13

10/9/2008 2:33:24 PM

13.2

ahahahahahahahaha

I'm walls1441 and i approved this message.

10/9/2008 2:33:39 PM

Oct 10 1780

Over 48 hours, a slow-moving hurricane decimates Barbados, killing 4,326 (however according to the island's governor, "fortunately few people of consequence were among the number"). Over the next week, the catastrophic storm system moves on to Martinique (9,000 dead) and St. Eustatius (4-5,000). The unprecedented Great Hurricane of 1780 remains the deadliest Atlantic hurricane on record.

Oct 10 1962

The British Broadcasting Company bans "Monster Mash" -- the Halloween-themed novelty tune by Bobby "Boris" Pickett -- for being "offensive." The BBC never specifies precisely what it is about the song that's problematic.

Oct 10 1973

Bribe-happy Vice President Spiro T. Agnew finally resigns, after pleading guilty to federal income tax evasion. In addition to his venality, Agnew is chiefly remembered for this offhand remark during the 1968 campaign: "What's the matter with the fat Jap?"

Oct 10 1991

Disgruntled postal worker Joseph Harris kills four people in Ridgewood, New Jersey. First he brings an Uzi, pipe bomb, and a samurai sword to his supervisor's home, where he kills her and her fiance. Then Harris visits the post office, shooting two coworkers. When he finally surrenders to police, the gunman is wearing a ninja costume and a gas mask.

Oct 10 1994

Evel Knievel is arrested in a Sunnyvale, California topless bar for beating 22-year-old girlfriend Krystal Kennedy back at the Comfort Inn motel.

10/10/2008 7:04:37 PM

Oct 12 1285

Accused of the ritual murder of Catholic boys, 180 Jews are burned alive in Munich when an angry mob sets fire to their synagogue.

Oct 12 1960

In response to a speech by the Philippine delegation denouncing the USSR's domination of Eastern Europe, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev brandishes one of his sandals at the man during a general assembly of the United Nations.

Oct 12 1966

Sammy Davis, Jr. makes a cameo appearance on the ABC television series Batman, during one of their legendary Batclimbs.

Oct 12 1969

According to rumor, Paul is dead. However, the Beatle somehow persists in making several public appearances for years.

Oct 12 1969

Police capture Charles Manson at Barker Ranch, inside Death Valley National Park. Charlie is arrested for arson, after burning a maintenance vehicle blocking his favorite dune buggy route. One of his followers, Susan Atkins, is arrested the following day and spills the beans about the Tate/LaBianca murderers. Manson has not left prison since.

Oct 12 1970

During his court martial for the My Lai Massacre, Lt. William Calley testifies that Cpt. Ernest Medina had ordered that anybody they couldn't move would be "wasted." Which is why Calley said he and his men killed 350 Vietnamese, including more than 100 civilian men, women, and children.

Oct 12 1997

Folk singer John Denver dies when his newest toy, a homebuilt Long-EZ single-seat airplane, crashes into the ocean near Monterey, California. Unfortunately, the person who constructed the plane opted to locate the fuel tank selector valve behind the pilot's left shoulder. In order for Denver to reach back and switch tanks, he had to let go of the flight controls. At which point, the aircraft plunged 500 feet into the Pacific Ocean. Divers later recover most of the body, but not the head. Denver is ultimately identified by his fingerprints.

Oct 12 2000

Two al Qaeda agents pull alongside the USS Cole in a fiberglass boat disguised as a tender at the harbor in Aden, Yemen. Then the boat explodes, ripping a 40-foot hole along the port side of the destroyer's hull, killing 17 sailors and wounding 39 others.

Oct 12 2003

30 lunatics are killed in Randilovshchina, Belarus when a fire sweeps through their sanitarium, many of whom die locked in their rooms. It is believed that the blaze was an act of arson by one of the patients.

Oct 13 54

Roman Emperor Claudius I consumes a favorite mushroom dish prepared by his fourth wife, Agrippina. What he does not know is that the meal is laced with the toxin of the Amanita phalloides mushroom. Feeling ill the next morning, Claudius summons his personal physician. Unfortunately, the doctor happens to be a co-conspirator in the scheme, administering a colocynth enema which kills Claudius instantly.

Oct 13 1972

Due to poor visibility, a Uruguayan Air Force plane carrying the Montevideo Old Christians Rugby Club crashes high in the Chilean Andes. Of the 45 people aboard the flight, only 27 survive the crash, and just 16 make it to their rescue 72 days later. Their secret? Cannibalism. According to one survivor, "the slight browning of the flesh gave it an immeasurably better flavor, softer than beef but with much the same taste."

Oct 13 1988

A report published in the journal Nature declares the Turin shroud to be a 13th century fake. Although carbon-14 testing places the shroud's fabrication somewhere between 1260 and 1390 AD, true believers spend much of the next several years attempting to explain away the radiocarbon test results.

Oct 13 1997

Nike, Inc. fines one of its shoe factories in Vietnam $5,000 after it becomes known that plant management ordered workers to create 51 rubber penises. Although the schlongs were produced strictly as gag gifts for a company official's birthday, Nike sees no humor in the matter.

10/13/2008 1:02:53 PM

humorless bastards.

10/14/2008 3:09:01 AM

Today, at a mexican restaurant in history...

10/14/2008 6:48:06 AM

Pamela Anderson Lee, rush to hospital with flu like symptoms
oh wait that was yesterday ...damn

10/14/2008 8:05:55 AM

i was born today, on a tuesday actually at 12:52 PM

10/14/2008 10:14:46 AM

Oct 14 1943

An estimated 200 inmates of Sobibor escape the Polish extermination camp after killing 11 SS guards in an uprising. 52 of the fugitives manage to survive. The Nazis close the facility shortly thereafter. The events are later portrayed in a 1987 made-for-TV movie.

Oct 14 1944

Field Marshall Erwin Rommel suicides. He was implicated in an anti-Hitler plot, and given the choice of suicide or humiliating trial and execution. Hitler always liked him.

