an empty pond. Please pan yourself so I can see what's making the wierd noises.

Thanks,
Wolfpacker06

1/4/2007 3:18:57 PM

hahaha

1/4/2007 3:19:26 PM

Dear computer,

Plz don't die anymore.
I promise to delete the 500Gigs of Porn.
Tomorrow.

kthx,
FF

1/4/2007 3:22:09 PM

Dearest Whiteboard Dry Erase Marker,
I love you in NCSU red but you do not dry erase. In fact, you only come off with water! WTF is up with that. Please stop teasing and dry erase.
Yours truly,
Adam gunzz

1/4/2007 3:24:59 PM

Dear HP 1510 AllinOne printer,

We can't go on like this anymore. You've become lazy and no longer do things for yourself anymore. I can no longer feed you individual pieces of paper anymore, you have to learn how to be independent and take them yourself. Do you hear me? Don't you take that tone of voice with me! YOU WILL TAKE WHAT I GIVE YOU.

The cat and I will be at mom's.

I hope you come to your senses, for your sake.

best wishes,

ash

1/4/2007 3:26:01 PM

Dear dishwasher,
wtf is wrong with you

-

1/4/2007 4:03:41 PM

dear toastchee crackers,

why do i like you when i hate peanut butter?

Candace

1/4/2007 4:11:48 PM

ahhaha... it's aliiive!

Dear thread,

I'm writing again, these letters to you
On much I know
But I haven't been sleeping when you weren't here
The thought stopped my heart

Did you notice I was gone?
Where did you run to so far away?

I want you to know that I missed you, I missed you so
I want you to know that I missed you, I missed you so

P.S. I should write a song and use this letter for the lyrics.

1/4/2007 7:54:25 PM

Dear 3 tests I have today,


Please take yourselves.


Kind Regards,
Kelly


p.s. A+ plz

4/3/2007 9:09:38 AM

dear pollen,

go fuck yourself

love,
chartreuse

4/3/2007 9:31:06 AM

Dear Accountant at my Job:

I know you aren't inanimate, but you might as well be. I think that you should get laid. I hate you.

Yours truly,

chinacat

4/3/2007 9:32:04 AM

Oh I loved this thread!

Dearest telephone,
Thank you for not ringing yet this morning. If we could keep this arrangement I would be most happy.
With much love of silence,
APRIL

4/3/2007 9:45:57 AM

Dear brain,
Stop being addicted to things.
Sincerely, truly, forever,
<3 ken

4/3/2007 9:51:14 AM

Dear Kleenx,
Thanks for holding my boogies!

xoxo,
samantha

4/3/2007 9:52:05 AM

Dear Sam's Pants.

I envy you.


xx's and no oo's

-ben

4/3/2007 9:54:40 AM

Dear boss...

4/3/2007 9:57:10 AM

^ oh snap!

4/3/2007 9:59:22 AM

dear car that is in the college inn parking deck,

please turn your bass down and take that retarded horn that plays that thing from the Dukes of Hazzard off. no one thinks it is cute, and it just makes you look retarded.

-evan

p.s. you are ugly :\

4/3/2007 10:36:45 AM

Dear concrete steps

I would really appreciate it if you would fix those holes that you have. Don't you realize that little creatures are making their nest in those holes (ie Fred the snake). I mean I know it isnt your fault, mainly the people that created you, but please do something about this. I really don't want to come walking up the steps and step on the snake one night. That would be really bad, then I may have to tear you up.

Yours truely

Jess

4/3/2007 10:47:15 AM

Dear pens,

There's about 5 of you in my office, I know it! Stop hiding from me.

-Peter

4/5/2007 3:15:05 PM

Dear Penis,

I don't think I like you anymore. You use to watch me shave, but all you do is stare at the floor.

4/5/2007 3:17:58 PM