Oct 14 1959

Actor and Nazi sympathizer Errol Flynn, dubbed "the most despicable human being yet born", dies of a heart attack in Vancouver's west end. Flynn slept with both Truman Capote and Howard Hughes. Eww.

Oct 14 1972

Joe Cocker and members of his backup band are arrested on (surprise) drug charges in Australia.

Oct 14 1977

During an anti-gay rally in Des Moines, Iowa, Anita Bryant gets hit in the face mid-prayer with a banana cream pie. Bryant finishes with custard dripping from her face: "Father, I want to ask that you forgive him and that we love him, and that we're praying for him to be delivered from his deviant lifestyle."

Oct 14 1977

Crooning child abuser Bing Crosby dies on a golf course in Madrid, Spain. Since his death, two of his sons have committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head (Lindsay in 1989, Dennis in 1991).

Oct 14 1982

President Ronald Reagan, like Nixon before him, declares war on drugs. This time, for sure!

Oct 14 1985

Respected Roman Catholic priest Gilbert Gauthe Jr. of Vermilion Parish, Louisiana, pleads guilty to molesting 11 boys and is sentenced to 20 years. The Catholic Church had been aware of his pederastic avocation since 1973, but pretended not to. In the end, the church coughs up $5.5M in out-of-court settlements.

10/14/2008 12:52:40 PM

Oct 15 1917

Dutch spy H21, also known as Mata Hari, is executed in Paris by a 12-man firing squad. The dancer, born Gertrude Zelle, had slept with a number of high-ranking military officers from around the world and passed secrets along to the German high command. After death, her body is given to the University of Paris medical school for dissection.

Oct 15 1976

Ike and Tina Turner break up as a musical duo. Ike being such a nice guy, it's hard to understand why she would ever want to leave.

Oct 15 1981

Mork & Mindy's baby finally hatches, who they name Mearth.

10/15/2008 1:46:21 PM

Ike was a pretty sweet fella.

10/15/2008 1:53:04 PM

today in histroy the panthers won their first game

10/15/2008 1:53:24 PM

Oct 16 1793

Deposed French queen Joséphe Jeanne Marie Antoinette sits in an open cart, enduring three hours of public ridicule as she is slowly driven around the streets of Paris. Finally, she is taken to the guillotine. Before she loses her head, Antoinette tells the crowd: "Farewell, my children, forever. I go to your Father."

Oct 16 1968

American athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos perform a raised-fist Black Power salute during the 200-meter dash medals ceremony at the Mexico City Olympics. Despite being two of the fastest men on Earth (Smith won the gold and Carlos the bronze), the pair are promptly kicked off the U.S. team for their political statement.

Oct 16 1977

In a very special episode of All in the Family, a rapist holds Edith at knifepoint and pays a compliment on her perfume (Lemon Fresh Pledge). Luckily, Edith manages to fend off the home invader before he can rape her.

Oct 16 1991

George Hennard crashes his pickup truck through the window of Luby's Cafeteria in Killeen, Texas. Then he hops out and begins shooting the patrons with a Glock 17 semiauto and a Ruger P89. Before ultimately killing himself next to the restaurant's bathrooms, Hennard manages to kill 23 people and wound 19 others.

Oct 16 1992

The Dutchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, files a $1.4M suit against French tabloids for running topless photos of her taken on the French Riviera, including some of Texas millionaire John Bryan sucking her toes. Fergie went on to appear in advertisements for Weight Watchers.

Oct 16 1996

84 are killed and more than 180 injured in Guatemala City when 47,000 soccer fans attempt to squeeze into 36,000 seats at Mateo Flores Stadium. It is the worst tragedy in soccer history.

10/16/2008 11:46:42 AM

1987 - Mike Tyson TKOs Tyrell Biggs in 7 for heavyweight boxing title

10/16/2008 12:06:10 PM

Oct 17 1961

Between 50 and 200 unarmed Algerian muslims are massacred by Paris police during an FLN demonstration. Dozens more are murdered in the courtyard of the main police headquarters. At the time, the De Gaulle government was unstable and trying to hold onto its African colonies, thus the massacre was not widely reported.

Oct 17 1967

The controversial play Hair, full of dancing naked people, unshaved armpits, and body odor, opens at the 299-seat Anspacher Theater on Broadway. (Hair is that play with all the fricking "Age of Aquarius" shit.)

Oct 17 1984

The New York Times runs an article entitled "CIA Primer Tells Nicaraguan Rebels How to Kill." The story describes the secret manual Psychological Operations in Guerrilla Warfare which the CIA furnished to the Contras in Nicaragua. The booklet instructed how to kidnap and assassinate civil officials, such as judges and police.

Oct 17 1989

The Loma Prieta earthquake strikes the San Francisco Bay Area, killing 67 and causing billions in property damage. The 6.9 magnitude temblor manages to collapse a long section of the double-decker I-880 freeway, smushing motorists between the two layers. Part of the Bay Bridge also collapses. Worst of all, the quake postpones the third World Series game.

10/17/2008 9:09:51 PM

Oct 18 1945

The USSR's nuclear program receives plans for America's plutonium bomb, courtesy of secret agent Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.

Oct 18 1968

A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150.

Oct 18 1969

In Hawaii, Jefferson Airplane member Paul Kantner is charged with possession of Maui Wowie. "If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there."

Oct 18 1974

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, based loosely on Ed Gein's story and originally titled "Headcheese," opens in theatres. One critic describes the film as "a vile piece of sick crap," containing "unrelenting sadistic violence as extreme and hideous as a complete lack of imagination can possibly make it." The movie is later banned in Germany and the UK.

10/18/2008 1:05:51 PM

Quote :

"A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150."

DOPE RESIN?!

YOU MEAN HASHISH?

AND JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, 168 GRAINS IS SMALL SON.



FUCKING DOPE RESIN. JESUS SON. DOPE IS THE WORST FUCKING WORD I'VE EVER HEARD USED TO DESCRIBE MARIJUANA.

[Edited on October 18, 2008 at 1:09 PM. Reason : ]

10/18/2008 1:08:15 PM

Oct 19 1982

Maverick carmaker John DeLorean is arrested in Los Angeles with $24M worth of cocaine in his suitcase. The case is later thrown out of court when a judge rules that the FBI sting operation constituted entrapment.

Oct 19 1987

The New York Stock Exchange suffers its worst crash in history, when the market suddenly loses $500B. The Dow Jones Industrial Average drops 22.6%, twice the amount of the 1929 crash.

Oct 19 1997

During the warm-up act at the Pittsburgh Civic Arena, 4,642 Motley Crue fans - including a few minor children - are treated to a vignette from a pornographic video projected above the stage. The scene depicts a naked woman masturbating with a dildo and performing fellatio. Tommy Lee does not appear in the video.

Oct 19 1998

The ClubLove website posts nude photos of irritating radio personality "Dr." Laura Schlessinger. At first, Schlessinger denies the pictures are of her, but then inexplicably files a copyright infringement suit against IEG, publisher of the site. In doing so, Schlessinger tacitly admits the authenticity of the nudie pictures, which includes a "money shot." Ultimately, IEG prevails, and the photos remain on the site. Dr. Laura's radio show consists of a prudish, moralistic and religious advice show, making this whole episode highly amusing.

10/19/2008 5:26:27 AM

Quote :

"DOPE IS THE WORST FUCKING WORD I'VE EVER HEARD USED TO DESCRIBE MARIJUANA."

They use it because if you smoke Marijuana then you are a dope.

D.A.R.E.!

10/19/2008 5:30:26 AM

Oct 20 1930

Death row murderer Wiliam Kogut commits suicide in San Quentin prison with an ingenious pipe bomb. He tore nitrate-rich red spots from a deck of playing cards, saturated them with water, and jammed them into a length of steel pipe from his bed frame. Kogut placed the bomb on the heater and his head next to it, and waited.

Oct 20 1944

In Cleveland, liquid natural gas leaks from storage tanks into storm sewers and the streets, then explodes. The devastation from the explosion and fire levels 30 blocks of the city, killing 130.

Oct 20 1947

Under the direction of Richard M. Nixon, the House Unamerican Activities Committee opens an investigation of communist infiltration of Hollywood cinema. The hysteria in the film industry results in the creation of a blacklist, preventing certain individuals from working in the business for years.

Oct 20 1973

The Six Million Dollar Man premieres on ABC. Lee Majors' exceptional acting can only be compared to that of the great William Shatner.

Oct 20 1973

The Saturday Night Massacre. Nixon fires Attorney General Elliot Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus when they each refuse to fire special Watergate prosecutor Archibald Cox. The bastard who finally commits the deed: Robert Bork.

Oct 20 1977

En route to a gig at Louisiana State University, Lynyrd Skynyrd band members Ronnie Van Zandt and Steve Gaines are killed when their private plane runs out of fuel and crashes into a swamp in Gillsburg, Mississippi. Their record company MCA withdraws the flame-filled cover art for their ironically-named Street Survivors album.

Oct 20 1991

The Oakland Firestorm destroys 3,000 buildings, causing $2B in damage. Two dozen people are killed in the conflagration.

Oct 20 2001

Mr. Joshua's oldest sister got married.

10/20/2008 3:54:44 AM

Oct 21 1947

Twenty-one lunatics die as a fire destroys an insane asylum in Hoff, Germany.

Oct 21 1973

J. Paul Getty Jr's ear is removed by kidnappers and sent to a newspaper in Rome, along with a photo. It doesn't arrive until November 8.

Oct 21 1987

Former Miss America Bess Myerson arrested on charges of bribery, conspiracy, and mail fraud, all involving an alimony-fixing scandal. She was found not guilty, however.

Oct 21 1995

Shannon Hoon, lead singer of the pop band Blind Melon, dies of a heroin overdose in New Orleans, inside the band's tour bus.

Oct 21 1997

Hotel owners in the Detroit area meet to discuss suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian's practice of leaving corpses in their hotel rooms.

Oct 21 1997

The Government of Singapore announces in a widely publicized "toilet alert" that the drive for toilet cleanliness is a great success. Five toilets were selected by citizens as toilet role models.

10/21/2008 2:57:30 PM

Oct 22 1844

Jesus Christ fails to appear to the Seventh Day Adventists, led by Bible scientist William Miller. The Millerites were expecting the End Times to accompany the appearance of the Savior, so that didn't happen either.

Oct 22 1934

Notorious bank robber Pretty Boy Floyd dies of multiple gunshot wounds in the back, after a shootout with the FBI at the Conkle Farm in East Liverpool, Ohio.

Oct 22 1956

A 200-ton concrete girder smushes 48 people in Karachi, Pakistan.

Oct 22 1976

Red dye #4 is banned by the US Food and Drug Administration, because it causes tumors in the bladders of dogs. The dye is still used in Canada. The ban wreaks havoc with the M&M supply.

10/22/2008 3:40:16 PM

RIP Pretty Boy Floyd

[Edited on October 22, 2008 at 4:02 PM. Reason : eek]

10/22/2008 4:01:53 PM

Oct 23 4004 BC

According to calculations by 17th century biblical theologian James Ussher, God creates the heavens and the Earth.

Oct 23 1976

In an astonishing lack of forethought, President Jimmy Carter admits a deadly sin in a Playboy magazine interview: "I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me."

Oct 23 1983

NBC news anchor Jessica Savitch drowns in 18 inches of dirty water after her car flips upside down into a ditch. The events are later played out in a lovely Almost Golden: The Jessica Savitch Story, made-for-cable tearjerker.

Oct 23 1983

An Islamic Jihad suicide bomber drives a truck loaded with 2.5 tons of TNT into the US Marine barracks in Beirut, Lebanon. The explosion kills 241 American servicemen. Simultaneously, a smaller truck bomb strikes another base in Beirut, killing 58 French soldiers. Even though the NSA has proof that the Iranians are behind the attacks, President Ronald Reagan begins delivering them weapons for hostages only 39 days later.

Oct 23 1987

Robert Bork is borked, the Senate voting a record 58 to 42 to refuse him a seat on the Supreme Court. Ostensibly this was because he admitted to smoking marijuana as a youth, which would be the wrong reason. He should have been rejected for being a statist sleazebag.

Oct 23 1995

The murderer of the popstar singer Selena, and president of her fan club, Yolanda Saldivar, found guilty in Houston of her slaying.

Oct 23 1997

Newborn son of The Artist Formerly Known As Prince dies of complications from a "rare skull deformity." The baby's death certificate fails to name either the father or mother.

10/23/2008 2:14:09 PM

Oct 24 1947

In a very un-American fashion, Walt Disney testifies to the House Unamerican Activities Committee, naming Disney employees he believes to be Communists, ranting about how Communists were infiltrating the unions he has to deal with, and how "Commie groups began smear campaigns against [him]."

Oct 24 1955

A nude, very dead body is found in the Mexico apartment of Will Rogers' daughter Mary. The corpse of Manolo Just, a probable bisexual of approximately 30 years, had the name "Mary Rogers" tattooed on his arm. The death is suspicious, but never conclusively attributed to homicide.

Oct 24 1960

At the Soviet Union's Baykonur space facility, an R-16 ballistic missile explodes on the launch pad, incinerating 165 people. Included among the dead is Field Marshall Mitrofan Nedelin, whose death is covered up as having occurred in a plane crash.

Oct 24 1989

Televangelist Jim Bakker receives 45 years and a $500,000 fine for defrauding investors of $3.7M. Bakker had already been dismissed from his PTL ministry, so the criminal penalties probably just added insult to injury.

Oct 24 1991

Gene Roddenberry, creator of the Star Trek science fiction franchise, dies in a Santa Monica, California hospital after a heart attack.

10/24/2008 1:52:29 PM

Oct 25 1854

During the Crimean War's Battle of Balaclava, Lord Ragland orders the British cavalry corps on a suicide mission to capture artillery guns protected by 19,000 Russian troops. Hundreds are needlessly killed in what is later known as the Charge of the Light Brigade.

Oct 25 1913

Birthday of Klaus Barbie, infamous Nazi War Criminal. After World War II, US Intelligence helped the "Butcher of Lyons" enter Bolivia, where he lived openly for many years in the capital, La Paz. Barbie was finally deported to France in 1987.

Oct 25 1938

The Archbishop of Dubuque, the Most Reverend Francis J.L. Beckman, denounces the newfangled Swing music -- the latest craze -- as nothing more than "a degenerated musical system... turned loose to gnaw away the moral fiber of young people." Its cannibalistic rhythms are said to lead one down the "primrose path to Hell."

Oct 25 1957

In chair number four of the barber shop at the Park Sheraton hotel in Manhattan, Mafia don Albert Anastasia is shot five times by the Gallo Brothers, under orders from Carlo Gambino.

Oct 25 1983

In order to maintain an uninterrupted supply of nutmeg to satisfy global demand, the United States of America invades the Caribbean island of Grenada. The invasion is rationalized as a rescue mission for American medical school rejects stuck in a sleazy offshore diploma mill.

Oct 25 1991

On the way back from a Huey Lewis concert, rock promoter Bill Graham is killed when his helicopter hits high-voltage power lines in Vallejo, California.

10/25/2008 1:44:56 PM

Oct 26 1440

Gilles de Rais, one of the wealthiest noblemen in France, is executed for heresy after he is found to have engaged in the kidnap, sodomization, and murder of 200 young boys from the lower classes. Rais enjoyed masturbating on the stomachs of the boys as they suffered excruciating deaths, sometimes also enjoying necrophilia with their corpses.

Oct 26 1944

Vice President Harry S Truman publicly denies ever having been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Oct 26 1979

Kim Jae Kyu, director of South Korea's central intelligence agency, "accidentally" shoots President Park Chung Hee to death, also killing Park's bodyguard. Park had been president (dictator, effectively) since 1961. Kim is executed the following May for his attempted coup d'etat.

Oct 26 1984

The newborn "Baby Fae" is given the heart of a baboon, in an operation performed by Dr. Leonard Bailey in Loma Linda, California. She lasts 21 days.

Oct 26 1984

19-year-old John D. McCollum kills himself with a .22 caliber handgun after spending the day listening to Ozzy Osbourne records. One year later, McCollum's parents file suit against Ozzy and CBS Records, alleging that the song "Suicide Solution" from the album Blizzard of Ozz contributed to their son's death. Except that the song's subject was quite plainly alcohol addiction. The case is eventually thrown out of court.

Oct 26 1991

33-year-old insurance agent Lori Keevil-Matthews visits an outdoor art project installed by Christo. 1,760 yellow umbrellas were scattered along the ridge line of the Tejon Pass, near Interstate 5 in Southern California. Then a freak 40 mph gust suddenly picks up a 485-pound umbrella, slamming the spectator against a boulder. She dies on the scene.

Oct 26 1997

During a 1,500-person tug-of-war contest in Taipei the rope snaps, suddenly amputating the left arms of Chen Ming-kuo and Yang Chung-ming. The two men had wrapped the rope around their left biceps [big mistake] Both arms are successfully reattached.

Oct 26 1997

Basketball great Charles Barkley is charged with aggravated battery and resisting arrest after throwing 20-year-old man Jorge Lugo through a plate glass window in an Orlando, Florida dance club. Barkley later tells reporters: "I regret we weren't on a higher floor."

Oct 26 2002

After pumping an aerosol form of the fast-acting anesthetic Fentanyl Citrate into the air, Russian special forces raid the Palace of Culture of the Podshipnikov Zavod. Three days prior, Chechen terrorists captured 750 audience members inside the Moscow theater. The gas kills 116 captives. About fifty terrorists are slain as well, primarily from summary execution (close-range pistol shots to the head).

10/26/2008 6:40:40 PM

Oct 27 1964

In a private ceremony, Sonny and Cher marry each other by exchanging rings in a Tijuana motel bathroom. Five years later, with a baby on the way, they get married for real.

Oct 27 1993

Santa Ana winds drive 14 fires across five Southern California counties, which destroy more than 500 homes and cause perhaps $1B in damage within a week's time.

Oct 27 1997

The California Medical Board announces it is investigating Hollywood plastic surgeon Steven Hoefflin, after former employees accused him of "fondling, disrobing, photographing and ridiculing his anesthetized patients." Hoefflin - whose former patients include Liz Taylor, Phyllis Diller, and Joan Rivers - denies all charges. The probe is eventually dropped, but not before Dr. Hoefflin agrees to pay his former workers an undisclosed cash settlement.

Oct 27 1999

Five gunmen storm the Armenian Parliament with machine guns, killing the prime minister, Vazgen Sarkisian, and seven other high officials on live television. The gunmen surrender the following day, after holding a large number of parliament members hostage. The motive behind the attack seems to have been protesting government corruption.

10/27/2008 7:30:21 PM

Oct 28 4004 BC

God creates Adam and Eve five days after the rest of the universe, according to Biblical calculations by Archbishop James Ussher.

Oct 28 1919

The Volstead Act passes, over President Wilson's veto. Prohibition is ignored by most Americans, and fosters Mafia encroachment into legitimate businesses. Strangely, the lesson here has yet to be learned.

Oct 28 1922

Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini seizes power in Italy, with the assistance of the Catholic Church. Pope Pius XI declared "Mussolini is a man sent by divine providence." In return for this endorsement, the silly dictator signs the Lateran treaty, restoring papal sovereignty over the Vatican. But at least the trains run on time.

Oct 28 1948

The Nobel committee announces that Swiss chemist Paul Mueller has won the 1948 chemistry prize. He discovered the unusual insecticidal properties of 1,1,1-trichloro-2,2- bis(p-chlorophenyl)ethane. Thanks to Mueller, the world embraces the phenomenal bug-killer... until somebody discovers that the hydrocarbon, popularly known as DDT, also excels at causing cancer.

Oct 28 1955

William Henry Gates III is born in Seattle. Even after becoming chairman of Microsoft and the richest man in the world, Bill's mother would sometimes have to remind him to wash his hair. [Seriously.]

Oct 28 1965

Pope Paul VI issues Nostra Aetate in which he absolves the Jews of killing Jesus, thus reversing 760 years of official Vatican policy. Innocent III had declared in 1205 that "the Jews, by their own guilt, are consigned to perpetual servitude because they crucified the Lord."

Oct 28 1976

John D. Ehrlichman, President Nixon's former domestic policy adviser and convicted Watergate felon, arrives at the Swift Trail Camp minimum-security facility in southeast Arizona.

10/28/2008 9:43:33 PM

Oct 29 1897

Paul Joseph Göbbels is born in Rheydt, Germany.

Oct 29 1929

The value of the New York Stock Exchange tumbles 11% in a widespread panic. Thousands of people lose their life savings as 16,410,030 shares change hands. Black Tuesday marks the beginning of the Great Depression.

Oct 29 1957

Some raving lunatic tosses a hand grenade into Israel's parliament, the Knesset. The explosion wounds Prime Minister David Ben Gurion and five cabinet ministers.

Oct 29 1994

Armed with a semi-automatic rifle, Colorado upholsterer Francisco Duran fires 27 shots at the White House from the sidewalk on Pennsylvania Ave. Because he opted for Chinese-made SKS rifle, few of Duran's shots come anywhere near the building. Nevertheless, he receives a life sentence for attempting to assassinate President Clinton.

Oct 29 1997

Anton Szandor LaVey, founder of the First Church of Satan and author of The Satanic Bible, dies from a cardiac arrest at St. Mary's Hospital in San Francisco. His death certificate incorrectly lists the date as October 31.

10/29/2008 10:50:53 PM

Doesn't seem as if today was a great day in history

10/29/2008 11:11:57 PM

can't have good days without bad ones

10/29/2008 11:13:46 PM

Oct 30 1938

CBS radio announces that glistening, black-eyed Martians have landed at Grover's Mill, New Jersey. Luckily for the extraterrestrials, the news is announced during a Mercury Theatre program and later discounted as a work of fiction. Needless to say, the event causes widespread panic before the government manages to clamp a lid on it.

Oct 30 1944

Anne Frank deported from Auschwitz to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. (If you're reading the diary, she dies in the end.)

Oct 30 1945

Natalis Fonzii
Henry Winkler is born in New York City.

Oct 30 1961

Due to his "violations of Lenin's precepts," Soviet leaders decree that Josef Stalin's body be quietly removed from its place of honor inside Lenin's tomb. They bury the Man of Steel with a plain granite marker near the Kremlin wall.

Oct 30 1966

The Zodiac kills his first victim, 18-year-old Cheri Jo Bates, in the library parking lot of a community college in Riverside, California. Zodiac stabs her to death with a small knife, nearly decapitating Bates in the process.

Oct 30 2002

Jason William Mizell, aka Run-D.M.C.'s legendary DJ Jam Master Jay, is shot dead in the lounge of his Merrick Boulevard recording studio in Queens. The masked culprit, who gave Mizell a close-range .40-caliber gunshot wound behind the left ear, remains at large to this day.

10/30/2008 5:17:01 PM

Oct 31

All Hallows Eve. What once served as a spooky New Years Eve tradition for the ancient Celts (which they called Samhain) was ultimately appropriated by Pope Gregory IV in 840 AD to serve as the daylong vigil preceding the Feast of All Saints. Even so, the Christians preserved the pagan festival's spooky trappings anyway. Cunning bastards.

Oct 31 1926

Houdini dies in room 401 of Grace Hospital in Detroit. The escape artist was killed by diffuse peritonitis, after having undergone an emergency appendectomy. Contrary to popular belief, the fatal appendicitis could not have been caused by a punch to the stomach.

Oct 31 1966

The Acid Test Graduation! Ken Kesey hosts, among others. "The question is no longer CAN you pass the Acid Test, but DID you pass the Acid Test."

Oct 31 1993

Actor River Phoenix dies of a drug overdose on the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room in West Hollywood. Rumor has it that the lovely and intelligent Christina Applegate "stood there and watched."

Oct 31 1997

A Halloween "Hell House" opens in Vacaville, California for the benefit of local youths. Tableaus inside the house include a gay man dead from AIDS, a teenaged "Grunge" suicide resplendent with empty beer bottles, and a bloody mock abortion. The exhibits are operated by the Bible thumpers at Harvest Church.

10/31/2008 3:31:09 PM

DAMN!!!! RIP River

10/31/2008 3:32:16 PM

Nov 1 1530

Holland's dikes fail, drowning 400,000.

Nov 1 1755

An earthquake and resultant fire in Lisbon kills 50,000. The jail was damaged, and escaped prisoners were looting, setting fires, and committing mayhem. Gallows had to be erected around the city to restore order.

Nov 1 1896

Tits appear for the first time in National Geographic, starting a trend of providing masturbation material to youth for decades. The tits are attached to a Zulu woman.

Nov 1 1939

A rabbit that was born of artificial insemination is shown to the world. History does not record why anyone felt that rabbits needed any help in the procreation department.

Nov 1 1948

A Chinese merchant ship with as many as 6,000 people aboard explodes and sinks off southern Manchuria, killing all aboard.

Nov 1 1950

Attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to assassinate President Truman at Blair House fails, leaving one of them dead with a bullet in the head.

Nov 1 1951

US Soldiers are exposed to an atomic explosion for the first time in training exercises, at Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary and served both to train and indoctrinate.

Nov 1 1990

A New York City civil jury awards Sandra Miller $100 for battery after an incident in which boxer Mike Tyson grabbed her breasts, insulted and propositioned her. The jury found Tyson's behavior "not outrageous". Mike certainly has a way with women.

Nov 1 1994

A group of South Korean cannibals known as the Chijon Family are sentenced to death for murdering and eating five people. The group was founded in 1993 by ex-convict Kim Ki Hwan and several other prisoners, in solidarity against the wealthy. Eat the rich.

11/1/2008 3:29:23 PM

Nov 2 1974

The Time Go-Go Club in Seoul, South Korea burns, killing 78. Six of the victims jumped six floors to their deaths. After the fire started, club officials barred the doors, suspecting a ruse by customers to avoid paying.

Nov 2 1984

Velma Barfield, convicted of killing her mother, her boyfriend and two others with rat poison in their food was put to death by lethal injection in Raleigh, N.C. Barfield was the first female executed in the US since 1962.

Nov 2 1988

The Internet Worm is released by Cornell grad student Robert Morris. His ingenious program was meant to explore the Internet harmlessly, but due to a bug, it crashed some 6,000 computers. Spaf parlays the incident into a career.

Nov 2 1991

Jermaine Jackson's single "Word to the Badd!" is leaked to radio station KPWR in Los Angeles. The song attacks his brother Michael, with lyrics that include the lines

Reconstructed
Been abducted
Don't know who you are...
Once you were made
You changed your shade
Was your color wrong?
Could not turn back
It's a known fact
You were too far gone

While upsetting to Michael, it may have been a relief to him that the lyrics do not mention homosexuality or pedophilia at all.

Nov 2 1995

The image of Jesus Christ appears to many people in a photo taken by the Hubble space telescope, depicting a gigantic gas plume 7000 light years from Earth. Some CNN viewers pointed out the image resembles Gene Shalit more than the Lord Saviour.

11/2/2008 4:32:09 PM

^raleigh represent!

11/2/2008 5:42:33 PM

Nov 3 1755

The colony of Massachusetts offers a 20 pound bounty for scalps of indian boys or girls under the age of 12. Warrior scalps fetch a slightly higher price, 30 pounds.

Nov 3 1913

Income tax law signed.

Nov 3 1957

Laika the dog becomes the first living creature in space. She asphyxiated when oxygen in the Soviet Sputnik 2 ran out. However, some western researchers speculate that Laika roasted when the satellite's heat shields were detached.

Nov 3 1979

Diff'rent Strokes premieres on NBC. The cast's child actors have gone on to bigger and better things: Todd Bridges (arrests: drug possession, 1983; attempted murder, 1989; knife stabbing in self defense, no arrest, 1993; assault with a deadly weapon, 1997); Dana Plato (armed robbery, 1992, then a porno centerfold; dead of a drug overdose in 1999); Gary Coleman (a short, pudgy gun nut who plays Nintendo games; 2003 gubernatorial candidate).

11/3/2008 7:32:13 PM

Nov 4 1963

At a Beatles command performance (present: Queen Elizabeth; the Queen Mother; Princess Margaret), John Lennon utters the remark: "Will the people in the cheaper seats clap their hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry."

Nov 4 1966

The Arno and Po rivers in Italy flood, submerging 2/3 of Florence. Irreplaceable rennaisance art treasures and books were destroyed. 113 people died and 30,000 were rendered homeless.

Nov 4 1979

The US Embassy in Tehran is stormed by "students", holding 52 hostages for 444 days. The incident propels Ted Koppel and his magnificent hair onto the national scene with a long series of repetitive Nightline: America Held Hostage specials.

Nov 4 1986

The Iran-Contra Scandal is first reported in "Al Shiraa", an obscure Lebanese magazine. The public would come to learn that millions had been paid for US weapons and equipment for Iran in exchange for the release of American hostages in Lebanon. Profits were illegally channeled to the Contras fighting the Sandinista government in Nicaragua.

Nov 4 1993

A series of fires rage in Southern California, destroying 300 very expensive homes in Malibu and 700 homes scattered elsewhere. Damage totals $500M to $1B. Half of the large fires were arson.

11/4/2008 1:17:55 PM

Nov 5 1605

Parliament is scheduled for detonation in the notorious Gunpowder Plot, in which Catholic conspirators attempted to roll back protestantism in England. Thirty-six barrels of black powder were uncovered in the cellar, and fuses were found in Guy Fawkes' pocket. In consequence, Fawkes was beheaded. Britains now celebrate his death with warm beer and fireworks.

Nov 5 1975

Logger Travis Walton is abducted by aliens near Snowflake, Arizona and is missing for five days. Aliens performed "various experiments" on the abductee. One can only imagine this involved anal probes of some manner. Needless to say, Walton finds the experience immensely lucrative as his experiences are chronicled in the mediocre book Fire in the Sky and a very bad film by Paramount.

Nov 5 1979

Ayatollah Khomeini declares the US to be "The Great Satan". In return, Time Magazine later selects the ayatollah "Man of the Year".

Nov 5 1994

Ronald Reagan announces that he has Alzheimer's. For some people it merely confirms what they suspected all along. [Trivia question: Which 1980's president fell asleep at an audience with the Pope?]

11/5/2008 12:25:48 PM

Nov 6 1962

Dick Nixon loses the governor's election in California, proclaiming to the nation, "You won't have Nixon to kick around any more." (This was a full decade prior to "Lick Dick in '72".)

Nov 6 1985

The Playboy Club in New York City admits topless male bunnies.

Nov 6 1988

Beatle/boozehound Ringo Starr checks into an alcohol rehabilitation center. While many consider Ringo the least talented Beatle, he has shown exceptional acting ability in his "Atouk zug zug Lana" role (Caveman, 1981).

Nov 6 1989

Kitty Dukakis, wife of Presidential candidate and Massachusetts governor Michael Dukakis, is hospitalized for drinking rubbing alcohol. According to Hunter S. Thompson, "She was a really good advertisement for speed for twenty-six years."

Nov 6 1996

In Vicente Guererro, Mexico, the family of Eduardo Quihua Maquixtle, including four children, are stabbed by three men who accuse them of witchcraft.

Nov 6 2002

Actress Winona Ryder found guilty of shoplifting, after she lifted $5500 in crap from Saks Fifth Avenue on Wilshire Boulevard. Among the merchandise she stole was a $760 sweater and $600 hair decorations. And an $80 pair of socks.

Nov 7 1783

A man convicted of forgery is the last public hanging at London's Tyburn site, ending a gallows tradition begun in 1196.

Nov 7 1872

The cargo ship Mary Celeste sails from New York, never reaching Genoa. Four weeks later it is found completely abandoned, whereabouts of the ten man crew unknown. The ship's cargo was alcohol, so you decide.

Nov 7 1918

A ship from New Zealand brings the 1918 influenza epidemic to Western Samoa, killing 7542 -- about twenty percent of the population by the end of the year. Perhaps 20,000,000 people are killed from the epidemic globally, including half a million Americans.

Nov 7 1965

The Pillsbury Doughboy makes its first appearance. It (we refer to the creature as "it"; marketing may call it a Doughboy but there is no evidence of genitals) has had a long and uneventful career, but the puffy pastry is now in serious trouble as he recently shit a croissant in front of god and everybody.

Nov 7 1983

A bomb explodes inside the US Capitol building. The structure was damaged but there were no deaths or injuries.

Nov 7 1991

Magic Johnson announces that he is an AIDS victim. Perhaps the basketball player's condition has something to do with his sleeping promiscuously with thousands of women.

11/7/2008 1:49:05 PM

Nov 8 1879

Leon Trotsky's birthday!

Nov 8 1923

Adolf Hitler attempts to seize the government in Munich. The event is now known as the "Beer Hall Putsch" and lands his ass in jail.

Nov 8 1937

The Nazi exhibition Der ewige Jude (The Eternal Jew) opens in Munich, which ran until the 16th. Later, a film is released by the same name. "Wherever rats appear they bring ruin, by destroying mankind's goods and foodstuffs."

Nov 8 1973

The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper along with a ransom note. It takes two weeks to arrive. Previously, the kidnapping was thought to be a ruse by the son to obtain money, but the ear convinces his father to pay the $2.9M ransom.

Nov 8 1991

Convicted crack smoker Marion Barry, who served six months in prison in 1990, is re-elected mayor of Washington D.C. Astonishing. And even more astonishing, on the same day Sonny Bono is elected to the United States Congress.

Nov 8 1997

President Bill Clinton speaks at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights organization. It is the first time an American president has so addressed a gathering of sodomites.

Nov 8 1997

A newborn baby is abandoned at a toilet in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. While the baby was found within five minutes of birth, police are still searching for the mother.

Nov 9 1888

Mary Jane Kelly, a 25 year old hooker, falls victim to Jack the Ripper. Mary's face had been mutilated; her breasts had been removed and she had been disembowled. Her various internal organs were scattered about.

Nov 9 1953

Dylan Thomas drinks himself to death.

Nov 9 1971

John Emil List, a "deeply religious" Lutheran, kills his mother, wife, and three teenage children. He is not found until 1988, living with a new improved family as Robert P. Clark in Richmond Virginia.

Nov 9 1997

Michael Paul Lookinland, aka "Bobby" from the Brady Bunch, charged with drunk driving in St. George, Utah. With a BAL of 0.258, the 36 year old former child star was very drunk.

Nov 9 2346

Romulans commit an atrocity now known as the Khitomer Massacre, slaughtering over 4,000 Klingons on an agricultural colony. Worf and Kahlest are the only two to survive.

11/9/2008 3:48:16 PM

Nov 10 4004 BC

Adam and Eve are driven from Paradise.

Nov 10 1928

Emperor Hirohito enthroned at Kyoto.

Nov 10 1938

Kristallnacht, Night of Broken Glass, in Germany. Members of the SA, SS, and Hitler Youth round up some 30,000 jews. Jewish homes and shops are targeted for vandalism, 177 synagogues are destroyed by fire and 91 jews are killed.

Nov 10 1940

Walt Disney begins serving as a secret informer for the Los Angeles office of the FBI, to report back information on Hollywood subversives. He was made a "Full Special Agent in Charge Contact" in 1954. We should note that Disney was atheist and thus subversive in his own little way.

Nov 10 1972

Two men hijack Southern Airways Flight 49 out of Birmingham, and hopscotch it variously in the U.S., Canada, and Cuba while demanding $7M. At one point they circle Oak Ridge National Laboratory and threaten to crash the plane into that top secret nuclear installation. After two days, and exhausting most of the aircraft's supply of mini-liquor bottles, the plane lands for good in Havana where the hijackers are jailed by Fidel Castro. Said one of the two hijackers later, "I wanted to fly over the Statue of Liberty and urinate on it."

Nov 10 1997

Seymore Hersh's book "The Dark Side of Camelot" published, includes allegations that explicit photos were taken of John F. Kennedy with various sex partners and brought by a Secret Service agent to a Washington gallery for framing. The gallery owner, Sidney Mickelson, stated that the participants included a naked Kennedy and assorted lady friends wearing masks.

11/10/2008 6:08:55 PM

Nov 11

It's poppy day. All we can say is, groovy man.

Nov 11 1215

The Fourth Lateran Council meets. They adopt the doctrine of transubstantiation, meaning that bread and wine are transformed into the body and blood of Christ. This means all Catholics are essentially cannibals on a feeding schedule, but who are we to judge a theology?

Nov 11 1634

Under the urging of Anglican Bishop John Atherton, the Irish House of Commons passes "An Act for the Punishment for the Vice of Buggery." Seven years later, the good Bishop Atherton is himself the second man hanged under the Act.

Nov 11 1969

A drunken Jim Morrison, Door, is arrested by the FBI after he repeatedly prods a stewardess.

Nov 11 1978

A renovated Hollywood Sign is unveiled. The original sign was built in 1923, and said "Hollywoodland". Its 45 foot high letters have served as the jumping point for several suicides, including the first: starlet Peg Entwhistle (letter "H", 1932).

Nov 11 1988

Seven bodies are discovered under the ground of a Sacramento California boardinghouse owned by Dorothea Puente. The batty landlord had killed nine elderlies and was receiving their social security money.

Nov 11 1997

19-year-old girl Marianne Biancuzzo is charged in Tucson for drowning her newborn baby in a toilet and hiding the remains in a coffee can under her family's bathroom sink. The baby's carcass was discovered by her 15-year-old brother. What size coffee can you ask? 3 pounds. The brand name has not been released by police.

11/11/2008 12:41:49 PM

^ you mean Jim Morrison of the Doors, not door

[Edited on November 11, 2008 at 1:14 PM. Reason : .]

11/11/2008 1:14:10 PM

^ That is an error from the website not from Mr. Joshua

11/11/2008 4:08:21 PM

Nov 12 1912

Frozen bodies of Captain Robert Scott and his men found on the Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica.

Nov 12 1933

Hugh Gray of the British Aluminium Company took five pictures of the Loch Ness Monster, the first known photos. Four the the five exposures were blank, and the remaining photo was later proven to be a hoax.

Nov 12 1934

Charles Manson born in Cincinnati to a 16 year old prostitute and an unknown father. He grows up to do... interesting things.

Nov 12 1938

Hermann Goering announces that Madagascar will be the Jewish homeland, with support from Himmler and others. The original idea actually belongs to a jew of the 19th century, Theodore Herzl. Negotiations were conducted with the French government regarding this so called "Madagascar Plan" (France owned the island at that time), but were broken off in 1942 -- probably because Britain controlled the seas.

Nov 12 1942

Mobster Frank Costello has mob informer Abe "Kid Twist" Reles, then in protective custody under guard of six policemen, defenestrated. Reles was in a position to put away several important bosses including Bugsy Siegel and Albert Anastasia. Brooklyn police are greased with $50,000 to allow the killing to occur. His body isn't found until much later.

Nov 12 1970

Cyclone and floods hit Bangladesh (then called East Pakistan). Over 200,000 poor people die.

Nov 12 1993

A Russian woman purchases meat at the Saratov public market at a very good price, but a sutured wound indicates foul play. Yuri Lukin, a local hospital worker, is subsequently arrested for removing human body parts from his employer's refrigerator to raise cash for booze.

Nov 12 2001

An American Airlines Airbus A300 crashes after takeoff from New York City, the first major crash after the terrorist attacks of September 11.

11/13/2008 1:58:20 AM

Nov 13 1805

Johann Georg Lehner invents the hot dog. At long last a use for all those hog penises, lips, intestines, and ears.

Nov 13 1969

In Des Moines, Iowa, Spiro T. Agnew utters his line "nattering nabobs of negativism", complaining of television news bias. Nattering nabob William Safire actually ghostwrote the phrase.

Nov 13 1974

Nuclear activist Karen Silkwood's car is forced off the road into an embankment, while travelling to an interview with author and New York Times reporter David Burnham. Her files were missing from the wreck, but a not-so-impartial FBI investigation concluded accident. For the TV movie they give Meryl Streep the part.

Nov 13 1974

Palestinian Liberation Organization leader Yasser Arafat stuns the world by wearing a sidearm to the United Nations General Assembly, where he gives his landmark address.

Nov 13 1985

An eruption of the Nevado del Ruiz volcano melts a glacier, causing a mudslide that kills 23,000 poor people in Armero, Colombia.

Nov 13 1986

Ronald Reagan tells television audience: "We have not -- I repeat, did not -- trade weapons or anything else for hostages, nor will we ever."

11/13/2008 12:00:47 PM

Nov 14 1940

The Nazis bomb Coventry, destroying the cathedral and killing several hundred people. British Intelligence knew ahead of time -- the German ENIGMA ciphers had been decoded -- but did not warn the town's citizens. Of course, Coventry was a legitimate military target, something the English government tried to play down.

Nov 14 1968

National Turn In Your Draft Card Day.

Nov 14 1991

Former postal employee Thomas McIlvane shoots and kills four of his ex-coworkers and wounds five others, and then suicides. The act was revenge for his recent firing for lying on his time card. McIlvane's previous work experience includes a dishonorable discharge from the Marine Corps, after he ran over a car with a tank.

Nov 14 1993

Michael Jackson checks into a drug rehabilitation program in order to treat his addiction to painkillers, taken in response to media allegations that he is a homosexual pedophile. According to his publicist, Jackson was "barely able to function adequately on an intellectual level."

11/14/2008 12:09:17 PM